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Everyone’s Answer!
The closing ceremony ended, and it was currently 5.15 pm. In the hallway in front of the particular future course clubroom, illuminated by the setting sun…it was an illusionary, emotional, corrupted afternoon. As there were no attractions on the 5th floor, there was nothing to clean up either. Basically, nobody would come up here either…or so it should have been. I wanted to spend some time in the clubroom as it had chairs and desks, but the door was locked. Seeing no other option, I sat down in front of the door, leaning against it…
I’m bad with crowds. I just wanted to be alone for a bit. There are students who don’t participate in the after-festival after cleaning up, right? …It’s over, huh. The festival ended. Of course, with still only 9987 visitors, unable to reach the 10,000 visitors we had aimed for. Naturally, I don’t particularly mind that at all, but as for Chisaka-senpai…After all, her regret does actually bother me, contrary to her goal. Of course, doing anything about it now is impossible. We can’t just open up the culture festival a fourth time on Monday, and we can’t invite outsiders to the after-festival either, nor can we go back in time with a time machine. With these thoughts in mind, thinking about Chisaka-senpai, the person in question appeared from the stairs—
“…Secretary? What are you doing here?”
“My class held a stage play on the second day, right? We already finished cleaning up everything yesterday.”
“Hmm, I see.”
“So, do I look like the type of person who’d go to an after-festival?”
“Urk…Y-You don’t, no…”
“However, if I don’t help with cleaning up once the after-festival is done, Hirahara-sensei will give me an earful, so until the after-festival is done, I’m just trying to kill time here. Well, there’s still the case with Aramiya and Akizuki that I have to worry about…”
“Is…that so…” Chisaka-senpai averted her gaze from me, flashing a self-depreciative and almost cynical smile.
If I had to guess, she probably didn’t want to meet anybody right now, and now feels awkward that she ran into me. Realizing that even the smallest thing like that didn’t work out, she now feels even more emotional. Right now, limited to this moment in time, she probably feels exhausted at talking with others and feels the pain of being in the center of attention. I might ask her in regards to that.
“What about you, Chisaka-senpai…?”
“I…wanted to be alone for a bit…”
Her answer wasn’t that far off from what I had anticipated, but the fact that she said it out loud, exclaiming her weakness, shows that this is pretty serious…So…Eh? She suddenly sat down next to me? We’re on the fifth floor, all alone, so there’s really no need to sit down right next to me… Now then, what to do about this…
“Chisaka-senpai.”
She sat down while embracing her legs, burying her face in her knees, evidently sulking. No response came from her either. She was like a small animal. At times like these, I think it’d be best to ask straightforward questions.
“Are you frustrated?”
“……Agreed. I don’t intend on becoming a human that can just flat-out say ‘Well, whatever’ during times like these.”
Despite that, her face and voice seemed so calm and rational…I mean, she does have an agitated tone in her voice but compared to what she should be feeling right now, it’s nothing like that…Of course, there’s no way she’s calm. She can’t just prepare for the next one, nor can she just give up and say ‘Whatever’. However, putting up and swallowing it all down will only make things crueler. Honestly speaking, it hurt to watch her. I didn’t want to see her like that. Probably to the same point that I don’t want to see Kasuga in pain either. That’s why…
“Chisaka-senpai.”
“Yes?”
“…As far as I can see, you are an amazing person, Chisaka-senpai. I genuinely respect you.”
Let me say it. Put it into words. It’d be far too convenient if she could just guess what I was thinking.
“—Fueh?” Chisaka-senpai let out a baffled voice.
“………” I used silence to emphasize my previous statement.
“………Wah!? S-Secretary!? What did you just…”
“Should I say it again? From my point of view, Chisaka-senpai is an amazing person. I genuinely respect you.”
“………”
Despite me saying it again, Chisaka-senpai met my words with silence. However, shortly after, like seething water, her face turned beet red, steam rising from her head.
“S-Secretary!? W-What’s wrong, so suddenly!?”
Ohhh, she’s confused, alright. Panicking, even. Her face is as red as a tomato.
“You might be the smallest out of all of us, but there’s nobody in the club who works harder than you. The results show, as well. You’re more mature than all of us, more functioning as a human being, more down to earth than Kasuga or Aramiya, and better at dealing with other people than Akizuki and I combined. If you stopped with that odd way of speaking, you’d probably be very popular with the boys, and I mean that.”
“Fueh!? Eh!? Awa…awawa…!” Now her face looked like a red apple.
Is she not used to being praised like that? Or maybe it’s just because it comes from a boy her age, which is what she’s not used to? She’s more pure and innocent than I anticipated. However, there are still things I need to say despite that. I need her to realize that, no matter what it takes. Even if it’s the complete opposite of what she feels like…Even if it hurts her in the process.
“At the same time—”
“A-At the same time?”
“You don’t really put that much trust in other people, do you?”
“…Eh?”
“If I said that you don’t have any trust in others, you would get angry at me, asking where I’ve been looking this entire time, but if I change my way of phrasing it, then you’re probably cautious of other people, no?”
Like the frozen surface of the water, Chisaka-senpai looked at me in disbelief, evidently shocked. We may be part of the same club, and I like Chisaka-senpai as a person, but if I beat around the bush any more than this, it’ll sound like a lie…
“How do I say this, Chisaka-senpai…”
“………”
“You think that it’s embarrassing to cry in front of other people, right?”
“……Ah.”
It must have been subconsciously because that faint ‘Ah’ of hers made it sound like she caught on to something, and probably pointed her towards something positive? Or rather, because she couldn’t put it into words, she needed someone else to translate what she felt.
“First of all, humans are selfish and egotistical beings. At the very least, that’s what I think. All of this ‘One for all and all for one’ nonsense that loners often say is a pure sophism. It’s all self-deceit. Other people don’t matter if you’re in the center of the problem. That’s why, the kindest people may remember you when you were crying, offering a hand to help you, but even then, it barely takes a week for those memories to be gone, or they’re just faintly remaining in the back of their head. Humans are just that heartless.”
“B-Basically…?”
“Even if you cry to let out all your frustration, people may see it as embarrassing, but nobody will remember it anyway.”
“They may see it as embarrassing, but won’t remember, is it…”
You can’t mistake the two by any means. Harboring a feeling and actually remembering it are two different things.
“Following that, only you can see your own feelings. Doing something embarrassing, feeling shame about that, other people can’t see that. Plus…when doing something bad, and feeling guilty, everything can be resolved with an apology. Eminent figures and whoever think that a person’s determination and will can change the world, but that doesn’t have anything to do with feelings themselves, and are rather tied to communication.”
“You’re saying that it’s fine for me to cry in front of others, and be embarrassed, but I shouldn’t be too hung up on that?”
“Thirdly, the majority of people…or, well, that might be a bit too vague, but at least I personally don’t think anything of Chisaka-senpai crying because you’re frustrated. It’s not that I won’t remember it, but I don’t particularly see it as something crazy in the first place.”
“Really…?” Chisaka-senpai looked up at me.
Slowly but steadily, her eyes started to grow watery.
“‘Let’s do our best!’ or ‘Let’s keep moving forward!’ or ‘Let’s get to know more people!’, you hear that a lot…words meant to emphasize the human potential and strength, but in the end, humans are far weaker living beings than we’d like to accept. I personally think that showing weakness isn’t any bother for other people.”
“~~~!”
“It’s normal for people to be hurt, and then cry to ease the pain. It’s a physical and mental phenomenon. And right now, your heart is hurt, no?”
“…Sniff…hic…”
“That’s why you can cry, Chisaka-senpai.”
Even speaking this far, Chisaka-senpai didn’t break. Well, I could see a tear or two, no doubt. However, she immediately wiped that away, and…
“Why…why are you being so kind to me…Normally, you would treat me like a child…!”
So she’s really asking that, huh. I mean, no matter how much of an evil tsundere I am, easily influenced by other people to the point I’d rather just tag along instead of dealing with the in-between, I clearly am being too considerate towards her this time around. However, even if I have Kasuga, even if this isn’t a confession, I still have to say it…I see, that’s what Hirahara-sensei wanted to tell me.
“Amidst the club, right after Kasuga, I probably like you the most, Chisaka-senpai.”
………
…………
……………
…………………
“S-Stop, please. Wait a moment.”
“Will do.”
“…Like?”
“Yes. Only after Kasuga though.”
“Secretary does?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Me?”
“Yes, Chisaka-senpai.”
“As friends?”
“Well…If there existed a parallel universe where Kasuga didn’t drag me into the club, and she didn’t confess to me, then I’m sure that I would probably come to like you, Chisaka-senpai.”
“W-Why would you…?”
If she asked me that, she really must be confused, huh. And, she most likely has no confidence in herself. If this was Aramiya, I definitely wouldn’t say something like that.
“You don’t get it?”
“N-No…”
“Are you stupid?”
“Excuse me!?”
“You’re working hard to improve the relationships in your family, no? Not to mention that you’re not even the parent, you’re the daughter. On top of that, you’re acting as the president of a company. You give up on your sleep in order to study, improving even further. As if that wasn’t enough, you wish for your father not to have to worry about you, showing your enjoyment of your own youth in every possible way. Even from a loner’s point of view, seeing such a hard-working girl…there’s no way I wouldn’t be charmed by you, you know?”
“Hawawawawa…”
This time, her eyes were spinning for a different reason compared to before. It felt like a certain passion was burning in her eyes, and her cheeks were redder than ever.
“That’s why, Chisaka-senpai…”
“Y-Yes!”
“Don’t switch your method with your goal.”
“…Huh? Eh?”
“……” I stayed silent.
“What…do you…?”
Chisaka-senpai seemed surprised at the sudden change of topic, but I continued nonetheless. There’s still something left to do. Although it will mean that I have to trample over her feelings.
“As the culture festival execution committee president, you wanted to make the festival a resounding success. However, your own goal was to make your family get along again, yes? This culture festival was there so you could show your father how well you were doing, no?”
“That…is true, but…”
“If so, then there’s a way to recover things.”
“Really!?” Chisaka-senpai seemed excited beyond belief.
Of course, I get why she would be. In exams, sports, games, everybody loves a good comeback story. Doesn’t matter if you’re a loner or normie. In reality, the only difference between those two is the method of how they would turn the situation back around. In other words…
“Ignoring that the culture festival happened, there’s another method which allows us to show off to your father.”
