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Track-and-field Diamond
There’s no way an actual hero would exist.
This realistic sensation is etched into your heart, like the roots of a giant tree, once you enter high school. There are no heroes. A chicken will never be able to fly. No adventure will ever await you. A girl won’t come falling down from the sky. The world will move on even without you.
To sum it up, the current world is boring. As it should be. Even without looking for it, everyone knows it… At least according to our common sense.
This happened in this boring world, on the most bothersome day of the week, during the time that’s normally the one saving grace of the day, namely during Monday’s lunch period.
“I didn’t think I would have to tell you this since you have some degree of common sense, but today is the limit…”
When I entered a room located on the first floor of the club building, the moment I sat down on the folding chair, the speech began. Even though I had been called here for a track-and-field club emergency meeting, there were oddly enough only three people present. However, that was the exact number needed, apparently.
“—Why do you keep fighting?” With her ponytail shaking like the mane of a lion, Steel-san rammed her hand against the nearby wall.
The small room’s walls shook from both the impact of this, as well as her dignified, loud voice.
“You will eventually follow in my footsteps and lead the track-and-field club to a new era. So when it comes to other club members, you have to hold a goal and be admired! You are to be someone who acts as their guiding light!” The appearance of Steel-san was truly that of a king.
She had almond eyes and a high bridge of the nose. The sight of her reminded me of a sharp blade; a perfect piece of artwork.
“Listen, you can become more like a hero. A real hero is strong and cool. They don’t fight with others like this! Show respect for other people! Be friendly with everyone! Did you never see the TanuRangers on Sunday morning TV?! It’s so much fun! Also, as a side note, I like TanuTanuRed the most!”
…Sadly, she would often drift away from the main topic to talk about nonsense. As for me, I was lost as to how to answer, when…
“I can’t be on good terms with this guy.” A hand was raised, and blunt words followed shortly after.
This girl had a hairband tying up her black hair into a short ponytail. She had glossy black eyes and an alto voice. The second-biggest chest of the track-and-field club was only held back by her jersey she admired.
“Hmmm…”
It was the person I just had a quarrel with during noon practice, as well as the person who had been called here with me: The vice president. She observed the world with a calm expression, not wavering at all in her opinion, which resulted in her being a member of the King’s cult, and the greatest member thereof. Additionally, she is the number one member of the Pervert-Rejection Movement. She doesn’t even bother to listen to what I have to say. She would rather forgive a murderer, thief, or traitor than show any kindness to Yokodera-kun. That’s how much she hates me.
“Perverts are just off-limits. Even if he dies. Also, can you just die already? Just leave the club already.” She felt no remorse saying this directly to a classmate.
Well, it’s not like I’m unaware of it. I just shrugged my shoulders. Considering all the girls in the club, it makes sense that criticism would befall me. At the very least, I wanted to be sincere and keep quiet, but…
“Also, that face is just indecent. You’re a walking sex offender. You breathe perversion. You openly steal underwear in broad daylight. You take home someone else’s bra to play with it at home.”
“H-Hold on! Can you not badmouth me like that?!”
“Well that’s what happened.”
“When you leave the process aside, that happening and reality aren’t the same!”
“Shut up, underwear fetishist. Don’t try to make excuses. You’re just a machine that shoots white liquid. What are you making a girl say, you pervert?”
“This is only hurting the two of us, so let’s stop, okay?!”
The vice president crossed her arms and kept spitting vitriol my way, her gaze still fixated on empty air. When I panicked and got up to stop her, she took a step back from me and put her hands in front of her chest to guard herself. It seems like that bra incident is still engraved in her mind!
“…You two.” With a face that looked like she had swallowed an insect, the King spoke. “Are you even aware of why I called you here?”
“Yes.” Ms. Vice, who was deeply in love with the club president, jumped in immediately. “Basically, we’ll do a strip version of rock, paper, scissors, and the one who wins will be the next club president.”
“Where did that come from?!”
“Don’t contradict me, pervert. I’m talking right now.”
“You’re involving me without my consent!”
“Stop nitpicking about everything. You want attention that badly? You pervert. You’re just an underwear fetishist.”
“I don’t remember having any fetish like that! You gave it to me as a present out of your own free will!”
“Hey. What did you just say? Why would there be a need for a baby shower gift between me and a pervert like you? Is your head okay?”
“What are you talking about?! You’re the one who’s talking nonsense!”
“…You two…” Steel-san furrowed her brow, and used her two arms to break us apart.
The vice president and I were separated like a pair of barking dogs. Somehow, it feels really fresh that Steel-san is being the mediator.
“Alright, I’ve made up my mind.” After a brief sigh, she put her hand on the clubroom’s sliding door.
