Hentai Ouji to Warawanai Neko. Volume 4 Chapter 5

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Illusionary Wonderland

‘Illusion is the first of all pleasures.’

These words were spoken by the genius writer I admire: Oscar Wilde. In other words, all joy and pleasures are nothing more than an illusion. This is what this cynical English gentleman wanted to say. In truth, I have been raised in his shadow for quite some time. When I immersed myself in the activity of reading back during middle school, I felt happy just seeing the amount of books I owned lined up in the bookshelf. I felt excited to a level that I would find only when I watched a late-night Onee-san wrestling show.

Oscar Wilde is already a part of my soul. If I were to lose this man, I would lose a part of my soul. Just like if you were to regulate the number of lewd Onee-san’s in this world. And let me add this. Oscar Wilde’s adventurous words don’t always come into being as simply cynicism and sarcasm. What problem is there if illusions bring happiness? An emotion born from an illusion can eventually induce real happiness, which leads you to the best possible fortune. Is this not actually the key to a real Happy End?

…Huh? What am I talking about? Azuki Azusa, of course. After the Italian school incident came to an end, Azuki Azusa said the following:

“I-I’ll be the one who approaches you! So just wait! Wait for me! I’ll be coming, so you’d better wait for me!”

I didn’t really get what she was trying to say with that, but since she looked so desperate, I ended up waiting. Ever since then, I’ve earned myself another daily task. Every night at 10.30pm, always at this very moment, my phone would ring. After that, I would hear a deep breath.

‘Hello! U-Um!’

“Yup.”

‘I worked lots at the animal cafe today! I’m more exhausted than a swallow crossing the ocean!’

“You really worked hard, yep. Good girl.”

‘Y-Yeah! Ehehehe…’

“……”

‘………’

“…………”

‘…Then i’ll see you tomorrow, Yokodera.’

“Ah, yeah, see you at school.”

‘Bye bye!’

The duration of the call was always about fifteen seconds. I would hear a short report of Azuki Azuki’s day, and that would be the end of the call. It’s not like we have anything in particular to talk about, and we’re not exactly reluctant to part either, at least that’s how it seems to me. Calling someone without any particular reason is a weird custom for a modern girl to have. Or so I learned in the gal games I played. Is she really satisfied with this? One time I asked her about it.

‘I-I’m having fun…’

“Really? If you’d like, I can tell you about my ideas for a new animal cafe costume.”

‘Shut up, pervert. Just tell the cafe about those.’

“That’s not what I meant! I just want to choose some cute cosplay for you.”

‘So you’re not even denying it!’

“Oh, that’s right. Well, anyway.”

‘Anyway what?’

“…I also have lots of things we can talk about, so why don’t we talk for a bit longer?”

‘S-Short conversations are fine! I’m still a chick in rehabilitation, s-so just your voice is fine! Eventually I’ll become a full-fledged chicken and fly through the sky!’

“When is that ‘eventually’ going to be?”

‘Tomorrow! Ah, no, next week! No no, next month! …Or maybe next year… maybe in the next life…’

“I really don’t think my next life counts as ‘eventually’!”

‘Anyway, this “eventually” will be really soon. I’ll try my best to make it soon. Just wait!’

“…All I can do is wait?”

‘That’s right!’

She got angry at me, which left me wondering if I’ll ever truly be able to understand girls. Even though she hated the idea of me waiting at the gate during my time as her pet.

“Hmm…”

Once this call was over, I held my head as I sat at my desk. I can tell that Azuki Azusa desires the person named Yokodera-kun, but in what way? I don’t think she’s treating me lightly. Because an illusion has been born. But I can’t just act like I didn’t realize it. In a lot of ways, it is my responsibility after all, considering what happened on top of that clocktower. For those of you who don’t understand what I’m talking about, ignore it.

Anyway, another call came in today. As always, I heard the deep breath of a girl from the other side. After that…

‘Hello! Um!’

“Yup.”

‘I finished my last shift for the month today. I got a good amount of money, so I’m free for the weekend like a grown swallow!’

“I see. Good work.”

‘Fufu, thanks!’

“……”

‘………’

“…………”

‘Then I guess I’ll see you to—’

“Um, Azuki Azusa!”

