Osananajimi ga Zettai ni Makenai Love Comedy Volume 2 Chapter 4 Part 1

If you like our work, please follow us on our social media, and feel free to join our discord: https://discord.gg/e4BJxX6 

He who laughs last

Part 1

The 30th of September, Saturday. The first day of the commercial contest, and the first day the commercials would be released to the public.

“Right, then…”

On the top floor of a luxurious mansion in Meguro City bought two years prior–

After both of them had each taken a bath, Maria, who had eaten a late dinner, unfolded her notebook in the living room, accompanied by her elder sister who had since returned from her part-time job at a restaurant.

“Oooh, what’s up, Maria? You’ve brought the laptop out.”

“I thought I’d watch Big Brother Sueharu’s commercial with you, Big Sis.”

“Hm? You haven’t seen Sueharu-kun’s commercial yet?”

“You said you wanted to watch it too, right, Big Sis? Since we’ve got this opportunity, I took the laptop out in advance hoping we could watch it together.”

“Oh ho…… I appreciate your intentions, but are you sure about this?”

“About what?”

“I’ll get to watch when you fall in love all over again with Sueharu-kun, you know? I’ll take a photo at just the right moment.”

“…… Big Sis, you’re so mean.”

“Hehehe, just realised? A bit late for that, you know?”

“Pfft.”

“Awww, what a sourpuss…… You’re so cute, Maria!”

As Maria turned away, Eri leaned forward and embraced her with her ample bosom.

At present Eri was twenty-three, her social status being a university student.

It was after Maria’s income had skyrocketed that she told her elder sister “things are alright now, so I want you to live your own life”. Eri gladly accepted Maria’s assistance all while feeling extremely grateful for her kindness, and she passed the high-school equivalency examination. Last year, she enrolled at one of Tokyo’s Big6 universities.¹

Maria had savings of her own, so she thought that Eri should at the very least have fun while she was a university student, but Eri said something to the effect of her being of a frugal disposition and she continued to work part-time.

“Even if my younger sister’s a huge success, it doesn’t mean that I’ve succeeded. I’m just accepting her support for the moment,” was what Eri had said.

For that Maria respected her elder sister wholeheartedly.

It was by no means easy to go back to studying while having a hugely successful younger sister; being in a position to survive without having to work. It was precisely because she had been raised by parents corrupted by money, and watched them try to swindle any amount they could from others, that Maria knew very well how valuable that kind of sincerity and poise were. For this kind of elder sister, she thought, she wouldn’t mind giving any amount of support.

It was due to her elder sister that she had lived to this point. If it were for her elder sister, she’d have no qualms about even becoming a demon.

Maria pledged on her heart to do so.

“Right then, perhaps I’ll have you show me yours first, Maria∼?”

Eri’s goading – the force of her boobs, in other words, directed against Maria’s back was honestly compelling enough for shame of their difference in bust size to cross Maria’s mind. Once in this clingy mode, however, her elder sister would tease her about anything, so without putting up any futile resistance, Maria navigated towards the specially created webpage for the time being.

“Ooh∼, so the videos are lined up side by side.”

“It’s been made such that you won’t be able to skip either of them, and only after you’ve watched both videos will you be able to go to the voting page.”

“I see, it’s all to prevent cheating, huh.”

“Yup.”

“Oh, we can see how many votes there are right now? Hmm, there’s quite the big difference.”

It was eleven p.m. at present, twenty-three hours since voting had begun. As for the numbers, the agency had about fifty-two thousand votes while the Ultramarine Channel had about thirty-four thousand.

“Releasing the vote counts to the public was a condition made by Big Brother Sueharu’s team.”

It had probably been Tetsuhiko’s idea – was what Maria had discerned.

He had probably figured that President Shun wouldn’t shy away from using every trick available. If the vote counts were manipulated through hacking they’d have no chance of winning no matter what they did, and beyond that there were still other dishonest methods to go about doing things, such as paying off the people tallying the votes. Publicly displaying the numbers of votes had undoubtedly been suggested because it would stamp these things out entirely.

