Hentai Ouji to Warawanai Neko. Volume 3 Chapter 3

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Alice in Wonderland

If you’re going to eat toast, using the Tsutsukakushi brand apple jam is the way to go.

“Get some more jam, and also get a wife for yourself, a girl who’s an absolute waste on you.”

I ignored my Mom pestering me like that, and I finished my lunch. I looked at the time, strolled through the living room, looked at the time, sat on the sofa, looked at the time, and turned on the TV. The weather forecast Onee-san, who’s popular with a good number of people, had just handed it over to the newscaster.

‘Hello everyone. It’s time for the news at noon. All over Italy, we can see a heavy fog looming which hasn’t been seen for the past ten years or so, and the Italian government has issued an emergency warning. This irregular phenomenon especially occurs around popular tourist locations, with a few buildings assumed to have even vanished entirely in this fog, but the fog is making local governments unable to confirm the situation inside. Luckily, no injuries have yet been reported. I heard that the local governments were trying to catch the fog, but they mist! Haha… Ha?¹ Um…’

The studio was dead silent.

‘Ahem! On to the next block of news. Concerning the incident of Prince Borscht—also known as Saito’s—baseball cap suddenly vanishing during a fan meetup, Player Saito has stated that he does not doubt the fans, and is not planning on involving the police in this matter. Naturally, upon hearing this, the fans all exclaimed their trust into Saito, saying Banzai-to²! …Eh? Ah, I understand. We’ll be right back after commercials…’

I guess his position is going to be open once the commercials are over. You can do it, our beloved weather Onee-san. I looked at the clock again.

“What are you waiting for this entire time, huh? Is it not time yet, hm?”

My Mom gave a faint laugh, but I once again ignored it. That was when the doorbell finally rang. I jolted up from the sofa like the Atlanta Olympics men’s 100m dash winner Donovan Bailey, stepping out onto the hallway while trying my hardest not to look like I was in a hurry, and headed to the front entrance. After checking through the intercom, I opened the door. ‘Milk’ was what was written on the t-shirt the girl standing outside on our porch was wearing. Upon seeing her fashion sense, I couldn’t help but feel worried for her. After a short, awkward silence…

“Hello, Club President.”

“Yes, what a wonderful and lucky day it is.”

The two of us forced out half a smile to hide our serious expressions, bowing awkwardly to each other. Inviting a girl over to your house. No matter how many times you do it, you simply can’t get used to it.

Back when the Tsutsukakushi sisters and Azuki Azusa came to my house, it was more chaotic than ever before. A lot happened between Tsutsukakushi Tsukiko and Azuki Azusa, but the most troublesome one was definitely Steel-san. She was absolutely desperately trying to convince my Mom to admit that her imaginary second son was really part of the family.

At that time, because of the various circumstances, I couldn’t really look her in the eyes, but just putting tape over her mouth wasn’t an option, so I had to let her reign free. After that, Mom told me that making up different characters to fool around with women were great qualities to have as a pimp, and that she was looking forward to my future. In other words, she got the completely wrong idea, and that made things a pain to be honest.

However, this time around, there wasn’t any need to worry about it, because Steel-san didn’t come here to play. The world has changed, and that was probably Emi’s doing. We have to find a way to revolt against her in order to clear up the doubts people have about me. Thus, we held our honorable First Anti-Emi Operation Meeting. The honor of Yokodera-kun is resting upon this, so I have to use whatever method I have at my disposal.

My room was barely 10m². It’s equipped with shelves, a desk, a bed, and a PC on the wall, making this a perfect place for a strategy meeting. I was certain that Steel-san was aware of the urgency of the situation, so I figured she’d only look around a bit, but…

“…What are you doing? Imitating a crocodile?”

“Yes. Gaaaah.”

“Was that supposed to be a crocodile sound?! Animal professor Azuki would blow a fuse! …No, seriously, what are you doing?”

“Well, I was just checking something…”

Even now, she was crouched down on the floor, going about her business like this was her own room. She took out a flashlight and ruler like an archeologist at an excavation site. And said excavation side was actually located beneath my bed.

Here I would like to stop and pose a question to everyone. Have you ever had your treasured goods found by your parents? Well I haven’t. This is more than talking about security. If you keep your room sparkling clean all day, your parents don’t feel the need to clean it up, and if you take care of your own laundry, there’s no reason for them to even enter the room. So I guess you could say I was rather lax about hiding it, and I guess you could say that all of it was actually hidden beneath my bed—

“Gyaaaaa! Don’t look there!”

“Don’t worry, this is nothing but a bet. Don’t mind me, okay?”

“Huh?! What do you mean by a ‘bet?!’ Of course I’d care what you’re doing in my room! And don’t try to make yourself sound cute now! Who are you trying to fool by doing that?!”

I jumped at the professor in archeology Steel, but she stopped me with one hand. That range her arm has is crazy. With her free hand, she salvaged a cardboard box that originally held mandarin oranges.

“It’s fine. It’s a bet on relief, safety, and sound sleep. A bet to see if Yokodera Youto possesses outrageous pornography. This way I can sleep soundly at night.”

“You definitely can’t! And what kind of competition or bet or whatever was this anyway?!”

“…It’s all Tsukiko’s fault.” Steel-san pouted. “We happened to end up talking about you, and Tsukiko kept saying how perverted you were. Knowing you, I stressed that this was absolutely not possible. However, she told me that ‘He keeps 37 books of lewd content, 54 videos with very indecent scenes, 16 disgusting practical use wares, and one Barbara-san beneath his bed.’ Stuff like that.”

“N-No way…”

“That’s right. After hearing such a lie, I just had to make sure. Considering that your honor is on the line, I have to steel my resolve and see it for myself. That is how this bet came into place, and there are ten steamed buns on the line.”

“Don’t bring my pride into a competition like that! Talk about my honor when I’m around! Also, how does your little sister know the exact number of goods in my room?!”

“We visited you not too long ago, right? She used the time while you were away to search through the room, apparently. Then she started spouting nonsense like that. Ah, youth.”

She’s actually pretty aggressive despite her looks, I see! So that’s what the notebook she brought with her was for! She never acted like that when I was around!

“I don’t know about other men, but we’re talking about the flag-bearer of a new world of enlightenment, Yokodera, so I was so sure of my win that I bet on it. Once I find the truth, I’ll have her make some steamed buns for…Mm?” She opened one of the cardboard boxes and abruptly stopped talking.

What she had picked up was a new purchase I made not too long ago at a bookstore, something that had quite an impact.

“What is this…? ‘Great war of the sports club president’s rocket bazookas’…Hm?”

“……”

“This is…”

“W-Well, I was just thinking about how to improve the track-and-field club even more. When you think about a vision built upon a global standard, consider the political power game of high school, a more military-like management opportunity could potentially be a good measure of planning³.”

“O-Okay… and what about this rocket… and bazookas…?”

“Rocket bazookas. It’s English. The formal name of that is ‘The rocket bazookas to occupy other clubs⁴’ — Basically, it means that we will occupy the other clubs by using military rocket bazookas.”

“But why are all the girls on the cover naked then?”

“Most likely victims of this guerilla warfare. I imagine the mission to search for the club’s secret had failed.”

“What about this tied-up girl?”

“Most likely a soviet spy, or an agent of the KGB.”

“She looks a bit like me.”

“……”

“Only she looks somewhat unkempt.”

“……”

“…Her clothes… are so stiff…”

“………”

“……Stains…”

“………”

I’m done for. I slowly got up, stepped out into the hallway, and closed the door behind me. I went down a floor and took off my short-sleeved shirt. I turned it inside out and put it on again. I then took three deep breaths and stomped my way up the stairs.

“What are you doing in my room?!” I screamed in rage.

“Hyan?!”

Steel-san had been closely observing a magazine with her nose between the pages. She suddenly jolted upright, throwing the magazine up into the air. Catching it mid-air, she quickly flung this dangerous object right outside the window.

“How did you just get into my room, huh?!”

“Eh, ah, eh, Yokodera did… Yokodera was… You are…”

“That stupid older brother of mine! He’s letting people into my room again. He keeps lying about my room being his room, even though this is my room, and nothing in here is related to my older brother at all, and he normally never even goes into my room…! Anyway, get out already!” I spoke with a fake, angry voice as I clicked my tongue.

…Please! I really couldn’t help it this time! Please just let this slide! If not, I’ll walk into the sun!

“…Hey. How many times do you have to deceive me until you’re satisfied?”

“Urk…”

“Behaving like that won’t change reality.” She faced the wall still, speaking in a displeased tone. “Of course I would be here. You should have heard from your older brother, right? We were going to hold a secret meeting concerning Yokodera’s problem in his younger brother’s room.”

“…Eh?”

“Oh, so you haven’t heard? Weird. There seems to be an inconsistency in your communication. How troublesome. But since I’m a girl who doesn’t bulge no matter what, I can’t leave your room at any cost. A-A-A-At this rate, I’ll be forced to hold the secret meeting with you you you you you, slowly, thoroughly, steamingly, maybe?!” She fidgeted nervously, casting furtive glances at me.

She’s trying to deceive me after I just deceived her. What even is this?

“……”

“………”

“Y-You didn’t hear about it… from your older brother?”

“…Ah, no, that’s right. It just completely slipped my mind.”

“W-What?! O-Oh yeah, I see! What a troublesome fellow you are!” First she clapped her hands in joy, only to scold me. “A-And what exactly did he say?”

“…Um, that you saved him, and that I should help you. He said that Club President Tsutsukakushi is actually kind, reliable, and a worthy future wife… Thanks, Steel-san. You really are a good person.”

“Mmmm! A-All according to keikaku!” A giant grin formed on her bright face. “…Ah. Well, I was fine without you knowing, and I don’t like being praised in secret too much… but it can’t be helped now that he told you… For crying out loud! I’ll have to give him an earful later, that Yokodera!” She said, and tried to act troubled while grinning from ear to ear.