Right before the usual ritual ended, I called out to her. After a short break, I tightly gripped my phone.

“If you have time this weekend, why don’t we go out together?”

‘Eh…?’

“The place doesn’t matter. I just want to spend some time together, that’s all.” I spoke so fast that I almost fumbled over my own words.

I know that she told me to wait, but that just doesn’t sit right with me. As a man, I have to act on my own. At least that’s what a voice actress in a video said. She was drenched in sweat at the time.

‘……’

“…Um, really, there’s nothing major to it. Just as a way to test things, or to cool down a bit, as a discount of sorts, you know… I really don’t know what I’m saying, myself…”

‘……’

No response came. All I could hear were the sounds of keys being tapped or something. The silence turned into lead, weighing down on my heart. I felt like I had invited a classmate of mine out on a date. Almost. As if. As it were. If I don’t quantify it like that, I feel like my heart will step out of the door inside my chest.

“……”

‘……’

“J-Just kidding! You can just forget about—”

‘…I’m going! I’m definitely going!’

“Eh…really? You don’t have to force yourself…”

‘I told you I’d eventually make it. I don’t plan on making you wait forever, either!’

Azuki Azusa spoke even faster than I did, and even hung up the call the moment she finished speaking, as if to show her determination. I was finally allowed to breathe again.

“Phew, I’m exhausted…” I set my phone aside and lay on my bed.

This is weird. My heart is still pounding like crazy. Even though I should be used to making plans with friends.

The world continued to turn, but it felt like my room stood in one place, never changing. Next to my bed was a bookshelf, with my pride and accomplishment on top of it; aka my complete Oscar Wilde collection.

The swallow that appears in ‘The Happy Prince’ was focused on an illusionary happiness, and eventually died. But I won’t let the story end up like that. You can’t keep living in delusion. But what should I do to get to the ‘Happily ever after’ screen? Held on the bed by gravity opposing the centrifugal force of Earth’s rotation, I soon found myself lost in thought.

*

And like this, Yokodera-kun’s story ended in ruin. They all lived happily ever after. The end.

I felt like that would be a great place to draw the curtain, but that would leave too many loose ends, so let me give you a more detailed story as to why it all ended in ruin. This happened on a Sunday morning on the very last weekend of October. I stepped off the private railroad and took the cable car to the place we were supposed to meet. There are several small hills between the parts of town Azuki Azusa and I live in, and on the tallest of those was an amusement park called the ‘Giant’s Daily-Life Land’.

Basically, it’s a theme park with the concept of a world where the visitors are small people. You can wander around a park that has giant houses, giant furniture, and all that sort of thing. It has the world’s largest wooden roller coaster, as well as Japan’s fastest roller coaster with the biggest loop. There’s an insanely high free fall tower. All of these attractions are extremely popular. On top of that, they have a giant viewing gondola and cabins closed off by pink curtains (I’m sure you can imagine for what). The people who live around here go to Giant’s Daily-Life Land all the time. Thus, for us, it almost feels like this is the backyard of our own home.

“—Over here!”

Azuki Azusa interrupted my thoughts, waving for me to come over. Like a small puppy that had reached peak excitement, she even jumped up and down a bit.

“Hey. Sorry, am I late?”

“I just got here, myself. More importantly, I looked at the pamphlet they have, and it seems like they have a lot of really great attractions around. I’m looking forward to this, even more than I looked forward to summer break!”

“Eh…? Ah, okay…”

“Hahahaa! I’m as excited as a penguin during a snowy day!”

“Y-Yeah!”

…I retract my words. ‘The people who live around here go to Giant’s Daily-Life Land all the time (except the girl with no friends)’. Please let the editor know. Oh right, she never even went to a game center before we went with her, did she? While I was about to shed a tear in the face of her sad relationships, I felt my hand being pulled, and I was guided onto the cable car.

“…Oh?”

I just sat in the gondola in a daze, and soon we arrived at the top of the hill. Still holding hands, we made our way to the park’s ticket stand. It was a comfortable and peaceful day, with a soft breeze passing by us. In the middle of lots of middle-school students causing a ruckus, Azuki Azusa lined up in front of a ticket window, still holding my hand. It was smooth. Things moved smoothly without a hitch.