“Well, Uncle and I have tried to defend against any dishonesty, though.”

What Maria sought was a fair competition. For that purpose she had declared to President Shun that under no circumstances would she forgive him if he cheated.

Big Brother Sueharu seemed to have gotten the wrong idea, but Maria felt no sense of obligation towards President Shun whatsoever. They were just business partners, in a relationship where they could reliably communicate what each of them wanted to say to the other.

Only to be honest their chemistry wasn’t great – was what Maria felt.

President Shun was too logical. To put it more simply, he lacked respect for actors and the artistry required of his job.

Maria stayed on at the agency out of a debt towards Grandma Nina, who had taken her in, and also because of the many memories she had there. Beyond that – there was also the possibility of Sueharu returning.

For those reasons Maria was indifferent to whether she won or lost the commercial contest.

Only–

Yes, only that she was interested in Sueharu’s acting. She wanted to see him at full force, so she hadn’t held back during her commercial.

If the agency won, Sueharu would come back. They’d be able to act together again. Win.

If Sueharu won, perhaps he’d return to school, or go to some other agency. In that event she’d also have quit from Hardy Pro and be free to follow him. Win.

In other words, regardless of the outcome Maria wouldn’t have anything to lose.

Only – she was scared. Of possibly being disappointed by Sueharu.

Waiting for her elder sister to watch Sueharu together had also been for the purpose of having someone nearby when the shock of Sueharu’s acting missing her expectations came. That’s how terrified she was.

“Come on, Maria. Play it.”

“Oh, yeah.”

With the sensation of her elder sister’s chin against her right shoulder, Maria clicked the left mouse button.

* * * * *

“–The season of love has arrived.”

The sky was a perfectly clear blue as far as it stretched. A group of two men and women played in a campground draped in autumn leaves.

Cycling, autumn-leaf viewing, fishing – the four of them were fully enjoying their youth.

The camera showed Maria’s point of view. Maria stared fixedly at one of the men in the group.

The man was at present a popular young actor and played Maria’s older brother in the drama “The Ideal Little Sister” – in other words, he was also the star of the show.

Once night fell there was a barbeque. After that the four made to return to their own bungalows, but the man Maria was staring at was having an intimate conversation with the other woman, and she couldn’t call out to him. All this while, the other man had his eyes on Maria.

Having returned to her bungalow, Maria guzzled a bottle of the sports drink but her palpitations wouldn’t stop.

It was at that point when she heard a knock.

“Yes?”

The door opened, and beyond it stood the man who had been watching Maria earlier – holding a sports drink as a gift.

“You made it seem like you had something you wanted to talk about, so……”

“…… Yeah.”

The man stepped into Maria’s bungalow.

“Enriching love and youth – the ‘Aquaman’ sports drink.”

* * * * *

As the video ended Eri poked Maria’s cheek while wearing a huge grin.

“Ho∼, Ho∼.”

“…… What are you trying to say, Big Sis?”

“My dear little sister…… acting out such a steamy scene with a hottie like that…… So what happened after that, huh?! You cheeky little……!”

There were times when her elder sister’s teasing became a little annoying, at which point Maria would just play dumb emotionlessly.

“I thought we did very well to get actors of this calibre while working on such a hectic schedule. And this is incredible once you consider how little time we had to film and produce the commercial. Well, but I do think that Shun-san probably tried too hard without regard for cost, though.”

“Where did you all film?”

“Hokkaido. It was really just all too demanding…… I’m never doing anything on this kind of schedule again.”

“Sigh∼, terraced houses, huh∼. Makes your heart pound even if you already know, doesn’t it∼.”

“…… Yeah, I guess.”

Maria felt that it had been quite the blunt approach towards the theme of “youth”.

