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Chapter 8: Emi Route
I felt dizzy. My field of view shook, and I was assaulted with a sensation like the world was vibrating. For a moment, I failed to understand where I was standing. Anxiety assaulted me. All things turned around at once. Just like water, like clouds, and like destiny itself, staying in the same place always proves impossible.
Everything changes. As long as you live on this cruel earth, the flow of time moves on mercilessly. At the root of it all, humans are solitary beings. We can only describe things from our own subjectivity and personal opinion.
My world belongs to me, and your world belongs to you. The subjectivity of my and your worlds always disagree with each other. My world and your world can never become one. I live alone in this lonely world of mine. I’m sure there are people who don’t completely know what world they live in, or maybe they aren’t even aware that they don’t know. They might act like they do, though.
More importantly. Where is this? What time is it right now? What world is this?
“—Yeah, right.” I shook my head.
My world isn’t so weak as to be shaken by mere vertigo. Sadly, my consciousness still continued. I found myself at the first exam day at the National University. I had just been busy seeing off our beloved examinee Steel-san. After we finished that, we strolled around aimlessly in front of the university’s gate. The large number of exam soldiers had passed us by, and when the bell rang out for the exam to start, a sense of normalcy had returned to the area. Only cars and their exhaust fumes filled the streets.
“I can’t say this is a change for the better…”
The February breeze was cold enough to make me cry frozen tears. I slowly started walking.
“Oh, wah! What’s wrong, Onii-chan?”
“Nothing. I was just feeling a bit dizzy.”
“Hmmm?” Still snuggling up to me inside the coat, Emi started walking ahead again.
The back of her small head rubbed against my stomach as she looked up at me.
“Can you not stop suddenly like that? The main problem of a three-legged race is communication.” Young teen Emi, star of the three-legged race, stomped her feet, disgruntled.
But she showed no signs of moving away. She still clung to me as much as before. How cute.
“Why are you grinning like—Ohh?” Emi had been resisting for a moment, but she suddenly stopped moving.
She was utterly defenseless. She might even give me the okay sign if I ask to use her for a pillow. When I followed Emi’s gaze, I spotted a familiar appearance standing in front of the university’s gate.
“It’s Tsuu-chan!”
The loli avoiding the law dashed out from my coat and ran towards the legal lolita Tsukiko-chan. I felt a bit lonely, so I started running myself towards the evasive legal pair!
“So late! You didn’t make it in time, just barely!”
Just as Emi had said, the examinee soldier Steel-san had already left for battle. It’s too late to see her off, and too early to greet her for lunch. And yet… Tsutsukakushi was too calm. She gave Emi a light greeting and walked ahead. In one hand, she held a small notebook that looked like a travel guidebook. When I took a closer look, it was the all-too-familiar workbook, with a ‘#7’ written on it. The lucky number seven, huh? Maybe if I gather three of these I’ll get the jackpot: Her panties!
While I was busy wildly fantasizing, Tsutsukakushi kept walking towards the gate, like she was visiting someone.
“Hold on! The exam has already started! You can’t just walk in there!”
“It’s fine. The security guard is currently on a bathroom break.”
“How do you know that?! Also, that’s not the problem here. What are you even planning on doing?”
“It doesn’t have anything to do with Senpai.”
From time to time, Tsutsukakushi chooses some cold words out of her repertoire, but today they hurt more than anything I’d ever experienced. She really was talking like she was speaking to a pile of trash.
“Wait, you can’t…!” I put my hand on Tsutsukakushi’s shoulder.
“Don’t touch me. I don’t want to talk to an obstinate Senpai like you.”
“Your phrasing is… You need to choose your words more carefully.”
“Why would I do that? You never listen to me anyway. Not even the one time I begged you to.” She shook my hand away.
She gave off a cold atmosphere, not allowing me to approach her any further. It seemed that Tsutsukakushi was furious with me from the bottom of her heart.
Before the marathon, when I had fallen ill from a cold, Tsutsukakushi came to nurse me back to health, and yet I had ignored her order to rest. Ever since then, her attitude towards me has been rather cold. However, was it really so bad that she would start to reject me like this? I feel like she has been choosing her words more carefully and speaking more kindly. Even if I understand the reason behind it, is there really any need for her to go this far?
“…Onii-chan, what did you do?”
“I mean… we ended up in a bit of a misunderstanding a while back, but I don’t know why it’s gotten so bad so quickly.”
“What a helpless pervert you are…”
“Um, were you listening to me?”
Emi once again clung to my body. It was rare for her to go back into service mode after she left it once. Then again, it’s not like that matters in the slightest right now. From the corner of my eye, I saw Tsutsukakushi walk through the gate. Emi and I glanced at each other and carefully followed after her. The cat tail-haired girl looked left and right when she came to the flower bed and continued further in. She went inside the guard’s office next to the gate.
“Wait, what?”
She put her ear to the receiver and called someone. I don’t know if that person was inside or not, though. Just as she had said, the guard was nowhere to be seen. But was such a coincidence even possible?
“Hey! What are you doing over there?!”
See, there he is! The guard came running towards us with heavy footsteps. I was considering protecting Tsukiko-chan and sacrificing myself, but the guard immediately ran and stood in front of me. He was simply glaring at the suspicious trespasser who held a young girl between their arms. Both of my hands were grabbe and restrained.
I tried explaining myself, but the conditions behind my restriction were unconditional. Will I be taken away!? I heard sirens in the distance… White and red colors, coming from an ambulance! Weird, this should not have happened…
“…No, hold on.” I blinked in confusion.
The ambulance didn’t stop next to me, but it drove past me towards the university building. I had been expecting police officers to surround me and take me away, but normal paramedics came out of the ambulance.
Now that I think about it, a cop car would come for me, not an ambulance. Not to mention that they got here way too fast. The confused guard completely forgot about me and walked away. While I was wondering why the ambulance came here, Tsutsukakushi stepped out of the guard’s office. She seemed to have finished her business, but I had no way of knowing what said ‘business’ was.