“…Huuuuh?” I continued to be utterly confused.

In preparation for today, I had read a dating magazine so that I could provide a proper escort for Azuki Azusa. Yet I was too late. Azuki Azusa had already taken the lead. Speaking of her, she was wearing a bright cutsew that revealed her shoulders. Combined with that was a frilly skirt, and finishing it off was a cute ribbon that really emphasized her fairy-like look. Everything was the same: Her feminine coordination, her comfortable-looking wavy hair, and even her smile.

…But then, just what is different about her? Before I could come up with a conclusion, it was our turn to buy the tickets.

“Um, we’d like two tickets for high—”

“H-Hey, this!”

Before I could pay, Azuki Azusa pointed at a flyer hanging on the window. It read ‘Today is couples day!’. When a boy and girl buy tickets together, the one-day pass will be cheaper, and you get discounts for various attractions and all that. It must be a form of commercially-created divine punishment, considering how many couples were around.

“Ahh, that’s why I was feeling weird this entire time!”

When I looked around, I saw a golden ratio of girls and boys at 1:1. This time, I demand war! Bring down the iron hammer on any illicit relationships! Abolish the boyfriend-girlfriend system!

…Or so I was complaining mentally, and then I noticed Azuki Azusa acting oddly fidgety next to me.

“…A-A couple!”

“Azuki Azusa…?”

“I had whatsoever no idea absolutely that they had a discount like this! What a inspired-divinely revelation!”

“Your sentences are starting to make less sense, Azuki Azusa.”

“W-What a coincidence! We’re too a girl and a boy! Amazing! This coincidental destiny feels like absolutely!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Azuki Azusa.”

“W-What should we do?! Hey, what should we do?!”

“It says that you have to be registered for their mailing service, Azuki Azusa.”

“W-Wow! What a coincidence! I just fiddled to happen around on my phone, and I accidentally, coincidentally, yesterday registered for that completely!”

“…Um, Azuki Azusa?”

Azuki Azusa turned away from me, showing the person at the ticket window the world’s first ‘Automatically registered for your email service’ phone. And then, her beet red ears twitched behind her chestnut-colored hair.

“I really don’t care all too much or anything, but since we’re here already, I think that we should just use it! What about you? You agree, right?!”

“Ah, yeah…”

She basically forced me to buy the couple’s ticket. Thinking about it, there was some kind of weird silence back during the phone call when I invited Azuki Azusa. During that time, I thought I heard the sound of someone tapping keys on a PC keyboard. Right after that, she came up with the idea of going here.

“…Alright, then let’s go!”

“Y-Yeah.”

Azuki Azusa took my hand like it was a totally natural thing to do.

“What should we ride first? Since we’re not guinea pigs, we can just choose whatever we like, right?”

“Yeah…”

The arm that was crossed with mine pulled me inside of the park. Yokodera-kun’s hands are now tied by this girl. It felt like I was a fox that a hunter was targeting. Will I be eaten eventually?

“…Weird.”

Azuki Azusa seems to be acting really normal today. Before, she used to panic about the weirdest things, getting flustered at everything. But right now she’s almost like the first time we met at the school gate, giving off the aura of a beautiful, impeccable beauty. All the make-believe and facade should have vanished, so why is she acting this way?

When I looked at my side, blinking like I had just woken up from a dream, she just calmly returned a smile. I joined in, and we smiled at each other.

“…Well, whatever.”

The girl had her arms linked with mine, smiling like she was happy. Is there any greater happiness in life? She’s happy, that’s all that matters.

“Then why don’t we start with a fairly relaxed ride?”

“Yup! Sounds good to me!”

I gave up thinking about it, and instead decided to enjoy this amusement park.

The main appeal of the Giant’s Daily-life Land is the attractions, which are brimming with thrill and excitement. Along with the majestic scenery down the hill, the giant roller coaster rails soaring through the sky send a cold sweat down my back.

“That reminds me, weren’t you bad with scary things like this, Azuki Azusa?”

“Yup!”

“Are you okay with roller coasters?”

“Not at all! Even if it kills me, I can’t do it! An elephant would be better at crossing a bottomless swamp!”