“Huh?”
“Of course, ignoring doesn’t mean that we’re going to erase the past. In short, the culture festival was a necessary sacrifice. It ended up futile. You simply used those 9987 people for your own benefit.”
“~~~!? That’s not the case! I don’t feel that way! Everyone worked hard for today, and although there were ups and downs, we can’t just sacrifice this culture festival!”
“So?”
“There were problems! Some even involved me! And, I couldn’t accomplish my goal! But even so, those past three days, I’ve never once used this culture festival as my personal toy or something like that! I can’t just cut it off like that, nor do I want to! Changing the interpretation of my goal, saying it ended without any accomplishment, would be rude to everyone!”
“First of all, Chisaka-senpai…You should accept your failure!”
I ended up talking in a louder voice than usual, but I don’t have any intentions of taking back my words. I’m not her teacher, nor her parent, but even so, there are things I want to tell her.
“Are you planning on living your life without ever failing? And even if you do fail, do you just plan on ignoring that, forcefully moving on? I just told you to forget about the culture festival, meaning to admit your failure, but you are trying really hard to forget that you messed up.”
“………!”
“Look at reality. We reached 9987 visitors during this culture festival, and trouble happened on the second day, which turned into a rumor. For many people, this culture festival may have been a joy, fun, and another precious memory, but you as the culture festival committee president failed.”
“No…No way…”
“Maybe you were just taking it easy? If you failed, then that would be it. With that mindset, you decided on the slogan, and no matter what may happen during the events, as long as you could pull off a good speech, it would be a success. That’s why you didn’t bring up the number of visitors and the trouble during your final speech. Of course, I wouldn’t have mentioned it myself, but you surely would have referenced it.”
“Then what else was I supposed to do!?” Chisaka-senpai raised her voice. “I can’t afford to accept my mistake! I’m scared of doing so! If my choice was wrong, then something irreversible happens, just as it did with father and grandfather!”
“I think it’s the opposite. Because you won’t admit your failure in this case, nothing will go back to normal for years down the line.”
“But…but…I’m still scared! I’d love to get over it if I could! But…failing all on my own…not being able to consult anybody…that’s just…”
“I don’t get it. Why do you think other people exist?”
“………”
“Be it normies or loners, there are things we can’t do on our own. Normies ask their friends for help, whereas I try to deal with it on my own, but eventually we’ll both run into something we can’t resolve. So, you’re not just any normie, you became one for your goal, right? If so, then just borrow the strength of other people. Have someone else save you. Then…”
“I…I won’t be scared anymore?”
“At the very least, less than when you’re alone.”
“………”
“Well, I’m a loner, so I’m not scared on my own, and standing in a group of adults is much more terrifying.”
There, Chisaka-senpai’s eyes opened in shock. She knew about this, and looked up at me. It was just the two of us here in this calm, silent hallway. The setting sun shone inside from the windows, creating an odd space. I wonder how much time has passed since then. A few seconds? A few minutes? Suddenly, Chisaka-senpai grabbed my trousers.
“…Secretary.”
“Yes?”
“If I said that I was in trouble, something that I can’t resolve myself, would you help me?”
“Well…it’s not normal for a loner to offer help, but loners are often used as gofers, so I’ll help you, Chisaka-senpai. Because…”
“Because?”
“Thinking about it, I already did help Kasuga and Aramiya, and a loner is an errand boy for a normie, so I probably adopted that mentality.”
****
After that, Chisaka-senpai sent her father a LINE…I think. Well, she didn’t show me the screen, so I wouldn’t know. Then again, I don’t have any reason to doubt her, so that’s probably what happened. And then, Chisaka-senpai told me: Please watch over me, as I admit my mistake. Right now, it’s roughly half past 5 pm. Having reached September, summer has yet to end fully, so the sky was still blood red, but with hints of the appearing dark blue and purple, opening up on the sky from east to west. Chisaka-senpai stood at the west gate, and I was watching from the shadows. Finally, a few minutes later…A man appeared from the underground railroad station.
“What is it, Haruka?”
“……” Chisaka-senpai was evidently nervous.
She had her hands put together, looking down at the ground. As expected, she might be scared, terrified even. Telling the one person she didn’t want to know about her blunder. However, her father continued with as much of a gentle tone as always.
“I thought outsiders weren’t allowed to be here for the after-festival?”
It’d probably be bad if she let her father keep talking like that. She herself had to start explaining herself. If I had to guess, she was probably thinking exactly that. There, Chisaka-senpai looked ahead, taking a deep, deep breath, not averting her gaze from her father anymore.
“Father, how did I look in your eyes over those past three days?”
“Well…I could see how hard you were working.”
Even though we never talked before, I could tell. That’s why Chisaka-senpai probably did as well. The words her father just uttered undoubtedly were how he truly felt. He may have been worried about her, but at the same time, he didn’t deny her efforts. Rather, he was aware of her work, which is why he was this worried.
“…………As you aren’t a teacher or employee, or a normal student, you weren’t present at the closing ceremony we just had, but we finished calculating the overall number of visitors.”
“Did you manage to score 10,000 visitors?” Chisaka-senpai’s father calmly asked, with a rational voice.
As they are living in the same home, and with them this close, there was a good chance that she told her father about her goal. At the same time, Chisaka-senpai’s body quivered ever so slightly, but…well, you know. I’ll be supporting you from the shadows, literally and figuratively, so do your best, Chisaka-senpai.
“~~~! No, it wasn’t enough.”
“………” Chisaka-senpai’s father calmly listened, not interrupting her.
As Chisaka-senpai seemed so desperate to get her words across, she probably hadn’t realized, but looking from the sidelines, it seemed like her father was also surprised…if only a tiny bit. These words, admitting failure and defeat…which left her father shaken, I wonder just how tough she was acting at home? Either way, Chisaka-senpai accepted this silence as something positive and continued with a quivering voice.
“We reached 9987 visitors during the course of those three days. We would have needed thirteen more visitors…”
“I see…that’s a shame.”
“Yes, it truly is. Honestly, I’m frustrated.”
“Eh? Haruka, did you…” Her father seemed even more shocked now, returning a question.
Of course, it’s not like I know how they usually interact at home, or what kind of conversation style they share, but that was probably the first time she ever said something like that—Accepting that she was weak, and not skilled enough. The emotion of being frustrated sprouts from your awareness that you’re not good enough.
“I…don’t want to act tough anymore. I want to become a high school student who can admit her faults. It was just thirteen people, you know? It’s a shame…it’s frustrating…and vexing…but there’s no redoing…!”
I wonder what she was thinking, putting that into words. Her expression, tone of voice, it’s possible to guess what other people are feeling to a certain degree, but for me personally, I had no idea just what she was thinking. If I had to guess, her emotions were probably all over the place. Just as other people had no way of knowing, she herself must have been lost in her own feelings, becoming unstable. Rephrasing that, it was probably something like pride and mystique that strangers won’t be able to understand, or sympathize with.
No matter how chaotic and disarrayed it may be, it belonged to only Chisaka Haruka. It’s something a stranger can’t just easily respond with ’I get it, I get it’.
“I…So far, I’ve really been trying hard, to the point I can say that about myself. Work, studies, games, going for some karaoke…Days an average high school student would have, as well as my time-limited driving school…Yet when it came to other people who had to sacrifice something, and live with this sacrifice, accepting the possibility of being told that ‘Isn’t Chisaka-san a bit distant recently?’, or ‘Haven’t her grades dropped?’, I couldn’t allow myself that to happen!” She spoke with simple words, but strongly.
I’m almost certain…no quite positive that there is no other high school student who works harder than Chisaka-senpai. I want to believe in that. Even if that was a lie, I want to ignore that. Of course, her father must be even more sensitive to that than me…
“Right…I might just be too much of a clingy parent, but I know about how much of a hard worker you are. I didn’t think my daughter would blow past me this quickly.” Her father sounded oddly delighted at that.
Since I’m still in high school, I don’t really get it, but I guess seeing your child make it further than you is something to be delighted about.
“Do you…think that I am tired, Father?”
Finally, Chisaka-senpai set foot onto the main problem. Whether or not she succeeded in her goal for the culture festival, rather than looking at the numbers, the bigger question was if Chisaka-senpai herself was okay. Her father must have realized that this was a serious topic and that she had prepared herself for this, as he spoke with a mature tone.
“Honestly…yeah. Even if you could, it’s impossible for me. No, the same goes for any other adult. You’ve been sleeping barely five hours a day since you were in grade school, not to mention that you’re cutting off time from your studies to have fun with friends…As your parent and an adult, I thought of myself as pathetic.”
“If so…then you are in the wrong, Father! I am not tired by any means. Even if you are my parent, I don’t want you to decide my own strength for me. Please, don’t look down on me. I can still try my best…! Really, if people tell me that I’m tired, but I really am not, then what am I supposed to say!?”
I bet that’s exactly it, yeah…Nobody would want someone else to undermine your efforts and own estimation. However, in Chisaka-senpai’s case, it’s the norm for her to be on that end, simply because she holds more potential than the average…And, although I feel sorry for her father by saying this, seeing Chisaka-senpai so much beyond anything normal people could manage, you’d obviously feel worried…Well, rather than them not being strong, it’s more like Chisaka-senpai is just far too overwhelming…
Either way, call it the gap between people, their difference, discrepancy, it’s something that makes it hard for them to understand each other.
“However…if I keep thinking that, then I won’t be much different from yesterday’s me…!”
“Eh?”
“It feels like I finally understand. What you’re worried about isn’t that I’m tired, but rather that I don’t know how to relax. That I don’t know how to take a break. That I don’t know how to separate work and play. Because even if I’m not tired now, continuing like this would lead to me collapsing eventually.”
“Haruka…finally…”
Taking her personality into consideration, if you told her directly, she’d probably become stubborn, not listening at all. If you told her with a detour, she might not realize at all, or won’t realize how severe the situation is. Either that or she would just ignore it. Neither method would have any effect. Finally, you’d reach a dead end, being helpless, which is where the ‘Finally’ from her father comes in.
“I’m sorry…Father. I can be a bit stubborn…more than I thought I was. However, thanks to a friend giving me an earful, I finally realized.”
“So Haruka has a friend like that…” He muttered.
Realizing that she was talking about me made my back itch a bit.
“No, it might not even be that. At the very least, I couldn’t argue back at all, which saved me…that boy’s logic, that is.”
