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I tasted melons!
It was a Sunday with no wind blowing. The sports grounds were like the wide open sea, wrapped in an early-morning refreshing atmosphere. Watching the empty courtyard must be boring. This is one of my advocacies. However, you cannot impetuously jump to this conclusion. Let’s change our point of view.
The uniforms of naked girls have become transparent while they run around! What do you think now? The world is full of color, and everything is happy and smiley! The world is a paradise each and every day!
However, this peace shrouded in dimly-lit darkness won’t last long. Finally, the morning light entered the courtyard, the night dew started to melt away, and the students running for morning practice will arrive shortly.
As a matter of fact, our world couldn’t be more far away from a happy smiley paradise. One man’s tolerance runs out because of another man’s principles.
“—Usu! Osu!”
“…Another ball came flying over…”
Right as the morning practice began, another war between the baseball and track-and-field club began.
*
“Stop staring like that, you moron!” Gorilla-senpai drummed his hands on his chest as always.
He seemed irritated today as well, and he approached Maimaki before she even said anything.
“…I’m not even gonna bother with you, idiot.”
“Oraaaa! If you’ve got something to complain about, why don’t you do it!?”
The head of the track-and-field club, Maimaki, ignored his excessive behavior, but he came to bother her even closer. While sitting on the stairs as usual, I watched this familiar tyranny.
“I feel bad for MaiMai~”
“Uwaaah!?”
Cozy-sama set down next to me like it was the most obvious thing to do in the world, and I could see her brows furrowing at the sight of the current situation.
“I wonder when they’re going to arrive at an understanding…” As she muttered, she made a gesture like she was… how do I put it… crushing the neck of a chicken.
I don’t know what kind of understanding she’s expecting them to come to, but I really don’t want to either. In order to not add the sudden disappearance of the baseball club to our seven school mysteries, I stood up.
“Now, now, you all.” I raised my voice, and everyone glanced at me and then glanced away again.
“That guy again?” Everyone looked at me like a clown who had failed his stunt at the circus. The only person who didn’t treat me like a used tool was MaiMai. She walked towards me.
“It’s fine, YoYo. Sorry about… earlier…” She shook her head in a troubled fashion, pursing her lips.
It seemed like she felt responsible for what had happened last time.
“This doesn’t seem like you, MaiMai.”
“…Fueh?”
I passed by her, putting one hand on her shoulder, and stepped up on top of the stage. Don’t worry about it. I feel ready today. I’ll do something about this. More specifically, the new me inside of myself will do it. I stood directly facing the line between the two clubs, and everyone was forced to quit their practice. The Gorilla-senpai immediately leaped at me.
“Don’t interrupt us!”
The sun was high, and the shadow moved closer to me underneath the cold winter sunlight. He arrived at my feet, crawled up my thighs, and entered me. It didn’t feel comfortable by any means, but I’m getting used to it by now.
“Listen! If the sky is blue, then this place belongs to us—”
“…Do you know why the sky is blue?”
Again, my mouth moved on its own.
“As if I would know that, moron!”
“Then why don’t you stop bringing that up every single time? Not to mention you put it so lightly.”
“What’s your problem!? Can you explain it or what!?”
“Of course I can.”
“Huuuh?”
“If you want me to answer it in the physical sense, all you must do is employ the idea of the quantum effect of Rayleigh scattering. Combine this with the fact that our retinas lack cells to perceive purple, and thus we can explain why the sky is blue.”
“…Huh?”
“Of course, I’m merely copying the words of astronomer Philip Plait.”
“P-Philip who…?” Gorilla-senpai blinked several times.
Don’t ask me, I don’t know anything about it, either. I think I read about him once when I was being serious about studying.
“But that’s not the whole truth!” I spread my arms wide. “Why is the sky blue? It is to remind us humans about the place we all originate from—the wide open sea.”
“T-The sea?”
“In the beginning, we had long been powerless living beings. We were constantly washed to and fro, and were unable to think about anything. And yet, today we live as the apex predators of this world, standing atop the food chain! Is that not because we have tasted the fruit of wisdom, struggling hand in hand to overcome our origin?!”
“……”
“We look at the blue color of the sky, and we are asked to remember this fact. That can be said about me and everyone else here! We of this young generation, we who are brimming with energy, are wasting our precious lives given to us by our ancestors for such a fight! Why don’t we leave it at that? We should be helping each other beneath these blue skies!”
A great speech, if I dare say so myself. However, the only response that came back was silence. A painful silence unable to be put into words reigned over the sports grounds. Slowly, the atmosphere changed…
“…………Usu!”
I heard a faint applause. A member of the baseball club had started clapping. The koala boy who had come to pick up the ball a few days ago was now clapping for me with a beet red face.
“Great story!”
“Great story?”
“Great story…?”
“No idea…”
A few people seemed confused at first, but eventually joined in on the applause.
“Whenever you’re doing knocks1, the track-and-field club will run around the school building and do stretches.” MaiMai passed by me, calling out to the people of the baseball club. “In return, when we’re doing hurdles or throwing events, I want you to keep the ball inside the field.”
“Usu! Hours?”
“We’ll decide on them now. We’ll keep the same days as before.”
“Usu! Others?”
“We should tell our advisors about it later. For now, the student council…”
MaiMai was holding a somewhat successful conversation with the baseball club’s members. I guess neither of them actually wanted to fight without any reason.
“Tsk…” Gorilla-senpai clicked his tongue and moved away from his allies.
