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I won’t let you say that
Assuming there was a popularity contest about men’s favorite type of swimsuit for girls to wear, what do you think would be the top voted? Have you ever given thought to this endless debate from human history? Well I certainly have. Every single day.
That is why I am giving it my all with club practice today again. The club activities of the track-and-field club happened in the corner of the sports grounds. The concrete wall that was in my line of sight just so happened to have an open crack, which coincidentally allowed me to see inside the outdoor pool. To them, it was a hidden angle, and to me, it was an oasis resembling the paradise in the heavens above.
It was my second summer in high school beneath the scorching sun. There was no breeze blowing by, and the sun shone bright from the south. A haze of heat was shimmering across the sports grounds, and I felt like I was being burnt alive. It was that sort of hellish weather. Along with the heat haze, I could see the sparkling water through the opening in the concrete wall. Behind the wall was the poolside, one floor higher than the sports grounds. Inside the sparkling, splashing water were the club members, wearing their navy blue competitive swimsuits, burning with passion as they boldly revealed their bodies. While they were bending and stretching, the fabric was glued to their angelic bodies.
It was a supreme blessing for the eyes, a veritable pleasure district of joy. This was the charm of the school swimsuit, and the competitive swimsuit emits this charm even further. I see. The theory of swimsuits came to mind. The charm of competitive swimsuits lies precisely in their compulsory nature. In other words, a youthful fetishism based on restraint and restriction. This plumpy, yet also tight feeling they give off can be considered the greatest—
“Hey, Yokodera. What are you doing?”
I turned around, slowly and carefully, and saw long black hair tied up in a ponytail.
“Club pres…!”
“I hate the weak more than anything. But do you know what the next thing I hate right after that is?” The club president of the track-and-field club, the Steel King, glared at me with a stern expression on her face.
Did she come here to destroy my one and only oasis? My heart started to race, and sweat came out of every pore of my body. Since I kept quiet and didn’t utter a word, the club president decided to continue speaking.
“It is those who betray my trust. Yokodera, you seem to be taking quite a long break here.”
“Um… well…”
“Don’t fret. I am well aware.” With her deep, husky voice that sounded like it came from the pits of the underworld, she continued. “You are always passionate during club practice. The next marathon is close, so you probably are having trouble bringing up how exhausted you are, right?” She smiled.
“…Um… Eh…”
“Be wary of the weather. Being passionate is a wonderful thing, but do not ruin your efforts thus far because of overworking yourself. I have faith in your abilities, so feel free to take a rest.” She pointed her chin at a nearby shadow beneath a tree.
I observed my surroundings. The other members of the track-and-field club were all doing their own tasks. They weren’t lining up, listening to the club president’s lecture, hearing the name of the next club president—Naturally.
“What’s wrong, Yokodera? You’re making quite a dubious expression.”
“…Was that all?”
“Is there something else?”
“Ah, no…”
I felt like I had woken up from a long dream. A story that happened in a world different from this one. One where I had been named the next club president after the Steel King, where I took a risk and was hit in the process, where I was chased out of her home, where we kissed at the public office, where I supported her during her university entrance exam studies, where I went skating with her, found out about her sickness, and many other things that caused us to smile and cry. However, as much as it pains me to say it—that never happened.
A dream is nothing but a dream. There is no other connection the Steel King and I share aside from the track-and-field club. Apparently, I had played with her family fairly often a long time ago, but once I entered grade school, I had been busy with my own family. After all, I had to visit my hospitalized older sister and spend time with my kind mother and father. Any memories before that time were oddly vague and hazy.
Then again, you hear about things like that a lot. Eventually, you just grew apart.
“Club president, how about we all take a break together?” The next club president, Maimaki Mai, stood next to the King.
From what I’ve heard, they may be just a year apart, but they’ve known each other for ages, and they’ve continued to call each other Kou-chan and Ma-chan. Maimaki’s hairstyle even resembled the club president’s.
“Understood. Make sure they all drink enough water.”
