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The Tama River’s riverbed is incredibly lacking in any sort of shelter. Above the seemingly-endless grass field, an extremely strong breeze blew, which might just be strong enough to make it into the Guinness World Records.
“…Go home…”
“…Run away…”
“…I wanna die…”
Beside the jogging path, there were many high school students gathered, hugging their knees in despair. Faced with the approaching marathon tournament, their eyes were filled with despair. Sadly, the sky was cloudy. I can’t blame them for being downers about it, considering the impending long-distance run along with the stormy wind.
Even without those two things, the course was already hell enough for them. Next to the jogging path’s start and finish lines, a picnic blanket had been laid out, and several people sat on top of it with various items to document the event.
“…How nice it must be for them. All they have to do is watch.”
Someone was giving the chosen elite, the ones who had managed to sneak their way out of this event, a resentful glare. In the midst of these elite was a familiar-looking face.
“You can do it, Yokodera! I’m rooting for you!” Azuki Azusa waved her hand at me, smiling brightly.
She’s particularly skilled at not reading the mood. I feel like she doesn’t participate in PE and events like these very often. When I approached the picnic blanket, she handed me a newly-opened hand warmer.
“Thanks. How are you doing, Azuki Azusa? Do you have a cold?”
“Y-Yeah…! Um, well, it’s an unavoidable racoon festival caused by an offensive chronic disease.”
“I see. I don’t get it!”
I’m surprised someone bought that flimsy excuse and allowed her to sit this one out. Then again, if someone as diligent as her said she wasn’t feeling well, I could see myself cutting her some slack.
“Well, keep yourself warm so that your cold doesn’t get any worse!”
I tried to give her the hand warmer back, but she shook her head.
“You’re just feeling better now. I was really worried, you know!”
“Ah, sorry… So you knew, huh?”
“I mean, you never came to school, and you never answered my calls. I even went to visit your home like a meddling woodpecker.”
“Really!?”
“I rang the doorbell, but nobody responded, so I figured you were sleeping, so I went home. I’m glad you made it in time for the marathon!”
Yeah, of course you’d go home after not receiving an answer. A normal girl wouldn’t try to break into the house with a hammer. Right. Are you listening to this, Tsukiko-san?
“That aside, I’m feeling just fine.”
“I couldn’t help you otherwise, so at least take this hand-warmer!”
“No, no, no!”
“Yes, yes, yes!”
We were handing the present of our love back and forth when…
“Raaaa!”
Someone grabbed my shoulder fiercely.
“W-What…?”
“Ora! Kora!”
When I turned around, I found Gorilla-senpai dry-heaving. What’s wrong? Did you not eat enough bananas today?
“Don’t you dare be flirting like that, bastard!”
“We weren’t flirting. Just talking normally.”
“Huuuh!? That was definitely not normal!”
“I mean it kind of was… Everyone else is talking, too. Right, Azuki Azusa?”
“Y-Yeah! Maybe! Probably!” Azuki Azusa blinked several times.
She’s the type of character who will act like a strong noble lady, especially in the past. In reality, though, she’s as fragile of a girl as any. The muscular macho Gorilla-senpai seemed to not be too happy about it, and a vein was popping on his head. I took her hand and hid her behind my back.
“…Ehehe, thank you.” Azuki Azusa made a flustered smile.
She held my elbow, letting out a white breath. We exchanged glances and smiled.
“……Ugh.”
Gorilla-senpai stood alone, hiding his face with both of his hands.
“Uu… uuu…”
Is that supposed to be weeping? The infamous unbreakable Gorilla’s mentality breaks quite easily, doesn’t it? Not to mention that he turned his back towards us and started running away. He parted the grass on his way to the waterside.
“—Usu! Raaa! I’m not gonna lose!” He screamed, facing the Tama River.
This is Gorilla-senpai in his 17th year of life. He’s brimming with energy. Everyone watched him from afar, not daring to approach him.
An announcement was given that the race would be starting soon.