“Hm? Boy?”
Ah, Chisaka-senpai stepped on a landmine with that, huh. And of course, I was about to get wrapped up in that mess as a victim.
“Ah! N-No! We’re not in that kind of relationship! Believe me! I am a bit curious about him, but that’s as a person, and I respect him. A-Anyway, we’re not like that! He even has a girlfriend!”
“I-I see…”
Chisaka-senpai’s face is beet red! She was talking rapidly, which made it have the opposite effect like she was desperate to deny her relationship with me, to the point it made even me blush. What is this? So embarrassing…even though my name didn’t appear once in that conversation, and yet it feels like my blood is boiling! My body is burning up!
“Anyway…to get back on topic, I just realized. Namely, why this discrepancy happened between the two of us. And why my feelings and thoughts never properly reached you.”
“…I see. I personally couldn’t fully accept all of it.” Chisaka-senpai’s father spoke with a saddened tone.
They really resemble each other. Chisaka-senpai showed the same defeated expression just now. Realizing it because that of all the things sure is weird, but they really are parent and child.
“Being tired doesn’t mean that I don’t know how to relax. Not being tired doesn’t mean I know how to relax…They’re no contradictions, and yet we assumed they were the same. I could never understand why people constantly asked me, despite me not being tired at all…I’m sure that you must have wanted me to know how to relax, but instead wondered why I wasn’t tired…and that’s how we talked past each other.”
I see…just as there was a difference in strength between the two, there was also a difference of conscience. It’s so complicated…the discrepancy of strength and the discrepancy of values is similar but yet different, or so I think at least. That’s why, putting words to it, holding a conversation they hadn’t been able to before…
“…Personally, I don’t really feel that way, but the people around me seem to think that I’m pretty strong. Not in a mature and mental way, but more like the efficiency of a machine.”
“Yeah, you really are a strong girl, Haruka. Being worried but being proud don’t contradict each other after all. I personally see you as a daughter I can be proud of.”
“But…being strong doesn’t mean I’m invincible, right? I may not be tired, but that doesn’t mean there’s no harm being done, and if I had to say, working in a company while being a high school student had its hard times, I can’t lie about that. But…” Chisaka-senpai raised her head, flashing a bright smile, resembling the sun itself. “I made it past that, and I’m fine! Of course, I have proof for that as well, as I have friends who are supporting me!”
“…I see, friends who are supporting you.”
“Indeed!” Chisaka-senpai smiled like a young child.
Seeing this, her father spoke up with a quivering voice.
“You already said it just now, but…I wasn’t worried about you being tired, I was more worried that nobody would point that out for you.”
“Father…”
“As your father, I wasn’t scared that I couldn’t catch up with my daughter, but rather, I felt pathetic that I couldn’t even listen to your problems. At the same time, your grandfather…my old man did his own thing. Of course, I had my own thoughts. Why doesn’t he let you enjoy your youth, or why is he rushing you like that, you know.”
“………”
Faintly, it sounded like Chisaka-senpai’s father was tearing up. Even so, this was probably his last act of dignity as her father, as he never shed a tear despite that. Finally—
“You found someone who is honest with you, right.”
“Yes, he’s an outstanding person.”
“You’ve decided to take off some steam from time to time, yeah?”
“Yes. Even if I’m fine now, it’s only a matter of time until I break down. I couldn’t help but agree with that.”
There, her father turned his back towards Chisaka-senpai. However, before walking away, he turned around one more time, seemingly having something important to say.
“I see…then, maybe I should have a drink with my old man. There are some things we both can’t say when we’re sober.”
“~~~! Yes! Please, have a good talk with Grandfather!”
****
Following that, Chisaka-senpai saw her father off to the underground railway station. Once he was gone, she looked up at the orange sky. The cicadas stopped chirping, and in the final moment, before the sun had set entirely, her profile was colored with emotions, and the sight was burned into my retinas, my memories, and the deepest part of my heart. In this one moment, if I were to be allowed to come clean, she was so beautiful I was at a loss for words. If only she wasn’t talking in such a weird way, she’d be so cute…So, I took a faint breath and moved behind her.
“I didn’t do anything, you know?”
“………”
“At the very least, not during your talk with your father.”
“It’s a problem of what comes after this.”
“Meaning?”
“Please, won’t you be my first?”
“………Huh!? Eh!? Your first!?”
“Ah! N-No, wait, I didn’t mean it like that!”
“Then what do you mean by that!?”
“I want you to practice with me so that I can show my weakness in front of others!” Chisaka-senpai turned around with a beet-red face, emphasizing.
All this serious atmosphere just now, completely ruined…Now, she was pouting like a small child, making her previous profile when she told her father the truth like a lie.
“Listen carefully, Secretary and I are friends, but we can’t be together 24/7.”
“Of course.”
“Graduation, university, work, there are many parts in life that could separate us, and we may end up in different prefectures, or countries even.”
“Seems plausible.”
“If so, then I can’t have Secretary be the only person that I can show my weak side.”
“Yeah, without me around, you’ll soon reach breaking point again. If so, then it’d be best to work against that.”
“However, I don’t plan on finding that kind of person immediately. Searching for them is difficult, and even if I find them, it’ll take time until I can fully open up to them.” Following that, Chisaka-senpai approached me, and…Eh?
She hugged me…not to mention directly face-to-face. She smelled like mint, and her body was so soft. Not to mention that she was faintly shaking. She really worked hard today. And now, she must be relieved. Since I have Kasuga, I can’t hug her back. But, I can at least stay this way until she lets go herself…
What if Kasuga sees us like this? The same thing will happen again, have I learned nothing from the incident with Akizuki? All of these complaints I virtually threw at myself, but my answer was decided from the very start. First, that case with Akizuki wasn’t a misunderstanding in the first place, but if she saw us now, it’d definitely be one. Undoubtedly, it’ll turn into another annoying mess. But even so, I’ve prepared myself to get slapped. And, that it might take some time to explain myself. Chisaka-senpai worked really hard, so I can take the blame for this.
Man, this is just awful. I may be a loner, but I don’t want to be reckless. I’m just a tsundere, and a super-easy one at that. If I were to give another analogy, I’m like an assassin who can’t kill. In movies, novels, it’s a stereotype, you know. The type where you perfectly and efficiently fulfill your mission, but at the very end can’t kill the person. It seems that Kujou Shizuki may be a loner, but he can’t run away from doing what a human being would. Naturally, I have my own thoughts about that.
“Secretary…Until I gain more confidence, please be my partner.”
She squeezed me tightly like I was some hugging pillow, burying her face in my chest…What are you, some koala? Well, I get where she’s coming from. It’s not that easy to find someone you can be honest with, and show your weakness to. Practicing with me until then is logical thinking. Normally, I’d think of this as a chore, and I still feel that way, but even as a loner, I don’t plan on not taking any responsibility.
Rather, it’s the opposite. The more you’re a loner, the more you don’t want other people to carry your responsibility for you, and you want to do everything yourself. You want to hold responsibility for your own actions. You don’t need help from someone else, as your personality is independently personified. That’s why I want to take responsibility towards Chisaka-senpai. Since I’ve influenced her like that, it’s my duty, so to speak.
“One day, I’ll be able to take a new step forward.”
“Preferably as quickly as possible.”
“Of course!”
Finally, she moved away from me.
“Now then, change of talk.”
“Oh, back to normal, huh?”
“Indeed! I’ve found the solution to many of my problems after all.”
“Meaning…”
“Indeed. The only problem left is the love story between Secretary and Kasuga-san.”
I was confessed to by Akizuki, there’s still the case with Aramiya, but I guess there’s no need to tell her about that. I don’t want Chisaka-senpai to worry right when she finally sees a light at the end of the tunnel. Can’t let her know about that, because she would definitely try to meddle. That’s why, this case with Kasuga, Akizuki, and Aramiya…
“No need to worry.”
Ahh, that’s right. I can take care of this myself. I need to resolve the chaos I caused, as this is what a loner would do. If not, I won’t be able to declare myself as a proud one.
“What mouth is saying that…How could I not.”
“Still, it’s fine, really,” I reassured Chisaka-senpai with a confident tone.
I’d be happy if she could be relieved with this. As I said, there’s no need for her to worry. My answer, my choice, the person I like the most, and the person who is the closest to being my ideal type of girl. Of course, nothing will go smoothly, and there’s no guarantee that the three girls will accept it. Honestly speaking, all three of those girls are wasted on me. Normally, I should be the one waiting for their responses, instead of being the one to decide. They’re all undoubtedly beauties. There’s nothing wrong with both Kasuga and Aramiya as people, and even if it was impossible for me, then it’d be because of affinity, rather than personality.
Kasuga is very proactive when it comes to communication, and Aramiya may be over the top at times, but they’re not causing me any trouble. Even Akizuki can be a bit difficult at times, but that doesn’t mean our affinity is bad. Rather, through spending time with her at the library, our compatibility is practically perfect. Put simply, she is my ideal type of girl. Akizuki is standing on a pedestal that Kasuga and Aramiya probably will never be able to reach. That’s why this situation is just too far from anything normal…But, can I just run away then? Avert my eyes? Of course, if somebody asked me that, the answer would be NO.
Today…during this day, this afternoon, this evening, at school, at the after-festival, I want to put an end to all of this.
“Then, I have something to tell you, Secretary.”
“What is it?”
“You…are cool.”
“…Eh?”
“The stereotype is that when it comes to high school students, sunlight characters fall in love, and shadow characters aren’t made out for love.”
I can understand that. Being popular with the opposite sex is a must for normies, a necessary condition, and if that’s not the case, then you’re a loner, or so most people think in this world. There’s also the image that most loners don’t have many female friends. However, Chisaka-senpai—
“In fact, until last year, I didn’t have a very good image of shadow characters. Of course, that doesn’t mean I had a particularly bad image either.”
“If they held a positive image, they wouldn’t be loners after all.”
It’s the expected result, really. Leaving aside one or two people, the moment a great number of people have this kind of image, as long as they don’t change, grow, they won’t get out of this label as a loner until they become normies.
“At the time we decided to call Secretary to our club, you were fine and all, but when it came to the shadow character in my class, I continued to have the same image.”
“Was there a reason why I was different?”
“It’s the willpower to keep through with your beliefs.”