While I watched it all unfold, the black shadow moved back to the ground again, as if it had finished its duty. I protected the peace here… I think.
When I came back…
“Ouji-kun! I knew you had it in you!” Cozy-sama gave me a gleeful hug.
Amazing! If I were to confess now, she might actually reject me politely! Though I’ll get rejected either way, huh? Still, I’m happy that she’s happy. I made her happy. She’s welcoming me with positive affection. I’m allowed to live in this world. This black shadow is wonderful.
It’s the renewal of the Invigorating Prince, the reborn Invigorating Prince. The name hasn’t changed, but from today on, I am a new Yokodera Ouji! I hope you look forward to it!
*
After receiving that shadow at the shrine, I got involved with all sorts of things at school. If there was a sick student to the East, I would bring them through the rows of second-years to arrive at the infirmary. If there was a tired teacher to the West, I would listen to everything she had to say after classes. If there was a sports club member about to run away from the club to the South, I would go and talk with the scary Senpais. If there was a fight or a dispute to the North, I would calm them down, standing against wind and rain, standing against any insults, and not run away. Because that is the kind of person I am.
All the problems and struggles I resolved during this week tallied up to more than ten or twenty. The battle between the baseball and the track-and-field club feels like child’s play to me now, like something I eat before breakfast. Or, as Tsukiko-chan would put it, early-midmorning-breakfast.
This is pretty heavy, now that I think about it. Then again, even if troublesome events happen, the me that isn’t myself can handle it. The evaluation that other people have of me keeps rising without me having to do anything. In a lot of ways, this is an ideal school life!
“Ouji-kun! You’re full of energy today, huh?!”
“Yahoo, Ouji~”
“You seem like you’re enjoying yourself!”
It was another average Friday, during lunch break. As I walked down the hallway, several girls came towards me, snickering.
“Tell me if anything’s wrong. I’ll save you all!”
“Ouji-kun is so cool!”
“More like a god!”
“Play with us another time!”
I felt something as soft as a Yuubari melon pressed against me. It feels so nostalgic to be treated like a prince. Have I experienced something similar to this before? But this time, the other peoples’ consciousness wasn’t overwritten. I achieved this with my own actions, my own feet and mouth—thanks to the shadow. I was enjoying this happiness and melon-like taste when…
“…Again.”
…I felt someone’s gaze. From the shadows of the hallway, I saw a horse costume staring at me. It’s the same girl from before. Whenever I resolved any trouble, she would always show her face. Or rather, she’d show herself, but after I spotted her, she would always disappear. A true rubberneck, but in the shape of a horseneck. Maybe she’s a fan of mine? If you need help, just consult this Invigorating Prince right here.
The only problem that might arise would be if she was a spy for a certain person. Maybe she reports back with all sorts of dangerous information, and the Demon Lord Points are being revived once more. If that were true, I’d be in trouble, and the world would be in trouble. This isn’t my body alone anymore. I have to survive for the world’s sake!
“Hey, excuse me for a second.”
I said my farewell to the girls, and chased after Ms2. Horse.
The horse costume must block her view quite a bit. In the middle of the halfway, she hit her head on the thick blackboard, on the thick pillars, or even the vice principal’s bald head as she walked towards the clubroom building.
She’s probably the type of girl who doesn’t observe her surroundings enough. She even got scolded by the vice principal, so I hope this doesn’t turn into some violation of school regulations… I guess not; this is a pretty free school. The horse costume disappeared on the second floor of the clubroom building, specifically into the children’s welfare clubroom.
Yeah, there’s no doubt she’ll hold a secret meeting here. I wonder what she’ll report to Tsukiko-chan after following me for these past few days? With an uneasy heart, I put my ear to the door.
“Hmm…”
I couldn’t really pick up any of the voices inside the room because of my racing heart. This ain’t funny at all. I made up my mind to boldly waltz inside. Instead of sneaking around on the outside, hearing them out inside would be much more polite.
“Enough talking about me! Listen to me!” I knocked briefly and threw open the door. “…Huh?”
What greeted me was the horse’s decapitated corpse. Or rather, there seemed to be a zipper on the hip, which made the horse look like it had been cut in half.
“……”
The lower part still looked like a horse, but the upper part of its body was revealed to be a naked Ms. Tsukiko.
“…Ohh?”
“……”
Her wide eyes trapped me inside. But only her gaze moved. Her innocent and defenseless body was fully revealed, like a banana peel that had been pulled off.
“Hmm…”
“……..”
Ms. Horse and Ms. Tsukiko. As I pondered the implications of such a pairing, I imagined the cheering voices of a horse-racing arena in Tokyo.
Several horses are racing up to the final corner, coming up to the final stretch! The one who’s currently taking the lead is Tsukiko Brian! The distance to those behind her is getting close to six, no, seven rounds! She is so strong! So strong, Tsukiko Brian! And thus she made it through the goal! What a wonderful victory for Tsukiko Brian! She has shown us a wonderful display!
“…You did it.”
“…………”
I madea victorious pose. What, depict the scenery in front of you instead of some shitty fantasy? Oh, right. It pains me to say it, but because of this naive society’s situation, I have to keep it vaguely figurative, but the white skin of her body and the pink mounds shining bright like the moon on a cloudless night were all bright and fully in view. Licking them, touching them, tasting them, everything sounded equally wonderful.
“Wonderful, wonderful…”
“………”
A full moon has been bestowed upon us—the Chancellor of the Realm has arrived. It makes me think that this world has been created solely for my sake. It has arrived! The spring of this world!