Clack, a metallic sound rang out, signalling that the door had been locked.
“It is my duty as the club president to resolve any strife between club members. I will thus announce the track-and-field diamond plan! Until you create true bonds as friends, you shall not leave this room!”
“Eh?”
“Eh?”
Steel-san stood in front of the door like a statue. At the sight of that, the vice president’s voice and mine overlapped. I mean, both of us have classes this afternoon. As you can probably imagine, a boy and a girl skipping classes at the same time means that they are developing an unhealthy student life.
“Th-There’s no way I can stay here! I’m going back to my classroom!”
“Oh?”
Her voice was so deep that it sounded like it had crawled out of the ground. With just this one word, my legs froze up. But just when I thought I was done for, her expression softened.
“You two are always fighting verbally, but the moment the two of you are alone, you bind together tightly and act lovey-dovey. I just know it.”
“Huuuuuuuuuuh?!”
“Who would…”
I almost died coughing, and the vice president grew pale. If only for this brief moment, our feelings overlapped perfectly. Just what kind of idiot spread such a nonsensical rumour?!
“You don’t have to hide it. The one who confessed to it was Yokodera himself.”
“Meeee?!”
“Was it before or after the sports festival? After I saw the two of you holding a secret meeting behind the school building, you told me directly.”
“A-Ahhh…!” I realized what she was talking about.
I completely forgot about the horrible misunderstanding I had put in Steel-san’s head back then when she spotted me giving back the bra.
“When it’s just the two of you, you’re awfully clingy, but in front of others, you fight. What kind of attribute was this again? Tsundero? Tsunderu? Something like that? I meant to study it in my spare time, but it is a difficult topic…”
“Y-You don’t have to study any further than that!”
Eventually, she might approach my little brother and say ‘D-Don’t get the wrong idea! I-It’s not like I’m hitting you for your own sake or anything!’ while she proceeds to kill me.
“…Hey, pervert, what is this about?”
I felt killing intent directed at me from behind my back.
“What did you tell the club president, pervert? Speak up, pervert. Who’s a tsundere? Are you retarded? Don’t lump me together with the likes of you.”
“Mguh!?”
Out of rage, the vice president, her face beet red, wrapped her hands around my neck and lifted me up ever so slightly.
“I see. So as long as I am here, your embarrassment is more important than being honest. I am very much aware of how difficult this setting can be, so why don’t you let go of him now?”
“……Yes.”
When the generous Steel-san nodded, the vice president couldn’t argue back. Although she looked completely dissatisfied, she eventually freed me. Apparently, on top of holding the Steel King’s words as absolute, she also doesn’t even try to correct her. Being in a cult like that must be tough in a lot of ways, I thought as I separated from the vice president.
“…Well, for starters, I completely understand what you’re talking about, Club President! How should Tsunderu-san and I work together to show you our deep relationship?!” I moved right next to Steel-san.
Now that the king’s watchdog is targeting me, I have to win the favor of the King herself instead.
“For starters, how about you go die in a fire, pervert?” The vice president was glaring at me.
I’m pretty sure that, the moment it’s just the two of us, there will be a murder case that happens in the track-and-field club.
“Hmm… Now this reform will be worthy. I’m getting excited.” The club president for her part formed a fist as she stood in front of the vice president.
As always, Steel-san couldn’t be any less reliable. And thus, a slightly different afternoon from usual began.
*
“I have the perfect idea for the two of you who can’t be honest.”
Steel-san took several pieces of rolled-up drawing paper from her locker. I could see small words written on them.
“Why don’t we play a game to help the two of you get closer?”
“A game? What do you have in mind?”
“Tsukiko is always asking me to play this one, and it’s pretty fun to play.”
“Ohh, so your little sister made it.” I felt relieved.
I was scared of what she might do to us, but knowing that this game came from the world’s most reasonable moon child, I knew that it couldn’t be that bad. That reminds me, I wonder how these Tsutsukakushi sisters spend their time when it’s just the two of them. Judging from what Steel-san has said, Tsukiko-chan seems to be rather clingy with her older sister. I’m probably sure she came to her with this game so that she had a reason to spend time with Steel-san.
While imagining the indecent school-free days these sisters had, I didn’t even realize that Steel-san had started spreading these papers out on the floor. The first thing that entered my view were round circles with short sentences in the middle. The circles were connected with arrows to show the order, creating a route between start and goal. In the middle of the field was a single die.
“Listen. So the three of us put our pieces here. We’ll roll the dice and go around in order. You move forward the number of spaces indicated on the dice. The one who reaches the goal first is the winner. However, you have to do what’s written on the circle where your piece stops.”
“…Um.”