Ahh, I see. Now that she mentioned it, I never felt inferior to other people simply because I’m not as outgoing or popular as them. I have problems dealing with their noisy attitude, sure, but that doesn’t mean I think of myself as less worthy or anything like that. Fundamentally speaking, normies are popular, charming, and everything a loner isn’t. They have friends, lots of juniors and seniors they interact with, and loners don’t have anybody like that. From a general image, normies are more desired. That’s why you could say that the affinity between a normie and a loner couldn’t be worse.
However, that doesn’t mean that the levels in terms of a game are that different. I thought about running away countless times, went through a painful experience as well, had a stomach ache because I was so nervous, felt sick because of their noisy attitude…Yeah, I’ll admit it. If someone else counted, it’d be pathetic. However, only when it comes to my beliefs, I never wavered once, even towards a normie.
Leaving aside the two vectors we’re dealing with, the absolute value and the feeling of comfort are the same for both. For example, when building the tent during the outdoor school, there were things I did to lighten up the mood, to get on everyone’s good side, but I never once swore obedience.
“The shadow character in my class has no confidence in himself, after all. However, when I first heard about you through Kasuga-san or Aramiya-san, it felt like thunder hit my body. Thinking ‘That person is a shadow character, and yet he’s so open about it’, see.”
Hence, Chisaka-senpai watched over me, heard about me, learned about me, and although the expression is different, reached the same answer.
“You don’t care what anybody else says. You believe in your own righteousness. That is the difference between you and the other shadow characters I’ve seen, and that is the reason why, this time, I believe that you are very admirable, Secretary…No, Shizuki-san.”
Is it just my imagination, or was her gaze a bit emotional just now?
“That’s why there’s no need to forcefully change yourself. Because the sunlight character of sunlight characters is your partner. Or, simply because this is love. Don’t change your ways because of such a reason. The reason you can show this much power is that you believe in your ways as a shadow character the most.” Chisaka-senpai said.
She was reaffirming my beliefs that, despite society valuing outgoing and normie people more, I personally was fine to stay this way. Of course, that was my plan from the very beginning. The right person in the right place—is a saying after all. I only have my skill as a loner, not as a normie. So, I don’t need to choose the path of a normie.
“You keep saying belief, belief, belief a lot, huh.”
“Of course. That is your true nature after all.”
……Huh? My true nature? My true nature is to put faith in something or someone? Going through my experiences and memories, I never had any times where I had high hopes for something…Compared to that, the only expectations I ever had were vague and weak, so that I wouldn’t be disappointed in the end. Basically, it’s like I’m participating in a lottery where I know I won’t win.
“Shizuki-san, you call yourself a shadow character, but I think that you actually believe in the good of people. It’s the same with your abundance of confidence despite being a shadow character. When Kasuga-san confessed to you, you said you might as well go out with her to clear things up quickly. It was the same with Aramiya-san when she asked for your help during the outdoor school. Of course, you also listened to my request during this school festival for this exact reason.”
“Are you trying to say that, subconsciously, I was looking for communication with other people?”
“Not quite. Rather, you believe in individuality, Shizuki-san.”
“—Ah.”
It felt like it all made sense. I let out a baffled voice. Again, and again, and again, I talked about freedom, talked about limitations, but maybe I was just trying to respect everybody’s own individual desires. I’m sure that, ever since the incident with Aramiya at the outdoor school, I started loathing the idea of having someone else decide on who you are and what you’re worth. The hate and loathing towards that are probably a part of it.
“If it was Kasuga Hina, she would use this method to unfold her love. If it was Akizuki Sakuya, she would use that reason in order to follow through with herself. If it was Aramiya Remi, she would resolve the problem in this shape and form. And, if it was Chisaka Haruka, she would face her family’s problems with these sorts of feelings. Finally, if it was Kujou Shizuki, he would continue living his life with these values in mind. That’s why—”
“—Yes.”
“Even when facing Kasuga-san, you shouldn’t forget what makes you Kujou Shizuki, okay?”
****
Finally, 6 pm arrived. In the courtyard, normies were drinking and eating during the after-festival. Right now, I was on my own, sitting in the clubroom without making a sound.
[Shizuki: Akizuki, in regards to that response, can you make it to the library at 6.30 pm?]
[Sakuya: Sure.]
With the ‘read’ mark on her message, the conversation was concluded. Sure enough, she wouldn’t assume that I would ignore her message. There’s no need to add anything unnecessary that doesn’t fit in the conversation. Anyway, for the next thirty minutes, I have free time. In the meantime, I’ll do what I have to do, and finish what I need to finish.
After all, I already finished contacting ‘her’, calling her over. Can’t say I’m too scared to meet her, as it’s already too late. Not to mention that I promised. And as the loner that I am, I have to take responsibility. As long as she has something to tell me, I need to be serious about it. Even if she’s the craziest out of the bunch in the club, but she knows when to be serious. That’s the type of girl she is.
Despite playing around more than anybody else, she’s more serious and diligent than anybody else once it mattered. Especially when it comes to her dream, her love, and when she has to work hard to earn it. So, after sending the LINE message to Akizuki, I checked the time, and put my phone away, when—
“Shizupai, you’re so lewd~ Calling a girl to such an isolated place~”
The door opened, and when I turned around…I was greeted by Aramiya. She had a teasing smile on her face as always, but her cheeks were red at the same time.
“So, should I not have called you over?”
“Of course not!?” Aramiya seemed like she was shocked.
“Then don’t say that…I was about to walk home.”
“Waaaaaah! Just kidding! Just kidding! It’s perfectly fine, totally healthy, nothing weird at all!” Aramiya cleared her throat.
It might seem obvious, but as I am a loner, this kind of development is a first for me. Honestly, I don’t really know what to do. This isn’t my expertise. That’s why, I feel pathetic to say this despite calling her over, but…I need her to take the first step.
“Um…Shizupai.”
“W-What is it…”
“Does it look like Remi is just playing around?”
“Sorry…I know that’s not the case, but when I look at you…your hair’s dyed, your clothes are so revealing…”
“Ahaha, guess so.”
Of course, I know that this isn’t enough to simply judge for that character. However, that should also be just fine. Aramiya isn’t asking it in general, but for the opinion of Kujou Shizuki.
“But, Shizupai, Remi isn’t playing around at all.”
“Yeah.”
“—You’re Remi’s first love after all.”
Hearing it directly like this really is embarrassing. My face feels like it’s burning up. Worse of all is, despite me being a loner, I wasn’t too satisfied with that. In this regard, I need to thank Aramiya. Because she was the one who taught me about this. Not Kasuga or Akizuki, but Aramiya herself. That’s right, being liked by someone is different than being bothered by the people around you. Loners hate the latter, so genuine feelings beyond a tease, punishment game, with no hidden ill-intent, it doesn’t feel bad at all.
“So…before you tell Aramiya…I wanted you to know that…”
“You’re much purer than I thought, Aramiya.”
“Hmpf! You dummy! Of course, Remi is pure! She’s in love!” Aramiya glared at me with a cute expression.
It’s not scary at all. Rather, it makes me smile.
“Anyway, Remi wants to tell you only one thing!”
“Yeah, I’m listening. I promised after all.”
“Yup. Remi won the miss-con for that sake after all.”
Depending on the person, they might think of that motive as impure. Simply attempting to win the miss-con for this kind of thing, you know. It’s completely ignoring the feelings of the other participants. But, that’s how things go. It’s a culture festival after all. Aramiya is a normie, and the culture festival belongs to her, which is why people are allowed to enjoy their youth.
As for me…it’s like a puppy barking, and I’ll get laughed off. As much as there are people who think of this as impure, others won’t care. Rather, I bet the number of people who don’t care is much bigger. The winner of the miss-con is something like the main role, so nobody will bother to complain. Most participants should probably be aware that the chance of winning was small. More than anything, I only think about this in a logical sense, but Aramiya must be talking about emotions, youth, love, and many other emotions. As if to prove that, she looked like she was breaking out in tears—
“Aramiya Remi loves Kujou Shizuki-senpai! Please…go out…go out with Remi!”
That’s what first love is about. She did say she wanted me to understand that she wasn’t playing around. With as much courage as she could muster, Aramiya confessed to me. I could tell that she must have tried her best. About to break out in tears, with a quivering face, anxious, perfectly representing what she called it—her first confession of love.
It makes sense for her to be nervous. She’s probably scared, wanting to run away. But even so, she fought against her fears, confessed her feelings with all her might, all so that she could be together with me. So, I have to be honest with her myself. That’s the least amount of human decency I can give her. I can’t deceive her right here, right now.
She’s running towards her future, to achieve her dream, while trying her hardest for me to look at her. Even when she was playing around, everybody had fun despite all of that. How could I not take her seriously? That’s why my answer is—
“Aramiya, I…”
“Wait, Shizupai!”
“Eh?”
Even though I was really planning on conveying my own feelings, she suddenly stopped me…And yet, she didn’t even catch on to my surprise, continuing mercilessly.
“F-First! Let Remi explain everything! At least before you give her your answer…!”
“Aramiya…”
“As for the reason why Remi came to like Shizupai, you probably already know about it, but let her explain it again. At first, she was simply interested in you, but the moment she became interested in you happened during the outdoor school.” Aramiya desperately connected her words, almost seeming in a rush. “Never once did anybody support Remi’s dream! Well, technically speaking, neither did Shizupai! But! But! Remi was happier than if you just nodded and smiled! She was happy about what you told her! That it was Remi’s life, and her choice and freedom on what she wanted to do!” Aramiya’s feelings all flowed over.
At the same time, tears built up in the corner of her eyes.
“~~~! Shizupai, you told Remi, right! ‘Your parents and teachers were against you, but you pushed through, saying that it’s your responsibility. And now, you managed to grant your wish yourself, as you tell everyone in the audience. Wouldn’t that be the greatest?’” Aramiya properly conveyed what she wanted to, not letting any possible regret get in her way. “Remi may have a bad memory, and mixed grades, but she remembers all of that word for word! It…saved Remi! This kind of thought process only Shizupai could come up with! Normally, it’d be weird…! Normally, you’d have no interest in others! You wouldn’t even care if humanity ended! You’re like the villain straight out of a manga! And yet…Yet…once Remi finished listening, they became words that saved her! That time, Remi thought you weren’t even speaking Japanese! It’s all negative, and yet…putting minus and minus together suddenly turns into a plus…!” No matter how painful it was, how confusing it was, Aramiya tried her best to convey it.