I made a faint giggle at the sight of that, and started the meeting for real. If not, my younger brother might have just done a Lupin dive⁵ and spent his time practicing his moves. Well, it’s not like we could actually have a proper meeting like that in a situation like this. I was wondering how we could make Emi confess to praying to the Cat God, but Steel-san was busy fiddling with the tip of her ponytail.

“That reminds me. I’ve heard that giving a ring to a woman on her birthday is becoming more popular as of late. By the way, my birthday is next month.”

Or…

“Marrying a man younger than you apparently is a great way to assure a harmonious marriage.”

Or…

“Is your favorite hairstyle a pony—No, nevermind.”

And so on. She just kept muttering things like that as she fidgeted like someone from the Planet Fidget Fidget. I know I make it sound like this is someone else’s problem, but everytime I hear this, there’s the younger Yokodera brother inside of me who wants to start wrestling already. The fact that her t-shirt is shaking all over the place doesn’t help things, either.

“I know! I figured something out, younger Yokodera brother.”

“…What is it this time?”

“Do you have any pictures of you as a young boy? I am terribly interested in such things! …Wait, no, I was just wondering if that could maybe help us find something against this Emi person. M-My womanly senses are tingling…”

Tingling, my ass. This is totally unrelated, right? As if that would be enough to convince me.

“Thank you!”

I took out an album from the lowest part of the shelf and handed it to Steel-san. Is it totally unrelated? Yeah, I know it is. But, the rocket bazookas are still lingering in the back of my mind, so my doctrine of passive resistance is faulty right now.

“There’s more, too. A lot more. Several books’ worth. What year do you want to start with?”

“Let’s see… Ohh?!”

“Um?”

“…I-I kind of want to see everything… i-is that bad?”

Steel-san made this sound like a rehearsal, with an oddly cute way of phrasing it. This resulted in Yokodera-kun’s doctrine of passive resistance entirely betraying the advocates of war and the great alliance to join the Steel Army. A great number of albums were spread out on the bed, and we looked at them, sitting shoulder to shoulder.

“Ohhh, how adorable! Is this you back as a kindergartner, chasing a cat?”

“Yup, that’s right.”

“That must mean that this grade schooler with their hair in tategami fashion is your older brother!”

“……Yeah.”

“I see. Then this over here must be you as well, posing like your older brother.”

“……Probably.”

What is she using to distinguish us? The color of our clothes?

“You strike a close resemblance to a friend of mine who has lived in our neighbourhood when I was really young. Those two eyes, that nose and mouth… all of them are so distinct…”

“You can’t even distinguish our faces!”

“That is not true. You just look exactly the same. Not to mention that you’re both able to speak Japanese, and you both are Asian.”

“I see, I see, so basically we look like 80% of this country’s population.”

“Wait, so 80% when you put it together… it’s maybe… 100 people? No! 80?!”

Around one hundred million, actually. The world is a village of 100 people, or so she must think. How adorable.

“More importantly, younger Yokodera brother! I myself can boast an uncountable number of memorable pictures of Tsukiko, but I can’t hope to rival this number. What is this about?”

“Did I never tell you? My older sister loves taking pictures, so she never goes anywhere without taking some.”

“Ahh… she’s a peculiar person.”

“Not as much as you, Steel-san.”

“If you have this many pictures… then maybe you have one of you going to the toilet as well, and I could slip it in my pocket when you’re not looking… and cover it up by looking at another album… Yes, perfect!”

“Next time you think of a plan, how about trying to keep it inside your head? I feel like running away! You can take a few, I won’t miss them.”

We went through the various albums as we shared idle talk. Sometimes our hands would touch, our shoulders would lean against the other, and I felt the vibrations during her laughter, or her warmth at my side. Really, being together with a girl along the Z-axis is a great thing. It’s so warm and soft.

If we had stayed in this position for another hour, my younger brother might have actually turned into a pro wrestler.

“Oh, who is this man next to the older Yokodera brother?”

“Ponta. He is the childhood friend of mine… and of my older brother. He’s Emi’s older brother.”

“Hmmm. That’s quite a fierce facial expression… Ah! Not as fierce as you, of course! To me, you’re the eternal number one!”

“I really don’t need any label like that.”

“Speaking of her older brother, do you have pictures of that girl here? I nearly forgot to check.”

“Don’t just forget about that! I’m showing you these in hopes of finding clues! Emi is in the pictures with her older brother, of course.”

“Clues? Think about it rationally. There’s no way you’d have something like that in your old pictures.”

“I would love to learn how you manage to make yourself more important like this…”

“So where is this Emi girl?”

“Right there, and over there. Even there. She’s always been close with Ponta.”

“—Again, I’m asking you where she is.” Steel-san narrowed her stern eyes.

I tapped on one of the pictures inside the album. She was inside Ponta’s arms, laughing gleefully.

“This man is holding a rabbit.”

“…Eh?”

“Stop joking around, younger Yokodera brother. That’s a rabbit. Your childhood friend always has a rabbit in all these pictures.”

She slammed her finger on one photo in the album. In this very picture, I could see her laughing gleefully in Ponta’s arms as her twintails shook—Or so I thought, but for some reason, there was now only a rabbit with long ears there, sitting calmly.

“There is no ‘Emi’ here.”

“Ah… Ahhhhhh!”

An impact struck me, making me feel like I had been hit by a steel punch. The needle of the compass inside my head suddenly pointed in one direction: The truth.

—Ponta’s little sister is just a rabbit!

*

Naturally, my childhood friend is purely Japanese in every way, and an only child. That was why he would treat his beloved house rabbit as a little sister before he even had a reason, doting on it forever and ever. I’ve played with that rabbit countless times before. Even though it was supposed to be a female rabbit, he called it ‘Yaji-san’. Ponta’s nickname never had anything to do with ‘Pollarola,’ either.

When I thought about it more, it had all just been a fake set-up created by the work of the Cat God. Now I remembered what Emi said as she prayed right in front of me.

‘—I wish that things will work out some way or another.’

That cat plush toy… It must have the same power as the Cat God. She had muttered these words while tightly grasping it. Her wish pulled Ponta towards us, established a solid and believable relationship, and things worked out ‘Some way or another’. But, for Steel-san, who hadn’t been present at that time, this wish didn’t work. When she looked at the pictures, she told me what was wrong right away, and because of that, I realized it myself.

It was actually awfully simple—yet scary at the same time. Because of this, I had no way of guessing what else she could have wished for, or what else she might wish for in the future. Maybe she doesn’t know the risks of wishing to the Cat God, or maybe she doesn’t care. Either way, it doesn’t matter. Like lightheartedly buying a porn magazine at a festival two times a year, she continued to stack wish upon wish upon wish.

She turned herself into a little sister, dotted the school with Italian buildings, turned me into a prince, turned the school uniform into swimsuits… I see four things here. However, there might be more things she wished for going on in the background. Can we buy her off? If not, someone has to take the risk. A porn magazine isn’t that cheap. It’s actually pretty expensive. On top of that, the contents might be unexpectedly disappointing. Wait, what were we talking about again? Oh yeah, I wonder what Emi is thinking? No, before that.

“Just who is Emi?”

“…Don’t play dumb.”

“Eh?”

“Even if she isn’t your friend’s little sister, she still knows you.”

Before I realized it, the meat-eating aggressive girl of a proud lion had looked through several albums.

“I’ve found Emi as a human as well. In recent pictures. I found her as a normal person.”

“…She’s actually on there?! Also, how did you check them so quickly?! That’s gotta be a mountain!”

“With ease. I’m quite a fast reader when it comes to books. I’m especially good at finding a man wearing red and white striped clothes.”

I don’t think you can call ‘Where’s Waldo’ an actual book. But Mrs. Assertive over here looked at me in expectation, so I gave up. I moved a bit closer to her, and she showed me the picture in the album like a cat showing off its prey. It was a picture from around middle school. Around that time, the pictures grew fewer in number, and I was just doing random things in all of them. In that collection, right next to Ponta striking a cool pose was—

—The space monster Twintails, with big round eyes.

Emi wore a snow white cap and a gown, holding something like a toy Bible in one hand. Behind her was stained glass and a crucifix, most likely all part of an Italian school building. In her other hand she held a huge rabbit. She and Ponta stood a bit away from each other, almost like classmates who would soon grow closer.

“…Yeah, now I remember. I’ve met her before.”

The memories I had lost came back thanks to the picture, forming a line in my mind.

“The girl who’s Italian by blood… I feel like she was a girl from a choir.”

“A choir? That’s quite rare.”

“I feel like Yaji-san was the one who led to our meeting…”

It was back during our middle school days. After chasing after the adventurous rabbit, who would constantly leave the house, Ponta in Wonderland (and myself following him) were running through the streets in search of that lousy animal. And one day, the rabbit just happened to end up at a church. On your average Sunday, during your average mass. I somewhat remember the choir singing a song I might or might not remember, that’s buried somewhere in the back of my mind. My memories from last night’s dinner are already hazy. An imaginary scent of lilac filled my nose, but vanished quickly.

“Somewhere, somehow, something, huh? That’s pretty vague.”

“I was never too close with her, because I was busy chasing other girls. She was always playing with Ponta, too. This is a story from several years ago, so I don’t remember everything very well.”

“Why is this girl, who was never too attached to you, suddenly so focused on you now?”

“Who knows…?” I had no idea myself.

Since I wouldn’t have remembered Emi either way if we hadn’t looked at the photo albums, I can’t exactly explain why she would suddenly appear out of nowhere. I don’t think the reason lies with me, either. If this is about Emi ten years in the future, then I might just take responsibility, though.