Maybe she had called the ambulance from the outside, and informed the people responsible from the inside, so that things could proceed more smoothly? That thought entered my mind as I heard all sorts of voices gather around me.
In the midst of this tumult, I could see a single girl laying on the stretcher. A pale white face with a long ponytail and closed eyes. I recognized that girl. She looked oddly similar to the expressionless girl watching everything unfold.
It was Steel-san.
*
When I took a deep breath, the scent of antiseptic entered my lungs. Ever since the emergency this afternoon, I had been coughing ever so slightly. I should have gotten used to this by now, but the linoleum floor still made me uncomfortable.
Laying on top of the bed the treatment room, covered by hospital sheets, was Steel-san. Her chest slowly moved up and down. I wasn’t keeping quiet only because of consideration for the sick, but also because this hospital scent clung to my throat, numbing my tongue.
When I finally arrived at the hospital, the doctor was explaining Steel-san’s condition to Tsutsukakushi. Since I didn’t want to interrupt, I listened from the hallway. Medical science has its limits nowadays. No matter what technique you use, you can’t tell if something is related to an old tradition or a curse.
“…Yes. I understand…”
I heard faint voices from near the room. A professor from the university as well as a paramedic were present. I think one of them was a super hot lady wearing glasses, but that doesn’t matter right now. The two of them were talking in front of the treatment room. The hot lady asked Tsutsukakushi why she had called the ambulance the moment Steel-san collapsed.
“This is always the time she collapses.”
According to Tsutsukakushi, Steel-san would never participate in the entrance examinations that happened during the afternoon. She would, however, not rely on the ambulance during these times, and would just sneak out and return home like nothing had happened.
“She has done the same thing again and again, and although I was deceived at first, now I called the ambulance early so that she could not get away. I am terribly sorry to have troubled you like this.”
The hot lady asked if something similar had happened during the mock exam.
“No, this is the first time she’s been unable to participate in the exam.”
The woman was silent for a moment, and then she asked another question. So what about her not being able to participate in exams?
“She always collapses for the first time like this.”
This time, the woman didn’t say anything. I couldn’t blame her. What Tsukiko-chan was saying didn’t make any sense. Is this a first time for Steel-san, or does this always happen? This is quite the crucial problem. Did she only steal Tsukiko-chan’s panties once, or has she been going back again and again? Depending on the answer to this, she might just earn herself a trip to prison.
No, wait a second. Can the type of crime change merely because of panties? Can the weight of the crime be influenced by the weight of the accumulated panties? Will the jury really be shaken by such a weak argument? Can we pass a sentence that sets the penalty equal to Tsukiko-chan’s panties?
Panties aside, I heard them bidding each other farewell, and footsteps walked towards me. Glasses-san (nickname) left the room, turned the corner, and walked down the hallway. She must be returning to the university. She might make it back in time for lunch break.
Then I heard another pair of footsteps. It was Tsukiko-chan. Ever since the ambulance picked up Steel-san, I didn’t get the chance to have a proper talk with her. This is the first time her Onee-san has collapsed in such a fashion. She must be worried. Tilled with anxiety. I decided to choose my words carefully.
“………”
However, Tsukiko-chan walked right past me. With zero expression on her face as always. She didn’t even bother looking at me.
“Maybe she didn’t even realize I was there…” I laughed at myself.
She might have been lost in thought. She probably didn’t see me. That had to be it. There can’t be any other reason, right? Tsukiko-chan must be busy with all kinds of things. And there’s enough other things I have to do myself.
For example, I have to contact MaiMai and inform her about her respected club president. Also, I had called Azuki Azusa over to the university, so I have to tell her where we are, too. It’d be bad if she waited there for too long.
However, knowing how Azuki Azusa has been acting recently, she won’t get angry even if we let her wait for a bit. She’d probably say something like ‘I wanted to take a walk anway! Thanks, thanks, tasmanian devil!’, right? No she wouldn’t, you idiot. Get a grip. Inside of my mind, a fierce war waged between the Azuki Azusa monarchy fraction and the genuine Ms. Earnest worshipping faction. Several small Azuki Azusas started running around inside of my head, giving my world some much-needed energy.
“…Yeah, much better.” I muttered. I felt like I had cheered up.
Someone great once said that as long as you have energy and optimism, you can do anything. With the energy I have, I can do anything. I can save a girl no matter what pinch she might be in!
“Alright!” I motivated myself.
I have energy. I am motivated. I can do everything. No matter what stands in my way, I can do it. I know how to save Steel-san from her illness. If I were to give something to the cat statue over on top of the hill, I can save her. It might be a last resort—but I have a single idea that might work.
If I pray for Steel-san’s happiness using my own, that should be enough compensation for me. Isn’t this actually really simple? There’s no need to act self-important about it. I’ll just go pray, that’s all. I put my hand on the door. Just you wait, Steel-san! I’ll do something about this!
“…Phew.” A sigh leaked out of my mouth, and I shivered.
A cold breeze hit my body as I walked down the hallway, like someone had forgotten to close the windows. The fluttering curtains created shadows on the ground. The sun showed itself from behind the clouds, shining light down on me. When I reached for the window’s lock with my hand, I met eyes with the sun and squinted.
I hate that guy. I hate that guy’s color. He’s got some nerve shining 24/7, no matter the season, like he’s trying to show strong he is. I bet he’s hiding something behind that light. I can’t trust people who hide things.
“…Just you wait, Steel-san. I’ll do something about this.” I muttered once again.
I closed the window and turned my back towards the sun. I might just dislike it because it’s similar to me.
*
On Saturday, the track-and-field club’s activities were held as always. I sat at my usual spot in the corner of the sports grounds and watched the girls doing their usual labor. MaiMai approached me. She took off her jersey top and wiped her t-shirt with a towel, showing off her healthy bodyline.
“…Ouji-kun, sometimes you have the look of a beast.” Cozy-sama giggled as she sat next to me. “MaiMai, good work~ I have some rice balls for you~”
“Thanks a bunch.”