Even things she didn’t understand, she judged it was better to confess everything.
“That’s the reason Remi became interested in Shizupai…It didn’t make any sense, really! Shizupai doesn’t sparkle at all! He’s gloomy! Yet, Remi got attracted to this kind of loner! But, that wasn’t the reason Remi actually came to properly like Shizupai! Yet, ever since the outdoor school, nothing happened between us! No events, no progress, nothing, right!? Maybe that’s why…Remi wanted to see Shizupai’s thinking time once more! She wanted to drag it out!” Aramiya confessed and started shedding tears for real.
I wasn’t oblivious enough to not catch on to the reason why. She probably knows how this will end.
“Yet…it’s the culture festival! It’s September! Maybe that’s why Remi started thinking more and more, despite not making any progress…until she completely fell for you! She wanted to kiss you again! A-And even beyond that…! Remi knows she’s far too easy! But that’s just how love works! Whatever the reason may be, the longer those emotions continue, the stronger they become! It’s realistic!” Aramiya’s tears fell to the ground, dispersing.
Aramiya doesn’t know how to stop her tears. Her expression still looked like she was hurting.
“That’s why Remi likes Shizupai! She really likes you! She loves you! It’s too late to regret that now, but…She thinks that she should have confessed before Hinapai! Because she feels serious about Shizupai, she’s regretting that now! But even so…even so…!” Aramiya turned her face towards me.
She wiped away her tears and still continued like it had been obvious from the beginning.
“—But even so, you’re not going to choose Remi, right?”
Finally, silence enveloped the clubroom. Normally, you’d call it the calm before the storm, but this feels more like it’s right after. Aramiya didn’t say anything. She was just waiting for my response. Even if it was something that would hurt her.
“That…is that how you feel?”
“……Yeah.” Aramiya’s gaze wandered all over the place, showing a weak nod.
How do I say this…I’m surprised. To think she liked me this much. I’m happy, and I feel proud to receive this much affection from her. So…she was this serious about me, huh. Even though she was the one confessing her feelings, my own back feels itchy now. The sweetness in the air made my body tingle. Everything was conveyed properly. The trigger, the reason why, her passion, her desire to go out, her regret, her heat, her purity, and what kind of conclusion she reached. But, in the end…
“Aramiya, I’m sorry…I can’t reciprocate your feelings.”
“……”
With a defeated expression, and although I know that I made her this way…I can’t change the conclusion to this. Not to mention that going out with her just to not make her sad would only make her feel worse.
“Ahaha…Right…Remi knew that…She knew…”
“……”
“Right when you were about to say something before, Remi already knew. That’s why she subconsciously told you to stop before…Even if you were going to reject her, she at least wanted you to hear everything…She hoped that maybe your feelings might change after hearing all of it…!” She wiped her tears, but they won’t stop.
They dropped to the floor, dispersed like raindrops, and created a small puddle. Sorry…Aramiya…I’m so sorry…
“At the very least…can Remi ask for the reason?”
Put simply, it’s not like I was pulling Aramiya along, saying that we should walk alongside each other. Rather, I was influenced by her. However, it ultimately ended up with me, the loner Kujou Shizuki, showing her how to walk on her own, how to live with these sorts of values…It sounds simple, but there are many things Kasuga is giving me, but at the same time, there’s nothing from Aramiya. Of course, I wouldn’t decide like or dislike, proficiency or trouble, going out or not, with these kinds of values, but today is different. However, if she isn’t showing me new things, influencing me in any new way, I don’t think I could develop feelings for her…If everything is the same, then respect is all I can have…
At the same time, Aramiya isn’t my ideal type of girl. Leaving aside whether or not she accepts this, Aramiya should be aware of that. No matter how you look at it, Kasuga and Aramiya are different from Akizuki. At the same time, please let me meet someone who thinks that Akizuki is just like those two. Their identities, the worlds they live in, are just far too different. These are the reasons why I have to reject Aramiya. However, I can’t tell her about any of these, as she’d never accepted that. What’s most important are these feelings I have, which cross boundaries between loners and normies. This is the conclusion I reached during last Golden Week, and that hasn’t changed now. That’s why…that’s why I have to reject Aramiya…
“Sorry, Aramiya…I like Kasuga. I want to walk together with her. And, in order to like someone, I don’t need a reason…!”
Following that, a few seconds, then a few more, and another ten seconds passed, mercilessly. Neither of us said anything. At the very least, I couldn’t come up with any words to say in this situation. And then, breaking through this silence, Aramiya showed a smile, as tears still came falling down her cheeks.
“Shizupai…that’s not fair. You say that you don’t need a reason to fall in love with someone, and you have a girl you like other than Remi…Sniff…if you say that, Remi can only give up…!”
“Aramiya…”
“~~~! In the end, everything Remi said is probably just an added reason, but she never had anything like that…! She has no reason, she just likes you…! That’s why she understands how you feel…!”
“……”
“Sniff…thanks, Shizupai. For properly rejecting Remi.”
Why are you smiling while shedding these painful yet beautiful tears…! Don’t thank me. Whatever the reason may be, as I’m already going out with another girl, there’s nothing wrong with rejecting her. My chest hurts. Since I’m a loner, this is the first time I’m experiencing something like this, but rejecting someone’s affection like this…feels this painful, hollow…and agonizing?
“Thanks for not running away, It wasn’t the answer Remi was hoping for, but you still faced her despite all of that.”
“I promised after all…”
“Even though you could have run away?” Aramiya flashed her usual teasing smile, asking me.
It hurt. But, I have a reason why I can’t run away from this pain, from her tears, and her smile.
“I can’t run away…”
“Why?”
“Do I really have to say it?”
Aramiya nodded. She really wants to hear it, huh. If so, then I need to give her my answer. I’m a bit…no, really scared. When I think of what I’m about to say, my legs are shaking in anxiety. But, this isn’t anything compared to the pain Aramiya is going through! Making a girl work this hard while not even sharing some of her pain, I can’t allow myself that to happen!
“Because I…Kujou Shizuki thinks of Aramiya Remi as a friend.”
Aramiya seemed surprised at hearing that. Well, it’s the first time I’m the one treating her like a friend. I have to say it. I should say it. Let me say it, all of it.
“Counting since last April, it’ll be half a year next month, but Kujou Shizuki finally started to think of Aramiya Remi as a friend. Started to think about what it means to be friends.”
After all, it’s been since kindergarten since I actually got myself a friend. Still, to think that out of all the people, I’d become friends with someone so energetic and loud. It’s shocking, almost. You never know what will happen in life.
“That’s no fair, Shizupai. What is Remi supposed to do now…”
“Sorry…”
“At the outdoor school, when we got off the bus, and Remi called us friends, you were so shocked, asking since when and for what reason and all that. You were so confused, constantly tilting your head…”
“Yeah, I remember.”
“For crying out loud…Why did you say we’re friends right when Remi’s feelings changed from friendship to love…”
“……”
“Not to mention that Remi was just wishing that she and Shizupai could still be together, even if we’re not lovers…so now I’m satisfied even.”
I know that I’m not playing a fair game here. Saying that I had to listen to the girl who likes me because we’re friends, but we still can’t go out. Not to mention that I never saw us as friends before.
“Alright! Time to wrap it up!”
“…Aramiya?”
Where did that come from? She clapped her hands together two times…
“Remi’s first love ended with a broken heart! So, Shizupai.”
“W-What is it?”
“You better make up with Hinapai, okay?”
“Yeah, no need to tell me.”
“You’ve already realized who your ideal girl is, yeah?”
“Yup, just like in ‘Bluebird of Happiness’1.”
“Wazzat?”
“Basically, what I’ve been looking for was always close to me.”
Yeah, she doesn’t have to remind me. To me, who my ideal girl is, and who the girl I like is…I won’t falter anymore. I’m not going to hesitate any further. Now that I’ve decided, I’ll pull through until the very end. Even if it’s something illogical to Kasuga and Akizuki.
“So, what are you going to do now?”
“Heh, Shizupai, are you really asking that? Lol.”
N-Now that she says it…It’s not like Aramiya is suddenly leaving for a trip somewhere, and this feels way off the mark for an after-confession talk…But, it’s all far too abstract to me. But at least Aramiya’s tears finally stopped. Following that, she flashed a perfect idol-like smile.
“So far, Remi gave it her 100% while aiming to become an idol, but from here on out, it’s 120% full steam ahead! With this, Remi won’t have any regrets!”
“Regrets?”
“Yup! Think about it? Idols can’t even experience love, lol. That’s why, this was Remi’s first and final one! Even if she’s going to regret that she should have experienced love once in high school, there’s no going back now. So now, Remi is going to only focus on becoming an idol without any hesitation!”
“Aramiya…”
“Thank you, Shizupai…Remi loves you—And even after she grows up, she won’t ever forget about this first love—”
****
After that, Aramiya said ‘Remi is going to stay here for a while, she feels like it’, which is why I left the room before her. As soon as I closed the door behind me…
“Urk…Uuu…Sniff…Hic…Hic…Sniff…W-Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…!”
She tried her best to keep up a smile in front of me, but at the very end…
“—Let’s go. Next up is Akizuki.”
Raise your head, and face forward, Kujou Shizuki. I still have to clash with two other girls. Aramiya…If I was a hero saving everybody, I might be able to stop making you cry, and bring you flowers to put a smile back on your face. If I was a handsome and calming hottie, I might give her peace close to me without making her suffer. However, I won’t do that. I am satisfied with the way I am doing things.
Even if it’s cruel, even if it’s the worst possible scenario, I’ll have to let Aramiya cry before she calms down. I just rejected her after all. Hug her to calm her down? Rub her head to soothe her? Whisper sweet words into her ear? Being sweet to a girl I just rejected would make me nothing short of a womanizer. If there’s any method to deal with this guilt, and live with it, then please tell me. The only thing I can do is listen to Aramiya’s tears and pain so that I can suffer with her.
****
“So you’ve come, Kujou-kun.”
“This is the place and time I sent you, so of course.”
Akizuki sat on the same usual seat in the library, so…I sat down three seats away from her, like always, keeping a seat between us. It’s the distance we’re most comfortable with.
“Hey, Akizuki.”
“Yes?”
“Why do you…you know.”
“Why do I like you, is that what you want to ask?”
“………Yeah.”
Akizuki let out a sigh.