“This game has been tradition ever since the old Yamato1, as they called it the ‘King’s Sugoroku2’. I know that it is quite complicated and versatile. Do you understand the rules?”
“…Before even talking about the rules, I have a more fundamental problem.”
Isn’t Sugoroku something you should have graduated from about ten years ago? I vaguely remember playing that in kindergarten.
“Did you really play this with your little sister?”
“Indeed. However, the one we used was made by Tsukiko herself. When I saw the map for the game, I was shocked. It had things like ‘You must massage your family member’s waist’ or ‘You have to take a bath with your family member’ or ‘You have to sleep together with your family member.’ All of these were written with such cute handwriting!”
“R-Really?! That sounds a bit abrupt, doesn’t it?!”
“She must have awakened to her dormant desires. She really loves to be spoiled… Fufu. However, some spaces were a bit difficult.”
“Such as?”
“‘If you land on this square, go back to the start and practice your math problems’ or ‘Stop the game and practice some more English’ or ‘Become aware of your entrance exams for playing games like this’ or ‘Whatever is fine, just go study already’ or ‘There’s only half a year left until the exams’ or ‘Do you really think going on like this is fine?’ The board was full of weird orders.”
“Ahhh, okay…”
“Every time this happened, the game was put on hold as well. I would move, only to end up back at the beginning. I thought it would stop eventually, but…”
“…Don’t tell me. Were there six spaces like that all in a row?”
“Th-That’s exactly right! How did you know?”
“J-Just a feeling…”
I grew silent and looked at the six-sided dice on the ground below. Tsukiko-chan used her own body as bait in order to get her older sister to study.
“As of late, whenever I have some free time on my hands, Tsukiko approaches me about the game. It seems like the time of departure is still far off! No matter how many bodies I have, it won’t be enough!” Steel-san laughed gleefully.
From the sounds of it, your dear little sister is worried about your future.
“And that’s how I came up with this.”
“So this whole thing…”
“Indeed, I created a Sugoroku myself that would allow me to get even closer with Tsukiko!”
Sadly, the person in question was not aware of the danger that would befall her at this rate. Wiping away my tears while I thought about poor Tsukiko-chan, I glanced over the Steel-san version. Just as you would expect, the words were written with a heavy touch on the brush. They were written more like orders from an army lieutenant. After the starting space, the first three spaces were as follows.
‘Receive Tsukiko’s toothbrush and take a break for one turn.’
‘Receive Tsukiko’s bath towel and move forward two spaces.’
‘Receive Tsukiko’s bold black underwear and move back three spaces.’
She’s dropping names! Also, does that last item really exist in reality?!
“…We’re going to play this?”
“I understand your worries, but do not fret. In the beginning it only has Tsukiko’s name, but we can count these spaces just as a test run. From there on out, it will be a game everyone can enjoy.”
“Yeah, after the fourth space, I don’t see your little sister’s name anymore, but…”
“Not to mention, I came up with a very special event for the sixth space. The moment you stop there, you will become good friends in the blink of an eye! A great stimulus to get closer with great celebration! Yes!”
“……”
“Hm? Why aren’t you saying anything?”
“W-Wow! Amazing!”
Steel-san was clearly excited. Why can’t she use that motivation for better things? The vice president, who had been quiet for a while now, spoke up.
“Are we really doing this?”
“Of course. Do you have any problem with it?”
“None at all. But… hmph.” She muttered in a faint voice.
I felt like I heard an oddly cute voice at the end there, but once a rotten Steel Cultist, always a rotten Steel Cultist. She can’t go against the demands of the God of her cult. She must loathe the very idea of playing a game like this to get on better terms with me. I don’t want this, either. I can only see a dark future where I get verbally abused by the vice president. As if she was seeking help, the vice president directed her gaze to the board, but quickly came to a halt.
“This is…”
Her quivering fingers pointed at a space just past the Tsukiko-chan zone.
‘Have the person you like pat you on the head.’
One finger was pointed at this space, whereas the other was directed at her head. No words followed, as if she was signaling something.
“What, you want to get patted on the head? I guess I can’t help it, then. I’ll go ahead and…”
“Break every single bone in your entire body and then go die in hell, pervert.”
“You really don’t hesitate to say scary things!”
Ignoring my shock, the vice president turned towards the president.
“If I stop there, will you pat me on the head, Club President?”
The club president nodded.
“If you want me to. The orders of the King’s Sugoroku are absolute, after all.”
“Let’s play it. Right now.” The vice president’s eyes sparkled.
Like a horse preparing for a race, she picked up the dice and started practicing rolling a four.
“What should I do about this?” I was behind her, scratching my cheek.