“…At least you’re honest!”

Why did she pick an amusement park of all places, then? I would have loved to ask that, but considering how she was trying to pretend we were on a couple’s date, bearing in mind the couple’s ticket she was desperately holding onto, I can only see that being like poking a hornet’s nest, so I decided not to say anything. I still need more time. I’ll make up my mind eventually. Since this is a thematic amusement park, everything to ride here is pretty enjoyable.

For example, the single-seater bumper cars course. The course is made from the perspective of a rat running through a house. You have to evade obstacles and make it to the goal in time. Since this requires some good driving, it’s actually pretty exciting. Back when Ponta and I came here, we had a contest to see who could make it through without hitting anything. This time I’ll get a head start and show Azuki Azusa how to do things!

“Eheheh, eat thiiiiis!”

Or so I thought, but she crashed into me right when we started.

“Um, Azuki Azusa, this isn’t the type of game where you’re supposed to crash into other people.”

“Too late! Wham! Wham! Way too late!”

“Azuki Azusa, would you mind listening to me?”

“Now I’m a cheetah! A cheetah doesn’t understand human language!”

Bumping into my cart over and over, the person in the cart behind me wouldn’t let off the accelerator. If this person wasn’t Azuki Azusa, I would have assumed that they were under the influence of drugs. The kind you can’t find at a pharmacy. Apparently, sitting behind the steering wheel can drastically change your personality. Whatever may happen in the future, I swore to myself that I would not allow this girl to ever drive a real car.

Even after our first round was over, Azuki Azusa wanted to try a second time, so I decided to go on the two-seater version to guarantee a perfectly safe ride. After a harsh battle, I emerged with the right to be the driver.

“We’re breaking through there! (Couple’s) Catapult Tiger!”

“What kind of name is that?! Also don’t mix manga and reality!”

From next to me, Azuki Azusa constantly kept kicking or punching my side, and I swore to myself to never let her drive with me without putting on a seatbelt… Well, that’s something I’ll only have to worry about in the future.

“I feel like I’ve had a divine revelation!”

“O-Of what exactly?”

“Driving a car is an exciting battle of wisdom closely related to fishing tuna. I want to get my license soon!”

“I see… so you want the real thing… Before you challenge the public roads, how about you go drive the cart one more time?”

“Okay! Eheh!”

I couldn’t blame the broadly-grinning Azuki Azusa in any way, so please forgive me, future me. For a girl who has no experience playing like this, attractions such as the game center must be once in a lifetime. After we finished our third round of bumper cars, the other people around us grew impatient, so we decided to head over to a nearby merry-go-round to take a short break.

“…Mm.” Azuki Azusa held the palm of hand out as she sat in the horse carriage inside the matchbox.

“Mm.”

“Mm!”

I held out my own palm, and Azuki Azusa nodded happily and held hands with me. I wonder why this wordless communication between us is making me so happy. It’s almost like when a girl video I liked came to a standstill at the perfect time. And while we were holding hands, we were going in circles. An illusory light, illusory sound, illusory riding in the midst of all these illusory sensations that assaulted me. Only the warmth of her hand felt real. Even after the sound ended and the ride came to an end, Azuki Azusa showed no signs of getting off. Her hair shook in the wind. Her jewel-like eyes were lost in thought.

“What’s wrong?”

“…Holding hands like this… doesn’t it make us a prince and princess?”

“…I-I wonder…”

“Don’t you think?”

With her head hanging, she gave me a quick glance upwards. Her cheeks were colored a faint red. I know that she often loses herself in the fantasy world, but even I started to feel weird from seeing her be this serious about it. I just scratched my cheek and offered Azuki Azusa my hand.

“…Fufu.” She let out a flustered giggle and took my hand like Cinderella would her prince.

We left the merry-go-round and sat down on a nearby bench. It was shaped like a giant’s pillow, fluffy and comfortable. The merry-go-round hadn’t really been a break, so this was our true breather, and we watched the children and parents walk past us.

What should we do next? Eat lunch? Or take a bath (-themed ride)? When we finished this high-level couple’s dialogue, I realized that this might be the most brilliant moment in my life.