“How is it? Should I give you a massage?”
“Mm.”
MaiMai sat down next to us, and Cozy-sama started her work. What a jolly girls’ time.
“This feels really good, right? How is it?”
She was clearly touching places that would not be categorized as shoulders. She gave MaiMai a wink. I think I need to learn from her.
“Gaaaah… Mmm… a bit… too strong…”
“Mmm? Are you complaining after asking me for this?”
“…Do whatever you want.” MaiMai just stared at the ground, letting Cozy-sama play with every part of her body. “Nobody can really focus today, as I expected.”
“They wanted to see her, right?”
“…Yeah.”
When she heard what had happened, MaiMai wanted to cancel club activities, but I stopped her. Even if they went to see her, they couldn’t do anything. She and the other members need to focus on protecting what the club president had given them this entire time.
“The club president…” MaiMai whispered. “It seems like she’s really been trying to make memories with us recently.”
Just for convenience’s sake, let me remind you that MaiMai is still receiving a Cozy Massage. At certain intervals, MaiMai would let out a sweet-sounding moan, which made me feel like this was a different kind of situation than how it seemed.
“Skating, going with everyone, and all that kind of thing. Maybe she’s been having some kind of weird premonition.” MaiMai looked up at me.
I held a pair of socks in front of her nose.
“Here, these are the ones you gave me. I enjoyed them thoroughly.”
“…Ouji-kuuun?” Cozy-sama gave me a cozy smile.
I heard something snap, like the entire universe was breaking. MaiMai used that moment to escape Cozy-sama’s grasp. She let out a snort.
“Pack it in a ziploc and stuff it into my bag.”
“MaiMai~?” Cozy-sama emitted enough pressure to kill.
That’s right, your beloved daughter is actually a pervert. We have a connection.
“…MaiMai, you’re thinking too much into it. Steel-san would be happier if you always just wore your socks on your head and had fun.”
“Do you think I’m the kind of person who would enjoy that? Do you think that’s all I do? Don’t lump me in the same category as you, pervert.”
“You do more than just wear them?! You’re more of a pervert than me!”
“What? Wearing? What exactly? On what?”
“I knew this would happen, and I’m still disappointed. Could you just keep quiet, MaiMai?”
Cozy-sama let out a sigh.
“…You really don’t change. Both of you.”
“That’s right. That pervert over there doesn’t change.” MaiMai said, attempting to divert blame.
She snickered a bit, and I felt relieved that she had regained some energy. That’s right, Yokodera-kun doesn’t change. He never changed. I joined in with MaiMai’s snickering.
“Steel-san is just a bit malnourished. Once she’s feeling better, we should go visit her together.”
“Yeah… Let’s.”
“Then I’ll be taking my leave here.”
“See you later, Ouji-kun. Let’s toy with MaiMai some more another time.” Cozy-sama used MaiMai’s arm to wave at me.
“You mean play?” MaiMai asked, not even realizing that Cozy-sama was entirely serious about that proposal.
“Good luck with your club.”
“Yeah.” MaiMai gave a vague response and looked over at the other club members. “…YouYou, if you feel like it, come join us. The club.”
“Thanks, MaiMai.” I faintly waved my hand at my friend and walked away.
I’m happy to see MaiMai smile. It makes my heart feel warm. With enough energy and motivation, you can do anything. I have no regrets here anymore.
“…Now, then.”
I had spoken with Azuki Azusa earlier, and she said she’d help with anything. She’s the same righteous Azuki Azusa. She assists me like a swallow. Now I only need to get along with someone else. Let’s go! I looked towards the sun in the West and started walking.
*
I left the school and took the bus away from my residential district. I considered several options, such as how to ring the bell, what voice to use, but I decided against underhanded tactics. Beside the residential district near the mountain with the cedar tree stood an old house surrounded by a large wall. There, I spotted the girl I had been meaning to talk to.
“Yo, Tsukiko-chan! What nice timing!”
She must be on her way home from the hospital, as she was carrying a plastic bag in her hand. For some reason, she didn’t even enter her own home. She was simply walking around towards the back gate. When I started running to meet her, Tsukiko-chan looked at me like an insect crawling around in the kitchen and averted her gaze.
“Oh, high-laced boots! That’s a hot item this winter! How stylish!”
“……”
When I snuggled around her like a pillbug, she stomped on the ground. I know what this means. It’s the 15th problem on the Tsutsukakushi certification test.
I’m really angry, you know! Don’t suddenly talk to me like that!
It was that kind of gesture. She lowered her center of gravity, striking a pose like a cat. Her tail was standing upright in wariness, and her fur was standing on end. Her paw was angled at me, and her entire body seemed on edge. Oh my. This cat is scary cute.
Leaving her alone like this would be the worst possible thing to do. But petting her would be the second worst thing, I guess.
“Let me help carry some stuff!”
You’re in the way!
“Where did you buy those boots? At a special shop?”
Leave me alone already!
I followed Tsukiko-chan, who was showing her feelings by using gestures, and we talked about this and that as we walked around the wall. If she actually had a cat’s tail growing from her behind, I’m sure that I would have been slapped at least 300 times by now.
“……”
When we made it to the back gate, Tsutsukakushi looked up at me. It was an awfully fierce gaze. Her polished black eyes were burning like gems with negative emotions. But anything is better than not talking at all.
“Sigh… Enough.” Tsukiko-chan let out a sigh.
She entered the gate, and…
“Now that it’s come this far, it’s already too late to be searching.”
“Ah, were you searching for something?”
“The suspicious person inside our house.”
“Ehhhh!? H-He’s inside right now!?”
Tsutsukakushi spoke indifferently, but it definitely was not anything unimportant at all. Someone suspicious other than me is inside the Tsutsukakushi’s home!? I won’t stand for this!
“I don’t think he’s here. I’m sure he isn’t here today. He was there a while ago.”
“A while ago!? When!?”