The vice president wants to get closer to the club president by playing Sugoroku. At the same time, the club president wants me and the vice president to get along. That’s perfectly fine. But neither the vice president nor I actually plan on doing anything like that, and even if some progress happens, it’ll just involve me getting broken bones. There is no merit whatsoever to playing this game. Though things would be different if I had Tsukiko-chan next to me… Wait, Tsukiko-chan?
“Club president! There is one thing I would like to confirm!”
“What is it? You look a bit more excited now.”
“In these first few spaces, it talks about your little sister, right? So if I stop there, will I get these items?”
“Well, I did prepare them for the occasion, and I’m ready to hand them over… But that should have no relation to the game itself. Do you want these objects, by any chance?”
“No no, I just wanted to confirm it. There is no deeper meaning to it… Haha…”
—I totally want that stuff! They’re a SS rare item! If I get a one three times in a row, I’ll be a Tsukiko-chan millionaire! The vice president and I started trying to steal the dice from each other. Seeing that the two of us were motivated, the club president flashed a kind smile.
“Very well. If you’re that motivated, I feel it was worth creating this. Maybe we should play this with the other club members on rainy days.”
“The Neo Track-and-field club! It’s the best!”
“As long as the two of you are happy, then so am I. The track-and-field club is my pride and joy, so I want everyone to enjoy it as much as I do.”
“Club president…”
The smile she showed was, unlike her age, awfully youthful. I don’t know why, but I don’t think this expression is fair. It makes my back itch and I want to embrace her. Am I sick or something?
“…Hey, are we playing or not?” Tsunderu-san spoke up to ruin the good mood, stabbing at me with her toes.
I really don’t think girls should open up their legs to such an extent. Either way, the three of us looked at different spaces on the board as we sat around the paper. Each of us with their own desires to fulfill, the game finally began.
After a brief round of rock, paper, scissors, the order was decided to be the vice president first, then the club president, then me. We used the whistles from the track-and-field club for player pieces.
“Four, four, four, four, come on, come on, come on, come on.”
The vice president was only focused on the space that said ‘Have the person you like pat you on the head’. Like she was praying, she folded her hands and let the die loose. It bounced on the ground, rolling from two to six, and from six to four—
“Come on!”
However, it did one final turn, and eventually landed on ‘Five’.
“……Hmph.” The vice president frowned.
She briefly stopped at the space she originally wanted, and moved her piece one space further. Written on there was: ‘Become a kitty, and rest for one turn.’
“……”
“……”
What kind of sense does Steel-san have? The vice president and I briefly exchanged glances as we confirmed all the things we wanted to say but couldn’t, immediately averting our eyes again.
“Hmph. Easy enough.” The vice president shrugged her shoulders and raised one hand like the paw of a kitten.
“Nya nya nyan. There, over—”
“Don’t underestimate a kitty!” Steel-san denied her efforts at full force. “You cannot become a cat, you have to become a kitty! Do you understand?”
No. No I don’t.
“A kitty is the cat of cats, overflowing with charm, obedience, and coquetry! Basically, Tsukiko! Kitty Izu Tsukiko Izu Beautiforu!”
Even if she says it in broken English, I don’t get it at all.
“Listen, Vice Club President. If you were to accept this half-baked attempt at acting like a kitty, whenever I make Tsukiko act like a kitty in the future, I will be reminded of this mockery. Is this not the greatest possible loss to the world as a whole?!”
Just what do you make Tsukiko-chan do when the two of you are alone?!
“Things have to be perfectly balanced. Thus, I will turn my heart into steel and force you to act like an actual kitty. It is tough for me, so please understand…”
I still think that the person who will be troubled by this the most is Tsukiko-chan. But to contradict me before I could retort…
“Eh. Ah. Yes. I see. That makes sense.” The vice president was clearly at a loss, her eyes wide open.
Whenever Steel-san’s little sister is involved in the situation, she turns into some sort of tyrannical beast. Since I’ve already contracted the Tsukiko-chan virus, I’m used to it, but for other people, the stimulus must be too great.
“Club president, I don’t think you have to force her…”
“Hm?”
“It is still too early for the vice president to make it to our level. Since she’s on a different level, we have to stay with her for the long run.” I tried to be as sincere as possible.
“…Urk. Shut up, pervert.” For some reason, the vice president barked at me. She faced the vice president. “What should I do to become a perfect kitty? Teach me, please. I’ll try my best again.”
“That is the vice president I put faith in. First, lie down on the floor.”
“Okay…!”
Though the vice president glanced at me for a brief second, she did as she was told.
“That’s right. Put your belly out more! Look at me with dampened eyes like you’re begging me!”