“…Hm.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Ah, nothing really…”

Of course, this entire time we had our arms linked. It feels great knowing that I’ve gotten used to this position, but there is something else that piqued my interest. Basically, the fact that our bodies were practically glued to each other, and I felt a soft sensation at my elbow. What happened to the Azuki Caldera mountains that were just my imagination before? To be flat or not be flat, that is the question.

Along with the pondering Hamlet inside me, I heard faint voices that told me to just confirm it with a grope, and it turns out that was the devil. At the same time, the angel strongly advised against doing so: ‘At least start by touching them gently’. ‘With this mood and atmosphere, you can definitely do it, so hurry your ass up’, is what the angel and devil agreed on as they pushed me forward. The only thing holding me back was my last defense mechanism engraved in my brain that was dictated by reason, also known as the fear of being prosecuted for public elicit actions or sexual harassment.

“Ah.”

“W-What?! What’s wrong?!”

“I’ve started sweating a bit…” Azuki Azusa fanned herself with her clothes near her cleavage to get some air. Her head still rested on my shoulders.

“H-Hey…”

“Ehehehe…” She looked up at me and gave a bashful smile.

What is this? What is this atmosphere? If someone were to see us now, there’d be wild rumours going around school! ‘Then do the deed before it comes to that!’ is what my reason, my angel, and my devil all said at the same time.

“—?!”

Suddenly, all the hair on my body stood on end. Very faintly, in the corner of my vision, I felt like I saw… a short, tail-like bundle of black hair move slightly.

“…I-Impossible…!”

“…Hm? What’s wrong?” Azuki Azusa asked.

Some small children were walking down the path next to the bench, and I spotted a small girl that should not have been there. Her tail-like hair shook like a cat’s tail, and she was walking down said path with no expression on her face.

“…Urgh!” I closed my eyes.

This is a dream. A daydream. A nightmare. An illusion. Any of those are fine, just let things be different once I open my eyes. That’s all I’m asking for here. Come on! Isn’t there some kind of sales on divine services today that could help me out?!

I waited for around ten seconds, and then slowly opened my eyes.

“…Oh. If it isn’t Senpai.”

Tsutsukakushi was standing right in front of my eyes. Au revoir, my miracle. She was wearing a chic vest and a blouse, along with some stylish shorts and leggings that made her legs look like those of a cat. The small kitty design on one side of her shorts was just like her.

“What a coincidence it is to run into you here.” Her eyes even bluer than crystal balls shone directly at me.

Slowly but steadily, she directed her gaze to the person next to me.

“…Oh? Oho…?”

She blinked once, twice, as if a nightmare was happening in front of her eyes.

“Azuki-san…”

“My, Tsutsukakushi-san! What a coincidence!”

“…So the two of you were here. Meeting together like this.”

“Yes. Well, yes.”

“…Did you two enjoy yourselves? Doing this and that.”

“E-Ehh?! W-Well, yes…”

“Is that so, is that so?”

Tsutsukakushi met gazes with the girl who was still linking arms with me. She was standing still as if she was trying to summon a calamity. It was typical behavior from the Yuki Onna-chan Tsutsukakushi.

And then they lived happily ever after.

*

If this were an actual story, there would be some kind of page or chapter break or something to magically smooth things over, but reality wasn’t so kind. According to Tsutsukakushi, she came here for a children’s welfare club activity. Said club activity had just coincidentally happened to be going to this amusement park. Apparently, it took quite some work to come up with a proper plan that would allow the children to enjoy themselves. Of course, I thought I could use this as a natural opportunity to split off from her again…

“………”

“Gueh?!”

Without saying anything, Tsutsukakushi grabbed my clothes. She moved so fast that it seemed like she wanted to vent all the emotions she had in her head at me all at once.

What is this? What’s going on? Explain it so I can understand. But please understand what will happen if you tell me things I don’t want to hear.

She used her small fingers to transmit these ridiculous demands, burning them into my mind much faster than any words could have.

“H-Hold on… calm down…”

“What are you talking about, Senpai? I am always, at any given time, no matter the day, as calm as can be. That’s right. I am always calm and collected, so there’s nothing to worry about.”