“Well, Emi basically became Ponta’s little sister, so maybe she wanted to spend some time with me now. There might be a lot of confusing parts to this. We’ll just have to ask her about them all later.”

“Hm?”

“Then we just have to get the girl from the choir to take back her wish, and the grand finale ends.”

“Hm…”

We know the identity of the perpetrator. Though a lot of things are still clad in darkness, if this was a mystery novel, we would be near the end. Even if this was a galgame, all I would have to do is be close with Emi and build flags to get on her route. Now I’ll just use King Crimson⁶ to skip ahead ten years to the epilogue and the newlywed lifestyle, and let the credits roll!

“Hmmm…”

…And yet, all I could hear was a lion’s growl. Steel-san knelt down on the carpet, crossing her arms.

“What’s wrong?”

“Well. I have to admit that I’m a clever person, you see.”

“Eh?”

“Hm?”

“N-No, please continue.”

“It’s about Emi. There’s something that doesn’t quite sit right with me. I have the best logic and reasoning, and I also am the most beloved in this world—”

“Eh?”

“Hm?”

“No, nothing…”

“Why do you keep interrupting me?!”

I was scolded by her with a straight face. I guess I need to play along with her make-believe. The clever and most logical Steel-san cleared her throat.

“As far as things stood yesterday, I thought that Emi was in some way related to the Tsutsukakushi Household. If not, how would she have found out about the family’s Cat God? However, if she is a friend of yours instead…”

“A friend of Ponta’s.”

“If she is Ponta’s friend, then someone completely unrelated to me has prayed to the Cat God, and drawn parts of Italy towards me. Is that really just a coincidence? That logic doesn’t sit right with me…” The sigh that followed these words was followed by a long silence.

No matter how you think about it, Ponta’s friend, the cat god, and Italy all have nothing in common. There were pieces missing from this puzzle. It’s probably something happening in the shadows, unbeknownst to us. As long as they don’t show themselves, we have no chances of solving this unfair game.

Evening arrived, and Steel-san reluctantly said that she’d have to make her way home with a troubled expression on her face.

“I wanted to have a proper talk with the older Yokodera brother, but he just vanished off somewhere. I hope nothing happened…”

“…Ah.”

I totally forgot! That’s what had been bothering me! In a panic, I took out my smartphone.

“D-Ding ding ding!”

“What was that?”

“Ahh, I just got an email from my older brother, and he said that his relatives in Andromeda had some urgent business and that he won’t be coming home today. He told me to give you his thanks!”

“Was there any reason to make the sound of an incoming email with your mouth?” Steel-san gave it a bit of thought. “…Today’s technological progress is something to look out for, I guess. Also, Yokodera does not need to thank me. I would gladly help my brother-in-law at any time.” Her smile was like a blooming flower.

Seriously? I could probably deceive her enough to dance samba at midnight, wearing panties on her head. This time I’ll just ignore it, though. I would have loved to correct her on this whole ‘Older brother’ part, but I won’t, for my own sake. I went down the stairs, put on my sandals, and saw Steel-san off from the porch.

“Here is fine… Ahh, thank you once again for the donation. I’ve found another family treasure to devote my faith towards.”

“Stop it!”

In the end, she took three pictures with her. Maybe she likes gathering pictures of people who are young. Who knows?

“But I have to repay this kindness in some way or I won’t be able to sleep well. I know, would you like some of my treasured photographs of Tsukiko, by any chance?”

“W-What kind of pictures are we talking about? Pictures of her sleeping? Or even sneezing? D-Drooling?!”

“Very well. I see that you are climbing up the ranks. I have a spectacular photograph where a dragonfly has landed on her nose.”

“You have my most humble gratitude!”

Correction: Gathering pictures of people when they’re young is super fun. This marks the tenth trade of the Tsukiko-chan Syndicate. I thought we were done for when I accidentally leaked the location of that mezzanine floor.

“I want to thank you, as well. Thanks to you, I have a plan of attack.”

“Ah, are you talking about this Emi girl?”

Beneath the setting sun in the sky, Steel-san spoke quite indifferently.

“Tell this to your older brother. Rather than trying to face her head on and hear her intentions, striking her weak point to force her to surrender might be more effective.”

“What do you mean?”

“That you might burn your hands if you make a frontal attack.”

“Okay?”

“Although she might look young, I feel like she has quite a grotesque personality hidden beneath that facade.”

For just a moment, it felt like this was a meeting for the track-and-field club, and she returned to a serious and stern expression. Though she ended it with ‘That’s what my womanly senses are telling me,’ a statement with barely any credibility, so there’s that.

…Now even Steel-san is saying things like that? Emi’s smile still looks 100% perfect to me, though.

*

That night, I had a dream.

A young boy and girl were leaning against the other, having a conversation. The girl was from a foreign country, and her hair was bound up to her sides. She was with an energetically-laughing middle school student. I knew both of them. These two had been close ever since they met. The places they visited… seemed to be a church on your average Sunday, as well as a shrine during a festival, as well as a public pool overflowing with swimsuits. There might have even been the crowd at an airport. The dream had no logical connection between these places.

“Um, um, Onii-chan. A promise.” The girl, even younger than she was now, whispered.

She carried a big rabbit in her slender arms. Sorrowful in the face of this parting, she handed away the pet she loved so much.

“Once I come back, we’ll look at your high school and go to a festival together. Emi won’t forget, no matter what. So you can’t forget about Emi either, okay?”

Their fingers intertwined in a pinky promise, they put their words together, and the memory of the dream ended. The two of them were really close. But—what about me? Where am I in this scene? Even though I saw these conversations happen. The church, the shrine, the pool, the airport… Yet I was nowhere to be found. I wonder why? When I strained my eyes to look, a voice reverberated inside this world. It was an ominous, sinister laugh. My field of view was drowned out by this sound, sending me flying.

Even though fall was fully underway, I woke up drenched in sweat.

*

This is a story from the following Monday. Tsutsukakushi didn’t come to pick me up, which caused me to oversleep a bit. I quickly made my way towards school on my bike, where I ran into Ponta. Of course, considering the fact that our paths to school overlapped, that wasn’t what bothered me. Instead, the confusing part of it all was Ponta’s appearance. He wasn’t even wearing his uniform, but rather his sleeping attire. His hair was a mess, sticking up everywhere like grass on a prairie.

“What are you doing? We have classic literature first thing in the morning. You’ll get an earful from Fuku-chan if you’re late.”

“I was waiting for you. I was wondering if you could help me out.”

I stopped my bike beside a pylon at the children’s park, blinking at Ponta. He looked like he hadn’t gotten much sleep, and bags were beneath his eyes.

“There’s things more important than heading to school in this world!”

“Yeah yeah yeah. I think that going to Africa on a bike will only break your bones, though.”

“No! I plan on going there eventually, but I first have to earn some money, okay? But with all the preparations for the sports festival, I have no time whatsoever, and at the end of last week, I brought home the grass from the Mafia Club.”

“Ahhh, that barely legal club with no applicants…”

“And ever since then, I’ve lost sight of Yaji-san. You know, Yaji-san, my rabbit⁷.”

When this word suddenly appeared, my face froze up. But Ponta was too busy looking around our surroundings, so he didn’t seem to notice.

“She might have run away because of the smell of the grass I brought home. This is the second night she’s been gone now. I know that she loves running away, but she’s getting older now. I can’t even sleep properly like this. That’s why I’ve been looking for her this entire time.”

“…I see. And?”

“I’m planning on going around looking in places she might be hiding, so could you tell the teacher that I’m sick today? And if possible, search around the school in case she’s somewhere around there.”

“Got it. I’ll be going on ahead, then.” I nodded, trying to act as natural as possible. “By the way, speaking of Yaji-san, wasn’t there a girl from a choir a long time ago that we met through Yaji-san?”

“I ain’t got no memories nor emotional attachment to that. I mean, I remember meeting someone because of Yaji-san, but as for how they looked… I don’t remember at all. My head’s full of Yaji-san right now. Anyway, I’m counting on you, Yokonoji!” Ponta waved his hand at me as he left.

During the classes of classical literature (Fuku-chan) and mathematics 2b (Moustache Daruma), I thought about the connection between Emi and Ponta, as well as Yaji-san. From my window seat, the fall sunlight caused the pattern on the curtains to make an odd shadow. Inside the notebook on the top of my desk, oddly enough, were neither the Tales of Genji nor completed numbers nor new spats swimsuit designs, but rather drawings of the space monster, mini Ponta, and the rabbit.

Emi had been Ponta’s friend. Even in my unreliable memories I feel like he spoiled her quite a bit. At the same time, Emi was focused on Yaji-san. Even in my unreliable memories they were acting like friends. And now that she’s appeared in the present, she has once again taken the position of Ponta’s spoiled little sister. Not to mention that Yaji-san ran away again. When Emi appeared, the rabbit vanished.

These two might be related in some way—or is it safe to assume that Emi somehow caused Yaji-san to vanish? After all, she’s the type of person who’d wish for anything she sees fit. And even if Yaji-san’s disappearance isn’t related to her, I’m still worried. It’s comparable to the worry I felt when I put a sticker that read ‘NHK Morning News’ on a recording from a late-night show and left it on my older sister’s desk in her room.

Either way, where did Yaji-san run off to—and how do you even look for a runaway rabbit?

“…Ah!”

When I thought this, I froze in place, my pen no longer writing. Isn’t there someone who’s perfectly suited to help me look for a rabbit? It’s like I’m the Protagonist in Troubleland.

Azuki Azusa:

Her love for animals could even rival Yokodera-kun’s admiration of swimsuits. Even if she hated me, if I bring up the story of a lost rabbit, she just might help me out. On top of that, this is a request from Ponta, as well. Indeed, this is flawless logic right here. Feeling excited, I started fiddling around with the pen in my fingers.