“Also, about after the club. A-chan said she’ll be waiting at the usual place.”
“…Is that so?”
The two of them put their heads together, speaking with a tone quiet enough for the others around them to not be able to hear.
“—After, we can all…”
“…Yeah, and then—”
Their gazes met, and they let out a snicker. They coincidentally glanced over at me, and stopped in shock. Really, now… I guess they’re getting along pretty well in this world where I have no part to play. They’ll probably get together with another friend and a little sister, sit in a nearby cafe, and drink tea as they study. They’ll smile and laugh, fall in love, kiss each other—Well, enough about that.
Either way, I am not a part of it. They are living their own lives, and I have my own to worry about. This is how this world is supposed to be. Everything is in its designated place. That is something wonderful. Nobody could complain about this. Nor does anyone have any reason to do so. Even if they’ve had a dream of a different reality. Even if the world has changed, encounters haven’t happened, and I don’t get to meet these girls a second time.
I didn’t ever sleep alone in my home’s dark living room and fight with a shadow of myself. I didn’t chase the symbol of a prince saving everyone, I didn’t hand over the treasures I possessed, and I didn’t get burned at the end of it all. Instead, I am living with the family I love so much. Isn’t that fine? Yokodera Youto, you’re plenty blessed already.
*
Today is Sunday. Even as practice came to an end, the sun still stood high. I rejected Ponta’s invitation to our regular treasure collection evaluation party and walked through town. The game center in the business district, the shared-living residential district, the church where I heard the choir singing, the giant torii gates at the shrine, the long stone wall at the residential district. I just aimlessly walked around, visiting all these unfamiliar locations.
It felt like I was searching for something. Even though a warm dinner was waiting for me at home, and even though I was looking forward to coming home, something stopped me. As if I was guided by the faint pain inside my chest, I looked around at the scenery around me. And then I arrived at the final destination, the place where everything began.
*
Behind an unfamiliar residential district stood a hill with a single cedar tree on top. Since it hadn’t been properly taken care of, probably for years, the wild grass stood tall around it, covering the ground. The fence was reddish-brown from rust, making this place feel deserted.
“…Ahhh…” I stopped in my tracks.
In my dream, I had come to this hill countless times. The first time I came up here at night, on the way home after school after the first prayer, walking along with someone. Like fireworks filling the sky, several hallucinations popped up inside my head and disappeared again. I’m sure that… everything I cherished was right here. And I realized that I would never be able to experience it again.
‘The good never helps the many1.’
The cynical Irish author, Oscar Wilde, said those words. This wonderful spectacle I’m seeing isn’t helping anybody. Even this hill is useless to the masses. It merely creates a small resting space good for holding picnics. But, for Yokodera Youto, it is the scene of the beginning. The incident that happened here will never happen in this world. Even so, I gathered all these fragments of my dream and looked up at the sky.
How much time has passed? Sweat had built on my chin, dripping to the ground like tears. Suddenly, a warm breeze rushed up the hill, making me subconsciously turn away. When I did that, I could see a person coming down from the tip of the hill. It was a girl wearing the same uniform of the school I was attending. I didn’t even have to check the color of her uniform. She clearly looked like a junior of mine. Her stature, hands, head, gait, and everything about her was so small.
Because of the direction of the sun, I couldn’t see her expression. However, I could see a bit of hair swaying at the side of her head. It looked like a cat’s tail. The path was too narrow to offer much space, so when I stood to the side and waited for her to come down, she started walking a bit faster. The moment she passed me, she gave a slight bow, her tail-hair shaking. I did the same.
“……”
“………”
We stayed quiet the entire time. I wouldn’t even know what to say. Nor did I have any words that I could have said. After all, I had no relationship with her. I merely happened to run into her while I was living my own life.
Everything will eventually come to an end. Life is full of goodbyes and farewells. But she will be happy in her own world, and it doesn’t have any room for me. Or at least, I hoped that this would be the case. Like this, we would pass by each other, merely looking at each others’ faces. Like two ships drifting apart.