“Today.”
“Today!?”
“But today the home is in perfect condition again. The first two times were the perfect chance to capture him. I think I made some fatal mistake.” Tsutsukakushi finally was speaking with human words again, and yet I was completely failing to understand what she was saying.
“…Hey, Tsutsukakushi. I know that you’re angry at me. But you need to tell me in a way I can understand so that I can reflect on it.”
The same was the case with Steel-san. Tsutsukakushi would never rely on anyone else as she moved on ahead. That can’t be right. We started our relationship as allies, or coworkers. I don’t want to end up in a relationship like this.
“Let’s try and talk things through, okay? Please.”
“……..”
I could see Tsutsukakushi’s fur standing on edge again, like a cat who’d had her tail accidentally stepped on. She probably wanted to say something. She took a deep breath, and suddenly took a right. She entered her home and came back right away, facing me. She was holding a black cat plush toy in her hands.
“Do you remember this?”
“Yeah…?”
I think that’s the one I gave Tsutsukakushi as a birthday present. Everyone came up with plans for her birthday, played twister, and had lots of fun.
“I still haven’t given Senpai a present. Do you think a relationship where you only receive is a proper relationship?”
“I mean, you got it for your birthday, so…”
“That’s not important. What I want to say is…” Tsutsukakushi’s profile was colored red.
The sun had started to sink far into the horizon. A cruel reddish light covered this entire world. Like it was trying to start a fire, like it was trying to cut everything away…
“Do we have an equal relationship?” Her reddish-colored lips spit out sharp words. “I am not a child who has to be protected at any given time. Senpai isn’t my guardian who has to protect me. I am not a small child who sits back and waits for presents during Christmas. I won’t accept anything anymore.” Tsutsukakushi shoved the plush toy into my arms.
I realized too late that she had given me back the present.
“I want to do something for Senpai myself. But Senpai won’t listen to me even a single time. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, Senpai always does everything on his own.”
Is this what she was talking about back during the marathon? I felt like that wasn’t the only meaning behind what she was saying. To me, it seems like she’s fighting something dangerous.
“If Senpai is going to just do whatever he wants, then I will do the same. I won’t explain anything to you. I won’t try to convince you and wait for your response.”
Thanks to the colors of the setting sun, it looked like someone had poured blood over the Tsutsukakushi house’s backyard. It felt like I needed to commit an impurity to enter the hollow house, which made my feet feel heavier. But Tsutsukakushi just stood there. Everything below her waist was drenched in blood, creating a shadow stretching out behind her, but she didn’t move a single step.
“This is a battle between Senpai and I. We will see who gives up first.” She had a faint voice, slender shoulders, and big round eyes, and she looked like a child from a fantasy world who could only eat flowers.
But she is facing me as a proper human being.
“Until we become ‘equal’, I will not give up on you, Senpai. I will not accept such a result. I will not teach you anything about this world. If you are going to pray like you do every time, then I will revert it back to normal. For all eternity. Forever and ever and ever—” Like a chant, like a curse, Tsutsukakushi repeated herself as she entered the home.
I looked at the plush toy inside my hands. The plush toy had lost its breath, along with the memories of the birthday party. The silent expression of the black cat was as adorable as always. Of course, it was nothing more than an artificially-created toy. It’s not alive by any means. You can’t expect such charm from a real cat.
I held the cat in my arms. Even though it should have been as light as a feather, it felt heavy enough to make me want to let out a sigh.
“Ah, I see…”
With this, we parted ways entirely. That’s when I realized it. I can’t deal with all of this by simply praying for Steel-san’s sake.
*
The bird has one wing, like it reaches from West to East. Up in this holy Sunday sky, I could see a beautiful altocumulus cloud floating behind the cross. A transparent breeze blew through the conifers around the church grounds. The sounds of the choir still lingered my ears, making me feel comfortable. It was a wonderful morning any Buddhist would feel blessed to witness.
“—That’s what happened. What do you think she means by ‘equal’?”
“Why would you ask me that?”
When I told Emi everything that had happened as of late, Emi just let out a tired sigh. I had received a phone call from her a few minutes back. Some magazine wanted to hold a photoshoot here at the chapel, and everything had been completely planned, but it all had to be canceled because of a sudden turn of events.
The choir had to cancel practice today, as well. I’m bored, so come play with me, Onii-chan!
I could hear how much Emi was smiling on the phone. I really feel bad that she doesn’t have friends at her age… And I dashed over here as soon as she ended the call. I don’t have any friends either, so can someone feel bad for me too?
“I’ve been thinking about what she meant by us having an equal relationship, and I haven’t slept for a while, but since I couldn’t come up with a reason, I wanted to ask someone else about it.”
“Onii-chan, you really are a pumpkin. That’s super easy—” Emi opened her mouth, ready to crush my pride.
If she can understand it, then I should be able to myself!
“Okay, then let’s make this an equal relationship as well. Come on, touch my chest.”
“Fueh!?”
“Then I’ll touch your chest as well, okay?”
“Huh? Eh?” Emi looked at me in a daze and lowered her gaze down towards my palm, which was moving towards her.
The choir clothes had quite a comfortable feel to them. Smooth and dry, but also pretty spongey.
“Gyaaaaah!”
My equal-relationship partner Emi started screaming with a beet red face. But we’re equal, so calm down! After acting equal for a while, we were both satisfied. Being equal sure is great! Praise being equal!
“Um, Onii-chan! Emi actually called you because she needed advice on something!”
“Tell me everything! But before that, can I call an ambulance?”
“Before before that, I want to call the police!”
The new Pumpkin Bazooka Quatro can fire off three streams of water, rendering my nose and mouth completely useless. After being showered like this for minutes, I laid inside the church’s flower garden, my body twitching. I’m surprised to see that the Emi Bazooka is still being developed with such great progress. She might become an inventor in the future!
“You damned shitty pumpkin Onii-chan. Where’s your apology?”