…If anything, I might have just been looking for a chance to talk to Azuki Azusa again.

*

Third period was the class of the head of the student year, who was always strict against absence.

“But when I feel like skipping, that’s what I’ll do, so let the teacher know.”

“Understood. Invite me next time. I’ll follow you to the ends of the world.”

I was seen off by the incredibly friendly vice club president as I headed to the sixth building. The floor above the cafeteria had been converted into a cafe with a technology room and a calligraphy room, and that was exactly where I was heading. Pictures of foreign, important-looking people lined the walls in every direction, and the sinks had carvings in them. I slipped into the Italy-fied home economics room.

“Prince-kun, what are you doing?”

“A diver?”

“Did you come here to play?”

“Yup! It’s a secret, though!”

“My, it can’t be helped then!”

“Wahoo!”

“How exciting!”

The swimsuit-wearing girls—Azuki Azusa’s classmates—caught sight of me. Sheltered by the snickering girls, I snuck through the shadows beneath the sinks. Thanks to the information network of girls that I have, I now know that the best time period to sneak into Azuki Azusa’s class to investigate is right before breakfast. I could even make it a daily event. My future dream is to become a detective at a detective agency who specializes in investigating girls.

“…So is my class going to be doing this lesson next week as well…?”

On the blackboard, it read ‘Win the heart of your boyfriend or girlfriend at the sports festival with one simple trick! Let’s make some lovey-dovey lunch boxes! (Heart)’. I knew that the home economics teacher was very considerate of their students, but this sounds more like something my grandma would say. Even if I don’t count the teacher, all the girls are wearing aprons on top of their swimsuits. This is a scene you’d normally have to pay lots of money to see. At this rate, our school might actually be closed down to prevent this sort of thing from going on any longer.

When I started looking here and there in this wonderful sight, I happened to spot a certain girl washing dishes at a nearby sink. Like she wanted to rebel against the school rules, she was still wearing the normal school uniform. Indeed, Azuki Azusa was the same as usual. Maybe because she transferred in during our second year, and the fact that she had acted like a rich lady with her ‘reward time,’ but she didn’t quite fit in. Or that might just have been the influence of a certain perverted puppy who followed her around before summer break.

Either way, the root of the problem was her looks. She has an impressive quantity of presence. She’s elegant and dazzling. She’s an unattainable flower nobody dared to approach. Even now, just by wearing an apron, she gave off a distinguished aura. Though she starts crying immediately when you prod her. She only had to play along and everything would be fine.

Then again, starting this term, she stopped being driven to school in the black car (which was driven by her mother Mrs. Azuki), so she’s slowly starting to fit into her surroundings. Azuki Azusa isn’t alone anymore. At the very least, she has no reason to choose being alone. There’s people like her in the same class. There’s a girl with three braids next to her washing dishes. Even though they have nothing to talk about, it feels like I’m watching a grade school love story unfold.

“Alright…”

I could tell that Azuki Azusa was tense about this. You can do it, puppy! Muster up the courage you need. I’ll always support you whenever or wherever, even from the shadows of the curtains, beneath your bed, or from the bathroom ceiling.

“U-Um, Azuki-san, I was wondering who you’re making this lunch box for…”

The girl with the three braids was the first to muster up the courage to speak. Welp, whatever.

“W-Well, I haven’t decided yet.”

I could tell that Azuki Azusa was nervous just from the increased volume of her voice.

“There are hyenas out there who would pay good money for this, so I don’t see a reason to choose? Ah, no, not that… There isn’t… really anyone who would take this lunch box of mine… so I guess I’ll just throw it away.”

She started to get on a high horse for a second, but quickly calmed down again. This is bad. She can’t shake off the image of her being a rich and noble lady now! She doesn’t know how to talk to her classmates! This is so awkward!

“I see…”

The girl with braids made a troubled smile in return, but continued after a short pause.

“Why not give it to your pet Yokodera Prince-kun? You might look like an owner and a dog at school, but I was wondering if you’re girlfriend and boyfriend at home, or even the reverse dog and owner! Just kidding!”

I almost burst out coughing when I heard those words. That girl is taking quite the initiative!

“…No, that’s just a misunderstanding. It’s really not like that.”

“I thought you were a good match. That’s a shame. I was wondering when you would start dating.”

“Again, you’re wrong. They say a true mandarin duck is a cheater, right? You shouldn’t listen to other people.”

“A-Ah, I’m sorry. I said something weird.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I don’t have anybody I like, either…” Azuki Azusa lifted her head from the sink.

Her gaze wandered around the place, then it happened to meet mine.

“—Eh?”

She froze in place, and the cup in her hand dropped to the floor. Dang it, this has to be the worst possible timing!

“—Eyy Mother! The heavens scream, the earth screams! People scream! And it doesn’t matter who was screaming! Azuki Azusa, your mandarian duck pet came with a request!”

“Kyaaaaaaaa?! H-How long?! How long have you been here?!”

I tried to look cool when I stood up, but instead I got hit with a frying pan. What kind of aggressive reaction is that?!

“You over there! What are you doing?!”

A raging voice came from near the blackboard, probably the grandma. But, as of right now, Prince-kun is invincible. Blah blah yadda yadda, I came here to talk to my owner and all that, but…

“Tell me about such a romance earlier! Watching a school romance unfold is a great way to stay young!”

Even Grandma supported me, though I didn’t understand what she was saying. However, Azuki Azusa didn’t miss the opportunity this short time frame allowed. She threw away the apron, slipped through the opened door, and ran down the empty hallway. This damned puppy sure is fast! I gave my regards to the girls and the teacher and chased after her.

The only parts of our school that had been conformed to the Italian style were the exterior of the buildings. It was as if a young girl had merely imagined how Italy looked from pictures. It all only looked good superficially. This school’s main attraction was merely the surface of it, and the interior looked exactly like your average school. Though, as if the interior of pamphlets of buildings had turned into reference material for them, there were some things changed even inside the buildings.

For example, there were portraits decorating the classrooms in the sixth building, and there was a clock tower on top of the seventh building. There was even the third building that had turned into a cathedral.

“W-What is this?!”

While chasing Azuki Azusa, I passed the courtyard with the water fountain and dodged between the pillars beneath the clocktower. When we entered the third building, which contained the cooking room and the PE preparation room, her feet came to a halt. The hallway had turned into a giant entrance with rows of columns for the cathedral. Here and there I could see giant-sized iron doors, most likely either doors to different classrooms or doors that led to hallways. I had no idea upon seeing them for the first time. I imagine the other students must have a lot of trouble finding their way around.

That being said, the girl glanced back towards me and then continued using the laws of magnet polarity to start dashing away from me once more, barging into the nearest possible door. By the way, in case you are wondering how lucky Azuki Azusa is, she’s really the type of person who pulls ‘Terrible Luck’ during her first shrine visit of the year. When we were playing the game of life at the Tsutsukakushi Household, she was always the one who’d roll terribly right off the starting line and end up in debt. If you ever want to see her cry, I recommend that strategy. So when you consider this low luck stat, the door she chose would have to be a wrong one.

“Uuuuu… Why…?!”

When I followed her through the door, I found myself in a chapel with a tall ceiling. In other words, the dead end of the PE preparation room. During this time, it was stacked full of giant balls, sticks, and scoreboards all in preparation for the sports festival.

“Ohh…?”

I could hear her groaning, and when I glanced around, I saw that Azuki Azusa had been caught and tied up by a net and had fallen over.

“No! Get away! Leave me alone!”

“Um…”

“This… What is this…?! Don’t bother me! Leave me alone already!”

Today’s main event, ladies and gentlemen: The barking puppy vs. the obstacle race net. The more she panicked and resisted, the tighter the net caught her limbs, until she was completely wrapped up in it like a sushi roll. I guess Azuki Azusa can even lose against an inorganic enemy like that…

I started slowly trying to approach her.

“P-Prepare yourself! You won’t get away if you do anything cruel to me!” The net roll bared her fangs.

She did everything she could to strengthen her body, making it bigger than it seemed and trying to create a sense of intimidation, but now she just looks like a puffer fish. Even when I came closer and tried to free her, she used her teeth to try and bite me, so I grabbed her shoulders.

“Kyaaaaa?!”

She still panicked like a fish on a cutting board and fell over.

“…Let me help you, Azuki Azusa. I won’t do anything cruel to you. I’m trying to free you.” I scratched my cheek and crouched down next to her.

I’ve read in many magazines what sorts of things you can do to a restrained girl like this. In reality, the kind approach of holding hands and doing it together would be ideal. The corners of the net had ended up quite tangled, and I could tell it would take some time to free her. I could hear a whistle as well as cheering from the sports grounds outside, and from a different direction came the loud sounds of the bells ringing.

Though it was surrounded by sounds on every side, it felt like this chapel was isolated from the rest of the world, filled with pure silence.

“Why…?” A faint voice came from Azuki Azusa. “Why… Why are you always doing weird things like this…?”

“I really think you can’t blame me for what happened this time! It’s because you’ve been acting weird!”

“I didn’t do anything! I was living my student life naturally like a natural chicken, and then you just suddenly started chasing me.”

“You weren’t even aware of it?! The instant you see me, you start running away, but you’re always hanging around nearby. Just now I had to chase you across the whole school to even get close to you! How is this natural?”

“Uuuuu… Y-You’re wrong! I was just looking for the toilet! I just happened to have some circumstances, and you just happened to be in my line of sight!”

“Let’s stop with this farce, okay? I just want us to be like we were before.”