“………Is that so?” Tsutsukakushi became quiet for a moment, then slowly opened her mouth. “So the pervert was Senpai-san. Huh.”
“Hmm?”
“Do you have anything else to say?”
“Ah, wait, you’re wrong! You were in the middle of taking off the costume, right!”
I’m sure the inside of the costume must be hot. After taking it off, you’d want to wipe your sweaty body dry. That would explain why she didn’t pay much attention to the door. It can’t be helped that she didn’t notice me.
In other words, another appreciation party of Tsukiko-chan’s body was inevitable. I’ve heard that this is a recurring theme in a certain series, so it can’t be helped. Tsukiko-chan should just become a model for a pin-up service magazine. That much is pretty unavoidable at this point.
Every single aspect of this can’t be helped in any shape or form. It’s merely an accumulation of coincidences, a sad accident.
“…No. This will cause trouble.”
“Tsukiko-chan? Why are you putting the costume on again? Why are you opening your mouth like a guillotine? Why is the shadow of Ms. Horse covering my entire body… Tsukiko-chan!?”
Ms. Horse relentlessly bit down on my body, and I felt like a carrot in this monster’s mouth. A Buddhist once said: ‘Arrogance does not last eternal. ‘Tis but a mere spring night’s dream. A fierce horse shall always catch up.’ The same can be said about the horse costume.
Memories of Tsukiko-chan’s naked body vanished like bubbles on the surface of a pond. What a heartless fate.
*
“That was too cruel…”
“What are you saying? Who is cruel?”
Ms. Tsukiko Brian (inner part) shook her leg, ready to leap at me again, and I shook my hands left and right to try to stop her. Both the victim and the aggressor sat on folding chairs facing each other. As a side note, aggressor Yokodera was being forced to sit on his knees on top of said chair.
“W-Well, about that.” I pointed at the corner of the room, where Mr. Tsukiko Brain (the outer part), lay. Its role as a costume had ended.
He must have been drenched in sweat and the scent of youth (Tsukiko-chan) by now. I’m a bit jealous.
“…No can do. I won’t let you wear it.”
“I didn’t even say anything! Also, I don’t like the idea of you wearing someone else’s costume in front of others like that.”
“O-Of course.”
“Why did you stutter?”
“I didn’t. I am aware that this isn’t something that should be done. I am totally aware, yes.”
Having won the award of the nation’s best hugging pillow (*Hugging Pillow Lover, a person who acts as someone else’s hugging pillow), Tsukiko-chan gave a blank face, acting like she was innocent. Having no expression sure is convenient, huh?
“More importantly… or not really, I guess? Anyway, wasn’t another girl wearing this horse costume earlier?”
“It was just time to switch. This costume belongs to the club.”
“Ahh, I see. The children’s welfare club sure is serious about their practice, huh?”
“Right, right. Even on days that it doesn’t belong to me, as long as I stay far away enough from you to observe you, I can continue to write in my observation diary.”
“Um, I heard several words in there that don’t sound like they have to do with this club.”
“In short, I observed Senpai from inside of the horse costume. Is there a problem with that?”
“By the way, whenever I head off to the bathroom during recess, there’s a horse costume standing next to the bathroom, counting passionately. What was that about?”
“…You really are a pervert, Senpai.”
“Can you not use that convenient phrase whenever you don’t know how to respond!?”
You can’t do whatever you want simply because that costume protects you. It might be hard to say, but there are times when you have to stand your ground, and be a man, Yokodera!
“Since nobody else is going to say it, I’ll be straight with you. I think you should reevaluate your views and realize that you’re a pervert yourself, Tsukiko-chan!”
“So pervert-san is a peeking devil who talks back all the time.”
“…Peeking devil…?”
“Before you talk about anything like that, I advise that the Peeking Devil-san should hand in a self-report to the police and reevaluate his views according to their standards.”
“Hold on, hold on, none of that…” I desperately stopped Tsutsukakushi, who was taking out her phone.
Man Yokodera had to surrender only one minute after proudly declaring his rebirth. As for Tsutsukakushi, she stared at me with unwavering eyes.
“Senpai is a pervert. Yes, Senpai is a pervert.”
“…Yeah yeah, I’m a pervert…”
“Very well. An honest Pervert is Senpai.” Tsutsukakushi let out a satisfied sigh.
Thus, the costume observation supervision diary is still shrouded in mystery. The price of a lucky pervert moment as such is truly high. Considering costs and returns, I’m not sure if it’s a worthy investment or not.
“I definitely was not recording the times of day you went to the bathroom, how long the trip took, nor how many students you flirted with before actually going to the bathroom. I definitely didn’t do this to calculate a punishment, so don’t get the wrong idea.”
“You really didn’t have to be honest… Wait, punishment? What?”
“Senpai, don’t change the subject.”
“Ah, okay…”
I see. We’re having a serious conversation now. Wow. At least let me talk about that punishment you mentioned.
“For crying out loud. You’ve been acting weird as of late, Senpai. Especially during recess.”
“Meaning what?”
“It feels like… You’re a different person.”
Tsutsukakushi stared directly into my eyes.
For this entire past week, Tsutsukakushi has been observing me, following me, and recording me.
“Did something happen, by any chance?”
She had noticed an irregularity. Without relying on the Cat God’s strength. Just by her own perseverance.
“…I’m the same as always. I mean, I’m happy to be surrounded by girls, and I got to see Tsutsukakushi’s lick licky licky body.”
“What do you mean by ‘lick licky licky’? Are you going to lick my body? Am I going to get licked?”