“L-Let go… I can’t… breathe…”

“You say some funny things, Senpai. What do you plan to do with my hand, hm? Really. What a helpless Senpai. Aren’t you always putting your hands where they don’t belong?”

The one stopping this small killer kitten from creating a murder incident at this peaceful amusement park was none other than Azuki Azusa. She clapped her hands together.

“Ah! Since we’re here already, why don’t we walk around together?” She grinned and offered a hand to Tsutsukakushi.

Ironically, it was her other hand that wasn’t holding mine.

“…No, I can’t really…”

“You don’t have to worry about us. Of course, if you can’t come, then you don’t have to.”

“…Are you sure?”

“It’s totally fine! I’m not an egotistical black leopard, and playing with everyone is more fun anyway!”

“……” Tsutsukakushi hesitated.

I could understand the reason why. Azuki Azusa’s innocent smile emitted a brilliant and somewhat suspicious aura.

“We were only planning to take a look at the park, and the other club members should be with them…” She looked back at her group. “…But I can at least have lunch with you.”

“Fufu, thanks!”

“No, likewise.”

Like a hero who had bested an evil witch in some RPG, I could see Azuki Azusa form a small fist with her hand.

The restaurants at Giant’s Daily-Life Land had both indoor and outdoor seating, and both of them were packed to the brim during lunch time. However, you could get special seats with a couple’s ticket. The lines there were much shorter, so you could practically get to eat immediately. They even separate people during mealtimes like this. Damned society.

That being said, since there were three of us, we couldn’t use the couple’s ticket. Basically, we are the messengers who speak out against oppression. And when I told Tsutsukakushi this…

“…Is that so? So you bought a couple’s… ticket.”

“It’s just rebellion against current trends in society. I told you this already.”

“If you have a couple’s… ticket, then I must be the third wheel after all.”

For some reason, I heard something like the sizzling sound of oil being poured on water, or ice crackling inside the refrigerator. Indeed, I felt an insanely cold aura coming from her. I see! So I’ve finally awakened to my own superpower! What should I do now? Oh right, I’m gonna die. In my head, I was busy deciding the best way to cut open my belly to atone for my sins…

“Ahh, it was just a coincidence! It was cheaper, so we bought it! There was no deeper meaning to it! It’s fine!” Azuki Azusa smiled calmly as she guided us to our seats.

She acted quickly before the mood could turn sour again. With a tone devoid of any poison anymore, Tsutsukakushi muttered a confused ‘No, it’s not a problem of being fine or not…’ but her voice grew too quiet to be understood after that.

“You really are amazing, Azuki Azusa…”

“What do you mean?” Azuki Azusa faced me. Her eyes looked even more beautiful today, like they belonged to the statue of a goddess.

She’s always a beauty above beauties, but I think she’s leveled up from fairy to goddess in a very small amount of time. It must be caused by this weird aura around her. Right when we made it to the front of the line, a staff member came over.

“The seats have all filled up now. We could offer you seats at the counter right away, however…”

They guided us to said location, which was fairly close to the restrooms.

“I’m fine here.”

‘As a traditional Japanese man, you are to refrain from doing anything that could make a girl sad or hate you~!’ is what the super popular and incredibly helpful ‘Hot Dog Press’ magazine that I read the other day said, so I took the spot that would have been the worst out of the three, the one in the corner. Two other seats were left. The one in the middle, and the one beyond that.

“…Hm.”

Tsutsukakushi’s hand twitched as she leaned against the seat next to mine. Her speed was inhumane. I could only see the afterimages. I see, so she likes the seat in the middle. She must be bad at playing Othello¹!

“Ah…” But just when she went to pull the seat back to sit in it, she looked up and glanced between me and Azuki Azusa.

She hung her head and removed her hand, almost like a child who had done something bad.

“You can sit there, Tsutsukakushi-san.” Azuki Azusa shook her head.

“…No, I can sit in the corner. I like it more that way.”

“What are you talking about this late into the game? You’re not honest at all.”

“That’s not true. You should sit over there, Azuki-san.”

“Just sit down already.”

“I can’t.”

“Gaaah, listen to your Senpai! Come on!”

“Mm…”

“What’s your response?”

“Mmm…”

“Your response!”

