Hentai Ouji to Warawanai Neko. Volume 9 Chapter 4

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Chapter 99: End Route

I felt dizzy. My field of view shook, and I was assaulted with a sensation like the world was vibrating. For a moment, I failed to understand where I was standing. Anxiety assaulted me.

Where is this? What time is it right now? What world is this?

“—Yeah, right.” I shook my head.

My world isn’t so weak as to be shaken by mere vertigo. Sadly, my consciousness still continued. I found myself at the first exam day for the National University. I had just been busy seeing off our beloved examinee Steel-san. After we finished that, we strolled around aimlessly in front of the university’s gate. The great number of exam soldiers had passed us by, and when the bell rang out for the exam to start, a sense of normalcy had returned. Only cars and their exhaust fumes filled the streets.

“I can’t say this is a change for the better…”

The February breeze was cold enough to make me cry frozen tears, and I slowly started walking.

“Oh, wah! What’s wrong, Onii-chan?”

“Nothing. I was just feeling a bit dizzy.”

“Hmmm?” Still snuggling up to me inside the coat, Emi started walking again.

The back of her small head rubbed against my stomach as she looked up at me.

“Can you not stop suddenly like that? The main problem of a three-legged race is communication.” Young teen Emi, star of the three-legged race, stomped on the ground, disgruntled.

Yet she showed no signs of moving away from my body. She clung to me as much as before. How cute.

“Why are you grinning like—Ohh?” Emi had resisted for a second, but suddenly stopped moving.

When I followed her gaze, I spotted someone familiar standing in front of the university’s gate.

“It’s Tsuu-chan! Heyho! Hey…ho?” Emi waved her hand, but quickly stopped in her tracks. “What happened to her…?”

Tsutsukakushi was clearly acting weird. She walked left and right on the path, unsteadily and wobbily. She looked down at her feet, not even ahead of her. Worried that she might collapse at any second, I called out to her.

“Tsukiko-chan! Hey, Tsukiko-chan!”

When she heard me, the girl finally raised her head. She had no expression on her face as always. However, her lips were quivering in fear and terror.

“Tsuu-chan… Tsuu-chan!” Emi tugged on Tsutsukakushi’s arm, but no reaction came.

Did she even hear us? Her black eyes were fixated on the ground, but then she suddenly looked up towards the sky.

“Not Monday not Tuesday not Wednesday not Thursday not Friday not Saturday not Sunday not on the weekend not on a weekday not with a surprise attack not if I lock myself in not if I run away nothing works nothing works nothing works.”

“T-Tsutsukakushi…?”

“Impossible Impossible Impossible Nothing works nothing works nothing works I can’t I can’t I can’t Forever forever forever forever forever no no no no no no no no no no.”

“Calm down! It’s me! Look at me!”

“Don’t apologize. Don’t redo it. Don’t apologize over and over. I can’t. I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t.”

Like a broken recorder, or like a machine gun that was constantly firing, Tsutsukakushi chanted something in a perpetual rhythm. Even when we shook her shoulders or her head, she wouldn’t respond to us. It felt like an invisible wall was pressed down onto my chest as she pushed me away. She walked on ahead, and disappeared around a corner.

“W-Wait, Tsuu-chan!” Emi grew pale and chased after her, nearly falling over in the process.

I did the same, but I actually fell. The hem of my coat opened up, and a scrap of paper fell out. When I looked down, I could see a bundle of paper on the ground. She must have given these to me just now. They looked like scraps from a notebook. The words written on there caused me to stop moving my feet, like plant roots had grown out of them. I picked everything up, and ran my eyes over the words I could make out. I felt my entire body shiver in fear, and just then I heard a voice.

“I wonder what happened to her?”

I didn’t even have to look up. A dandy baritone voice came from behind me.

Emi’s Papa made a humane smile. It’s the kind of smile people with something to hide make. At the very least, the Cat God isn’t in control right now. Using his special skill of being too overbearing, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, taking a peek at the notes I had gathered.