“……”
However, the actual demands were much more cruel than I expected. The vice president laid on the ground facing upwards as she slowly pulled the hem of her jersey top upwards, acting like a beckoning cat. She let out a cute ‘Nyaa’ and kicked her legs up and down.
“Woah…”
How do I put it? Well, disregarding the idea of Tsukiko-chan doing this, since it was the vice president with her fairly well-developed body, this looked more like an adult video than anything.
“Don’t stare at me like that, pervert…”
The kitty’s face was flushed beet red, and she averted her face like she wanted to escape from me. But the gesture of her legs and her round palms don’t change anything. As for the follower of the Club President’s cult, the words of the King were the words of God. If she is ordered around like this, she is to swallow all embarrassment and humiliation and bear with it. Isn’t this the perfect material for some summer and winter festival3 lewd magazine?
“…Very well. I have no complaints anymore.”
Until Steel-san gave an OK-sign, the vice president continued to meow. I know that she’s pretty amazing for putting up with this, but I think I deserve some praise for actually making it through watching.
The next one to roll the die was Steel-san.
“My turn now, huh? Let’s see… Six.”
“Six, indeed. Isn’t this the special event that allows you to be close right away?”
“That being said, I had completely forgotten about this event. Even though I made this Sugoroku, I can enjoy it myself for the first time.”
“It seems like you truly enjoy life itself, Club President.”
“Ha ha ha, indeed, indeed… Hm? Are you praising me?”
“S-Six spaces, was it?! It says ‘Everybody hugs each other and shares love’!”
“Hmm… perfect timing.” Steel-san grabbed the vice president’s hand and pulled her closer, tightly embracing the girl who was still embarrassed from acting like a cat.
“You did well. This is the vice club president I know and respect. You can be proud of yourself.”
“Eh.”
“Let’s work together from now on as well.”
Steel-san softly whispered words of praise into the vice president’s ears.
“Awa. Awawa. Awawawa…” The vice president nodded wildly like a cuckoo clock.
Her face was turning beet red. Of course, I can imagine that the girl must be happy about this, but so am I. Two girls hugging each other has some kind of soothing feeling to it. I have to burn this sight into my eyes! While I was busy appreciating the beauty of the King’s Sugoroku, Steel-san suddenly let go of the vice president, who was on her way to heaven.
“Next it’s your turn, Yokodera.”
“Eh? I-I’m fine! I’m a boy, after all!”
“What are you saying? Don’t tell me you have the wrong idea! I told you that the club members are like brethren to me. This is just to lessen the exhaustion on your body, with no other intent behind it.” Steel-san smiled comfortingly.
Well, I know that she allows for shared club practice between the club members. This is the track-and-field clubroom, and I am a member of said club. There is no reason to feel weird in any way.
“Then, a bit should be fine…”
While feeling a faint glimmer of guilt inside me, I gave in with my body.
“Very well. You’ve been a great assistant to me as well.”
“No, that’s not…”
“There’s no need to hold back. One day, the others will understand your strong nature.” Steel-san kindly hugged me.
I felt her soft marshmallows pressing against me here and there. A sweet, Onee-san-like scent wafted up from her nape. The scent stimulated my son greatly. If only she weren’t Steel-san, she would be an ideal girl. But I can’t imagine a Steel-san who isn’t Steel-san. Feeling that I was reaching my limit, I tried to pull away from her, but Steel-san wouldn’t let me escape from her arms.
“…Um? I think this is long enough?”
“Grrr…” Steel-san blinked, looking at my face at a close distance.
“W-What happened?”
“Well… I don’t know… you two brothers just look like the exact same person…”
“C-Club president?”
“This is weird… What is this sensation…? Even though you are two different people…”
“Hello? Anyone there?”
“Y-You’re wrong. This is not… I’m not cheating or anything… I should be a loyal… a loyal woman…”
Apparently, Steel-san was lost deep in thought. She separated from me and crouched down in the corner of the room. She held her head in confusion like a robot who doesn’t know how to act like a human being.
“Are you not feeling well? Should I take you to the nurse’s office?”
“This isn’t the problem… Ah, no, I see!” Steel-san snapped her fingers.
I’ve got a really bad feeling from this… Whenever she snaps her fingers, it’s always because she’s come up with something that ends up hurting me in the end.
“Indeed, I am not feeling very well~”
“…Club president?”
“It seems like I really need to get to the nurse’s office, but I’m not feeling well, so I can’t move properly~ Could you maybe help me, Yokodera?” Steel-san threw her body on the ground, openly indicating that her guard was down.
“…Are you telling me to carry you?”
“Indeed! Since you are the older Yokodera brother, I wouldn’t have any wicked feelings just from being carried! That feeling I just had was fake! And this will prove it! This is my holy war!”