“I am terribly sorry…”
“Hehehe, V V!” She lowered her waist to sit on the flower garden’s fence and kicked her legs up and down.
Maybe a future where she becomes a singer won’t be half bad, either. I can see a future with unlimited possibilities. Maybe I really should become her father after all.
“I think this pedo-con pumpkin should apologize to all the parents in the world.” She poured some more water on me, then handed me a towel to dry myself off.
It’s super cold. This winter is super dangerous. Seriously bad, and so am I. What kind of future do I have in store if I’m forming an equal relationship with an innocent grade school girl?
“So what did you want to talk about? The color? The shape? I don’t think you need a bra just yet, Emi!”
“Quatro, go!”
“Blegh!”?
“You really haven’t learned your lesson, Onii-chan. Anyway, I’ve been feeling like someone is watching me recently.”
“I-It’s not me! I would only look at you through the lens of my camera!”
“Onii-chan, please listen to me or I will blow your brains out.”
“Ah, yes.”
Her voice just now sounded way too serious. Emanuella-san is scary.
“You say you’re being watched. Do you have any more details?”
“…Hood…”
“Ah, him.”
I understood right away. Emi was terrified of the hooded man. He showed up all sorts of weird times, both on the field trip and during our first shrine visit of the year.
“Now that I think about it, he always appeared when you were around, right Emi?”
Maybe he likes her? Inconceivable! Such indecency should be punished! Death to the lolicon!
“I feel like you’re going to regret saying that, Onii-chan.”
“I will gladly lose a battle to win the war!”
“What if you lose both the battle and the war?”
“It’s totally fine!”
Every time I remember that guy’s eyes and that light burning deep inside him, I feel like something ominous is assaulting me. Even a grade school student should know that you shouldn’t speak ill of other people.
It’s not related to logic. I cannot stand him on a physical level.
“Even right now, it feels like I’m being watched. Behind the wall, through the cracks of the wall, up on the roof.” The small rabbit held her head, quivering in fear.
This is really dangerous for her. I wanted to tell her that she was just imagining things. However, when I turned around, I was shocked. Across the church’s hedge, I could see a man covered in dirt glaring at us from beneath the hood he was wearing.
It looked like he wanted to jump out, jump at us, and embrace Emi. But I was baffled even more by what I noticed next.
“Ah…”
He was crying. He was wearing the same hoodie he did every single day, with the black cat puppet in one hand. From the one eye that wasn’t hidden by his bangs, I could see tears streaming down.
“You… what…?”
Unable to jump up, jump at him, or jump back, I stood there in a daze as I watched the man. He fixed me with an eerie glare. I could see a dim light behind his tears. It made me feel like I was being watched from inside a dirty mirror. It made me shiver involuntarily.
“—I hate you.” He whispered towards me with a husky voice.
Not from the black cat puppet. He opened his own mouth and said this.
“I hate those eyes of yours. They resemble the color of the sun. I hate those easy-going eyes of yours. They’re filled with no sadness, no grief, no worries, no hardships, no sorrows. How can I trust a human who doesn’t know these feelings? I despise you. It’s not related to logic. I cannot stand you on a physical level.” He looked at me and continued blabbering on and on.
Emi looked between the man and I, making an expression like Akutagawa whatever did when he spotted his Doppelganger. She turned pale. The man looked at Emi, his face distorted in pain.
“But you know, this girl is something out of my reach. I’d lost her from my palm, irreversibly, forever.”
He must have realized that his existence terrified Emi. All he could do was watch Emi from across the hedge, from a location that could not reach her.
“So for her happiness, I will quit watching your farewell from afar, and I’ll stop with the roundabout warnings. I will tell you exactly what you need to know.” He paused for a moment. “Be aware. This world is being looped forever, all because of that man.”
If you think about it, there was never any need for us to just stand there and hear him out. Why didn’t we just leap at him, tie him up, and throw him out? This would have been a good way to deal with someone that I hated, and who also hated me. However, Emi was clinging to my side, quivering, and his tears didn’t look fake. That’s why I was forced to listen.
No, since this is in the past, I can say it. The chanting way he spoke stole my thoughts and my ability to think.
“…This is the eighth time. You continue to fail. Since you have failed too many times, the loop sets in. Because you pay too large of a sacrifice.” He pointed at me, and also at himself.
“I listened to these words of mine, just like you did. I pushed myself away as well. That is why I became myself, and came to talk to myself. The cycle of life and death continues forever. Like water, like clouds, like a snake. I can no longer show myself in front of me. This is goodbye. But one day, for certain, you will show yourself in front of you. Eternal goodbye, and eternal hello.” The voice was spoken in a chant.
It was like a rhythm that had been handed down in the performing arts for generations. The previous generation hands something down to the later generation, which at the same time will be handed down again. These words sounded like they came into existence through this process.
The snake of rebirth. Its long tail looks like another snake altogether. All You Zombies, was it1? A time travel novel written by Robert A. Heinlein.
“However, there is one way to break this loop. Tsutsukakushi Tsukiko’s subconscious wish, namely that she wants to know everything about you in your stead. I think it should be in her notes. Your actions are all written down in great detail. She wants to write down all your actions, after all. With these notes, and her wish, you can make it past this loop. Every time the loop resets, she goes back to reading the notes that have accumulated in her hands, and finds out about your actions and the loop itself. That is how she becomes aware of this world.”
“………”
This was too much of a joke. I didn’t want to accept his ridiculous blabbering. I thought that maybe he had gone crazy. There are rules, even in this fantastical world. Also, if this world is resetting every time, how does he have memories of the loop?
“I am observing these notes myself,” He said calmly. “I am aware of the very existence of the loop before it even happens. What’s important to know is how many times this has happened. The first and second time, I had trouble differentiating the different notes. After the third time, the girl had gotten used to it, and she numbered the notes, always hiding them in the same location in her room. I know her more than anybody else, after all. That’s how I know the title of the notes.”