“Maybe these were memos written by her? What’s written on there?”

“An onslaught of words with no meaning whatsoever. Should we read it? …Let me see…Cat cat cat cat cat cat pray pray pray pray pray at the right time no no no no no no no no no turn it back turn it back turn it back destroy cat destroy cat cat cat cat cat destroy destroy…”

“I think that’s enough. It really doesn’t make any sense.” Emi’s Papa let out a sigh. “I’m a bit worried. Maybe some unforeseen accident might happen.”

“…That’s right.”

“Should we go after her?”

“…Let’s.” I nodded ever so slightly.

How can you even talk like that? I know everything you did. Yet Emi’s Papa gave me a pleasant smile. Almost as if he had seen right through me. Since he chose this timing to talk to me, he must have been watching from afar. Quite possibly for a long time. What a dangerous individual. Either way, this isn’t the time to think about that. I ran around the corner and came to a halt.

Emi headed over towards us. Alone.

“I lost her.” She muttered with a dejected expression on her face.

Tsutsukakushi had been walking at normal speed, but when Emi rounded the corner, all she could see was Tsutsukakushi’s back in the far distance, turning another corner. She must have waited for the right time to run away.

“…Let’s split up and search for her.” I said.

*

At the foot of the hill with the cedar tree, in the depths of the residential district in which the Tsutsukakushi Residence dwelled, something clearly incongruous had occurred.

The main gate had been left open, and the lights were turned on even though it was daytime. The shoes at the entrance had been scattered, and I could hear loud banging sounds. Someone inside this large residence was hitting something. If I had to guess, it was probably someone’s beloved golden bat, which was being repeatedly swung at something. Endlessly.

“………”

When I set foot into the front yard, I was greeted by a guest who had been there before.

“I asked you to check the shrine, did I not?”

“Oh really now?” Emi’s Papa opened his arms. “The likelihood of the girl returning here was the highest, don’t you think? There was no need for us to split up and search for her—Or is there something you’d rather not have me see?”

“………” I said nothing.

“Her notes made it clear that she hates cats. This sound that you’re hearing makes it pretty obvious that she’s hitting something. For someone like me who is researching the Cat God, I can’t accept that. Is that why?”

“…How about you quit being a professor and open up a detective office instead?” I clicked my tongue.

What kind of detective roleplay is this? Well at least he’s not wearing some weird Holmes cosplay. I ignored Emi’s Papa and walked around the garden. He followed after me like we were friends.

“Still, I have to say that the girl is acting much more extreme this time around. Did the memories from her past come back—or rather, did they break?” Emi Papa spoke in a nonchalant tone.

“—You.” I turned towards him.

“Don’t look at me like that. There’s no need to worry. Once the next time comes around, you’ll have forgotten everything anyway.”

“…There’s no next time.”

“If you wish for it, there is. For all eternity. What’s important is that you continue wishing for it.”

He spoke like he was from a higher plane of existence than I, and then he ended the conversation. He wasn’t even making fun of me. He just knew that explaining it would be a waste of time. I don’t want to talk to him either. I pulled out my smartphone and looked down at the screen. Within the paper scraps I had picked up before, there was an URL. When I read what was there, I understood what I had to do.

When I stepped out of the backyard, I figured out the location of the banging sound. It came from the storehouse. It was loud enough that we could hear it from the passage leading from the main house, and the door was open like it was inviting us inside.

“………”

Emi’s Papa was grinning, and he acted like he wasn’t watching as I entered inside. In front of the back wall stood the Cat God’s statue. The ominous banging sound filled the otherwise quiet storehouse. Tsutsukakushi stood in the center of it, holding a giant bat that looked too large for her small body.

She readied her bat, winding back once, twice, three times, and slammed it on the cat statue. She looked like a young boy fighting against the gigantic Goliath.