“I’ll be waiting here! You can get first place, Yokodera!”
“…I doubt it, but thanks.” I shrugged and parted ways with Azuki Azusa, heading over to the starting line of the jogging path.
It’s a path barely wide enough for five people to stand next to each other. Of course, it stretches endlessly into the distance ahead. The ones who are serious about this marathon and the club members of the sports clubs lined up at the front, whereas those with zero motivation and dead eyes lined up in the back. The marathon management committee seemed to be under the impression that Yokodera-kun belonged to the serious faction, as they had placed me up towards the front.
“Ohhh! Shaaa!” I could see Gorilla-senpai’s back ahead of me.
His back was burning with motivation, like he was about to blow the people around him away with sheer energy.
“…This isn’t good.” I muttered to myself.
I was still unsure of myself. Should I aim for the first place to gain something, or give in to my still-exhausted body? Which one? Which one is correct? I can’t see Tsutsukakushi anywhere nearby. The boys and girls start at different times, which is why she’s not around. I wanted to talk with her one last time. That’s what I wished in the back of my mind. But that wish wouldn’t be granted. Like spinning hearts inside of me, my system had already been worked out.
The black shadow started to gather at my feet. I can only run away now. Only now. Now or never.
A member of the marathon committee stood on the stage next to the starting line. They raised their hand into the air, with the signal gun in hand. There was no more time to hesitate. Then again, there was no reason to hesitate in the first place. It was the same as always.
Everything that happened after that felt like was in slow motion.
“Uraaa! Get out of my way!”
Immediately after the signal gun was shot, Gorilla-senpai shoved forward through the rows of people, running at full speed.
“…Ah?” Three seconds later, the king of the forest tripped over something and lost his footing.
With a dumbfounded voice, he fell down from the artificially-created jogging path, falling full-speed down the riverbank.
*
Nobody noticed the accident right away. None of them bothered to look over the riverbank Gorilla-senpai had disappeared down, and they continued to run. It was an unfortunate accident. He was unlucky. I am busy with myself. I have to be careful not to make the same mistake. They were all probably thinking something along those lines.
But is it really possible for everyone to ignore that? My feet came to a sudden halt. More and more people, even those much slower than me, passed me by. Did Gorilla-senpai really trip? I feel like I saw someone messing with his shoe laces. I also thought I saw someone giving his back a push. Nothing was clear here. It seemed like I felt an evil intent.
As everyone continued running, I stood still.
“…Fufu.”
“Ahahh…”
“Shaaaasu…”
I could hear laughter from the group passing me by. I don’t know what that told me. Every single person, whether from the baseball club or not, all acted like nothing happened. Even the committee members. I could feel the transparent malice of the entire group.
I stood still for a moment.
Finally, my legs moved towards the riverbank. Even so, I didn’t know if that was out of my own desire or not. The runners ahead of me didn’t bother to care, so I slowly stepped down.
At the base of the river, in the middle of water-drenched ground, I spotted someone’s curled-up back.
“…Shit…”
Gorilla-senpai had presumably twisted his ankle, because he was crouched down, hugging his knees. He didn’t even bother looking at me. He just gritted his teeth. His face was filled with dirt and grass, making him look even more like a Gorilla-senpai than usual.
Let’s take a step back. Someone who constantly hurts and bullies other people, someone like Gorilla-senpai who tries to rule by sheer strength, how could anyone like him? This was the punishment he deserved. He was unpopular for a reason, and had received revenge like this for a reason. The great reign of the king of the forest is unavoidable. That is the rule of society, and the rule of the jungle.
“Stop staring at me like that, bastard!” Gorilla-senpai clicked his tongue.
He’s not reflecting on anything. I don’t like him, either. He’s petty, selfish, and unbearable to be around. He has no charm as a person—And even so…
“……” I didn’t utter a word. I merely offered my hand to him.