When I think about it, it’s been quite some time since I’ve managed to calmly talk with Azuki Azusa like this. I mean, setting aside the fact that I’m using her current situation to do so, or that I’ve been chasing her around. But, being frank, I was trying to be optimistic. As long as you talk to people, you’ll get through to them. No matter what kind of misunderstanding there may be, no matter how complicated it may be, it’ll always work out. If I put my feelings into words and talk with her, the Azuki Azusa Problem will soon be a problem no longer. I was optimistic the whole time, and I realized something else a bit too late.

“I wasn’t running away.”

“You were.”

“I wasn’t glaring at you.”

“You were.”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up! I wasn’t running away, I wasn’t glaring at you! I was just… the same as always!” She put odd pauses between her words in her sentences.

I thought something was off, so when I took a closer look at her, I was baffled.

“Just… I just… don’t want to be too close to you, okay!”

Drops of her tears fell to the ground, and Azuki Azusa broke out in tears.

We quickly ran out of tissues. When I took the baseball cap out of my pocket and carelessly handed it over, Azuki Azusa folded it and buried her face inside, blowing her nose.

Ah, so she thinks this is actually another tissue… Well, I guess the baseball cap can be happy now that it’s being turned into a mess by a girl like Azuki Azusa. I wouldn’t mind trading places with it, to be honest.

“Have you finally calmed down?”

I gave up on freeing her from the oddly effective net, and instead joined her inside it. I sat down next to Azuki Azusa and looked around at the PE preparation room from the same angle as her. We were surrounded by majestic religious paintings, and we stayed silent, our breathing slowly starting to match rhythm. It felt like our bodies were starting to become one. It made me feel like we were left behind in some empty space station. Probably because this room was so disconnected from the rest of the world.

Azuki Azusa’s tears apparently had stopped, but from time to time she would let out a sniff, and her body twitched. Her shoulders were next to mine.

“…Thank… you…”

“It’s fine.”

“Um… you know…”

“Yeah.”

“It’s true that I was trying to act normal. It’s not my problem what kind of relationship you have with Tsutsukakushi-senpai.”

After a long silence, the words finally started flowing out of her mouth.

“But when I thought that I couldn’t allow myself to get too close, I always kept a certain level of distance.”

“Why?”

“Because that would hurt… T-Tsutsukakushi-senpai, like I’m a porcupine.”

“If anything, Steel-san is the type of person who’d nibble on a porcupine, wash it down with a tall cool glass of nails, and then take a good nap.”

“…If you tell her that to her face, she’d probably eat you.” Azuki Azusa let out a faint giggle, which made me feel a bit relieved.

“But I felt like I couldn’t be too far away from you, I was afraid that I would lose you, and I searched for you, but I thought I would cause trouble for you if I was too close, even though I just had to know where you were, so I searched for you, but I thought that being too close to you would hurt you, so I was swimming in circles like a manta ray…”

“That sure sounds troublesome,” I giggled. “There’s no need to do all that, though. She doesn’t want to be close with Yokodera Youto. She just mistook me for someone else and dropped that bomb on me.”

“…Really? But then…”

“I thought everything would end well if I cleared up the misunderstanding. I tried doing so countless times, but… Also, I thought I told you about that in the letter I wrote.”

“A letter?” Azuki Azusa sounded like she didn’t know what I was talking about.

“The letter I put into your locker, like some old-fashioned drama, with the shiba inu stamp on it.”

“I don’t know about that. I’ve never seen it. Maybe you put it in the wrong locker?”

“Th-That’s impossible!”

The words from my heart that were overflowing with my passionate feelings might have been read by someone else, she says…? Urgh, I’m getting a bad feeling from this. If anything, I’d love it if an expressionless Kouhai of mine with glasses and black stockings would read it. Huh? I feel like my tastes and fetishes are getting slightly twisted? I wonder whose fault this is…

“—Wait, that’s not important! There’s really no need to be considerate of anyone else, Azuki Azusa!”

“Yeah… If I had read the letter, I might have thought this over, but…” Azuki Azusa shook her head.

Her long, wavy hair shook with this motion, tickling my ears as it hit me.

“I still think that getting too close to you isn’t good.”

“…Why?”

“Tsutsukakushi-senpai’s misunderstanding might stop being one eventually… No, not just Senpai, anybody else as well—” Her hair shook again.

I kept my lips shut and waited for what she would say next, but instead I only received a cough in response.

“Hey, was ‘Mermaid Princess Gamera’ interesting?”

“Huh?”

I let out a dumbfounded voice when she suddenly changed the subject. Azuki Azusa, Tsutsukakushi Tsukiko, and I would often lend books to each other. I would mostly lend out books from Oscar Wilde, of course, Azuki Azusa contributed some of her favorite manga, whereas Tsutsukakushi lent us novels based on movies. Just recently, Azuki Azusa had lent me ‘Mermaid Princess Gamera’ up to the final volume. It’s the sequel to ‘Princess Gamera’, and it’s a story where the evil sorcerer attacks her with a sea pig beam only for her to rise up as a princess. It’s an exhilarating and peerless romcom action series!

“The prince is my favorite character in that series. I love how he always chooses the princess.” Azuki Azusa narrowed her eyes while she recalled the story. “But that only happens in manga. If there’s a prince in this world, he’s everyone’s prince. He’s kind to everyone, friendly with everyone, and more and more people end up around him. Two, three, four, five—Even if we get close enough for me to treat you like a pet, I always understood that I could never become a princess. I know it sounds ridiculous, but…”

“That’s why I can’t approach you anymore than that,” she said.

She wrapped up her monologue just like that and directed her gaze towards the far end of the PE preparation room. A painting there showed a priest carrying the cross on his back while all the citizens around him showered him with affection.

“Hold on, I don’t really get what’s going on here…”

“You don’t have to. If anything, I’d be troublesome if you did. This is just my own problem, for my own convenience.”

“That’s not good enough. Please tell me. I have to understand. What do you… um… What kind of princess do you want to be? In what country?”

Azuki Azusa stared at the priest in the picture and opened her mouth only to close it again. She let out a sigh as she tightly embraced the baseball cap, treating it like it was some treasure.

“I forgot.” She shook her head several times, but that was the only answer she gave.

“You forgot?”

Those words aren’t enough. They lack everything. We can’t communicate with monologues in our world. If we don’t use our voices to transfer our words, nothing will end. Didn’t I tell you all about that, Azuki Azusa?

“…I always wanted to make up with you. I’m sad if I can’t be close to you. Let’s just stop with that nonsense about being too close and that forcing you to stay away and all that. Let’s go back to how we were before.”

Since she had stopped talking, I decided to speak up as many times as it would take. I want my feelings to reach Azuki Azusa. So I looked at her. I looked at the profile that I wanted to look at me in return. But she wouldn’t do so. She kept staring at the drawing in the distance.

“…If you show me proof of your sincerity, I don’t mind.”

“Sincerity? How?”

“For example… I know. In the shoujo manga I read a while ago, the evil prince is reformed, and he kindly—”

This is like a rehash of the words I had heard over the phone right before summer break ended. Only one thing was different. The resident of this real world who loves manga dearly abruptly stopped there and gave a vague smile.

“Kindly—shook hands with a village girl during one scene.”

*

By the time we finally got out from under the net, the giant bells outside were ringing again.

“Lunch break is going to be over soon…” My stomach complained with a grumble, and Azuki Azusa let out a giggle.

“You’re like Tsutsukakushi-san.”

“She makes sounds like that?!”

“From time to time, when it’s just the two of us. Whenever she feels comfortable, I guess. That makes her look really cute… Ah, what’s with that face?! Keep this a secret, okay?!”

“I won’t. Not unless I get a full stomach! Urgh… I’m craving a homemade boxed lunch now…”

“…Even a starving wolf wouldn’t threaten me like that. If a certain someone hadn’t burst into the home economics class, I might have finished one… Ah, hey.” Azuki Azusa looked a bit confused as she looked at me. “Did you go through all that effort just so that you could make up with me?”

“—Ah. No! Right! Ponta!” I slapped my forehead.

I had completely forgotten to talk with her about what had started it all: Emi. On our way to the school cafeteria, I explained what happened. About Emi’s appearance, about how she’s been leading us around, and about how Yaji-san had disappeared.

“Huh.” She muttered. “Idiotic. I’m sure that girl doesn’t know. Wishes like that don’t change anything—they didn’t change anything.”

“Eh… Did you wish for something?”

“Something. I wished for a new me.”

“A-And what happened?”

“As you can see, nothing happened at all. I think it didn’t reach God at all,” Azuki Azusa smiled cheerfully.

But that can’t be possible. Knowing that Cat God, it would always fulfill a wish like that. With the gaze of a researcher, I stared at Azuki Azusa carefully. Immediately, I caught onto something so small that any normal person wouldn’t notice. The caldera on her body had started to change into a tiny valley…?!

“How could this happen?!”

“Kyaa?! W-What happened?!”

“This is the surrendering of your identity! A loss of independence! Are you really fine with that?! I mean, don’t mind me, I think it’s great, but are you fine with that, Azuki Azusa?!”

“…I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I still feel insulted.”

Next to the astonished human researcher (me), Azuki Azusa took out her smartphone, and started taking a memo.

“I understand what you want me to do. Do you have a picture of Yaji-san, by any chance? If so, please send it to me. A stray rabbit is a rare thing, so if I ask the stray dogs around, they should be able to find her in two to three days. You can rest assured.” And then she flashed a great smile like a girl raised in the mountains.

But wait just a second. This young lady actually said something exactly like a girl who had been raised in the mountains.

“Um… you’re going to ask the dogs?”

“Yup, in dog language. If I say ‘Woof, woof!’ they’ll all respond to me. I’ve been training for it every day!”

“I see. Yeah. That sounds fun… You must be having fun…”

Azuki Caldera was too much of a shock for me. It seems I’m hearing things now. I mean, dog language? Basically, this young lady with no friends whatsoever, has evolved into an alien who has achieved the skills necessary to be bilingual. I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear any of that.