“Tsukiko-chan…”

“Ahahahahahaha.” Emi’s Papa laughed. He sounded delighted, thrilled. “I was wondering what she was up to, and this is it? So you really do know that this world is looping back again and again. Do you think everything will be resolved if you destroy the Cat God like this? Well, I’m sorry to say that won’t work.”

Tsutsukakushi slowly turned around. She looked over in our direction, but not directly at us.

“The Cat God will activate the loop way before you can destroy the statue. Or more accurately, it’ll simply disregard this loop. The statue will go back to normal, and the storehouse will be the same as before. Those of you who live in this third-dimensional plane cannot rebel against the Cat God, who lives one plane above you. The characters who live inside the story cannot change who lives and dies from a plot-related level. Do you not even understand that?”

“……”

Maybe she heard Emi Papa’s voice, maybe she didn’t, but Tsutsukakushi definitely relaxed her arms. She dropped the bat to the cold ground. I dashed over towards her and embraced her slender shoulders.

“It’s okay! You don’t have to continue!”

“…I…” Tsutsukakushi slowly raised her gaze. “Have I been doing good? Did I not fail? Am I okay? Is this okay?”

“Yeah, it’s perfect. You’re succeeding right now. You can stop. I’m sorry.” I put more strength into my arms, and Emi’s Papa laughed even louder in response.

“What a wonderful love. You know what, since this is so heart-warming, let me tell you something crucial.”

“What?”

“The eldest daughter of the Tsutsukakushi Family is suffering from a deadly disease. What can you do about that, I wonder?”

“…You have the nerve to say that now?!”

“Don’t misunderstand me. I’ve thought about this for a long time, suffered on my own, and carried all sorts of dangers to stand here in front of you right now. What can you do in order to save that girl?”

“What do you mean?”

“‘Eventually, a problem related to the main house will occur. Why not make sure that your stance is solid once that time arrives?’ I’ve warned you before. Do you still have the determination to sacrifice yourself?” Emi Papa’s gaze matched mine.

Knowing that he had the upper hand, he didn’t bother looking away.

“It’s been a long time since it happened, but do you remember the day of the Central Exam? I purposefully left the oldest Tsutsukakushi daughter’s bag here in order to see what decision you would make. You prayed to the Cat God without hesitation and resolved the incident. It was the same back during the marathon. You wished to become a hero who can save everyone, and that’s exactly what happened. This is how things are supposed to be. This is you.” Emi’s Papa slowly moved to the center of the storehouse, gently rubbing his beloved Cat God.

And then he glanced over at us with a face that made us want to back up towards the entrance.

“Just pray like you always have, Yokodera-kun. Wish for the end of your own life in order to save another’s. Over and over. Continue to wish even if you fail. If this were to bring misfortune to the Tsutsukakushi Family, then I will take responsibility and wish for the loop. Again and again.”

“You… will? Not Tsukiko-chan?”

“That’s right. I’m the one wishing for this loop. According to my plan, you will always wish to hand over your own life. However, that causes the youngest daughter of the Tsutsukakushi Family to fall into despair, making her go insane. This chain goes back and affects the eldest daughter, so I activate the loop. I will continue to repeat this until this family is met with a blissful future.”

“…Why would you go that far?”

“It’s not like my circumstances really matter, but didn’t I tell you before?” For a second, it looked like Emi’s Papa had grown nostalgic. “A long time ago, I received something precious from the Cat God through the Tsutsukakushi Family. I have a huge debt that I owe them, and I have to repay it. That’s why I need to create a wonderful future for them.” He put one hand to his chest, speaking like an evil prince. “Now that’s enough tedious talk. As long as you pray, Yokodera-kun, this attempt will end in failure. So let’s revert everything back and try again, until we arrive at the best possible future. Do you have anything left to say?”

“Let me ask one last thing. Do you know how many attempts we’ve made so far?”

“I’m not counting every single one. How could I even count them? Everything reverts back to normal after you fail, so it doesn’t even matter.”