“I didn’t think that far, okay?!”
“Your pronunciation sounded lewd. Senpai is lewd. I’d be glad if you could change that.”
“Yes.”
“Don’t ‘Yes’ me.”
“Yes.”
“…Let’s set aside our plans for bringing you to court for later.”
“So I’m going to be charged with a crime…”
“I’ll make you feel like you won’t be able to become a groom anymore.”
“What am I going to be charged for doing!? What category of judgment are we talking about?!”
“Senpai.”
“Yes.”
“I told you not to change the topic, right?”
“Right right right!” I raised my hands, screaming in agony.
It feels great to be at least allowed to do this freely.
“…I understand a lot about you, Senpai.” Tsutsukakushi had returned to her serious mode, and her shoulders were quivering. “No. More accurately, I want to become someone who understands Senpai. I reflected on my actions during the field trip. A lot, in fact. That’s why I decided to stop looking at only the outside of people.” She looked at her small hands and muttered in a quiet voice. “And, by observing you through my horse filter, I have started to consider that you might have changed, Senpai. It’s like you have gotten weird.”
“…For example?”
“For example, you’re acting like a hot shot with all these cute girls around you.”
“A-Am not!”
“No, you are. You’re acting like you’re the main attraction at a circus.”
“…I will reflect on it.”
“But that in itself is weird. Senpai might be a pervert, but you’re not a weird person. You aren’t the kind of person who would suddenly change like that.”
“Really…”
“What exactly happened?” Tsutsukakushi tilted her head, half out of worry, and half to confirm her own assumptions.
It’s been a while since I felt like someone really saw through me.
“Well, the thing is—” I shrugged and told her.
I told Tsutsukakushi about what had happened at the shrine, and she slowly blinked. Her transparent eyes looked up at me, as if surveying me.
“So your wish was granted, and you became a hero.”
“Right.”
“You became able to save every girl in need of help. At least that’s what I’m hearing.”
“…Probably.”
“As a side note, Nee-san has been happily studying for the past few days.”
“R-Really!?”
The topic at hand suddenly changed. Weird. Why am I starting to sweat like this? After that, whenever I went to watch Steel-san’s studies, we never talked about what had happened. But that didn’t mean that what I did had just vanished. After all…
Fufu…
Her smile, along with her sky-blue eyes, held more meaning than any words. There’s nothing scarier than a wild animal that doesn’t act at all.
“Nee-san says she had a change of heart, and she’s started focusing on her studies again.”
“I-I guess that happens!”
“She mentioned that someone made her really happy.”
“O-Ohh…!”
“She didn’t tell me the details. Oh my, the time when Nee-san became motivated, and the time when Senpai started acting like a hero… Do they overlap? What a coincidence.” Tsutsukakushi stared at me and spoke with a tone that nearly exploded with killing intent.
I feel pressure enough to cut me in two. Calm down, me. It’s fine. As long as you teach something to people, misunderstandings happen in this world! Let’s say you run across a cram school student. Of course, this is what happened to a friend of mine. You end up going with her on a shopping trip, and on her shopping list are baby paper diapers. A day later, the principal calls you to his office.
Compared to this tragedy, the current situation is nothing. You should have seen the face of the principal when I told him ‘I have a baby now~’. His face and eyes were terrifying… of course, I’m just talking about something that happened to a friend.
Those who call themselves instructors have to avoid compromising situations, leave no room for scandal, and cannot allow any dubious shopping. Such mentality is extremely crucial. This means that, in this case, since the fact that I brought up marriage with Steel-san, that’s basically created a great scandal, so I should… Eh, what…?
“—I’m sorry!”
“Why are you apologizing? What are you apologizing for? There are things that cannot be forgiven even if you apologize.”
“Anyway, I’m sorry!” I continued to apologize.
Tsutsukakushi’s shoulders tensed up like she was filled with rage—only for them to relax again.
“…Well, it’s fine.”
“Y-Yeah?”
“Nee-san is still an adult, to some extent. Nothing troublesome should happen.”
“Really!?”
“It might not seem like it, but as of late… No, it’s nothing.” Tsutsukakushi shook her head, returning to the topic at hand. “As long as you’re not hurt or in danger, then that’s fine, Senpai.” She muttered, deep in thought.
I shook my head.
“There’s nothing bad about this. If anything, everything is working out really nice for me.”
Maybe that black shadow is just Santa Claus, and he’s just running a bit late. He brings me not only a great reputation, but also happiness for everyone.
“Indeed, he brings the greatest happiness to the greatest number of people.”
It’s a concept I learned in social class. If only a single Santa Claus existed, then everyone would profit from this. Both society and myself.
“The greatest happiness to the greatest number of people…” Tsutsukakushi repeated these words, sounding oddly conflicted. “Is Senpai a part of this greater good?”
“Of course! If I weren’t happy about this, then—”
“Are you really the one who’s happy, Senpai?”
“…Huh?”
Right when I spoke with a baffled tone, the chime rang. Afternoon classes had begun. Since I’m everyone’s hero, I have to attend classes properly, listen to the teacher, answer questions, and be a good example.
I quickly stood up. The lights inside the room were turned off, and the shadow lurked at my feet. The dark territory feels so natural to me, as if it has belonged to me forever.
“Senpai.”
“Hmm? What?”
“…No, it’s nothing.”
Tsutsukakushi started to say something, but stopped herself.
*
Of course, what comes after a fanservice scene is always sage time. My dear readers, you must be aware of this trope by now, so let’s talk about something serious. Namely, ‘Labels’.