It had probably been due to self-confidence in their side having greater potential. Using popular actors, capturing beautiful scenery – so long as they could do those things there was no need for detours. It was all very straightforward and simple to understand, as if to say that this was the way a king fought.

Maria thought that she’d probably do the same thing, if she had been in President Shun’s position. With the upper hand, one ran a lower chance of failure attacking head on.

“Alright, next, next! Maria’s beloved Big Brother Sueharu’s video, let’s go!”

“What do you mean, ‘beloved’……”

Yes, it was true, but all the same it was embarrassing hearing it from her elder sister.

Eri gave her a hug as Maria fidgeted with her fingers in shame.

“Oooh∼, my darling little sister’s so cute∼! Take this!”

Uh oh, her elder sister was getting annoying.

Wanting to do something about that oppressiveness, Maria clicked on Sueharu’s video.

* * * * *

The setting was a high school classroom.

Sueharu lay flat over his table while Tetsuhiko looked down upon him.

“Sigh∼, boring.”

“Hey, hey, are you dumb, Sueharu? This is your only life, the only time you get to be a student. What’s the point if you don’t enjoy yourself?”

“Well yeah, but…… what should I do?”

“If things aren’t interesting, then all you have to do is make them interesting.”

“…… That’s it.”

The two of them started running.

Then there was text in enormous calligraphic font displayed across the entire screen.

– “The Ultramarine Alliance”

The two of them tried their best to talk to Shirokusa as she loitered in the library. While initially they were ignored, Shirokusa became increasingly moved by their passion and eventually she joined in.

“–The Ultramarine Alliance is……”

Kuroha was playing badminton. Tetsuhiko jabbed Sueharu with his elbow, urging him on. Sueharu bashfully stepped up towards Kuroha, then yelled something loudly.

Kuroha turned red in the face and surrounding them there was an uproar. Sueharu fled out of excessive shame, while from the way Kuroha moved her lips one could tell that she had whispered “idiot”.

“–An alliance for all those who just want to have fun.”

The feed turned black, then shifted to a room inside the gymnasium. On a table drinks and snacks were placed.

“Yahoooo, we finally got a room!”

“Hold on, Suu-chan?! You’re getting too excited!”

“Ooh, you’re such a troublemaker, Haru.”

Tetsuhiko made an announcement.

“We, the ‘Ultramarine Alliance’, hereby as of this moment announce the establishment of the ‘Ultramarine Channel’.”

The laptop Tetsuhiko held showed the ‘Ultramarine Channel’ on WE TUBE.

Sueharu’s fist pierced the sky.

“We’re gonna show the whole world that we’re the ones having the most fun!”

The four of them then toasted their sports drinks.

“Oooo∼∼∼ yeahhhhh!”

They then each merrily jumped up and down in their own fashion.

“Aquaman – Enjoy Youth.”

* * * * *

The video ended.

In her heart Maria sorted out her emotions.

…… I see, so that’s how it is. So this is what it’s become.

I’m shaking…… less than I thought I would. Alright, I’m not disappointed.

Maria gave a secret sigh as Eri grinfully nuzzled against her cheek.

“Sigh, I couldn’t tell very well from that other video before, but Sueharu-kun’s grown up pretty nicely, hasn’t he. He gets a lot of points for how green and innocent he looks, you know∼. Comes across as a bit of an idiot, though.”

“…… You think so too after all, Big Sis?”

“Hm? Is it bad to?”

“No, it isn’t, but……”

In her head Maria exchanged the emotions she had experienced for logical words.

“I think the same, but because I can’t ignore Big Brother Sueharu’s past no matter what, he draws my attention. In that sense, while there were four actors, there wasn’t a good balance between them. To be honest really, Big Brother Sueharu was so commandingly eye-catching that I almost didn’t see anyone else. Well, Big Brother Sueharu’s acting skills and flashiness obviously played a part too, but I think how his character stood out as an overexcited idiot is also another reason why he grabs your attention.”