“……”
It was too much of a joke. I didn’t want to hear his ridiculous blabbering any more. I thought that maybe he was just a pervert. Even in this perverted Hentikan world, there are manners that perverts should abide by. At least tell Tsukiko-chan whenever you’re sneaking around in her home! How rude!
“…That’s why I hate you. You keep blabbering nonsensical words, hiding your true feelings.” He spoke like he knew what I was thinking. Then he shrugged.
It was the same pose I would make in front of a mirror whenever I was exhausted.
“I won’t meet you anymore. But you will eventually meet me. This is farewell. At the very least, I want you to tread down a different path than I did.”
He stooped down, like he was praying for something, and looked at Emi. This time, plain sadness resided in his eyes. Then he turned his back towards us and walked away from this holy church.
He disappeared from my world forever.
*
Even after counting to one hundred, or a thousand, Emi would not leave my arms. She was covering her ears like a scared rabbit.
“It’s fine, the scary person is gone. Cheer up! Lift up your skirt!”
I was suddenly filled with strong fatherly love, and I reached my fingers towards her smooth legs. The Bazooka suddenly came back into action. We repeated the ritual of red pepper, hose, and towel over and over. With this, our own rhythm slowly went back to normal. Well, I’ll leave it at that so I won’t get questioned by the police officer who’s always patrolling around here.
“…Well.”
“For crying out loud, really.”
As peace and tranquility returned to the church, both Emi and I let out a sigh.
“This is the first time I’ve heard him talking like that. Then again, he always just says whatever he feels like and leaves again.”
For the greater part of the time he was speaking, it felt like he was looking at Emi. I guess he really was a lolicon!
“He talked like he was my ally, but what exactly was he even thinking? He was acting all important just because he’s a handsome guy who came from overseas…”
“Onii-chan, I guess you’re the type of person who isn’t self-aware at all.”
“Really, how embarrassing~”
“I’m not praising you.” Emi smiled like an angel.
Of course, she was only smiling in my vision. Then again, I always look at her using my vision, so I can’t tell if she actually ever smiles.
“Are you still calm even after meeting your Doppelganger, Youto-Onii-chan?”
“Maybe I’m used to it.”
“…This is the first time in my life that I’ve actually thought Onii-chan was amazing.” Emi showed me with a gaze filled with respect.
Haha, how embarrassing. I hope that she’s actually looking at me with respect.
“Is he gone? Is he not coming back?”
“Probably.”
“…I’ll go take a look.” Emi seemed to have gotten back a bit of energy, and she moved away from me.
She jogged over to the church’s gate, stuck her face out, and looked left and right. As I’ve always thought, if Emi stays quiet, everything she does is really cute. I really need her to learn that the most dangerous people are always behind you.
“…Oh, what is that?”
A black cat puppet hung on the hedge. When I looked closer, it turned out to be a plush toy with a hole in the bottom barely large enough to put a hand inside. Not to mention that it looked fairly old. The design looked oddly familiar to me, but I felt like bad memories were going to come back to me, so I decided to not remember it.
Inside was an audio recording device. I know you might not need it anymore, but loitering in places to record things is not okay. How would your parents feel? When I pressed play on it, I heard a dandy baritone voice.
Just when do you plan on giving back the stony girl what she is missing?
I wanted to talk with you. About the evil family god, the family god who possesses, and the family god who always brings misfortune. It should be something interesting to you, right?
Eventually, a problem related to the main house will occur. Why not make sure that your stance is solid when that time arrives?
…And so on, and so on. Every single phrase he said seems to have been recorded in there. Where have I heard this voice before? There’s the black cat plush toy, the recordings, the baritone voice, the warning… If I think about it, the logic is starting to fit together. But there is one big problem. I don’t want to think about the principles of his behavior.
Why did he, a puppet user, record our conversations like this? In what way was he using them? Who would profit from hearing them? I really don’t want to know. People I don’t care about don’t matter. Don’t look at what’s behind you, just face on ahead!
“…Then if you’re going to be this forward, won’t you listen to what I have to say as well?”
—My head hurt. The real scary people are always behind you. At this awful time, I heard a baritone voice behind me. And it wasn’t something from a recording. There was a trademark ominous and sinister laugh—
*
“—Papa!” Emi showed up from the side of the gate.
Her eyes opened wide when she spotted me and her Papa standing next to the chapel. She waved her hands as she ran towards us. My brain cells had gone through training for this very moment, and they told me what would happen next.
Her own father is currently possessed by something. By the Cat God of all things. The cat god that has caused her deep trauma before. If she were to find out, she would be plagued by fear. At the same time, Emi’s Papa cannot speak Japanese fluently. At the very least, not in front of Emi. If she heard him talk with me, she would be shocked, and at the very least would feel betrayed.
Since I was a proper adult, I had to protect Emi’s world.
“Stop right there!” I shouted at Emi. “Onii-chan has something important to talk about with your father, so why don’t you go play at home?”
“Your phrasing is disgusting…” Emi’s face tightened, and she stopped walking towards us.
She’s very honest and listens to her parents. What a great girl. I guess the best way to protect her lawfully is to get married, right?
“And you’re coming with me.”
“So you really don’t want me to get in contact with that girl, huh?”
“Shut up.” I said in a quiet voice, and the Cat God inside of Emi’s Papa grinned in response.
“What wonderful effort I see you making. I appreciate that kindness of yours, but that girl is just a tool. Sooner or later, she—” Cat God-chan said as she walked after me.
It took good nerves for the Cat God to act like an adult and approach my child. Naturally, there’s only one possible situation that could occur between two adults. Consider a wife alone at home and a lonely neighbor. The Cat God doesn’t understand Japanese tradition well enough. If this were a few decades ago, you would have been dirtied already.
We ended up at the back of the chapel, with no other people in sight.
“I have come to you with some important information—”
“Enough about that.”
“What? It’s crucial for what’s to come, though…”
“Shut up.” I turned towards the Cat God inside the Noppera-Bou and slammed my hands against the wall behind him.