“…Then let me tell you.” I took a deep breath.

From inside my arms, Tsutsukakushi nodded.

“This is the 99th attempt. I’m shocked that you could continue it for this long, really.” I said.

“How do you know that?” Emi’s Papa’s expression tightened. “You’ve continued taking the same actions again and again. Did you use some sort of trigger to regain your memories, like the younger daughter of the Tsutsukakushi Family did?” With a glare that could kill, he looked into my eyes like he was trying to see the deepest parts of me.

For the first time, he made a humane expression as he stared at me. Naturally, I returned a glare of my own.

“What if we kept the fact that we kept our memories a secret? What if we kept this up 99 times in order to deal with you now? What would you do?”

“………”

“How many times have you entered this storehouse? There are things that could be a weapon, there are things that could be used as camouflage. Do you know which clothes hamper holds what item? This is a secluded room. The only door that leads outside is behind me. How much do you exercise? Can you really hope to win against a healthy high school student?”

“…Thanks for the lackluster provocation.” Emi Papa put his palm to his face, and his usual expression returned. “Are you sure you don’t have the wrong idea about this? As long as I wish for the loop to happen, this world is done for, even if you fight me. It’ll be back to how it was before. Or, are you planning on leaping at me while letting go of that poor girl?”

“Oh, don’t mind me.” Tsutsukakushi returned with a clear voice.

She pressed herself above my arm, put away the bat to her side, and took out a workbook from her clothes, writing down the entire conversation we had just now. Of course, her handwriting was clean and proper, and her eyes had a strong, yet indifferent emotion to them.

“Don’t tell me…”

Emi Papa looked at us through his opened fingers, and I gave him a confident nod.

“That’s right, we were acting as well. We thought that this would be the best method to lure you here to the storehouse.”

Of course, as the acting ace of the children’s welfare club, Tsutsukakushi had it easy acting here. She didn’t say anything, but I could see her fist tightly gripping the pencil. She was trying her best. We’ll have to apologize to Emi later.

*

The two of us made up. The letter I gave Emi to deliver to Tsutsukakushi had everything I knew, everything I felt, everything written inside of it. Of course, that wouldn’t immediately fix Tsukiko-chan’s mood.

It’s not like I always compromised with every loop. After hearing everything from her, Tsutsukakushi read her notes and came to talk to me. Sometimes we fought, sometimes we didn’t, and yet the loop would always continue. Holding negotiations after every attempt with our memories reversed is harder than playing Jenga next to a seashore. The moment our final cooperation was decided was when Tsutsukakushi came up with a fantastic compromise.

At least, that’s what the notes said. Whatever is written in Tsukiko-chan’s notes is always correct. After all, that’s what it says in her notes. It’s perfect logic. Well, seriously speaking, Tsutsukakushi is only this persistent with details when it involves me. I don’t know how Tsutsukakushi felt when she decided to cooperate with me. It only said ‘Talk to A-chan and ask for advice’ in the corner of the page.

Something similar happened before. Tsutsukakushi would talk to Azuki Azusa, and the circumstances were resolved without me doing anything. I’m pretty sure I will never understand how Tsutsukakushi really feels, and what she talked about with Azuki Azusa. I can only tell things from my own subjective perspective. I only live in my own world.

However, whenever I read this, I went to meet Azuki Azusa. I told her how I wasn’t going to meet Steel-san, how I felt bad for not helping with the magazine, how I will—I didn’t know how to say it, but I had to—be busy with Tsutsukakushi for a while. When I told Azuki Azusa that, she would generally quote a pop song as she washed fabric by the riverbed.

‘In the spring sky where the sakura flowers dance, the swallow sees a dream and tastes love…’

It was a song that had been popular a while back. These guys were inspired by birds going to the north in spring and moving to the south during fall. They wrote lots of lyrics about these migratory birds.

‘What was that song’s title again?’