“I feel like you’re thinking something rude about me again. Do you understand that you’re the one who came to ask me for help?”

“Sorry, sorry. Goddess, Buddha, Azuki-sama! As a token of my gratitude, I will create Azuki Shrines all over the country! I’ll create an object of worship for you! If you touch it in special places, it will be filled (with hope), raise (children) and it (feelings) will grow! What a marvelous idea! Let’s all touch the Azuki Shrine!”

“…Pervert. Super pervert. Yatagarasu⁸ pervert!” She spoke with blank eyes, but she immediately started laughing.

Up until now, she would change suddenly, but naturally. If you threw her a fast ball, she wouldn’t get flustered, and she wouldn’t try to swing back for fear of missing. Now, though, she just smiled normally, as if she had both honest feelings and a facade. To me, that was something surprising, and I’m glad we had managed to make up with a handshake. But something with unpleasant taste, like a lump of coal, was left in my mouth.

Before I could voice this discomfort, Azuki Azusa shook her head and poked at my flank—almost like you would a newly-found friend.

“I’ll help you out as much as I can. But I still think you can just ask this Emi girl directly. ‘What do you want to do, anyway? What are you thinking about?’ Questions like that.”

“I thought about that, but I’m worried if I’ll get an actual answer or not.”

“She’s the girl who was at the sports grounds on Saturday, right? She looked like an honest, innocent girl to me.”

“Eh? Really?”

“It didn’t seem that way to you? I’d feel bad if you treated her like a skank.”

“Hmm. It’d be great if that were true. You’re the only one who’s had that opinion so far, Azuki Azusa.”

“Everyone is just thinking too deeply into it. Even if she is a girl who does bad things, she’s not a bad girl by any means.” Azuki Azusa spoke with a bright voice, but she came to a stop as she remembered something. “I’m sorry, I had plans for this lunch break already.”

“Understood. Then let’s look for Yaji-san together after school today? I’ll help you.”

“You don’t have to worry about me. You go do whatever you can, and I’ll do the same. See you later, Yokodera-kun.” She flashed a good-natured smile like a village girl and waved her hand as she left.

Her silhouette was fully swallowed up by the darkness of the clocktower, right beneath the pillars. Like an otherworldly person walking off into the night world, she kept waving her hand without looking back at me.

…I really wanted to eat lunch with her, though.

*

I was thinking about all sorts of things, and classes came to an end in a flash. I went looking for Azuki Azusa, but apparently she had already gone on the wild huge rabbit chase. Wondering what to do instead, even though I had already arrived at the conclusion, I lingered around the bike racks. That’s when it happened.

“Youto-onii-chan!”

“Wha?!”

Before I could react, a diving body press from a certain space monster came crashing down on me. If I had to guess, it was probably born from an elaborate simulation as well as sloppy inspiration. It was quite the exquisite collaboration. The sense of balance to run halfway up the chain fence, the timing to aim for the target, the angle to send her body flying, the height, the direction, and the courage to not back down. No matter how you looked at it, this was a technique that no one could replicate. A fully perfected attack. The only thing she hadn’t considered was what would happen after she brought me down to the ground.

“Gaaaah?!”

“Unununu?!”

I was pummeled by a jump kick with about 26.6kg behind it. The only people who’d be able to withstand this would probably be a trained pro wrestler or a trained pro lolicon. Coincidentally, I had been trained in both worlds before, and I was an aspiring newcomer, so I managed to hold Emi on top of my head as I stomped my feet on the ground.

“Ohhhh!” Emi let out a voice like she was riding an attraction at an amusement park. “This time is a success, then! Heehee!”

“You can’t just trust someone else for something ridiculous like this!”

“…It’s Emi’s power to believe, and Onii-chan’s power to withstand this belief! It’s a perfect harmony!”

“I’m the only one who worked hard for it!”

“Good boy, good boy!” Emi finally calmed down as she sat on the shoulders of her designated steed.

A sweet scent arrived at my nose, giving me a sense of relief for some reason. When she took a peek down at my face, she grinned, saying “I’m happy to meet you here!” with her usual 100% perfect smile. She thinks she’s going to be forgiven just because of this smile. Well, she’s completely right.

“Perfect timing. I wanted to talk to you about something. Did you come here to stroll around the school again?”

“Heehee, yep! I knew that the scary one isn’t here. What was it called…? De…Declaring war while the demon is out!”

“…And who are you fighting?”

“Hey, more importantly, Onii-chan. Over here. You can see something interesting here!” Emi grabbed the hair on my head, steering me towards the sports grounds.

Stretching far from the flank of the west gate, there’s a grassy place right between the ball net and a block wall right at the foot of the high fence surrounding the sports grounds. This place was something most people wouldn’t pay any attention to, and it was covered in plastic sheets. Sitting on top of that, with a sketchbook in hand, was a girl in a normal uniform, drawing.

“Tsu—”

“Shhh!”

Right when I went to call out to the girl, Emi stopped me. Still being controlled by her, I entered the back of the fence and net, slowly approaching.

“Hmm, hmm~ The swallow~ Can’t refuse~ the Prince~”

I heard calm but sloppy humming. She must be concentrating on drawing. The hummingbird didn’t turn around. Since she couldn’t see anybody around, she hummed as loud as she felt like.

“That is why~ La la la~ The Swallow~ Will stay with the Prince~ Until winter~ Tralala~”

With my third degree as a Tsutsukakushi Connaisseur, I can cast my own judgement on this. This song is naturally self-made, from the lyrics to the rhythm to the interlude. A few days ago, I lent her a fairy tale ‘The Happy Prince’, written by Oscar Wilde, which tells the story of a swallow and a noble prince, and it seems like she’s taken a great liking to it. She even said she wanted to read it to the children at the welfare institution.

“And then~ The two~ Went to meet God~ Tra la la, la la la la~”

But I really didn’t expect her to like it enough to create her own song. She even tapped her hands on the sketchbook like she was playing the drums, shaking her head left and right as she started humming even more energetically. This is like how I saw her act before in her kitchen. Is she like this every day at home, I wonder? Either way, I decided to download this sight onto the memory card inside my brain. Once I get home, I’ll have to put this into my Tsutsukakushi record notebook.

When she gets married in the future, I’ll be able to show it to everyone as a present. But just when I was thinking about this great plan, I started to wonder where exactly I would stand during that ceremony. For some reason, it felt that this was a more important thought than just a side tangent, but I figured retreating now would be more important, when—

“…Hm?” I strained my ears.

I heard a faint melody mixing in. But from where? From above my head. From Emi’s mouth.

“~~~♪” A pure high-pitched tone, at a transparent, comfortable volume.

The voice, able to lure in Tsutsukakushi, grew louder and louder. This pure reverberation slowly changed Tsutsukakushi’s music into an angelic melody.

“……” Tsutsukakushi’s shoulders twitched, and she turned around, but she didn’t say anything.

She couldn’t say anything. Most likely, just like me, she just felt like listening to this heavenly concert. It was like your heart was being cleansed, or even unpolluted. It held amazing power.

“~~~♪”

Emi slipped down from my shoulders and stood on the ground. She put both her hands in front of her chest, raising her voice as if she wanted it to reach to the sky. Her hair, glistering in the colour of the Mediterranian sea, was complemented by her crystal-ball-like eyes. It was unbalanced in a sense, yet also balanced with her small stature. Her appearance and voice existed for each other’s sake, expressing each other, decorating each other. It was like a beautiful drawing of a fairy, created by God on the final day.

“—Tada!” She jumped up, and her song ended.

Until that signal, neither Tsutsukakushi nor me could move a muscle. We didn’t even realize that we had been captivated by this concert. All we could do was immerse ourselves in the lingering sound in our ears.

“…A-Amazing! What was that just now?! You’re so good at singing!”

“Hehe! There’s a lot of people out there who are even better!”

I was so moved that I forgot to applaud. And, with her 100% angelic smile, she pointed at Tsutsukakushi.

“But Tsuu-chan is totally the most tone-deaf person on the planet!”

“…Ah!”

The space monster destroyed the mood instantly, with no remorse whatsoever.

“There’s no Do no Re no Mi no Fa no So there! Gross! You have such a beautiful voice, too! It’s such a shame!”

“……”

“In terms of the music world’s Picasso, you’re Dogra Magra⁹. It’s like you’re the only flower in the world, but you’re a stinking corpse lily!”

“……” Tsutsukakushi didn’t utter a word.

Instead, she let Emi pull on her cheeks, observing her like a test subject. Emi poked at her more and more.

“Woah! They’re stretching like crazy!”

She pulled them left and right and up and down, not knowing the dangerous land she was treading towards. She just kept violating the Yuki Onna-chan’s privacy.

“You’re tone-deaf even though your cheeks can move like this? How weird! Just make sounds with your cheeks, then!”

“……”

“This is so much fun! I want half of these!”

—Stretch stretch, pull pull.

Tsutsukakushi was played around with, not uttering a single word, maintaining her deadpan face. With calm movement, she slowly removed the girl’s fingers from her cheeks, gazing directly into Emi’s eyes.

“I’ve told you before, Emanuella-san.”

“Hmm? Told me what?”

“My name is Tsutsukakushi.”

“Yup! That’s why you’re Tsuu-chan! Or would you rather be Kinoko-chan? Ah, just call me ‘Emi’!”

“……..”

I feel like Tsutsukakushi’s emotions were telepathically transmitted into my brain like an alien. She’s pissed as hell, that I can tell you for sure.

“Emanuella-san. Let us assume that I am tone-deaf, for the sake of argument…”

“There is nothing to assume there!”

“I can draw, I’m a good cook, I give good massages, especially around the waist and legs. I’m often praised as being a utility player.”