“U-Um? What are you doing?” Cat God-chan looked left and right, seeing that there was no way to escape. “…Um, I’m sure that you can already tell, but I currently look like an old man, right?”
“Yup, you sure do. I don’t have any interest in getting it on with an old man, you know.”
“Right, right! I was worried for a second, but it seems like this time you’re more calm and collected!” The Cat God seemed to be relieved for a second, so I decided to get serious.
Those who call themselves protagonists need to possess at least one or two special abilities. Of course, the same can be said about me. I possess the ability to create a million worlds and people inside my mind. I call it the Imagination Materialization Power.
“Yokodera-kun? Your eyes are scaring me…”
Heighten, my desires! Widen, my imaginary world! I will design a super beautiful woman inside my mind! So beautiful that the genius Kantoku-sama of this world can create a godly illustration!
For example, she should be in her early twenties, her hair should be on the longer side, there should be a tuft of hair in front of her ears, with a charming hair ornament adorning her head, her facial features should vaguely resemble Steel-san, she should positively ooze purity and innocence, which causes her to give off an air of weakness, and she should be wearing a long duffle coat. I can see it! I can see the perfect woman!
“Wait, your face is too close… Eh? What… what is this!?”
The greatest possible waifu has appeared, and there’s a magnificent illustration to go with it! We go from this creation to a kiss!
“Mmnnnn!?”
A shriek escaped through the gap between Cat God-chan’s lips. Even the voice of an old man sounded like the gentle breath of a super-beautiful woman. Her soft lips resembled the softness of chocolate marshmallows.
“Waaaaaah, I’m going home!” Cat God-chan was crying tears of blood as she ran away.
I struck a victory pose. Justice wins, after all. The one who wins possesses justice. The ones in the wrong are all those beautiful girls who are playing with my heart. Then I felt someone’s gaze. I glanced all around, and then I spotted a girl hiding behind the corner of the chapel.
“Emi! I told you to wait for us, right?”
“When you said that, it made me even more curious! Also, what did you just do with my Papa?”
“Your Papa? He just remembered something urgent and ran off. Do you wanna chase after him?”
“No, um… Well… pumpkin…” Emi made an awfully complicated expression, and gave up on pressing the topic any further.
You don’t want to believe in a secret relationship between one of your parents and your neighbour, after all. Especially if it’s two men.
“…Ah, I’m getting a call from my Papa.”
“A-A call!?”
“Yeah, let me answer.” Emi opened her phone.
The Cat God-chan had been crying so much, and it already recovered!?
“Ciao!”
Without hesitation, she answered the call and started talking in a language that definitely was not Japanese. Well, I don’t know Italian, so it just sounded like a jumbled mess.
“Hey, Emi! Emi!”
“What!? Not now, okay?”
“Are you really talking to your Papa? It’s not someone pretending to be your Papa, right? Is the other person crying, by any chance?”
“What are you talking about? Of course I can tell right away that it’s my real Papa! Quiet!” Emi pushed me away with one hand as she continued her call.
Yeah, I don’t think Cat God-chan, who I assaulted and attacked, could keep up the mental state to properly act like Emi Papa. It must be the real one. I waited for a few moments, and then the call ended.
“Hey.” Grabbing the hem of my coat, Emi looked up at me. “Papa wanted to tell you something about Tsuu-chan’s Onee-chan’s sickness, but he messed up the time. There is one thing he wanted me to tell you.”
“Yeah?”
“‘Do what you need to do,’ he said.”
“Hmmm…?”
Did he think I didn’t know about Steel-san collapsing? This isn’t some time-limited program, so even if he tells me that right now, there’s nothing for me to do. But I was curious about what Emi was thinking, and how much she knew.
When Azuki Azusa had been possessed by the Cat God, and when Emi herself had been possessed, that was to grant their wishes, and their bodies were possessed. They had no memories from when they were possessed. So how are things with Emi’s Papa? There’s the chance that he’s working together with the Cat God. But what motive could he have to do so? I thought about it for a second, but…
“Well, it’s not like it matters!” I just shrugged.
Without hearing from Emi’s Papa about Steel-san’s sickness, I already wanted to take care of it anyway. I guess I have to hurry up and pray after all. I turned towards the sky, searching for the hill with the cedar tree.
“Are you going for another loop again?” I heard a defeated sigh. “Onii-chan, are you an idiot?”
“W-What…?” I staggered backwards and turned to look at Emi.
Standing there was a girl wiser than anyone else. A girl fully alive, making moves at a man. A girl who understands the meaning of this world. Indeed, it was Magical Holmes Emanuella! A detective is supposed to arrive at the scene late. She loves cosplaying, so why isn’t she wearing a costume right now, I wonder? Those clever people always have Holmes’ clothes with them. That is their responsibility. It can’t be helped. All you people who are Emi-cons, imagine Emi-chan in the clothes of Magical Holmes, strip them off of her, and enjoy her!
“Listen to me.”
“Yes.” I stood at attention in front of her.
“Judging from that talk just now, isn’t that what will happen? If you do something selfish like that, you will fail forever.”
“But what else should I—?”
“Tsuu-chan holds the key. If you don’t convince her, nothing will end.”
“Convince her of what? We’re on totally different teams right now.”
I want to use whatever method I need to in order to cure Steel-san. Apparently, Tsukiko-chan objects to that. This isn’t simple subjectivity anymore, it’s a difference in lifestyle. There’s nothing you can do about that.
“That’s super easy, is it not?” Emi sighed. “…Have you visited Tsuu-chan’s Onee-chan?”
“Hm? I did, yeah.”
Although I would have rather not remembered.
*
Nobody enjoys smelling the scent of a hospital. There was a time when I was young and I often visited my older sister, who was hospitalized here. I don’t remember much about it, but I’m sure it wasn’t an enjoyable time by any means. In every picture my older sister took, I was balling my hands into fists, trying to bear with it. It’s even worse if you come to meet someone whose sickness can’t be cured. But Steel-san smiled at me as brightly as ever.