I’m talking about the labels that revolve around our high school life. Whether they be things like ‘drudge’, ‘handsome guy’, ‘muscle-brain’, ‘creepy nerd’, or ‘loner’, they show our meaning and our role in the school caste. We merely spend 10% of our lifetime in this small field, but these people who barely know anything about us use any small detail that might stand out to discriminate between us and shove us into categories.
It’s ridiculous, don’t you think? No human being in the entire world can be explained with a single world. As long as we attend school, these cursed labels will accompany us. But, the world ‘accompany’ doesn’t sound so bad, does it? What if this label was actually personified as a girl? That would make it easier to accept, right?
Just look at modern romantic comedies. The stories are built around girls acting like labels themselves. ‘I’m the calm character’ or ‘I’m the little devil-type <3’ or ‘Masculine girl here’ or ‘It’s not like I’m a tsundere!’ or ‘Cloeueu Lemaerueue3!’ from Label Friend (Beta)! There are so many, especially in the light novel industry!
…I got off topic. Why do I always drift away from the main topic to talk about nonsensical stuff like that? Yokodera seems unfit to talk about reality. What I’m trying to say is one thing. How should you go about removing a label you’ve received?
Let’s take me as an example. Ever since that dreadful field trip, my label as a pervert had been cruising around school, and it was solidified right away. Then again, that wasn’t exactly a label. It was more like cold hard truth, so I couldn’t complain. That’s why I wanted to remove it.
Now I can say it. All these hours cleaning the hallway in front of the teachers office were for naught. That wasn’t the right way to remove the label. A more efficient method would be…
*
Friday arrived, and classes came to an end. Homeroom had finished, and now that the weekend was right in front of us, the atmosphere inside the classroom was tense. A group of two, a pair I would have never expected, arrived in front of me.
“I’ve got something to talk about. Come with me.”
One was the upcoming track-and-field leader with a bobbing ponytail: MaiMai.
“Usu…”
The other was the close-cropped head acne boy of the baseball club. I can understand that MaiMai would come to me since we’re classmates. But the acne boy must have dashed here like crazy if he made it here so quickly. I wonder what made him rush so much. Maybe he had some secret agreement with MaiMai? I didn’t hear that the two of you were a couple! I might forgive you, but Cozy-sama definitely won’t!
“…How’s it going? Did everything work out after that?” I hid my confusion, and beckoned them over.
“Usu! Thanks to you! Thanks!” The acne boy smiled, clinging to me like a koala.
What is going on here, if I may ask?
“You’ve got a new kouhai that admires you. Aren’t you glad?” MaiMai looked at me with a lukewarm gaze.
Seriously, what kind of couple is this? Neither Sun or Moon will allow this to happen!
“What happened, you two? Do you need some advice?”
“…I thought we could clear it up ourselves.” MaiMai averted her gaze, and then started speaking really quickly. “That guy just wouldn’t shut up about borrowing your help, YoYo. That’s why I saw no other option.”
“U-Usu!? Chasu!?” The acne boy frantically shook his head.
He pointed at MaiMai over and over, but I sadly didn’t put any ability points into the baseball language skill, so his intentions were left unbeknownst to me. If I had to guess, a new friendship between the track-and-field and baseball clubs had been born, and they had come over to report that. After hearing them out, I found that although a new alliance had greatly helped in assimilating the two parties, the bullying towards the track-and-field club had not let up by any means.
If they passed each other in the hallways, the members of the club would get bumped into, would have their bags with belongings accidentally kicked away, and when they complained, they’d be pushed away with the usual chest-drumming… Yeah, that has to be Gorilla-senpai, right? There’s only one person who’d act like an actual ape.
He might be dissatisfied with how the sports grounds war ended. Or maybe he wants to avoid direct conflict, and he’s just running around like a petty rat.
“…But there’s not much that needs to be done.”
Gorillas might not look like it, but they are sensitive living beings, and the words ‘sensitive’ and ‘underhanded’ are not too far apart.
“Usu. Chasu…” Koala Boy gave me a vague affirmation.
I guess that there’s an orthodox faction inside the baseball club. This just shows that no matter what party you belong to, humans can have the disposition to avoid needless conflict. I cannot forgive those who break reconciliation. I formed a fist with my hand, and the all-too-familiar black shadow crept up to my feet and moved in.
It was time for the all-automatic hero time.
“…Huuuh? I’m asking you for proof, you bastard!”
When we called out to Gorilla-senpai, who luckily was still in the room next to ours, he clicked his tongue without trying to hide his irritation.
“Was it you who told him that nonsense, you punk!?” He glared at the club’s Kouhai next to me, all while drumming his chest.
Wow, a gorilla is bullying a koala. They have similar faces, so why can’t they just get along? However, a hero of justice like myself has to be equipped to deal with such cultural conflict.
“Nothing will happen if you keep quarrelling like that. More than we are beasts, we are human beings with a conscience, so let’s duke things out fair and square.”
“You want to fight things out?” Gorilla-senpai’s face tightened.
I don’t know what he’s on about either, but I know.
“See, there’s that competition coming up. It’d be the perfect location for our fight.”
I pointed towards the back of the classroom. On the billboard hanging on the wall was a poster that advertised an upcoming marathon. After the music festival, the sports festival, the culture festival, and the speech competition came the fifth of this school’s big events. Discounting the third-years, as this is exam season, the entire student body of the first- and second-years are able to participate.