“Emi can draw as well, and make rolled eggs! Wasshoi!”

“…I am really good at it. Much better than you are.”

“Hmmm?”

“That’s why, even if I were tone-deaf, no matter how small the chance may be, that would still be fine. I have many other points where I win hands-down.”

“Really~? I wonder~?” Emi tilted her head as she thought, and Tsutsukakushi stomped the ground in reply.

Or rather, she was grinding her foot into the ground. So had that I could hear the grass making agonized screams below her. This was the first time I’d ever seen this cool and collected girl get so angry (or at least that’s what it feels like). I don’t know. It feels so childish to me. After giggling to myself, I shook my head. She is a child after all. I tend to forget since she can act like a grown-up Onee-san at times, but Tsukiko-chan is an average girl below my age.

“I am older than you, a bit taller than you, and I have a better body style. Even if, in a parallel universe, my skill as a singer might be inferior, I’m still fine. I more than make up for it in other areas.” Tsutsukakushi said, and she looked over at me for some reason.

I agree that she might be the victor in this battle, but she’s a high school student comparing herself to a grade school student. You know?

“But Tsuu-chan.”

“Tsutsukakushi.”

“I’m better at sports than you.” Emi said with an indifferent tone, and grinned over at me for some reason.

That really is a mysterious variable to put in this equation. I don’t understand why they would involve me in this battle.

“……” Tsutsukakushi stayed quiet for a brief moment, only to slowly turn her gaze toward her enemy. “That is not true. If anything, I most likely am better at sports than you.”

“I’m even better. I might beat you to a pulp if you’re not careful.”

“I am even better than you are. We should be able to find out if we have a proper competition.”

“Hehe, agreed! A battle it is, then!” Emi flashed a bright grin.

*

“I’ve been lured into a trap. She really is an evil girl.”

Since the door to the shower room remained shut for so long, I gave it a quick knock, only to find Tsutsukakushi crouched down like a pillbug. Quite a crowd had gathered around the poolside because of how many people were practicing for the sports festival. As a side note, this place had been transformed to look like Couple Island or Coupling Island¹⁰ or whatever it’s called, and half of the outdoor pool was covered by a low-hanging cave.

In one corner of the side that was illuminated by the sun, you would find the popular tourist spot Tsutsukakushi Dumpling, who had sworn never to wear a swimsuit in front of me not too long ago. She rolled around on the ground, trying to hide in the shadows.

“I mean, you just got too much into it, right…?”

“That was all part of that evil girl’s plan. That laugh she made when she brought up a swimming contest… Thinking back to it, she had the face of an antlion looking at its prey.”

“I see.”

“You don’t understand how much you’re being deceived by that evil girl.” She looked over at Emi, who was doing some stretches in preparation. Other girls were playing with her, almost like she was their pet.

Everyone is kind to a small girl like her. I think that’s why she’s so happy right now. When she brought up the swimming contest, she looked like your average, innocent young girl. So much that I could see her true personality, which was normally hidden behind her 100% smile.

“I don’t think she’s as much of a bad girl as you make her out to be.”

“…Because you only carry her on your shoulders.”

“You think so?”

“That’s right. I did say I would allow you to enjoy this world, but I told you to not be clingy with any other girl, and especially not her. Do you understand what I’m saying? You do, right?”

“…I’m sorry.”

“That girl is no good. Absolutely not. Do you understand? You do? Perfect.”

“I’m sorry…”

Since my aspiration is to become the dog of Pavlov’s house and lick butter, what Tsutsukakushi was saying did not make any sense to me.

“Ah, right. I actually know who’s to blame for this world.”

“…I’m sorry. I heard it from Nee-san. I might have to apologize to Senpai for what I said before.”

Like a perfect mimic of me, she lowered her head. And then, as if she had made up her mind, she got up.

“But, for now, I have to defeat this girl. I will be the one who wins.”

She stretched her back, grabbed her navy blue protection (kickboard), and headed to the pool like a warrior into battle. I thought she looked pretty cool, so I quickly took a picture to keep this moment for the future.

The competition was to be a 50m freestyle race, with the one who reached the end the fastest crowned as the winner. Tsutsukakushi wore the school swimsuit that was still regarded as the school uniform. Emi was wearing a normal one-piece swimsuit. Since I was the judge, I was wearing an average uniform. The two warriors, clad in swimsuits, readied themselves at the beginning of the course, exchanging quick glances only to look ahead.

“——”

“……”

These two didn’t need to say anything else. The silence changed the world around us, and the place had turned into a war zone. The sweat dripping down from my body fell to the ground, announcing the impending struggle to the death.

“I see that you’re both good to go. Ready, set—Goooo!” I gave the signal.

The two warriors jumped into the water. Water splashed everywhere, the atmosphere shook, and a commotion started.

—It was a great competition. The End.

I mean, normally I would try to use my deep understanding of language to give a detailed depiction of this heated and bloody battle, right? I bet you all were waiting for that as well. Even I couldn’t help but gulp out of anticipation. For the first ten seconds, that is.

As for the school swimsuit warrior—

“…Puwahh…Glub—”

I heard her gasping for air, and along with sounds of drowning, she sank right to the bottom of the pool. She somehow managed to work herself up again to gasp for air, only to head down to the bottom again. It was like she got the angle to move forward at 90° off and the principles for floating completely wrong.

As for the one-piece swimsuit warrior—

“S-So cold! Ehehehe, jump jump!”

Like an antique nomadic tribe girl that had never seen a pool before, she jumped up and down inside the water, spraying it up into the air, playing with the people around her. She seemed to have just forgotten about the competition entirely.

…Yes, it really was a wonderful competition. It didn’t matter who would stand victorious in the end, as the entire competition was just for the fun and giggles. But what bothers me a bit is the fact that these two stated they were athletic geniuses just a few minutes prior to this. For the first five minutes, I honestly supported them both, and after another five minutes of me watching over them in disinterest, I sat down next to the goal, gazing up at the sky from beneath the low ceiling of the grotto. It’s great weather today.

To pass time, I decided to hold an intercebral council on the merits of school swimsuits and one-piece swimsuits, compiling all the data that I had to support my thesis in order to hold a fierce war of science. The heavens created nothing above the swimsuit, nor was there anything below the swimsuit. The proclamation of swimsuit rights done by swimsuits for the swimsuits of swimsuits created oppression and dictatorship, which led to the birth of the Holy Third Swimsuit Empire, but eventually I grew tired of this fantasy, and the two girls finally arrived at the goal.

The drowning submarine and the excited nomad girl arrived at roughly at the same time.

“Um… good work…?”

I helped the living corpse previously known as Tsutsukakushi up out of the water, and she collapsed to her knees.

“……”

She was trying hard to get her rough breathing under control, and she was unable to speak. Her eyes asked the question, though.

‘Who is the winner?’

“U-Um…”

When I looked over at Emi, she was just continuing to swim around in the pool with a gleeful shout. “The pool is so much fun!” Water droplets were flung from her twintails like bullets. To be completely honest, I felt like Emi had been just a tiny bit faster. But I’ll give extra credit for effort. I promised to be your ally through thick and thin.

“—It’s Tsutsukakushi’s win!”

“Ohhh!”

To my surprise, the first person to react was Emi.

“Tsuu-chan, you’re so strong! As a military soldier of the Empire, I have to be sportsmanlike and accept defeat.”

“…No, it was a close battle.”

“It was really fun! If possible, let’s play again sometime!”

“That’s right… Let’s practice so that you can win next time, Emanu—Emi-san.”

The two girls exchanged praise and shared a handshake. Growth is something wonderful, I thought as I watched this miracle unfold. It felt like I was their guardian. I wonder if it’s okay if I hug them? The two girls lined up next to each other, performing some finishing stretches, when Emi looked at me.

“—Hey, Youto-onii-chan. Did you have fun as well?”

“Um? Well, sure I did.”

“I see. I’m satisfied as well.” She grinned.

With her 100% perfect smile, she looked at me and then looked at Tsutsukakushi. And while she continued her stretches, her beautiful mouth twisted into the smile of a devil.

“So I think it’s fine to cancel this wish now!”

“Eh?”

“I wish that everyone would lose their pool mood!” She declared loudly.

Just as I told you before, Emi had prepared her own swimsuit. She told us to give her around ten minutes, and she appeared as she is now. As for Tsutsukakushi’s swimsuit, it was the school swimsuit regulated by the school. That is something she wears every day instead of her uniform. Tsutsukakushi and Azuki Azusa had awakened from their hypnosis, no longer forced to wear the swimsuit anymore, but the other students were still wearing swimsuits as a result of Emi’s wish. Because of this swimming competition, Tsutsukakushi had also been forced to wear said school swimsuit.

Now what would happen now since Emi had retracted her wish? First, everyone would lose their pool mood. Second, all the objects teleported here would vanish. Basically, what this means is that the swimsuit which Tsutsukakushi was currently wearing would vanish. After a short silence, a tearing sound rang out as the swimsuit—

“T-Tsukiko-chan…”

I figured the other girls must have been panicking just as much, but my eyes were glued on the girl in front of me. She was naked. 100% naked.

“Eh…”

As I said, the girl had been busy doing some stretches after the fierce competition. She blinked as she directed her gaze at me. Seconds passed. Another ten seconds passed, as if only the two of us existed in this world. In the paradise cultivated by humanity’s sin, Adam met the newly-born Eve, and they no doubt would have started laughing. I understand because I am the same. After being shown his baby without being covered by a thread, a boy would always smile. These are his instincts.

“What is this, what is this?!”

“What happened?!”

“Why?!”

I heard the girls around us screaming and running inside the building next to the pool. The poolside had turned quiet in an instant, and Tsutsukakushi was one beat too late. She directly touched her snow white and soft hiking course as well as the pink apples of original sin with the palm of her hand. And then she looked up at me with dampened eyes.