“What, you came again? Do you like me that much?”
“Well, yeah. Probably more than you think, Club President.”
“Mm… I-I see…”
“Don’t ask if you’re going to get embarrassed by the answer!”
Look at that gesture! She’s so cute! Because she was wearing thick pajamas, her shoulders looked thin and slim. Searching for a place to direct my gaze, I glanced around the room. White curtains, white flower pots, a white sideboard… Everything black had been pushed out of the room.
“I’m used to visiting people in the hospital, so is there anything you want me to get you?”
“Maybe a statue of the president showing Tsukiko off.”
“At least let me buy something off Amazon!”
“A president from Amazon… So she’ll establish a new nation in Brazil?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Steel-san really doesn’t change at all. She’s the same as always, almost terrifyingly so.
“…Club President, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Hm? What do you mean?”
“You were acting like everything was fine… and then you suddenly collapsed like that. It’s weird.”
“I mean, I’m an Onee-san after all!”
“You act cool, but you’re just clumsy.”
“Hm? What did you say?”
“Sorry, my honest feelings just came out. It’s just slang between friends. I’m saying that you have bones like Ponta.”
“I see, I see. Your praise is always highly intellectual. That’s right. I am an Onee-san, and I am clumsy!” Steel-san puffed out her chest. “…To be perfectly honest, I might fear the kotodama after all.” Steel-san looked outside the window.
The white laces, the white window frame, and the white balcony made her profile look more white than usual.
“I think it suits you better if you don’t believe in those legends.”
“Indeed I don’t. But people fear things they don’t believe in. Just like the Cat God. I didn’t believe in that, yet I still sealed it away. I want to end this curse and this legend with my generation, live as myself, and die as myself. Not as a human who has been drenched in the blood of the Cat God bloodline.”
“So, why did you never talk to us about it?!”
I finally asked it. But the reaction I expected never came. Indeed, it had never changed.
“Because I am an Onee-san after all!” She spoke with a grown-up expression, puffing out her chest.
She believed that she would be fine. She showed no remorse nor hesitation. Even though she’s clumsy, and even though she’s useless at times. I know all about it. She still believes in Narnia. She still wants to go on an adventure through the closet, her heart brimming with energy. Why is she always like this?
“…You could rely on me more.”
“Ha ha ha. How interesting. I am more than satisfied with these feelings of yours.”
When I saw Steel-san’s bottomless smile, I felt my heart growing restless.
*
I scratched my head. Even the top of my tongue stung when I tried to put it into words.
“…You really like Onee-chan, huh, Onii-chan?”
“Well, yeah, as a person.”
“Hmm…”
Having listened to the end, Emi averted her gaze.
“Well, if you feel that way, then sure.”
“What do you mean?”
“It doesn’t matter! Shut up!”
Contrary to her harsh words, she merely kicked the ground in boredom. I tried rubbing her head, but she pushed my hand away.
“More importantly, she probably wants to stay equal as well. Like she thinks her suffering belongs only to her.”
“That’s wrong! Something about that feels wrong!”
“Why?”
“You can’t keep the pain to yourself and still say you’re part of an equal relationship. Waiting for the other person is just—” I started to speak, and I really wanted to continue.
Just waiting for the other person to say something isn’t enough. I don’t want to accept everything that happens anymore. I want to do something for Senpai myself.
I remembered what Tsutsukakushi said.
“…I see. Everyone is the same.”
That’s what she wanted to say. I now knew what I should have said. I finally understood everything.
“…So late.” The clever Emi shrugged her shoulders and let out a sigh.
Yeah, I really am a pumpkin.
“The Happy Prince that Oscar Wilde wrote is basically an all-in-one.”
“Hm?”
“In recent gal games, the number of heroines is growing. Since there’s so many types of heroines, it should be fine for other princes to appear as well, right?”
“I don’t really get it, but if you’re fine with that, then sure.”
“Thanks, Emi. So we’re equal now, right?!”
“……” Emi twitched at what I said and held her chest.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing!”
Emi realized I was staring at her in a daze, and it looked like she raised her guard.
“Nothing…?”
“I’m saying it’s nothing, so it’s nothing! It doesn’t matter! I feel like an idiot! Just go hand in hand with Tsuu-chan to save Onee-chan!”
I turned my back towards Emi, and I heard a loud sigh. It was a self-ridiculing sigh. A bit of distance had been created between us.
“Or so I say, but touchy-touch!”
“Gyaaa!?”
This is the secret technique of the Yokokodera Style: Time-Lag π Touch. By drawing the trajectory of a circle in the air, I can touch whatever place I want. I really recommend it!
“What are you doing!? Stop it! Stop it, you pumpkin!”
Just when I thought I’d get reported for sure, Emi just raised a loud voice and put up with it. It sounded like a shriek, but also an exclamation of joy. We’ll probably repeat the same thing over and over again. We repeat our own precious procedure again and again, like a holy ritual. This nonsense of a time paradox can just be swallowed in the circle of time.
“…Why are you smiling after touching someone else’s precious parts?!”
Emi realized I was grinning, started blushing, and kicked the ground. Is this her first rebellious phase? So cute.
“Let’s just go!” I was kicked, and I flew up.
“…So you say, but I don’t know what to do yet…”
“Huuuh!? This late into the game?”
I had been wrong. I knew what I had to do. But I don’t know how to arrive at the correct choice. Steel-san’s sickness is getting worse each day. I hate to say this, but I don’t know how long we have until the time is up. Now that I’ve made Tsukiko-chan this angry, she probably won’t take me seriously. I don’t have enough time. The current me doesn’t, that is. That’s why—
“—Emi, I have a request.” I whispered into her ear.
Sorry. The only thing I can think of is praying here. Wait just a little longer. One day I’ll definitely defeat the real enemy.
1 The reason why he brings that up here is because the Japanese title is ‘Rinne no Hebi’, or roughly translated ‘Snake of Rebirth’
CClaw Translations 