“Ahh, well that’s true. Perhaps it would be different after watching it a few times, but I don’t have any impression of the other three actors either.”

“I also get what they’re aiming for with their content. Not romance, but selling out completely for boys and girls sharing their youth together. Personally, I feel like this kind of approach is a little out of the ordinary, because when dealing with youth without touching romance, you see unisex configurations a lot more often. Like the cast being all idols and the stage being a girls’ high school, or something. This way it’s much easier to narrow down your target audience, after all. I think that doing it in classes or schools may be more of an exception rather than the rule if you’re going to jumble up boys and girls. In that sense this is kind of unique, and at the same time very much like the real high school experience.”

Eri gave a thoughtful sigh.

“I seeee. It is true that when you put high school boys and girls together, it always ends up going down the romantic route.”

“That’s why I think that Big Brother Sueharu and company have made the interesting parts stand out, and by having filmed the inauguration ceremony of the ‘Ultramarine Channel’ they’re going to be running from now on, they’ve simultaneously managed to convey the kind of content they want to promote. Consequently the popularity of the ‘Ultramarine Channel’ will then skyrocket; it’s so clear what they’re trying to aim for. But–”

“But?”

“That part’s a distraction.”

To elaborate, there was too much information. Maria could understand the desire to provide information about the “Ultramarine Channel”, but the primary objective had been to make a “sports drink commercial”. At this rate it was only natural if they were asked if this was an advertisement for the “Ultramarine Channel” instead.

It might’ve been Shirokusa’s fault – was what Maria had surmised.

Perhaps it was something like a bad habit of novelists to put in too much information. In commercials information was to be minimised – if possible the stuff to be conveyed was to be narrowed down into one message, imprinted in the audience in the form of images, and voice lines reduced.

Maria thought that their concept and target had been interesting. But they hadn’t been refined.

“Perhaps I overestimated them……” Maria murmured under her breath.

“–So, speaking of Sueharu-kun……”

At her elder sister’s voice Maria lifted her face.

“What was that last smile of his all about……?”

Yes, that alone had bothered Maria.

Comparing the commercials one could tell. That this contest was a victory for the agency. The agency could probably win by quite a margin even without doing anything special.

But the “Ultramarine Channel” team had left a mark at the very end of their video. Whilst everyone left the room drinking their sports drinks, the lips of Sueharu, the last person remaining, had curled upward.

It had been a very – “haughty” smile.

It was as if Sueharu was part of some conspiracy, or perhaps it didn’t fit the dumbish role he had been playing the entire time. At any rate it was a peculiar smile, completely incongruent with the image Sueharu had presented thus far. Crossed with the acting skills driven by his unique charisma, Maria had found it oddly bothersome and couldn’t get it out of her mind.

Had he hoped to make some sort of impact with the contrast? Even so Maria couldn’t think of it as something he had done to win.

“It…… bothers me a little……”

“Uh huh.”

But still, Sueharu deserved all the attention for being able to leave such an impression with just one smile. As expected, perhaps it should be said. He was, as before, a head above the other actors of his generation. Though Maria of course had the self-confidence that she definitely wouldn’t lose to him either.

It was at this moment when Maria’s cellphone rang. The caller was President Shun.

“Good work on the filming today, Momosaka-chan. Have you settled down?”

“Yes, at the moment I’m just relaxing at home.”

“In that case, have you watched the commercials yet?”

“I just did, as a matter of fact.”

“To put it bluntly, it’s an overwhelming victory for us, no?”

“…… Probably.”

Sueharu’s smile bothered her, but it would not factor into a comeback. In reality, the agency had about a 1.5 times advantage in votes. An obvious result, because the agency’s product was so much more complete.

“An annoying brat to be sure, but even now I can confirm that Maru-chan has flair. Momosaka-chan, I can entrust you with reining him in, can’t I?”

“I understand.”