“Put simply, and it irks me to say it out loud, but we’re basically like kindred spirits, and our affinity isn’t that bad, no? Normally, it wouldn’t be weird for that to one day reach romantic feelings, don’t you think?”
I get where she’s coming from. Or rather, it’s all too obvious, almost. It makes perfect sense. This entire past year, we’ve been sitting at the same desk at the library, reading as much as the other person. Our taste is pretty similar, and we share a lot of favorite authors, as well as genres. When it comes to simple emotions and actions, we can convey much with just eye contact, and if that was impossible, we’d use the bare minimum while exchanging words. When it comes to Kasuga and Aramiya, they just keep giving us this ‘What are those two doing?’ look.
At the same time, our personalities are quite similar. We like it quiet and hate noisy places and people. We like being alone, and don’t like being surrounded by people. We treasure our own pace the most and don’t like being rushed. Our bonds aren’t shallow and wide, rather narrow and profound. Much more meaningful than a big community. Building friendship and love in the shortest amount of time? No, we take our time, put our effort into it, and form something solid. We’re bad at starting a conversation, but we’re not part of any community that would force us into it. With all of this in mind, we’re like soulmates, almost perfect copies without any exception, and we basically succeed in creating a perfect world where it’s just the two of us. So of course, I know exactly what she’s talking about.
“Your ideal member of the opposite sex, no?”
“…To you as well?”
“We’re both the same, as always.”
Yeah, I can’t argue against that at all. And even if I tried, I can’t come up with an argument. Kujou Shizuki and Akizuki Sakuya are ideal for each other, and the only way to deny that would be to die and be reborn. So, I need to tell her. After all, it’s not wrong inside of me.
“Akizuki…I’ve realized it now.”
“Realized?”
“My ideal girl isn’t Kasuga Hina. It’s you, Akizuki Sakuya.”
Akizuki’s eyes opened wide. Her cheeks turned red, like she was bashful, and awkwardly averted her face, away from me. She probably didn’t want me to look at her, and how she was showing such a romantic reaction.
“Yes, that’s right. To me, you are my ideal type of boy, Kujou-kun.” Akizuki exclaimed.
That’s a given. It’s a fact that we are the ideal type for each other, and nothing will change that. We have perfect bounds, where Kasuga Hina wouldn’t fit in at all. However, there’s still something else I need to tell her about. The things we need to discuss, we can’t skip out on. And most likely, Akizuki should know the ‘result’ of this.
“Akizuki, what do you think about Kasuga?”
Hearing my question, Akizuki started thinking for a moment, putting her hand to her mouth. Finally, she moved that away, and—
“Did you never think of it as weird, Kujou-kun?”
“What exactly?”
“Kasuga-san and I are supposed to be childhood friends, yet we’re not all that close, no? However, after having known each other for a long time, and being in the same club, we’re doing just fine, right?”
Now that she mentioned it, it really is a weird relationship they’re in. When it comes to romance novels or romcom manga, the childhood friend is generally a special existence, but there’s no reason for them to be of the opposite sex, and the more you age, the more you tend to drift apart. But, what about Kasuga and Akizuki? Until this year in April, they were pretty distant. I’ve never seen them interact with each other, nor did I hear any rumors about them. On top of that, considering the reaction she showed back when Kasuga introduced me as her boyfriend…
Akizuki probably wouldn’t want to admit it, but they seemed pretty friendly, barely not crossing the line for them to get too close. Oddly enough, Kasuga didn’t overstep her boundaries either. Well, at least most of the time, but not to the critical level…
“Kujou-kun, I’ve been with Kasuga Hina since kindergarten, you know?”
“I see, that’s what this is…”
“My first love isn’t Kujou-kun, but Kasuga-san.”
What a shocking revelation…Actually, not as much. I faintly caught on to that, and this time it’s not because we’re ideal partners, but because of certain proof. Of course, assuming that either of those two was a boy, it would have been harder to figure out, but in that regard, I had a reason why it made sense to me.
“That being said, it’s been more than ten years since I confessed, and that happened back in kindergarten. I think that, for how young I was, I really tried my best, but thinking back on it, I was too young to even understand my feelings.”
“So that’s why you have this sense of distance that can’t be put into words.”
If Kasuga talks to her, Akizuki responds. At the same time, Akizuki also interacts with her more than she does with every other student, which showed on our car ride home, or while being part of the same club. However, Kasuga for some reason keeps a certain line she doesn’t cross. Equally, Akizuki may treat Kasuga more lightly, but she doesn’t show the same attitude as she does towards me. They’re most definitely not on bad terms. Rather, Akizuki is evaluating Kasuga fairly highly.
And yet, it feels so half-baked, hard to put a shape or words to it, and the longer you watch it, it starts to feel off. That’s how I would describe their relationship. After all, both Kasuga and Akizuki don’t show reactions typical for them.
“So the reason you ended up so unbalanced…”
“I’m aware of it. Because my love during my younger days was different from other people, leaving aside if that’s bad or not, I became aware that I myself was something else compared to the people around me.”
“………”
“Once I realized this, I became unable to see my classmates, people who should be the same as me, as children.”
Of course, I have no intention of denying the love between girl and girl. Not to mention that this has become accepted in today’s Japan, accepted by most people. However, they are still small in number, so just like Akizuki said, she’s different from the majority around her. Not like I’m trying to make it seem unimportant…they have the right to do so and all. It’s just, Akizuki was left in this kind of environment when she was still young.
On top of that, we’re still in high school. I’m not saying that we’re young children, but we’re still not fully matured when it comes to our mental process. As for what I’m trying to say…there’s basically one point. The problem wasn’t that Akizuki Sakuya had yuri tendencies, it’s rather that she realized she was different from the people around her, and as a cause of that…
“You were trying to avoid any communication beyond with me…”
“That’s right…I stopped interacting with other people altogether…The earlier you realize that you’re different from others, the bigger influence this has once you’ve grown up…As this is deeply rooted, it’s hard to pull it out.”
I see. The more she stacked those experiences as a child, the more it influenced her values when she grew up. The child is father to the man, as they say. We’re probably aware of it at this point. As an example, Akizuki Sakuya is Kujou Shizuki, simply born as a woman in that kind of world line. Of course, the different world line is just a parallel world.
But…I see…If Akizuki had been a boy, she might have gotten a happy end with Kasuga, and if I was a girl, I may have been even more of a girl at this point.
“Still, you’re not that surprised. Despite me having this kind of past.”
“It’s a simple problem, no? Our thought process aligns awfully well. If so, I can understand why you would develop feelings for Kasuga.”
“Yeah. Kasuga is a great girl, there’s no doubting that.” Akizuki conveyed her honest feelings towards Kasuga.
However, a faint shadow appeared in her expression. Of course, that’s how I feel towards Kasuga myself, and although she might be a bit noisy at times, this doesn’t change how great of a person she is. She may have an energetic personality, but there are countless high school students like that. For example, there’s Ooba as the male representative. Finally, Akizuki opened her mouth…
“If Kujou-kun and I are the perfect ideals to each other, this also makes Kasuga-san, towards me and Kujou-kun, the fatal opposite. After all…”
“The first reflects 100% of the other person, whereas even though the latter has a mountain of differences, like a jigsaw puzzle, the pieces fit together much better than identical ones.”
I know as much, alright. My pieces and Akzuki’s pieces won’t ever be able to complete a puzzle. There’s nothing you can complete with just the same bits and pieces.
“I’m aware of that. This Golden Week, any other person may have seen my decision and called me crazy. Why were you giving in to Kasuga Hina, and such. Why are you so clingy to Kasuga Hina, and whatever. You and Akizuki Sakuya are a better fit, and so on.”
“Yes…that’s correct…I said it before today, but if there was an existence like a God watching over us, treating our life like a romance novel, they would be able to tell who’s a better fit for you, right?”
Usually, this was the kind of progress that would benefit her, and yet Akizuki’s expression was cloudy and uncertain. I just said that we should be honest, and discuss things face to face. Akizuki probably knows the result herself, and it’s right in front of us right now.
“……Hey, Kujou-kun? When I revealed that I had feelings for Kasuga-san before, you weren’t surprised at all, right?”
“Yeah, I won’t deny that.”
That’s because of certain proof and a certain reason that I had. And, this made perfect sense to me.
“~~~ Adding to that, Kujou Shizuki and Akizuki Sakuya’s thought process is identical. If that is true, then I also know the reason why you like Kasuga.”
I went silent. How do I say this, she’s perfectly right. She was on point. Basically, the proof and reason are that we’re similar, which also means that we would come to like the same type of person.
“In other words…that’s the reason why Kujou Shizuki will choose Kasuga Hina…!” Akizuki showed a painful expression like she was close to breaking out in tears, or like she was regretting something.
I know how cruel these things turned out. Although it’s a choice that can’t be reversed, I still made Akizuki realize that I would have to reject her before even being able to.
“…I…Akizuki Sakuya…loves Kujou Shizuki-kun. Even if I understand that you will choose Kasuga-san…I still wanted to confess…! My feelings…my emotions…I wanted you to know about them…!”
Whereas Aramiya burst out in tears, her emotions exploding in a violent storm, Akizuki was awfully calm, almost desperate to swallow her tears. It was like a contrast. Of course, I felt the pain after being forced to reject Aramiya’s confession, but compared to that pain being slammed into me, seeing Akizuki’s suffering right now felt more like a sharp blade being stabbed into my chest…Whereas Aramiya’s broken heart was fierce and severe, Akizuki’s failed love was calm and almost eerie…Just because the person is different, you can feel such differing levels of guilt, huh…
Who’s right, who’s wrong, there’s nothing like that, but after going through this rapid change of warmth I felt, it’s not a lie that I was shaken on an entirely different level.
“…! Despite knowing the result…knowing that you would choose Kasuga Hina, I still confessed to you…I knew that my feelings would not be reciprocated, and yet…!”
There, silence filled the atmosphere between us. This was the first awkward silence I experienced with Akizuki ever since we met, a complete opposite of the calm and comfortable silences we previously had. There’s nothing I can tell her. I can’t make the pain better. No matter what I say, my response won’t change, and she knows that even if I agreed to break up with Kasuga in order to date her, it would be nothing but a lie.
“……Hey, Kujou-kun.”
“……Yeah?”
“For the end, let’s bring our answers together.”