“—”
With only my lips moving, I spoke my farewell.
[The End]
Her voice nearly vanished in the wind, and yet it was full of conviction. Her arms, legs, and even head were all so very small as she looked up at me with her large pupils. Her eyelashes were facing upwards, and her damp, calm eyes were filled with blue. It felt like they were pulling me in.
“—Also.”
“Hm?”
“I won’t allow you to just throw me away like this. You have to keep me safe and exchange a written contract to ensure a prosperous future for me and you, yes. So there.”
“Hmmmm!?”
The girl’s leg moved at the speed of light, and this was followed by my entire world flipping over as I fell to the ground. How weird! Is the world spinning faster than usual?! And as if that weren’t enough, she hopped onto my back. What, are we playing horse now?
“So Senpai has thoroughly and completely forgotten about me even though though I had hoped for an emotional reunion with a hug or perhaps a bit more than that with this and that happening or actually I wasn’t hoping for that at all but I at least expected you to call me Tsukiko so why would you just ignore me like that do you want me to beat you or something?”
Like she was venting her anger, gathered over many years, at me, she fired endless rounds of words right into my ears.
“Are you even aware of how long I’ve been waiting for you merely spending the days looking at my notes until I eventually became a high school student and I couldn’t even use my younger age as an advantage for crying out loud?”
“Notes!? What!?”
“I thought of giving up and visiting your house but that would have gone against my Mother’s will so I held back and continued to watch over you but you never came to the nursery school and acted like we didn’t know each other at school so I thought I’d wait here on top of the hill but it’s already July so you’re far too too late late late.”
“Ouch ouch ouch ouch it hurts hot hot wait wait wait, calm down, okay!?”
She rubbed my forehead against the ground and made me appreciate the ground more than anyone else in this world. Such inhumane trials are not allowed on international grounds, Tsukiko-chan!
“In my own law, this is a crime of forgetting, so of course this punishment is just.”
“You’re saying that it’s worse than murder!?”
I don’t really get it, but my body is telling me. The body of Yokodera-kun, pushed against the ground while being complained at, remembered this. She’s back! Our beloved Tsukiko-chan has returned!
*
“…I got a bit too excited…” Tsutsukakushi sat on the ground, reflecting on her actions.
I guess that all girls in her family have a certain pose they make when they’re reflecting on something—Of course, the reason I could draw the connection is because she made me read a part of the Yokodera-kun notes. By transcribing these notes, she could keep her memories… that explanation sounds a bit plain, so let me rephrase it.
Tsukiko-chan’s love crossed time and space. There was a mountainful of things to talk about. About the past, and the future, and many things left undone. Just like Tsukiko-chan said, embracing her and all that. But as of right now, we are still a boy and girl standing here before our official relationship.
“Hmph…”
You should write about this in the next volume of your Yokodera-kun notes. Preferably with the great Kantoku-sama granting us passionate illustrations in this epilogue of sorts! I hope you look forward to it!
“…You really are a pervert.”
“Huuuuh?!”
She pushed me down yet again. Why is she so difficult to deal with? Then again, I’d love to see how far I can take things!
“Then, the first thing we have to do is—”
“A long time ago, a foreign politician once spoke about his secret to happiness.” Tsutsukakushi looked up at the sky.
A cumulonimbus cloud had appeared, so it might start raining soon. Insects were screaming around us, complaining about the heat. Even so…
“It is perfect picnic weather. On days like these, you’ve gotta take a picnic outside.” She said it like it was the most natural thing in the world, and she offered me her hand. “Let’s go get everyone together.”
“…Yeah.”
We looked at each other, shaking hands. We confirmed each other’s emotions, feelings, and warmth, without letting go. Tsutsukakushi smiled, and so did I. And then, I rubbed my eyes to rid myself of my blurred field of view.
1 Not the original quote. I looked for 30+ minutes but couldn’t find anything.
CClaw Translations 