The desire to save someone is within me. That can’t be denied. It wasn’t obsession, or an action that I wanted to be repaid. Nor was it a facade. I had no reason, no self-interest, no explanation, no basis, no meaning, no pride, no arrogance, no heroic thinking, no delight, no anxiety, no decision, no hesitation, no resignation, no evil intent, no ulterior motive, no perseverance, no escape, no ambition, no determination—
As a single person, even without my own strength, I want the light to brighten up someone’s life. Just like I had sworn to never make a girl cry, I want to help people who are in need.
“………Haha.”
I felt like the other me let out a laugh from its position hiding in the shadows… No, calling it the ‘other me’ is a weird thing to say in itself. If not for me, this guy wouldn’t exist. Disregarding the Cat God’s bad joke, we were both one person.
The black shadow rose up next to me. I didn’t refuse it, nor did I deny it. I accept it as a part of myself. I am you, and you are me. The me who wants to be a hero, and the me who can’t become a hero. We are both the same me. Together with the shadow, I reached out.
“U-Usu…?” Gorilla-senpai blinked.
Both of our arms grabbed his. And then, I mixed together with myself, melted, and combined. Along with a flickering light in the depths of my eyes, I felt a rush of memories. The actions of my shadow during the time I was disconnected were all inputted into my body.
Hey now, what were you doing when I was sleeping? You were this assertive towards my dear fangirls? Times when I acted too repulsively, times when I acted assertively, times when I acted too dangerously, and a mountain of problems had been left behind for me. What was I doing in particular? I can’t write about this publicly, so please see for yourselves on the hidden HenNeko website. Either way, it took quite some work to get the Gorilla-senpai up the riverbank.
“…I never asked you to help me, moron. Just go die in hell! Don’t act all cool like that!” He spit poison at me, grew agitated, and showed the worst possible attitude towards someone who was simply trying to help.
But I myself realized that I continued holding onto his thick arm, and I felt relieved. I wasn’t doing this to gain anything, or to fulfill my own desire. I just simply wanted to help him, and this made me really happy.
“Here.” I lent my shoulder to the still-resisting Gorilla-senpai and carried him up the bank.
A committee member came to thank me, accepted Gorilla-senpai, and thanked me. Gorilla-senpai sat down on the picnic blanket, glaring at me with a fearsome gaze.
“I won’t accept this. I definitely won’t accept this! That promise is invalid!”
“Yeah, I know. Let’s continue this another time.”
“…Shit… shit…” He cast his face down, wiping it with his arm, rubbing his eyes.
“Ah…”
I heard a deep voice then. It probably wasn’t directed at me, nor was it something aimed at anyone at all. I, however, just smiled.
*
Quite some time had passed since I started running for real. The boys were already too far ahead, and even the girls were distant. Surrounded by them, I tasted the humiliation as I watched their backs and behinds wearing gym clothes… Ah, this isn’t as bad as I thought. Yeah, I guess I should just keep this position!
The girls who had turned around at the girls-specific turnaround point passed me by. I saw a cat-tailed girl in there, but she had her face averted from me. Did she find out that I was looking at the girls from behind!? Not good, not good, not good… Very bad…!
Well, it’s not like I have a reason or right to feel that way.
“I knew it, Senpai was like this.”
A whisper filled with profound emotions disappeared into the wind.
“………”
We passed each other, not exchanging a glance.
*
In the end, I finished at a place very close to the back. The only people around me were those who never had any real motivation to begin with, so none of them were very out of breath. They all talked about going home, or visiting the game center to celebrate the end of this hellish day.
I guess a youth like that might not be half bad. It might even have been more fun than what I chose. But everyone has their own youth to experience. I stopped envying other people after the school trip.
I turned my back to the prizes being distributed and did some stretches on the grass. Eventually, I heard quick footsteps approaching me. It was Azuki Azusa. She was holding a towel in one hand and a water bottle in the other.
“Good work! You’re amazing!”
“…Am I, I wonder?”