To President Shun, obtaining Sueharu was already a foregone conclusion. Not being able to control him after that appeared to trouble him more.

What was important to Maria was if Sueharu would be able to work. Anything that got in his way, she would remove. If he got into a dispute with President Shun, she would settle it. This time she wanted to use her own record to get Sueharu more work, until he could do so to his heart’s content. That was what Maria thought repaying Sueharu meant.

“I pray for Big Brother Sueharu’s success from the bottom of my heart, so I’ll do nothing but try my very best to make sure he gets a lot of work.”

“…… Good then.”

The call ended. Arbitrarily, as usual.

“Maria, you’re not going to vote?”

“…… Which side do you want to vote for, Big Sis?”

“Is it okay if I…… choose whichever side I want?”

“Yup. You really don’t need to show favouritism to me, you know.”

At that Eri then spoke plainly.

“In that case I’ll vote for Sueharu-kun, I guess. I wanna see what those kids do for a little while longer.”

Maria’s eyes widened.

“That’s a little surprising……”

“It is? After all, I mean, yours was pretty ordinary, Maria, the typical kind of commercial you see all the time. A love story makes the heart throb of course, but it’s way too direct. Apart from you, Maria, there wasn’t another actor I was particularly attached to anyway. Because I want to see what those real-life high school students are going to do after this, I’m casting my one vote for them as a show of my support – that’s how I think.”

I see, so that way of thinking also exists, huh. From an older person’s perspective, perhaps it was easier to watch and get behind a youth of high school boys and girls free from the awkward involvement of romance.

Was this what they had aimed for? But if they had it deviated away from the theme of appealing to young people. With the real-life discrepancy in voting numbers, Maria understood the aim but the result was a little lacking.

If so…… was this how it would truly end……? In a victory for the agency……?

Eating at Maria in the back of her mind, was Sueharu’s smile at the end of the commercial.

Maria abruptly took out her phone and made a call.

“Ooh, what’s up, Momo?” Sueharu picked up immediately.

But for some reason…… it was noisy in the background.

It sounded like there were a lot of people gathered, but somehow it didn’t seem like they were in the middle of a street.

“Big Brother Sueharu, where are you right now?”

“Who, me? Hehehe, that’s a secret.”

Sueharu’s uncharacteristically roundabout manner of speaking, stacked on top of his haughty smile in the commercial, greatly provoked Maria’s curiosity.

“What are you doing? Is this related to the commercial?”

“Oi, Sueharu! We’ve finished preparing!”

The voice she could hear in the background was Tetsuhiko’s.

……Preparing? This commotion was…… Could they actually be filming?! When the commercials had already been made public?!

“Sorry, Momo. I’m a little busy so I’m going to have to hang up.”

“–Big Brother Sueharu!”

Maria questioned Sueharu like she was physically pulling his hand to hold him back.

“Did you watch my commercial? How was I?”

Sueharu appeared to chuckle. From the phone immediately returned a cheerful voice.

“You’ve really become a good actor, huh. If you show me something like that, there’s no way I’m gonna lose either.”

“…… You haven’t accepted you’ve lost?”

“‘Course not. What my ‘full power’ is right now – I’ll show you.”

At that moment the call suddenly ended. When Maria tried calling again, the other phone had been switched off.

–This isn’t over yet. Big Brother Sueharu’s still doing something.

Maria’s heart bounded.

That’s right. It was Big Brother Sueharu who had taught me the importance of standing up and facing things with all one’s might. There was no way things could end with just that commercial.

The intense throbbing of a rekindled first love overwhelmed Maria’s chest.

Sparkling lights glimmered in front of her eyes.

–Ahh, Big Brother Sueharu had returned.

*

¹A group of six prominent universities in the Tokyo area which comprise the Tokyo Big6 Baseball League. They are Hosei University, Keio University, Meiji University, Rikkyo University, The University of Tokyo and Waseda University.