When I asked her that, Azuki Azusa thought about it for a second, then just tilted her head in confusion. She was probably humming it without even knowing the tile. While listening to me, she carefully folded the banner that was no longer useful.

‘I talked with Tsuu-chan during the field trip,’ She said. ‘We talked about whose feelings were correct. We fought like we did with the pig and sheep. Back then, I thought I was right, and I don’t think I am wrong even now. But…’

‘But what?’

Azuki Azusa did not respond.

‘…No. It’s nothing, Yokodera.’

Instead, she showed me a blooming smile.

‘Take good care of Tsuu-chan. If you’re going for a trip, bring me a souvenir!’ She waved her hand at me, joking around.

But why did that gesture and her smile seem so lonely?

—The swallow sees a dream and tastes of love. Before the fall breeze flows—

It was a different singing voice than Tsutsukakushi. It sang in a balanced rhythm, and it never drifted out of tune. And the phrase she had repeated over and over again still rings in my ears. It might have been Azuki Azusa’s song herself.

*

“…Good grief.” I shook my head and got my consciousness back on track.

‘Good grief’ are two great words. All the things you can’t say, all the things you won’t say, you can let it all out with a sigh. I faced Emi’s Papa and shrugged my shoulders.

“There’s no way Tsukiko-chan would break down. She might read the notes and learn about the past loops, but that alone won’t damage her memories.”

“…But reading Senpai’s actions up to the 80th made my stomach feel sick, and my stomach was screaming in agony.” Tsutsukakushi muttered.

I’m sorry, but I’m busy right now, so could we do this another time? I’ll hear you out after this is done. Tsutsukakushi continued writing on her notes, holding onto the inner part of my coat. At this rate, I’ll be turned into a boneless ham!

According to the records, we had this very conversation every single loop, but this is the first time for us right now. It makes me feel like we’re a newlywed couple, which honestly makes this feel fresh, and it makes me happy. Boneless ham is happiness.

“If you want to start the loop, then just do it. We will fight the Cat God’s power with our own. No matter how many times you redo it, we will come up with our plans.”

Using Tsutsukakushi’s wish to our advantage, she can always write down the actions that Yokodera-kun takes. These notebooks should be made a national treasure. She will read those notes and create memos. When she hands me these, we hold an operational meeting via smartphone. Learning from our previous mistakes, we come up with our plan. Testing things this time will help for our next attempt.

“Even if it doesn’t work this time, we have the next. After the next, we will have the one after. We can repeat this for all eternity. Who do you think will break down first?”

“Who knows? I’m certain that I won’t. But haven’t you been talking a bit too much here?” Emi Papa jumped backwards, like he was trying to create some distance between us. “In the end, your memories are within those notes. I see what you mean by trying to fight fire with fire. That does make sense. So why don’t I call the Cat God here and have them steal these notes?”

“…Don’t. You will never know what the Cat God will do with your body.”

“Hee hee. I might not have any memories of it myself, but the Cat God always tells me. It thoroughly enjoyed playing with your pathetic self and watching you fall to despair. Though recently, there’ve been a few times when the Cat God has been terrified after showing up in front of you, which forces me to take care of the rest, but I think it might not hurt to show you the difference between God and Human.” He faced the cat statue and opened his arms like a cultist. “Welcome Cat God, beneath me.”

The cat statue disappeared. The wish he had uttered had been granted, and the Cat God entered Emi’s Papa’s body. At the same time, I closed my eyes. My mental filter, it’s your time to shine!

*

“Ugh… that bastard. He ran his mouth and then summoned me…” Cat God-chan sat in the corner of the room, holding its head.

But that’s just self-deserved punishment. The sun shining inside the storehouse from the window warmed up its back. It was still too early for the sun to set. The blood filling this world has yet to appear. The sun still sat high in the sky. Noon is my time.

“Ah, it’s been a while since you’ve enjoyed playing with my pathetic self and watched me fall to despair, right?” I tapped Cat God-chan on the shoulder, and it started quivering in fear.