The girls run a distance of five kilometers, whereas the boys run ten, and the top 20 receive prizes. Since this pretty much decides the hierarchy in the sports clubs, it is a pretty big event for a lot of them.
“You’re not going to run away, are you, Gorilla-senpai?”
“Gorilla…?”
“Ah, excuse me. Anyway, this will be a marathon, where we put our pride as men on the line!”
“Isn’t this your speciality, you bastard?!”
“That’s why I’ll make it to the goal ten minutes before you. Since you’re in a sports club yourself, there’s no way you could fall that far behind, correct?”
What a cheap provocation, I thought. The me inside my heart made a wry smile, but the real me didn’t. The fact that I said this with no hesitation made me worthy of calling myself a hero. I reflected on the version of me that had laughed. But there’s no way the words coming from the black shadow could be wrong. In the end…
“Bastard… I’ll make you regret saying that!” Gorilla-senpai glared at me.
It seems like his instincts were burning in response.
“I’m not going to die. If I break this promise, I’ll join the baseball club and become your servant. I don’t mind giving you a massage or warming your shoes.”
“…What if you win?”
“If I win, then… Well, I’ll join the baseball club and become your assistant.”
“Huuuh?”
“I’ll change the club from within so that you’ll stop starting trouble with other clubs.”
“Huuh…” Gorilla-senpai crossed his arms, thinking about it.
But he was merely acting. In the end, whatever the result, he would gain another club member, so that wouldn’t be a bad trade by any means.
“…Sure. I won’t forget this promise.” Gorilla-senpai said, and he disappeared into the deepest fog of the forest.
We watched him walk down the hallway.
“Are you sure about this, YoYo?” MaiMai asked me.
“You asked me to help you, right?”
“…I did. But are you really going to join their club?” Her ponytail shook in anger.
I don’t get what she’s trying to say. It’s not like I would change my answer, since the black shadow still hasn’t left my body. There’s still something it wants to clear up, apparently.
“Since this is a great chance, let me be honest with you. He isn’t in the wrong. He is but another victim of this situation.” A declaration came from my mouth. “Why is this unreasonable fighting continued over and over? What you need to fight is the rotten system of this school. Fix what’s wrong. Come up with something more reasonable. We are wise, and we can grow. Yes we can!” I slammed my hand against the desk, and applause resounded from the hallway.
Half of my classmates were doing it to ridicule me, the other half of them were fed up. Although it was cheesy, it managed to move their hearts. The day isn’t far away when I’ll be elected as class president, and I’ll finally move my way up to the position of student council president. After all, I am a hero.
A label, once plastered onto you, is hard to remove. So you just need to put an even stronger label on top of it. Now that I have such a label, this label society isn’t as bad! Cheers to Label Friends!
“…Hmpf.” MaiMai let out a miffed snort. “If you’re okay with that, Yokodera, then so be it.”
“MaiMai?”
“I’m heading over to my club now. Bye.”
The applause had vanished, the gazes were torn away from me, and everyone in the hallway walked away. However, I felt like I had finally arrived. I had made it to the top. I can make it to bigger heights than the track-and-field club president next year. My next goal is to be the rising star of the baseball club!
Huh? Wasn’t Yokodera-kun working hard to make it back to the track-and-field club? Weird, I thought, and tilted my head. Well, that was just my personal desire. If I can make a hundred people happy, then my own wish doesn’t even matter. As the surrounding shadow swallowed me whole, I stopped tilting my head. Greatest happiness to the greatest number of people, as I like to call it.
*
The long-awaited Sunday finally arrived, as there was not a single cloud in the sky. The great stack of alarm clocks on the table were waiting to howl like frogs, but I woke up before they were allowed to, raising my body from the sofa. I turned off their switches and put them back next to the empty bed.
I took the time to thoroughly brush my teeth, changed into the clothes I had prepared last night, changed my mind at the last second to take another shower, and once again readied myself. I put on my collared shirt and a pair of washed-out jeans. I’m good at doing laundry and chores, after all. I feel like I could wash the fabric beneath a girl’s skirt just fine. Maybe I should practice with MaiMai’s another time.
After that, I put on a fair isle sweater and a down jacket on top. A last check in front of the entrance door… Yeah, a perfect smile! When I left my home, the winter morning sun warmed up my body. This is the perfect weather for this date. For the long-awaited art museum date.
I made my way from the Keio Line to the Chuuou Line, over to the Yamate Line, and got off at Ueno Station. After exiting through the ticket gate into the public park, I was wrapped up in a rather academic atmosphere. After all, this public park contained the Tokyo National Museum, the National Museum of Nature and Science, the National Museum of Western Art, the Tokyo Metropolitan Art Museum, the Ueno Royal Museum, the Tokyo University of the Arts, as well as shrines and temples, an ancient burial mound and Buddha statue, and so on. In short, this park has every possible museum you can think of.
All the people waiting in front of the map billboard wore glasses, carried laptops while holding their smartphone in their other hand, or read books from Iwanami Shoten4. Feeling the need to show off my own intelligence, I started chanting the Hannya Shingyo, the heart sutra, as I counted the girls passing by, until suddenly all the people around me vanished, which allowed me to easily spot my date partner for the day.
“Good morning, Yokodera! This morning is as nice as a newborn platypus!”
The dear fairy arrived in front of me with radiating eyes. Between the valley of her duffle coat, I could see a knitted sweater with a v-shaped neck, along with a high-waisted jumper skirt. Beneath her knee-high socks, she wore pumps with a flower pattern, which was very much like Azuki Azusa. Only when I see her thighs covered in fabric like this do I realize how long her legs are.