Like this, I explained my reasoning as to why I chose Kasuga. Of course, it wasn’t anything crazy like you’d see in a novel, it was a single line, a simple reason. After telling Akizuki, she—
“…What, it’s exactly as I expected. It’s exactly the same reason I started to like Kasuga-san back in kindergarten.”
“I knew it…”
“Kujou-kun…I’ll entrust my unreciprocated feelings from back then to you.”
****
Leaving the library, I heard Akizuki’s weeping behind me.
“Sniff…Sniff…Hic…Hic…Why…why…I really liked him…I know now, but my heart…I can’t accept it…!”
“……!”
As I figured, I can’t get used to the feeling of hurting others…Not like I ever would be. However, nothing about this makes the pain in my chest easier to bear. Even though it shouldn’t hurt like this, the pain in my heart is unbearable. It was sharp, cold, a pain I had never experienced. It felt like I was dizzy, even though I clearly wasn’t. I felt the urge to puke despite not being sick. Despite just standing, I felt exhausted, and the fact that I made Akizuki cry weighed down on me even more fiercely.
“Hic…Sniff…Kujou-kun, you dummy! I want to hate you! Right now! But, I can’t! Even after getting rejected, I still love you! To think my feelings for you would grow even stronger just because the reason you’d reject me was exactly as I expected…! You big dummy! Idiot! Moron! Stupid! Why do you make the girl you’re going to reject fall for you even more!? Sniff…sniff…Hic…urk…!’
Compared to Aramiya screaming her pain out, Akizuki tried her hardest to kill her own voice, but that wasn’t possible, as I heard it across the door despite that. Compared to Aramiya, crying that she could understand it but was still frustrated, Akizuki knew it in her head, but her heart wouldn’t understand. Even though she knew that I might very well be still listening, standing next to the door, she’s screaming like that…Rather than being sweet and sour, it feels dirty. Rather than youth, these are memories of a failed love. In terms of human life, in this very stage, you could call it a bad end. But, even so, even if I made two girls go through this pain, there’s one girl I won’t allow feeling the same way. I’ll make Kasuga Hina happy no matter what.
“Hello, Kasuga? Where are you right now”
‘Shizuki-kun? I’m with Ooba-kun and the others…at the courtyard. Drinking and eating…’
“There’s something I need to tell you.”
‘Umm…where should I go, then?’
“No, you just wait for me in the courtyard.”
‘Okay…Um, Shizuki-kun?’
“Yeah?”
‘Can I…get my hopes up more than last time?’
“I’ll try my best, alright.”
I rejected Aramiya, and rejected Akizuki. I can’t let my relationship with Kasuga break apart this late into the game.
****
I ran…with everything I had. As people gathered in the courtyard, I chose the hallways to fully avoid them. Once I make it outside, I’ll go towards the courtyard at full speed. Naturally, there are countless in the courtyard. People my age, juniors, and even seniors, as well as teachers. Seeing me running amidst a crowd like that, a lot of people must think of it as dangerous.
But, I don’t care! I can’t waste the fact that I rejected Aramiya and Akizuki. I can’t just act like that didn’t happen. Chisaka-senpai praised me to such a degree, so I can’t let this end in failure after hurting both of them! So, I have to tell Kasuga Hina of my feelings! It’s a love that is built on two broken hearts, but I can’t ignore either of them!
It’s all coming back to bite. I can’t do what I told Chisaka-senpai. But, I won’t run away either. I told Akizuki…She may be my ideal partner, but my destined partner is Kasuga! I finally found my answer! I found what I’ve been ignoring until now, buried behind my thoughts that we aren’t a good pair, my one and only answer! The worthy conclusion to my romance story with Kasuga! That’s why…I need to tell her!
“Master!” “Kujou, over here~”
“…Ooba? Hirahara-sensei?”
As expected, the crowd of people in the courtyard made it hard to find Kasuga, but two people suddenly called out to me. I get that Hirahara-sensei is always so listless, but why’s Ooba this excited?
“Sorry, I don’t have time for the two of you right now…”
“Hina’s over there! I talked with the committee president, and prepared the perfect stage for you!”
“Well, I didn’t plan to meddle in with this business, but I was asked to, so as the advisor of the committee, I got something to use for you.”
Ehhhh…I have a really bad feeling about this. And 99%, that’s not going to be any good. I’m dealing with two choices here. Listen to Ooba, and his normie ideas, or go look for Kasuga myself. Well, it’s gotta be the latter. It’ll take time, but I can end it without causing a ruckus…However! I just can’t take my time here! I need to tell Kasuga my answer right away! I want to! I don’t want to just confess, and ask her to date me, but rather ask her for what she always wanted from the very beginning. That’s why even a second wasted is a shame. Even if it’s poison to my veins!
“…Ooba, Hirahara-sensei, take me there.”
****
“Kujou, don’t you worry. All the rights for this special stage are with me as the advisor of the committee.”
“Not to mention that in case someone complains, you can just say that this stage is going to be the best event of the entire culture festival, lol.”
“…I figured as much, but a special stage, huh…”
My legs are shaking. I can feel warmth building up from every inch of my body. It’s like my body was boiling, and my head was seething, my organs about to explode. My entire being was in disarray to the point I couldn’t find any better expression to describe this feeling. I’m sweating like crazy. My heart is racing dangerously fast. I’m feeling dizzy as well, the tension is making my body scream. And yet, I’m also feeling excited. I’ve never felt this way.
I’m not participating in the Olympics, you know? Nor am I being awarded the Nobel prize. I’m not going to space, nor am I going to a different world. Yet, my body won’t stop shaking, like I was a newborn calf. But even so, I had to move forward. I stepped out from the side of the stage, everyone’s gazes focused on me to the point I couldn’t ignore it, and standing in the center of the stage was…
“Shizuki-kun.”
“Kasuga…!”
I faced Kasuga Hina, the girl I’m dating. What even is this. Back in May, we did that at Sendai station. And at outdoor school, I did that with Aramiya. Both of these events couldn’t hope to compare to what I was feeling right now. It’s just…overwhelming. Perfectly honest, I’m standing here with the determination that my life would end right here, fighting for my love, everything about to break down…Alright, time to start. This is the final act of Kujou Shizuki and Kasuga Hina’s lovers’ relationship!
“Kasuga…I just talked with Akizuki. I once again confirmed that she is my perfect type of girl, something Kasuga Hina and Aramiya Remi won’t ever be able to achieve. Of course, I had to accept that.”
“Does that mean…you and Sakuya-chan are going out now?” Kasuga looked close to breaking out in tears even now.
Defeated, in pain, wounded, hurt, every word you could imagine. While showing me that expression, perfectly reflecting her feelings, Kasuga continued.
“Because she can make you happy more than I can, you’ll be dating from now on?” She asked with a quivering voice.
However, I just rejected Akizuki. It’s true that our relationship as lovers will end, but I still chose her. So, I need to cut the line here and take responsibility. I made Kasuga cry, so I have to make her happy beyond that!
“We won’t. I rejected Akizuki. And, I also rejected Aramiya.”
“……Eh?”
“Because of that, I’m standing here.”
“Eh? Huh? W-Wait, you rejected them? What do you mean?” Kasuga was bewildered.
“Exactly what I said. I won’t go out with them.”
“So…”
“Or putting it more directly, I made them sad, and I made them cry.”
Aramiya’s and Akizuki’s tears flashed up in the back of my head. However, in my heart burned the determination to do my best, just like Chisaka-senpai did. I tightly formed fists with my hands. They started to get numb, blood coming out. Amidst every student and even teachers watching me—
“I had to do that if I wanted to be together with you.”
“Why…why would you…!? Sakuya-chan would have been able to make you happy…! I also…like you! I really like you! I love you more than anything else in this world! That’s why I want you to be happy! When I heard your conversation this morning, it hurt a lot! I was forced to accept my defeat! I had to accept that Sakuya-chan is a much better fit for you! She’s completely right! You promised to make me your ideal type of girl, but that won’t work! I can’t become like Sakuya-chan!”
Although I didn’t look at them, it felt like the audience was nodding. Both Kasuga and Akizuki are famous here, so even they would understand that Kasuga can’t be like Akizuki. Of course, so can I.
“I was really happy to be trained like that by Shizuki-kun! I told you before, but understanding what I previously didn’t is a lot of fun. Sniff…But, there’s a wall I can’t overcome! Sniff…sniff…Sakuya-chan is definitely a better fit for you!” Kasuga cried like a child.
I could feel all the gazes of resentment from the crowd. She is one of the top two beauties of this school, so it’s not weird for one or two boys amidst the crowd to harbor feelings for her. Naturally, there are some gazes of killing intent. I can feel it, it’s the mirrored situation from before.
“You don’t get anything, Kasuga!”
“Eh?”
“We already had this exchange before, right?”
“Eh? The same exchange? We did?”
Kasuga seemed genuinely confused. I see…so this is how Kasuga felt back then. Just like I am right now, she was sulking, and a bit annoyed, but forgiving despite that because she was talking with the person she likes, not wanting to be separated from them. These feelings where it seems like you’re going crazy…I’m sorry for making you feel this way. I’ll apologize when the next chance arises. But, that’s exactly why I’ll make her apologize for making me feel this way as well!
“There’s no way you’d forget, right? At Sendai station, but our positions were reversed.”
“…!”
“I still remember it right now. I believed that Ooba and the others could make you happier more than I could, so I said ‘I want to apologize. I’m sorry for suddenly saying we should stay away from each other. Even though you never once said you weren’t happy with me, I just selfishly decided that on my own…So, yeah. During our last date, we ran into your friends, yeah? Back then, I saw you being much more energetic and happy when them than with me, which made me feel anxious. But since I couldn’t even act like your proper lover, I didn’t have the right to feel that way. That’s why I thought about it and decided to keep my distance from you. Thinking about it now, it was absolutely ridiculous, and idiotic’—After I revealed my own feelings, you said ‘But, learning more about it was fun, right? Learning new things is interesting, don’t you think?’, which blew away all my regret. I still remember it even now!”
“Oh yeah…I’m doing what you did back then…”
It seemed like Kasuga finally caught on to her mistake. She realized, thankfully. It’s true that I made her anxious, and rejected both the girls. I made girls cry tonight, and that means I’m in the wrong. I get it. But right now, she was trying to decide my own happiness for me, and I can’t allow that. I’m happy as long as I can be with Kasuga! So, the rest forces us to talk things out.