“You saved someone! Like a golden retriever saving a small baby! Even if you’re not first place, you won everyone’s hearts!”
Her cheerful expression vanished, and she looked up at me like she was trying to see through me.
“What’s wrong? Is there something on my face?”
“It just seemed like the atmosphere around you has changed. Um…”
“…Like back at the art museum?”
Azuki Azusa nodded awkwardly. Now that I had gained control over the shadow, I had no real answer for that.
“Now that I think about it, you asked me who my favorite Western artist was, right?”
Instead, I changed topics to something that came to mind. The memories I originally had, but had forgotten over time, came back to me.
“Within the rows of Impressionists, it has to be Pierre-Auguste Renior. I think the National Museum of Western Art had some of his paintings displayed. Do you know who that is?”
“…Um…” Azuki Azusa blinked awkwardly.
She must have been worried that I would go into a lecture again. I slowly opened my fist out of my own desire and took a deep breath. My desire to talk with her doesn’t change, no matter how mixed up my feelings are. I can do this. I can talk to her.
“After all, he loved drawing naked women, as well as small girls. I can feel his overflowing love towards the beauty of young girls!”
“Ah, it’s the same Yokodera as always.”
“…Huh? I expected you to act weirded out there.”
Azuki Azusa giggled.
“You said that on purpose, right? That’s how I knew it was the usual you.”
“Oh really…?”
“And I don’t really mind. People have all sorts of interests. Even if you only liked male chickens, I would be totally fine with it!”
“…Really?”
“I mean, I can talk with you about how to separate male from female, and we could go on a summer festival date, visiting the stall of an old man who sells them.”
“Are you really okay with that!?” I practically shouted, but Azuki Azusa didn’t stop smiling.
I guess she’s fundamentally composed to always be soft on me. She accepts everything about me. She’s the opposite of people who try to correct others. I don’t know if it’s really okay to accept everything, but… These kinds of relationships exist, and don’t exist. That’s all there is to it.
*
After a lot of ups and downs, my battle with the shadow came to an end. Forgetting about all the problems he left behind. But let me talk about what happened afterwards. A week had passed since the marathon, and the early exam date for the national university arrived.
I went a different way from usual after leaving the local train station, and when I headed north on the university street, I ended up at Kouhshuu Highway. The intersection there was by our town’s university and the one Steel-san was going to take the exam for.
“It’s still cold, huh…?”
I stood in front of the gate, and a cold breeze made my body tremble. It’s not like I could do anything to help her, but I’ve heard that it’s reassuring for examinees to know that someone is waiting for them. Not to mention that I can exchange handshakes with all the female examinees! That’s a free bonus.
Is it cold? Just put a hand warmer in your chest pocket.
“…Is your father working today?” I asked.
The human hand warmer in my chest pocket—or rather Emi, who was snuggling up to me inside my coat—nodded. She had been oddly quiet ever since we came here. Maybe she’s sleepy? Enjoying the warmth of a young girl like this is not something I’ll complain about.
Knowing Emi’s Papa, I figured that he might try something weird again, so I called him here together with Emi, but since he hasn’t appeared yet, I guess he must be busy with work. Well, I wouldn’t even know how to talk with him after what happened. I’ll probably have to have a thorough talk with him. Maybe next week, or next year, or next century?
Finally, the traffic light for the pedestrian crossing turned green, and the mass of examinees passed through the university gate. In the midst of these courageous soldiers, I saw Seel-san striding towards us, as beautiful as ever.
“Oh, you came to see me before the exam. How considerate.” She spotted us at the gate and calmly waved.
She seemed oddly relaxed, especially if you compared her to the panicked Yokodera-kun. Whenever you deal with a mountain of problems, you have to begin with the very first one. The first person the black shadow—No, I—troubled was Steel-san, so I needed to take responsibility. Or this might just be the very last day of my life I could call myself a Yokodera.
I feel like I’ve experienced something similar before. Oh, yeah, back when I handed Steel-san a copy of my family register.