“…Um, what’s wrong?”
“Ah, no, it’s nothing! These clothes look great on you!”
“R-Really…?”
A silence was born. It was fairly awkward, but I didn’t dislike it. Azuki Azusa tightly closed her lips and looked up at me. Then, as if she couldn’t hold back any longer…
“Ehehehe!”
…She clung to my arm, tightly pressing against it. Although they didn’t look too big on the outside, I could feel their soft sensation hitting me. However, since I am a girls master, I will not be shaken by such sensation for even a millisecond—
“That remindsh me Ashu—” I bit my tongue.
I was shaken to such an extent I felt disgusted at myself. I made a half-broken smile in an attempt to cover it up, but that only made it worse.
“Ehehehe…” Azuki Azusa laughed again.
Why are we both laughing even though there’s nothing to laugh about? Are we idiots? We probably look like idiots from an outsider’s perspective.
“Um, we met up fairly early, right? Did you manage to get up properly?”
“It’s fine, it’s fine! V!”
The V-sign she flashed me was way too dazzling. She’s way too assertive today. Commander A-chan’s attack is going to destroy Fortress Yokodera’s gate at the beginning of the date. I’ll have to put up my defenses again.
“Then, let’s go—Kya!”
Azuki Azusa started walking, only to stumble not a normal stone, but a conceptional one, so I pulled her to my chest. Seriously, what are these mysterious bulges I’m feeling? Is such a thing as rapid 2nd-year high school growth possible?
“Azuki Azusa, are you really okay? You’re staggering.”
“I’m totally fine! I’m as fine as an eared seal doing a handstand! I haven’t slept at all for the past two nights, so I’m not sleepy in the slightest!”
“The past two nights!?”
“I just made it to 48 hours of no sleep! V! V!” She flashed two more secutive V-signs.
I felt the urge to take a picture and put it up as a piece of art in the museum we’re going to visit, and help the girl walk up the stairs to be a national idol, but I was reminded of the tragedy that we would eventually have to take our distance, and my heart ached. Also, how can you not sleep for two whole days like that!? How excited were you!?
I felt anxious for a bit. All-nighters are something that can make you go insane. As long as her energy doesn’t cut out completely, I guess. It seems like I’ll have to be careful to take good care of her.
After walking for around a minute, we immediately found the National Museum of Western Art. Thanks to its cuboid shape, it was fairly easy to find. It was a white building that seemed easy enough for even an amateur to construct. Why are all of these public entertainment buildings the same, I wonder?
“Hey hey, Yokodera! Look at that!”
“Hm?”
A board was hanging on the side of the gate. It read ‘Let’s make this National Museum of Western Art a World Heritage!’. It seems like this is quite a well-known architect. I always thought this building had such a great layout and complexity. Maybe now I can really admire public entertainment buildings! The hedge facing the museum was equipped with small lights, as if to celebrate a late Christmas.
Surely once melancholy comes around, they’ll hurt an unmarried woman passing by as she watches these illuminations. However, things are fine. Right now, I’m filled with relaxed feelings. Since this is an academic date spot, we are an academic couple. Right into the list of hereditary World Couples!
After entering the art museum, we arrived at an indoor ticket-selling area, and even in this small space, I could see several bronze statues. Once the time of autumn leaves comes around, the contrast between the maidenhair trees in the back and the green and yellow must look great. In the back along the right was the great work Auguste Rodin’s ‘Gates of Hell’.
‘Gates of Hell’. What an awe-inspiring name. There’s no mistaking it that Rodin was suffering from middle-schooler syndrome when he was working on this. Then again, I guess the same could be said about almost every artist back at the time.
“Woah, it’s as big as a whale full of water! Look at it!” Azuki Azusa walked towards the bronze statues.
It seems like she still has the energy to spare for now. I guess I don’t have to worry about her just yet.
“Yokodera, come here already!” She was gazing up, waving her palm towards me.
A World Couple holding hands in front of the Gates of Hell has quite the ring to it. I felt like I saw an illusion of Dark Enma-chan in the deepest parts, glaring at me. I walked over, acting like I was thinking. There was some famous writing engraved in this, wasn’t there? What was it? Something about hope, or despair…
“Ahh, damn it… what was it…?”
A real hero wouldn’t forget something like this. You can do it, me. Show how cool you are in front of Azuki Azusa.
“…Pass me, and you will find the capital of sadness. Pass me, and you will find eternal agony. Pass me, and you will find citizens met with despair—”
“Eh? What are you talking about?” Azuki Azusa turned around with a baffled expression.
Eh? Wasn’t it you who said that? I tilted my head in confusion—or rather, I should have. I returned these words back to her—I should have. But, my neck wouldn’t work how I wanted any longer. My throat produced sounds that I didn’t want to.
“—Thou who enter, cast aside your every wish.”
My mouth moved on its own. My lips formed words without my intent. Against my will, I continued to recite the inscription of the Gates of Hell.
“It’s Dante’s ‘Divine Comedy’, a verse of the hell compilation.”
The sky should have been clear with no clouds in sight. Yet a shadow started to grow beneath my feet, greater than my own body. As if a pool of crawling insects opened wide, and the tips of my shoes started to sink. At the same time, the gates of Hell towered high above my head. The branches of the maidenhair tree started to look like the fingers of the deceased, like fleshless bones, and the blue sky started to fall.
The sky, the earth, everything was filled with shadows. But I couldn’t look away.