“I don’t get it at all!”
“You don’t have to!”
Steel-san seemed like she was fighting something, but I had no idea what that could be. As a member of the track-and-field club, all I know is that I have to help her. Steel-san closed her eyes tightly, looking like a starfish who was waiting to be picked up. Should I carry her piggyback or in my arms? Which is better? Hah, there’s no need to even hesitate. If I carry her on my back, her two giant bulges will press against my back, and nobody will blame me for it since I’m just helping her.
“Then let’s go.”
“Y-You’re carrying me in front?!”
I carried Steel-san sideways, which she apparently didn’t appreciate all too much, and she started squirming. Her ponytail shook left and right like a white flag symbolizing surrender.
“Careful! I’ll drop you!”
“Th-This isn’t what I expected! Put me down!” She opened her eyes and naturally found my face right in front of her. “Ugh…”
Frozen still like Snow White sleeping, Steel-san now didn’t even move a finger. The two of us were just staring at each other. I could tell how long her eyelashes were, and how much they were shaking.
“……”
“………”
“…Club president…”
“W-What ish it?! N-No, what is it?!”
“You’re lighter than you look.”
Steel-san’s face blushed even more.
“Ah, I didn’t mean that in a negative way. I was just praising you.”
“Gaaaaah!” Steel-san suddenly started screaming. She balled herself up like a caterpillar and fell to the ground on her own.
After that, she went on her knees and prostrated herself in front of me.
“What direction is the Yokodera Household in?!”
“D-Direction?! I think over there…”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’m an indecent woman! A bad woman! I wavered for a moment! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
Steel-san proceeded to apologize fiercely towards the direction that I had pointed in. Seriously, the heck is going on? Who is she apologizing to? I guess that thinking about it too much will only bring me misfortune, too.
Time passed.
“…Hey, what did you do to the club president?”
The vice president had returned from her trip to heaven via express mail, and was now pointing at me with a glare.
“I didn’t do anything! Also, you must have seen it, right?”
“I saw you rubbing your thick frankfurter against the club president’s cheek. Hey, what are you thinking about? You pervert.”
“Just say if you didn’t see anything! Also, how does it make you feel to imagine something like that with the club president you adore so much?!”
“…Now just wait, you two.” Steel-san stopped her Muslim procedure and shook her head at us. “This is a problem that I have to take care of all on my own, so don’t mind me. I’m sorry! Yes, it’s all just fine. I’m sorry!”
“It doesn’t look fine at all!”
“That’s right. Yes. Is it the pervert’s fault? Is it his fault, isn’t it?”
“A-Again, you’re wrong! Let’s just continue with the game! If not, then I won’t pat you on the head anymore no matter where you land, vice club president!”
“Awawa. Hurry up already, pervert. Roll the die already, pervert.”
“Well… if you’re fine with it, then I guess it’s okay…”
I decided to stop caring, and I did as I was told. I’m sure these two don’t know. I actually have a surefire technique that will allow me to land in the Tsukiko-chan zone. You don’t throw the die from above. You spin it on its side. You make it so one, two, and three are up on the top, and any number larger than that will always end up on the bottom. As long as the dice doesn’t bump into anything, either one, two, or three should always end up on top. This is a technique Ponta taught me when we were playing strip games. Judging from how the vice president has been rolling, it’s safe to assume that she has no strip game experience. What a shame! I guess I’ll just teach her thoroughly!
“—There!” I threw the dice out at the moment which felt the most pleasant to me.
After a long sideways spin, the number that came out on top—was three!
“Alright!”
I moved forward three spaces, and once again looked at the board.
‘Receive Tsukiko’s bold black underwear, and move back three spaces.’
“There it is!” I slammed my hand on the ground.
Of all the spaces, I had just so happened to end up on that one. If I really were to receive something like that, rather than going back to the beginning, I would probably have to remake my entire life.
“W-Well, it’s just a game, we don’t have to…”
Steel-san was holding her head in disbelief.
“…A woman won’t go back on her word. Whatever is written on this King’s Sugoroku is law. I will take one from the closet at home…”
“S-Something like that really exists?! Tsukiko-chan actually has that?!”
“This would violate her privacy, so I cannot add a statement of my own.”
“You don’t have any right talking about privacy after stealing said object from your little sister!”
This is an alarming problem. My pure and proper image of Tsukiko-chan will be ruined! My status as the Tsutsukakushi Connaisseur will be revoked! In the face of despair, I shook Steel-san’s shoulders, while meanwhile—
“Huh?” The vice president closely stared at the paper and raised her voice in a confused manner. “Something else is written on there.”
“Eh?”
“Hm?”