“…Nyan…”

A weird back-and-forth started between the two, and it ended with Tsutsukakushi sitting down on the seat next to mine, fidgeting. Also, if there was someone who coincidentally happened to record that last ‘nyan’ sound Tsutsukakushi made, please send me the recording. I’ll sell it to her older sister for a good sum of money.

…Normally, Tsutsukakushi has a strong will. If she feels like it, she can emit a kind of strong pressure that can break almost anyone’s will. Whether it be someone older than her, or even a man, there had never been anyone who could win against her. But now Azuki Azusa can claim that title.

“…Alright, the super giant deluxe hamburger with a big portion of rice, Indonesian fried rice, chicken, pork, and beef animal mixed grill, as well as the salad bar… that’s all, right?”

After giving our orders to the waiter, Azuki Azusa lifted her index finger right in front of Tsutsukakushi’s nose. It was the gesture of an Onee-san teasing a cute little sister.

“Were you holding back because of the two of us? You idiot.”

“Azuki-san…”

“We just happened to be together today. Now we’re even.” She grinned and poked her finger into Tsutsukakushi’s cheek. “I know! Why don’t you come here with a certain someone next time? I’m too scared to ride it, but the roller coaster looks fun.” She spoke kindly as she gently rubbed Tsutsukakushi’s hair.

At the same time, I heard odd sounds of agony coming from Tsutsukakushi. Weirdly enough, Azuki Azusa looked a lot like an adult, even though she clearly wasn’t.

“I… see…”

—This is a bad end, isn’t it?

I finally understood it. I finally understood the real reason behind Azuki Azusa’s mysterious aura. What she was emitting at every point in time today was an odd sense of confidence. That was no need to gloss over things, and that the result was clear either way. There was almost a blasé air to it, like she was looking down at her opponent in a battle, fully aware that she had the upper hand.

“…Did something—”

Tsutsukakushi seemed to come to the same conclusion as I did. “Did something good happen today, Azuki-san?” She asked, fixing her hair.

“Oh, you could tell? Well, something did, but it’s not all that interesting.” Azuki Azusa put her index fingers together and paused for a bit. “…I had a dream.”

“A dream?”

“That’s why I feel like a chicken early in the morning. That’s all,” she said. She glanced at me for some reason.

“Don’t tell me. Was it…?” I was about to blurt it aloud, but I quickly stopped myself.

I had a worse premonition than a police officer during a morning call. The only thing waiting for me in that future is probably even worse ruin than before. At the same time, Tsutsukakushi tilted her head, slightly perplexed.

“I don’t think a dream is something to be so delighted about.”

“B-But if I keep dreaming, then it might be granted eventually. Of course, it was just a dream, nothing but a dream, a dream that is gone, but just in case it wasn’t a dream—”

—I had my first kiss.

I heard a cracking sound like space-time splitting open. It didn’t come from me. It came from the girl next to me.

“Every time I remember that dream, I feel like a lot of things don’t matter anymore. Like the world around me is so much more beautiful now. Ehehe!”

“…Is that so? It must have been a wonderful dream for you.”

“N-Not really!! It was just normal… And the person isn’t all that great, either…”

“Who was it? Maybe it was the sam—”

“Sam?”

“Excuse me. Maybe it’s someone I know.”

“I-It’s a secret! It feels wrong to say it out loud!” Azuki Azusa screeched and slapped her hands on the table.

Every time she did so, I heard more cracks from Tsutsukakushi and saw more veins popping from her forehead. These two really are enjoying themselves. As for me, though…

“………” Someone as hard-boiled as I did not dare utter a word.

Listen, dear reader. We’re merely talking about Azuki Azusa’s dream. Making a side comment here would be third-class. Changing the topic would be second-class. Killing your entire presence in the conversation is first-class. Yokodera-kun doesn’t exist here. For this brief moment, he exists nowhere in this world. I am the submarine Nautilus. My consciousness is drifting down into the abyss. I took some deep breaths, and—

Crack!

I heard a loud sound from my feet. I watched the glass fall from my hand in slow-motion. Captain Nemo must be in trouble, and an irregularity occurred in my nervous system as my fingertips started shaking. Before Yokodera-kun could dive deep into the abyss of the ocean, the glass torpedoed his futile attempts at escape.