“Um, you’re wrong… that was just a play on words…”

“That’s fine. Don’t be too scared now.”

If the records are correct, then the Cat God had been avoiding us as of late. That’s one of the reasons why we kept going for 99 times like this. However…

“Don’t worry. I won’t let you sleep for a week now that we’re finally reunited!”

My vision has locked onto the super-beautiful Cat God-chan! I will kiss her no matter where she goes. I’ll show you the difference between God and Human. I’ll make you remember this with every fiber of your being. Even if this loop ends, I will repeat it in the next loop, and the one after that, for all eternity.

“U-Uuuu… I don’t want this! I don’t want this anymore!”

Ah, Cat God-chan has started crying. Kicking its legs up and down, and rubbing its eyes. How cute!

“Will you respect gods a bit more!? Gods are great, you know! They’re strong! You will regret making fun of their dignity!”

“I get it, I get it. You want a harder kiss this time, huh? Which part would you like me to kiss? Dignity… Vicinity… Virginity… Hmm…”

“No more no more no more no more! I won’t be able to bear being ridiculed with such disgusting jokes! I don’t even want to be with you for a mere second!”

“Wait a second, I don’t want to be with this pervert, either,” Tsukiko-chan commented with a snort.

You’re going to make things more complicated, so could you just keep quiet for a moment?

“It must be tough for you, Cat God-chan. So why don’t we make a better choice here? In order to take care of the root of the issue, bring the very first problem here.”

“As if I could do that!”

“You can. You did it before, right? You sent us back to the past.”

“This is a totally different thing! Back then, your actions were incorporated with that past. This time, you plan to change the past, right?! Are you even aware of what will happen? You’re going to cause a self-contradicting time paradox that will break this world! That won’t work! This is why ignorant and impulsive humans are such a pain to deal with! You need to understand how serious this is—”

“Enough with the useless blabbering. Do it.”

“Eeeek!?”

When I performed a wall-slam on the Cat God-chan, it started quivering in fear. Don’t start crying like that. Oh, Cat God-chan is lifting up its chin, like it’s waiting for my kiss.

“Please, God. Our God, please.” Tsutsukakushi pushed me away, quite forcefully. “Think of it as for the sake of my family. Don’t we both want to save Nee-san?”

“…Don’t lump me in with the likes of you.” Cat God-chan muttered in defeat.

Tsutsukakushi, Cat God-chan, and I. All three of us share the same goal.

“If you’re a God, then grant our wish. We only have one wish.”

Tsutsukakushi and I both looked at each other.

“Bring the beginning of everything to us.”

“Ugh…!”

“Please, I’m asking you. If not, I will kiss you for all eternity, and I’ll show you how horny of a highschool boy I am.”

“…Moron! I get it, but don’t blame me for whatever happens after that, okay?!”

Cat God-chan let out a shriek, and I suddenly felt dizzy. My field of view shook, and the entire world started twisting and turning. For a second, and then for all eternity, I didn’t know where I was standing. The giant bubble of time and space exploded, and we found ourselves in the midst of the dark universe. Subjectivity and objectivity had been cut away, and anxiety assaulted us.

Humans are solitary beings. We can only see things from our own subjectivity and personal opinion. My world belongs to me, and your world belongs to you. The subjectivity of both worlds will always contradict each other. My world and your world can never become one. Yet, in the midst of this uncertainty…

“…Senpai.”

“Yup.”

Tsutsukakushi reached for my hand and firmly grasped it. I returned the grip and pulled her closer. This warm sensation of her, this sensation of blood flowing through her palm, it was the only thing connected to this despair inside of me. It brought light to this darkness.

Since we are both alone, we try to meet each other.

Since we are alone, we are right next to each other. Tsutsukakushi’s world and mine can never become one. But that’s exactly why we reach for each other’s hands, despite the differences between our worlds.

More importantly. Where is this? What time is it right now? What world is this?