“Hell compilation, verse 3. The story has just begun. From here on out, the protagonist will be pulled to the depths of hell by their guide. Right, Azuki Azusa?”
“Um, Yokodera…?”
“Today, I’ll be taking care of you. I know my way around art pieces, so ask me whatever you desire.”
Then, like you had turned off the switch to a TV, without any warning whatsoever, my consciousness left me.
*
Gaudy sour orange colors flew around within my view. The sunlight dropped to the ground, like it was melted by the blast furnace of the sky. It was evening.
As if to stress the amount of time that had passed, the building that aimed to become a world heritage was colored by the cruel setting sun. Next to me stood Azuki Azusa. We had probably arrived at the exit of the museum. I held the museum’s pamphlet in my hand, the ticket inside of it. I had probably left the museum as me.
I opened and closed my right hand. They acted according to my own will.
“We looked at a lot of stuff, didn’t we? I’ve never spent so much time at a museum before.”
The girl I should have gone on a date with rubbed her tired eyes and stretched her small body. A long yawn escaped her mouth. She met eyes with me, and let out an embarrassed grin.
“Ehehe.”
It’s the usual Azuki Azusa. It’s our same usual exchange. It’s the same world I was used to. Nothing has changed. I didn’t change.
Only the time I wasn’t awake had changed. That was all.
I was probably just spacing out. That probably had to be it. Probably… Probably.
“What should we do after this? It’s still too early to eat dinner.”
“That’s right… Hey, Azuki Azusa.”
“What is it?”
“Did you have fun today?”
“Eh, y-yeah! Yeah! Yeah…!” Azuki Azusa blinked for a second, and looked at me. “It’s just… well, I knew it already, but you’re as knowledgeable as a white bear scholar following an emperor penguin, Yokodera. I was really impressed.”
“Really? Probably.”
“Thanks to you, I understood the difference between Monnet and Manet, Sensei!” She raised one hand.
I probably made all sorts of comments inside the museum. I was an intelligent hero with profound knowledge about the arts. Like this, I had earned myself another trophy. Or rather, Yokodera-kun did. Is there a difference? It’s not like it matters.
The lights on the hedges around the various buildings started to light up. The entire world is filled with light. I thought of the belated Santa Claus. Just how big must his bag be to make people happy even outside his season? The greatest happiness for the greatest number of people—is what philosopher Bentham said.
That is something wonderful. But is there really a game of old maid with no old maid in it? Doesn’t someone have to be unhappy in the shadows of this greatest number? If my other me won’t pull that old maid, then who will take that role?
“…What’s wrong, Yokodera? You’re spacing out.”
“Ah, well… I was just thinking about the idea of another version of me existing in this world.”
“I see. Like two identical earless seals! So cute! I want to hug them! Where are they?”
“Yeah, well maybe not exactly that.”
“Oh, really?”
Azuki Azusa’s tension dropped visibly. Whenever you talk about something hypothetical with her, she immediately acts like we’re at the zoo.
“If there was another version of you with the same face, but if they were more clever and versatile, what would you do, Azuki Azusa?”
“E-Ehh… I mean…” The zoo director made a troubled expression and then answered bluntly. “I wouldn’t do anything, I think.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, saying that you can’t do anything is probably more correct. I can’t really put it into words, but there was a time when I became something that wasn’t myself in a dream.”
“……Yeah.”
“Back then, I couldn’t do anything myself. The best I could do was give up.”
She’s probably talking about that Italy incident a while back. Since I had to force her free from the control of the Cat God, she still assumes that was a dream.
“Also, if they know more about you, then you really can’t call them another self, right? You are yourself, and yet they know more. That means you aren’t equal. A chameleon with the face of a hyena can’t fight back against a real one.”
“…Yeah.” I shrugged. I couldn’t say anything more than that.
To pass the time until dinner, we walked around Onshi Park and looked around.
“…It’s gotten a bit cold.”
“…Yeah.”
We naturally started to talk less, and our times of silence grew longer. Around the Shinobazu Pond, we spotted several other couples who were just walking around, not saying anything.
Buildings of steel could be seen at the horizon. The sun slowly started to sink behind them. Once noon passes, darkness will come. The shadow at my feet started growing more and more.
“Hmm…”
As the color of the sky grew hazy, reflecting on the water’s surface, Azuki Azusa started fidgeting nervously as she looked around.
“Yokoder, today… Especially while you were inside the museum, you were different from usual. You were more…”
“More… what?”
“…No, it’s nothing.”
She took my hand. Like she wanted to confirm my warmth, to confirm my existence. Her face was the same as always. She made a soft smile. She had stayed with me from the beginning to the end of the date.
She really is kind. She has a kind facade, and won’t say what she really thinks. The water surface of Shinobazu Pond was filled with withered lotus leaves. The Buddha who should be sitting enshrined with them was nowhere to be found. Only a lone waterfowl was around, looking like it had lost its way. While watching it, I thought to myself.
Just what did Azuki Azusa want to say? I didn’t have the courage to confirm it for myself. I was more—what? What if she had said I was more cool than usual? I felt like I wouldn’t be able to fight back any longer.
1 Hard hits or extra-base hits
2 From time to time, he uses -shi as a honorific, which is very polite for he/him, but also Mr/Ms/etc
3 Explanation here: You will understand it once you see it. You might also enjoy this. Basically, he’s referencing all the girls that have an English accent.
4 Publishing company in Tokyo. It is known for scholarly publications, editions of classical Japanese literature, dictionaries, and high-quality paperbacks.
CClaw Translations 