“If only I have another kiss… But that won’t happen in reality, will it?”

Even the loud sound didn’t shatter Azuki Azusa’s daydreaming. Instead, the one who turned towards me was the jet black Demon Lord Tsutsukakushi. With emotionless eyes like a telescope, she stared at me.

“—Ohh?”

Muttering only that sound, she turned back to her previous position. Woah, what a discovery! A great discovery! I never thought that saying something like ‘Ohh?’ could inflict so much fear into every bone of my body! It’s sinking my submarine! Help!

“…By the way, Azuki-san. After this ‘dream’, what situation did you find yourself in?”

“C-Can you stop prying already? Trying to interpret someone else’s dreams must be boring, right?”

“By all means, no. It’s very interesting. Don’t you agree—Senpai?”

“M-Me?! Ah, well… I… I guess…”

The conversation above the water’s surface continued. To me, though, the only submersion I felt was that of my own sweat as it dripped from my body. My field of view felt heavy. My head hurt. My chest tightened up. Captain Nemo, we’re done for! We’ve been defeated! Evacuate the ship immediately! I grit my teeth and prepared myself for the worst.

“T-The thing is—”

“Ah, we ordered the salad bar, didn’t we?!” Azuki Azusa interrupted me.

She completely interrupted the confession I was planning with her high-level communication power.

“I’ll get everyone’s share, okay?!” She stood up.

Not knowing of the heavy battle happening below the sea, the happy Azuki Yacht cruised off towards the dining bar. With this, she had effectively left Tsutsukakushi and I alone.

*

One minute passed. Ten minutes passed. Thirty minutes passed. Azuki Azusa did not come back. I looked over at the clock, and I realized that only three seconds had passed.

“……”

“……”

A cold, awkward silence reigned between us. I stared at my sweat that had fallen to the table. If I looked over at Poseidon-chan, I was scared that I might die at sea. The pressure of the God of the Seas caused sweat to pour out of every opening my body had.

“……”

“……”

“……”

“……Well,” Tsutsukakushi said, “I’m winning in terms of length.” She muttered something that sounded like a chant.

Is she pronouncing my death or something? What is she going to use? A lengthy blade? A big knife?

“…No matter what you do with Azuki-san—the past belongs to me. I’ve known you for the longest time.” Tsutsukakushi continued after a brief silence.

“Eh? …What do you mean by that?”

I heard her get up from the chair. Immediately after that, she sat down on my lap.

“Eh, Tsu… Tsuki…?”

“………”

She didn’t say anything. She was looking away from me, not allowing me to see what kind of expression she was making. Is this some kind type of torture from back during the Edo Period? Is she trying to crush my legs? But is there any meaning to it if she’s this light? Isn’t she too light? Where does all the meat go that she eats? How can she be this soft? How is she this soft?

“It’s fine. Because I. Prayed. It’s not like I would tell you, though. Though. Though.” She grabbed my shirt, pulling on it and twisting on it like she wanted to leave traces of herself.

“Senpai is a dullard after all. After all. After all.”

“W-Wait a second, Tsutsu—”

“………” Her slender shoulders twitched.

Her small fingers reached up to my bangs and started pulling on them.

“Ah, no, Tsukiko-chan! Tsukiko! Wait, wait!”

“……”

The strength she put in her fingers lessened. However, she didn’t let go completely. She was still pulling on it like it was a punishment. As if she were trying to pay me back for something. Lost illusions inside my head were going round and round like a merry-go-round.

“But I’m the longest… So please understand that.” Tsutsukakushi still had her face downcast.

Her eyes didn’t try to look up at mine. Her tail-like hair looked like a sulking cat’s, drooping as well. Only her shoulders were resting against my chest. Something inside my head clicked. We were sitting in the corner of the restaurant. You could even say we lived in the corner of the world, the light barely hitting us. Like a long, dark tunnel, our surroundings were covered in shadow.

What kind of land awaited me when I slipped through the tunnel?

I stopped reading literature. I stopped seeing the world of heroes. I tried my best to think as the cat-like girl continued to pull on my hair while sitting on my lap.

---

1 A game similar to Reversi