The three of us took a closer look at it. With very small writing, something had been added to the command.
‘Receive (someone except) Tsukiko’s bold black underwear, and move back three spaces.’
“W-What did you say…?” Steel-san blinked in confusion. “I don’t remember writing this.”
“Then who else added this?! I cannot forgive such a horrendous prank! …Ah! I know!”
“Why are you looking at me, pervert? No, don’t open your mouth, pervert. Don’t even breathe.”
“Did you just write this, Tsunderu-san? In the sense of ‘I’ll only allow Yokodera-kun to get my underwear, and nobody else’s!’ maybe? Just kidding!”
“Tear all 650 muscles in your body and die a horrible death, you underwear fetishist.”
“……”
I tried to make a joke, but ended up being hit by the lead weapon of her words, immediately regretting everything I had just said. The End. While the vice president and I were glaring at each other, Steel-san once again held her head.
“Grr… I don’t know what happened, but the orders of the King’s Sugoroku are absolute… It can’t be helped. I’ll use my own to…”
“C-Club president?! A-A-Are you sure?!” I had a hard time speaking.
“No! You can’t!” The vice president panicked and got between me and the club president, shaking her head.
She got up and went to her own locker. From the inside, she took out a skirt… No, a bra… not that either, something black at least. She tightly grasped it and hesitated for a second. She bit her lips.
“Take this, you pervert.” She made up her mind, and handed me a pair of black—socks?
“…There’s a lot of things I would like to call into question here, but for starters… are these underwear?”
“Are socks something you wear on the outside of your clothes?”
“I… don’t think so?”
“Then they count as underwear. This should be enough to tickle your fetishism. At this rate, you’ll dirty the club president. A pair of socks isn’t too embarrassing. I can get used to the white liquid from one person. I should be able to. Once you’re done, move on with your turn. There is no other meaning to it, so just move on, pervert.” She continued to speak without being asked to.
With her face averted, she quickly returned to her seat.
“………”
I could only gaze at the socks in my hands for a while. It felt like something similar had happened before. No matter what her mouth might have said, she still forced her underwear on me. There’s only one way I can take this, and it’s the wrong way. Basically, the vice president—is an underwear fetishist, a new one on top of that. She gets excited by giving someone else her underwear, instead taking it from someone. I feel a highly perverted aura emanating from her that could even rival mine.
“This is bad…”
I’m getting the shivers. It can feel them running down my spine, just like a samurai encountering someone stronger than him. At the same time, I had an odd desire to get to know her better. I might be able to profit from it in all sorts of ways.
“—You’ve changed.” The vice president said as I gave her a kind smile.
“…Eh?”
“You weren’t the type of person to be happy about getting underwear.”
“W-What are you talking about?! It’s not like I…!”
“You’re different from last year. You were more passionate and diligent about the track-and-field club. Even though you constantly caused discord, especially with the club president and the club members, you were still the lubricant who kept the club going smoothly. As a fellow club member, I respected you.”
“That’s…”
“Don’t open your mouth, pervert. I don’t want to hear another word out of you. You’re nothing but a pervert right now.”
That’s… just because I couldn’t hide my honest feelings with my facade anymore. And that is, undoubtedly, a good thing. Good honest feelings win against bad facade… Is that really the case? For some reason, my chest ached.
“Vice president, I…”
“At the very least, you weren’t the type of person who’d take back a bra you received from a girl with no questions asked. I can’t believe you would be zealous about taking it home and using it every night. What do you plan on doing with my socks this time? How indecent can you be? Just imagining it makes my back muscles shiver. You damned pervert.”
“………”
“Just put the socks in your pocket already. Give them back tomorrow. You don’t have to wash them, either.”
“…Um, Tsunderu-san, are you actually enjoying this by any chance?”
“All 350 joints in your body can just twist in the opposite direction to kill you painfully, you pervert. As if I would. Impossible. I don’t think so. Probably. I don’t really get it.”
“You just subconsciously outed yourself!”
She’s clearly an underwear fetishist!
“When I think about it, I really respected you during the first year, but I really hate fawning bastards like you. Adding that to my current evaluation, not much has changed. You damned pervert.” The vice president spoke with no remorse whatsoever.
I really don’t understand how much of this is her joking, and how much of this is just her honestly verbally abusing me!
“………Hm.”
On the other hand, Steel-san apparently grew tired of all her apologizing, and she looked at us with an envious gaze.
“Yeah, you two can be close if you really want to be.”
“Not at all!” “Impossible.”
Our voices overlapped again.
“…Since the vice president gets one turn skipped, it’s my turn now…” Steel-san rolled the dice. “If something weird pops up again… if I’m forced to do something horrible again… I don’t have the confidence that I could forgive myself…” She groaned like a child in her growth spurt.