“I guess the only question is why I didn’t choose Akizuki.”
“Yeah…I’m sorry for deciding your own happiness for you, but I still don’t get it. I still think you two are a better fit.”
“Come on, there’s one reason that’s just painfully obvious.”
Right now, Kasuga is worried. It’s because Akizuki is a better match for me. Because our personalities align. Because Akizuki doesn’t have to improve to be my ideal. All of that makes sense. However, Kasuga doesn’t need to worry about that! I should care about that, and I need to finish this so that Kasuga can smile. That’s why I’ll tell her my answer. The same answer I told Akizuki—
“Humans aren’t living beings that understand each other, but complement and support each other!”
“““““………Huh?”””””
The crowd all tilted their heads in confusion. Of course, Kasuga was no exception to that.
“I already expected this kind of ‘What is he talking about’ reaction, okay! But, that’s the most important reason why I chose Kasuga, who’s the polar opposite of me, rather than Akizuki, who’s practically my soul mate! If anything, that’s the only reason why you would be attracted to someone who is the absolute opposite of you!”
“““““Ehhhh……”””””
“I get it, okay! I borrowed this stage solely for this purpose during the important after-festival! You want me to show off more romcom development like a drama or manga, yeah! Nobody wants to hear a loner’s philosophy!”
“No…Master, nobody said anything like that.”
“Guess Kujou’s even noisier than a normie once his limiter breaks, huh.”
Whereas Ooba was trying to calm me down in the front row, Hirahara-sensei stuffed her cheeks with takoyaki, enjoying my suffering up on stage. I glanced over at the crowd, spotting Aramiya, Chisaka-senpai, Akizuki, all watching me make up with Kasuga. Thus, I can’t allow myself to fail.
“I said some cruel stuff to Akizuki! I won’t complain if I get kicked or slapped in the face! Everybody is fine in a different way! And since you are the most different from anybody and my personal antics, that is why I chose Kasuga!”
“Kujou-kun! I’ll definitely give you a beating later!” Akizuki complained.
Maybe that’s why…being in the same world as Akizuki, I felt no excitement, no joy, and it also didn’t feel like I was cheating on Kasuga. More accurately, when I shared a bath with Akizuki back during the outdoor school, I may have been blushing, and conscious of her, but that’s because of my own embarrassment, and not because she was such a charming girl. When sleeping together with Kasuga, that had my heart racing all night instead. In that way, it’s an obvious conclusion. If Akizuki Sakuya is my ideal type of girl, something that I’ve been made aware of to the point it becomes nasty, then what even are my preferences? I like being alone.
In other words, my lover that could grant this kind of ideal would be a girl that lets me not feel anything, whether we are together or not. Or, an existence that I would allow to be with me despite all of that. We’re in high school now, definitely not small children, so maybe people will understand it better that way. Humans can’t ever come to fully understand the other. In fact, at first glance, it may seem like Akizuki and I actually understand each other.
However, mathematically, it has its limits. Even if you continue endlessly with 99.9999, you won’t ever reach a full 100%. To reach a fully-developed shared understanding, you need to reach that 100%. However, there’s no way you’d ever agree to 100% with another human being. After all, values are shaped by experience, and every person goes through different experiences, from the moment they are born. That’s why I believe in my own conclusion. Even if Kasuga and I aren’t on the same wavelength, we can support each other with what we lack, which creates a logical, romantic, and platonic relationship.
“Kasuga, when I first joined the club, you said you wanted to become my wife, right?”
“Wait, Shizuki-kun!? Will you marry me once we’re 18!?”
“No, not quite.”
“Aw…” Kasuga looked defeated.
It’s weird, despite this kind of development. But, leaving that aside.
“Kasuga.”
“—Yes.”
A few seconds ago, she was feeling dejected, and now she looked at me with a serious expression.
“Let’s end this relationship…We’ve been dating for a while, so I want to take the next step!”
“—Y-Yes!”
Kasuga seemed to be shocked quite a lot, as she stumbled over her own words. Everything depends on the ‘next’ I’m talking about. Think about it…This time, I’ll make it a success. I won’t show myself as a pathetic guy anymore as I did at Sendai station…
“Listen, Kasuga.”
“W-What?”
“I think my legs are shaking badly right now…”
“Yeah.”
“I’m worried that my body is going to melt away, burning up from the tension. I can tell my face was beet red, but now I bet everybody knows about how embarrassed I am…”
“Yeah.”
“This is probably the best way to tell you of my feelings.”
I took a deep breath, and let out the air in my lungs. How do I say this…this is crazy. The normal Kujou Shizuki would have the ability to describe this situation, but I’m at my limit here. I can’t see this as reality, it feels like I’m in a fever dream. But, I’ll just let my body take over. The feelings I have for Kasuga, that is.
“Kasuga, are you going to stay inside the prefecture for university?”
“Eh? Y-Yeah…I was planning on doing so…what about it?”
“I won’t ask you to attend the same university as me…! We both have dreams we want to achieve, so we might need to be separated, but even so…!”
“Even so?”
“—Let’s move in together after high school!”
That moment, an eerie silence rang out. Sorry to say, but I’m not done yet!
“And then! As high school graduates are impossible, but once we’ve graduated from university, and find our place in society…Please marry me!”
“——Eh?”
“““““Huuuuuuuuuuuuh!?”””””
The crowd was far too noisy. But, I didn’t bother much with that. I don’t have the time to worry. It’s been wrapped up in trouble as far as I can see, but this is the proposal befitting of Kujou Shizuki! The shocked voices around me are just white noise now! The crowd is just the audience to the love story between me and Kasuga! We’re living in our own world right now! Any obstacles from the outside should just get washed away! I’m just proposing in front of the entire student body! No problem!
Rather than suffering from a severe stomach ache, it feels like my stomach is about to explode! But I don’t care! I’m going to make this Kasuga’s greatest memory ever!
“Shizuki-kun, did you just say…”
“…I don’t want us to be simple lovers, but fiancees!”
“““““Wohooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”””””
The crowd let out its loudest cheer of the night. Will you keep it down a bit!? You’re clearly getting in the way! You’re ruining the main actor’s play! And my confession towards the heroine! You can’t just drown that out! I know that this promise is weak and fragile, and that our relationship might disappear one day! But, not all promises will go up in flames! Some will be granted through sheer determination and miracles! I promised with Kasuga, and I believe in this miracle!
“Then…Shizuki-kun.”
“What?”
“If we’re going to have the same family name in the far future, could you call me by my name then?”
Kasuga looked at me, with the gaze of a maiden in love, watery eyes, looking up at me. It was like I looked at a blooming flower so beautiful and charming. Cute. So damn cute. From the bottom of my heart, she’s the cutest person I’ve ever seen, and I want to hug her right now. But before that…one last thing to say…!
“Say…do you know why I’ve never called you by your given name, Kasuga?”
“Eh!? You had a reason for that!? I just wanted you to call me ‘Hina’!”
“~~~! Because you talked about marriage on our first meeting! I just imagined calling you Hina because our surnames were the same!”
“Awawa…”
“I can call you by your name now, right? Too late to say no.”
“…Yeah…Please do it.” Kasuga approached me, and I put both hands on her shoulders.
Her eyelashes were so long, and looked feminine. Of course, her lips shone like gemstones, sucking me in.
“Shizuki-kun.”
“Yeah.”
“In sickness and in health, will you always be with me?”
“I promise, I’ll always stay with you, Hina. We’ll continue to support each other. Because…I love you, Hina.”
First, our two shadows overlapped, followed by our gazes. Kasuga closed her eyes, and we both breathed in. Finally, I closed my eyes as well, and this time for real…without anybody pushing my back, not from Kasuga, but through my initiative…our lips overlapped—
“—Mnn. Mnnn!”
“““““Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”””””
I think I heard some white noise from the crowd, but that didn’t even reach my ears. I didn’t see anything. I simply focused on the sensation of Kasuga’s lips. It feels like I’m dreaming. Like I’m sleeping in a bed of wool, so soft. I don’t mind if the world were to end now. I also wouldn’t mind if time came to a halt now. I see…that’s what this was. When entering a world with the person you like, the sound around you, the white noise, and even any distant sounds feel like they don’t even exist in the first place. Only Kasuga and I existed in this silence.
Finally, I could kiss Kasuga—No, Hina. Honestly, I’m really happy. To the point I might tear up. I wonder, did my feelings get through to her? No, they must have. We’re in high school, yet we committed to something like this. In the end, I proposed in front of the entire student body. There was no plotting behind this, simply going along with my feelings, and the only regret I have is that I didn’t prepare a ring beforehand. Can’t be helped, I’ll have to buy a cheap ring a high school student can afford, though I probably will have to work part-time then. It’s vague, but even so…A loner like me has something where they can’t lose against a normie even.
Every human being can’t give up on one thing. On top of that, I don’t want to limit my love just because of the character that I am. After all, being limited is what I hate more than anything. But…I have to say, I’m a bit out of breath. We both moved our lips away…
“Ehehe~ Now we did it…in front of everyone.”
“Not to mention that I started it.”
“No more excuses, right? About everything.”
That’s when it happened.
“Shizupai! Hinapai! You normies should just go explode!”
“Fire flower…ignition!”
Aramiya and Chisaka-senpai talked about something, but right before I was able to process it, something exploded. A few seconds later…
“Wah! Shizuki-kun! Look!”
“I see…it still barely is summer, huh.”
Fireworks of myriad colors filled the night sky. The scenery felt like a dream of light from every corner. Red, green, orange, blue, yellow, dark blue, yellow-green, purple, white…much more than a ruby, emerald, topaz, sapphire, quartz, lapis lazuli, peridot, amethyst, diamond, I can’t even count all of these jewels and gems, but the sky above my eyes shone much brighter than they ever could.
I felt my eyes getting hot. I guess I was piling up exhaustion myself without knowing it. The relief is probably getting to me. Even though I’ve seen fireworks countless times in my life so far, they never looked so radiant and abundant of color before. Both Aramiya and Chisaka-senpai were looking up at them in a daze. I bet they had that prepared beforehand, but to think they were using that for us.
Thus, our three-day culture festival reached its end. Even though it was only one festival out of the three you’d have as a high school student…to us from the peculiar future course club, it was undoubtedly a precious memory never to be forgotten.
CClaw Translations 
Was not expecting Yuri in there.
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