“Club President, I need to talk with you about something very important once the exam is over.”
“Hm? Is it not okay to talk about it now?”
“I want you to focus on the exam for now.”
“That makes me feel even more curious. I thought you were talking about the marriage again.”
“I mean, well…”
“Where should we hold the ceremony, what day should we plan it on… There’s a mountain of things we still have to decide.”
“No, um…”
“Ahh, I’m looking forward to my virgin road.” Steel-san looked up at the sky, I would assume imagining herself in a wedding dress.
Past her gaze was an open blue sky. It seemed like she had a strong connection to the idea of getting married… Well, whatever. Goodbye, my Yokodera name, and welcome, Tsutsukakushi family. Married Prince and Stony Little sister, here we go!
“…Anyway, jokes aside.” Steel-san looked down at me.
“That was a joke?!”
“Did you think I was serious?”
“Ah, well, um…”
“…Fufu.” Her sky-blue eyes shone calmly. “I know. You did this to motivate me. More than anything, this is something that the ‘Younger Yokodere Brother’ did, after all.”
“Huh?”
“I will wait until the ‘Older Brother’ accepts what his younger brother did.”
Oh, yeah. Now that I think about it, nobody, including me, knows how Steel-san even separates the Yokodera brothers. Since her criteria for distinguishing between the two is a black box, she can arbitrarily decide one or the other.
“…Club President, since when did you…?”
“I’ve already retired from the club, so I’m not president anymore. Call me Onee-san instead.”
“Huh?”
“Onee-san, okay? Yokodera-kouhai.” Tsutsukakushi Tsukushi pointed her index finger at me.
When I stretched my back in shock, she flipped her finger against my forehead.
“Wha…!?”
“Don’t take it too seriously.”
I faltered backwards, and Steel-san narrowed her eyes. She dangled her finger in front of my eyes, like she had removed a small fiber.
“Wha… wha…?”
I realized too late that she was just playing with me. She made me falter! An older lady played with the heart of a younger boy! …Yeah, she’s older than me. As long as this world continues to turn as it has so far, she is someone who will become an adult faster than me. I can’t overcome this age difference, even if I wait an eternity.
That’s why she might really be someone I should call an Onee-san. I felt happy about this, but I also felt a pain inside of my chest. She had arrived at a place out of my reach, like a someone else.
“…By the way.” Steel-oneesan dropped her gaze in a puzzled manner.
She looked at my face, and then at Emi, who was still hiding inside of my coat.
“What exactly are you two doing?”
“I mean, she snuck inside there the instant we met. I guess this is what it feels to be a father.”
“Oho…”
She looked at me like I had wandered off to a different world. Huh? Was I the one who had gone somewhere out of reach?
“But really, what happened?”
Emi was way too quiet. When I glanced down at her, she was quivering slightly, like a rabbit cowering in its cage.
“…I saw a hooded man just now.”
“A hooded man?”
“He was there at Tsuu-chan’s home on the day of the Central Exam. He was wearing a hood, and he had a weird gaze… Do you remember what he said?”
“Not really, no.”
“‘At this rate, you’ll fail. Completely so, to your own detriment. Very soon, you will—’” Emi quoted what he said verbatim.
Wow, she has a crazy good memory. She’s the youngest in terms of physical body, but her mental age probably greatly surpasses mine.
“I mean, with how weird he looks, I can’t help but be conscious of him.”
“That doesn’t even matter.”
“Eh?”
“You still haven’t realized it? Onii-chan, that person is…” Emi looked up at me like she was asking for a response.
I heard gears spinning from somewhere. They keep following me, forever and ever.
“I don’t get what you’re all on about… Mm…? Mmmm!?” Steel-san put one hand on her mouth, tilting her head. “It must be the exhaustion catching up to me…”
Cough, cough.
Steel-san let out a hacking cough. From the deepest parts of her throat, like something was stuck in her, she coughed again and again. It was an awful, discomforting cough.
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