As it turns out, the one who’s receiving the most damage is the person who came up with this game to begin with. But now that she’s started it, she has to stay until the bitter end, because this is how the mafia is run. Steel-san’s roll landed on another six.
“Uuu… what does it say this time? I don’t want to read it…”
“Umm…’Kiss everyone and share some love’…Huh?!” I almost died from a coughing fit.
What even is this?! Steel-san must have been crazy in the head when she created this! Not to mention that she looks close to breaking out in tears. Because of her own game!
“W-What should I do…? I won’t be able to face him again…” She looked up at me, and then started crying for real.
Seriously, can you not?
“—There’s something else written here as well.” The vice president spoke up with a poisonous tone. “‘Look on the back’, it says.”
“Back?”
The handwriting resembled the one from the previous ‘Someone except’ part. We took off our player pieces and turned the paper over. We were greeted by pure white paper, except a few words written in the corner, which seemed to be a girl’s handwriting.
‘First: There are things you can do in a game, and things you definitely shouldn’t do.
Second: The people who blindly obey the rules of this Sugoroku are weird.
Third: Do you really have the time to be making this, Nee-san?’
“……”
“……”
“……”
The three of us just looked at each other.
“Let’s wrap things up here…”
“Yeah…”
“…Yup.”
The three of us reached immediately agreement, and apologized towards this handwriting.
*
We heard the chime ringing outside the window. It signaled the beginning of the sixth period. In the end, we ended up skipping almost all our afternoon classes.
“Let me analyze the results of this closely.” Steel-san said as she started work on a letter of apology she could give to her little sister. “The track-and-field diamond plan had a progress rate of 80%…?”
“I’ve never seen any progress of the sort!” I sat in one corner of the clubroom, and the vice president sat in the opposite corner as far away from me as possible.
We’re both quite exhausted from the ordeal. What we gained was priceless. It was a truly horrible game.
“People just have certain affinities for other people. Even if the vice president is absolutely against getting along with me, that can serve as another cause to help the club shine.”
“That is impossible.” Steel-san bluntly denied what I said. “The track-and-field club diamond plan does not rely on shining gems. Instead, it relies on the diamond people. I needed your assistance for that.”
“Huh.”
“The two of you will become two sides of the diamond. With another side or two, we get four sides. Meaning that if you add the younger Yokodera brother and I, it’s already four, so the plan was to go on a diamond double date, and experience that…”
“Huh?!”
I hit my head against the wall. Now that she mentions it, she was always highly interested in the customs of youth nowadays.
“I saw it written in an old magazine inside the storehouse. If you have trouble asking out someone with just the two of you, you can easily invite them with the pretense of it being a double date. I’ve been thinking about it carefully. Your younger brother always shows bold indifference towards my invitations. That’s why I wanted to ask for your help. Help from the people of the track-and-field club who I trust… so that things can work out… with my hero…” Steel-san tapped her fingertips together and started blushing.
The very last part she spoke in a voice too quiet for me to understand. She always seems to be having so much fun. Even the heroes that don’t exist in my world might be a part of hers.
“How do I put it…? Well…”
I so want to hug her if she continues making that face! It won’t happen, but in the random chance that my younger brother starts going out with Steel-san, he might end up being spoiled rotten. However, someone else shattered my fantasies.
“—Going on a date with a pervert is impossible.” The vice president spoke up.
“Well, I expected as much.”
“The double date will become a double night date. That’s what you were imagining. Right, you pervert?”
“Nobody said anything like that, okay?!”
“It’s impossible for me. A double date is ridiculous. Not happening. I’d rather die. Or, if anything, you die first, pervert. Die and turn into a flower instead. If you die, everything is over. There is nothing more tough than dying. I guess dying is the better choice.”
“…Tsunderu-san?”
“However, if it’s the club president’s wish, then it can’t be helped. When are we doing it?” The vice president gave me a glance and shrugged her shoulders.
As a result of that, the club president started to thoroughly work on part two for the diamond plan.
“Ehhh…?” I was left clueless.
I really have no idea what to think of this girl. All the time.
“…How? Why? For what reason…?”
For some reason, this Tsunderu-san started to act like an actual Tsundere-san now. However—as I scratched my cheek, I screamed at the top of my lungs (at least inside my head), voicing my opinion about this realistic world.
—A fantasy like this will never happen!
1 Basically the old name for Japan
2 In this case, probably comparable to Snakes and Ladders.
3 He says festival, but he’s probably talking about NatsuComi and FuyuComi
CClaw Translations 
I hope the misunderstanding about the MC having a brother is solved soon. It’s not a good one…
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