“……”

“W-Well I must say. They keep growing every time I see them, huh?”

“……”

“A-At this rate, you might even pass your Onee-san soon. Just kidding, ha… haha…”

“………”

“I’m sorry I was lying I was trying to be considerate please don’t hit me with that kickboard!”

Eve would have been much happier if she had just run to the shower room instead of attacking Adam, but before she realized this, a sacrifice was deemed to be necessary.

*

“You really were evil all along…”

“Hmm? Youto-onii-chan, what are you talking about?”

This school-wide incident of half students ending up naked one day was remembered as one of the seven wonders of this school. Emi and I stayed behind in that otherwise empty poolside, sitting down as we enjoyed the breeze. In short, we were waiting patiently for Tsutsukakushi. Will she return with normal clothes after taking a quick breather, or will she come storming out like the God of Wrath himself? It’s Schroedinger’s waiting time, folks.

Emi was resting beside the water, kicking her legs up and down in the pool. The one-piece swimsuit was held together by a single innocent ribbon. It gave off a charming scent. If I were a loli pedo deluxe, I would have maybe come to find certain silver objects around both of my wrists here. Our password is ‘Yes Hentai, No Touch.’

“…I guess Tsutsukakushi is angry, after all. Only her face looks calm…”

“It’s fine, it’s fine~ Though Tsuu-chan won’t show it on her face, I’m sure that she must have been excited! A quivering flame was burning inside her when she realized that she had been seen by Onii-chan. Or so it said in a book I read once!”

“I’ll confiscate that book right away! And don’t put such labels on my step-sister!”

“Hehehe, is she really that pure? Once night comes around, she’ll definitely put on some E—ureka symphony. Onii-chan, your eyes are scary.”

Emi quickly diverted herself before she could finish her previous sentence. If things went any further, there would be corpses. I just knew it. Basically, Yokodera-kun would die of blood loss. As if she were trying to calm the situation, she splashed both of her small legs right into the water.

“But I was being honest when I said I was satisfied. I wanted to get into the sports festival mood as quickly as possible, and now I’m happy. I’ve made so many memories that I’ll probably never forget them all.”

“…You’re making a big deal out of this.”

“It’s the truth. Even kids understand the value of memories. Even if adults forget them. Or even if Onii-chan forgets them.”

“I’m the type of person who understands the importance of the backlog in gal games. I treasure memories.”

“Lies here, lies there, lies everywhere, lies 800. If you’re run over by a car you’re flat, and a rice cracker is flat. What’s bad is a rice cracker, and what’s bad is the taste of your flesh, da da da~”

“What a grotesque song!”

Every time her legs plunged into the water, a splash of water rose into the air. She put one hand on her chest and started singing resonantly, leaving me unable to guess how much of her banter was serious. Covered by this ceiling of a grotto at this Italian poolside, I couldn’t read her feelings behind that smile. And even without these circumstances, I doubt I would be able to find out what she was thinking.

“…Then once the other wishes turn into good memories, could you cancel them as well?”

“I wonder about that~ …Wait, ‘other wishes’?” Her feet came to a halt. “Youto-onii-chan, you found out that I was wishing for things?”

“Yup.” I gave a short nod.

Trying to figure things out by myself in secret was too difficult to handle. That’s why, just as Azuki Azusa had recommended, I asked her directly. This girl isn’t evil or anything.

“Yup yup yup! Good job on seeing through me, Akechi¹¹-kun! It should have been a safe secret, but this is different from what I’ve heard, indeed.” With no ill-intent whatsoever, Emi stuck out her tongue. “And what are you going to do now, Onii-chan?”

“What do you mean?”

“What are you going to do with the criminal you’ve caught? Are you going to deceive Emi with some modern period doctrine so that she cancels her wishes? Or will you go with the principles of ancient times to overwhelm and catch me with violence, and bully me until I beg you to let me take back the wish? Kyaaa, so scary!”

“Again, where did you learn stuff like that?”

And why do you look so excited about the prospect?

“I’m not going to do anything,” I answered. She seemed offended by this, but I think the key to get on the correct route lies with tolerance.

“Just if you’re in some way related to the disappearance of Yaji-san, that huge rabbit, I’d be happy if you reversed that wish. Ponta is really worried about her.”

“Yaji-san is gone? That’s really bad!” She reacted with surprise. “I really don’t know about any of that! But why did you think it was my doing?”

“I mean, you’re the kid from the choir, right? Weren’t you close to Ponta?”

“Wha…?” Emi blinked in shock.

Her already large eyes opened wide, only for her expression to lighten up.

“Onii-chan! You finally remembered?! Yay! Um! Um!”

“But I still don’t understand what your intentions are. Why don’t you go play with someone else? I don’t remember us being that close, anyway.”

In my dream it’s always the same. A young girl and a young boy, talking with each other. A girl from overseas, her hair bound up in twintails, and a middle school boy laughing gleefully. They’ve always been close.

“…So mean…” A faint sigh escaped from her lips.

Emi had a strained expression on her face as she looked down. She looked like she was being hit by disappointment and despair, a sharp pain assaulting her.

“I-I’m not being mean! It’s the truth, right?!”

“…It might be. But you don’t have to say that…”

“I’m sorry…”

“This is totally boring… And I hate boring things…”

I’ve heard that phrase before. Isn’t this exactly what instigated this whole situation? I readied myself, only for my field of view to topple sideways. Something pulled on my right hand, which threw off my balance, and both Emi and I fell into the pool.

“Aguh?!”

“Ehehe, what a weird voice!”

Still holding onto my hand as I struggled to keep my head above the water, the 100% girl showed unexpected fluent swimming skill as she guided me to the middle of the cave. Because of the faint sunlight shining inside the entrance, the surrounding area gave off a holy blue shine. Gathering water in the palm of her hands, she showered me with a splash.

“Bugh!”

“Another weird voice! When I attack Onii-chan, you let out a cute, girly reaction, as if I’d pack you up in a sack and take you with me!”

“Are you praising me or making fun of me?!”

“I’m just showing my affection towards you.”

“So you’re making fun of me!”

“Um, um, Youto-Onii-chan.”

After playing around in the water, the space monster looked up at me. Her young eyes shining like acorns were complimented by her imbalanced 100% perfect smile. In the end, I still don’t know how old she was.

“You said ‘I don’t know what you want to do’, but it’s simple. I just want to play with both of my Onii-chans. I had an Onii-chan I was close with a long time ago.”

“…Yeah.”

“Even after I had to go back to Italy because of Papa’s work, we made a pinky promise at the airport that once I come back to Japan, Onii-chan would show me around at school and we’d play around lots. It was a promise. That’s why I kept these words in my heart like a love letter stored in a bin, waiting far away for it to happen.”

“But…” Emi muttered, shaking her head.

‘I ain’t got no memories nor emotional attachment to her.’ That’s what Ponta said.

He made the lolita alliance of the entire world his enemy by saying that. But still, what does being forgotten about feel like?

“Anyway, I’m done for now.”

“Eh, really?”

“I’m tired. There should be even funner things to do around.” Emi laughed, shrugging her shoulders like she wasn’t bothered all too much.

Well, I guess the Lolita Alliance should remain calm now.

“Right, right, it’s this week, isn’t it?” She asked.

“What is? The rainbow-colored swimsuit festival?”

“…Not quite. The sports festival! The day where everyone sings and dances!” She sounded excited.

“Ah, yeah, that’s right. I’m surprised you knew about it.”

“Yeah yeah yeah yeah~” She put one hand on her small chest and closed her eyes for a brief moment.

As if she was communicating with the survivors of her race, far in the depths of the universe, she spoke with a pained voice.

“—Please, Youto-onii-chan. This is my final wish. On the day of the sports festival, let’s play together. Then I’ll give up.”

Give up on what exactly? I couldn’t hear any more than that, because the door of the shower room opened, and my Kouhai started approaching us. That meant that the time allotted to her had reached its limit. Instead—

“Um, um, Onii-chan!”

“Yeah?”

“You got snot coming out of your nose.”

“…Achoo! You’re right, I’m still wearing my uniform!”

“Wow! Why didn’t you think about that before taking a dip?”

“Why are you the one saying that?? Who was it who pulled me into the water?”

“Hehe, I don’t know! Pumpkin barrier!” Emi giggled as she sought refuge up out of the water.

“…It seems like you’ve been enjoying yourselves quite a bit while I wasn’t here, getting all drenched like that. I see. It’s very interesting, indeed.”

Half calm, half the incarnation of range, Tsutsukakushi averted her gaze as she nodded to herself. I don’t know what exactly you’re satisfied with, but could you tell me? I feel like these are false accusations.

There.

—You really are a pumpkin.

I heard a voice behind me, speaking cold and sharp words, only to disappear into the wind. I was someone who believed the girl to not be as bad as everyone else thought, and I couldn’t understand these words.

---

1 This joke does not work at all in English, so take this cheesy fog joke.

2 Awful to portray in English as well

3 Here, words like ‘vision’ and ‘global standard’ are in English

4 In the original, he says ‘The rocket to occupy the other clubs’. With the joke being that oppai (tits) sounds like occupy, but in order to keep the joke to a certain level, I had to alter it with ‘bazookas’ instead.

5 From Lupin the Third, the act of taking off your clothes except the underwear and jumping at a woman in bed.

6 A reference to the 5th installment of the Jojo Series (Vento Aureo). A stand that can erase a certain frame of time lasting up to 10 seconds, here represented as 10 years.

7 Written as little sister

8 Mythical raven

9 A novel by Yumeno Kyusaku, which basically had no acclaim whatsoever until thirty years later.

10 Capri Island

11 Akechi Mitsuhide, a samurai and general who lived during the Sengoku period of Feudal Japan.