Soudana, Tashika ni Kawaii Na Volume 2 Chapter 8

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Memory 8: Shinjuku and Holding Hands and I…

—’Macarosso’.

At the main store of Macarosso, they were always offering crazy popular menus, but you can’t even reserve a spot, so it’s mostly a game of luck. Senpai and I had planned going there before, but because I fell asleep on the train ride, we decided to tackle it again as revenge—

And today was the day.

“Yay~! We did it!”

The rumoured ‘Macarosso’ was in front of us.

“Woah, even the outside is so cute~! This is bad! How could I not get excited about this!”

As I was getting hyped for what’s to come, Senpai walked out of the store.

“Seems like we can get inside right away.”

“Eh? …Ah, the store? Wait, you went to ask inside?!”

Apparently, as I was busy taking pictures, Senpai checked out the situation inside the store! To be honest, I’m really thankful, and it’s amazing that he can just do that…At the same time, I feel really bad for making Senpai take care of everything.

“I’m sorry! Even though I wanted to come here this badly!”

“It’s fine. I was looking forward to coming here with you …just as much…”

“…”

Muttering at the end is just unfair!! I wanted to stop taking pictures of Macarosso, and instead move over to save Senpai’s kind smile for all eternity. The first goal of the day was cleared like this, as we managed to safely sit down, able to order. In other words, to eat the macaron set at ‘Macarosso’ with Senpai. The second goal of the day was to walk around Shinjuku’s various locations, enjoying my date with Senpai, and have him enjoy himself as well. I told Senpai about these two, and I’m fairly certain we should be able to achieve this.

But, there is actually a third goal to all of this. That was what I had talked to Iku-chan before this—In detail, to hold hands with Senpai. For that, I properly took care of my nails, put on some hand cream to avoid any sweat on them, and kept my sleeves short so that he could properly see them…! Though I faintly remember Iku-chan complaining that I got my focus all wrong…?

Anyway, once there’s a chance, I’ll try my best to hold hands with Senpai today!

“Koori, you’ve been looking at your hands for a while…is something wrong with them?”

“Eh? Ah! Eh?! R-Really?!”

Senpai’s so sharp! Was I really that focussed on them?! Urk…How simple can I get?! But, isn’t this a chance—No wait, we’re still sitting, waiting for our macarons… There’s no reason for us to hold hands here, is there.

“Thank you for the wait!”

Or so I thought, as a waitress brought our macarons and drinks.

“Woaaah…they look adorable! And the size is totally different from the ones you can have for takeout!”

I saw them on pictures before, and I did eat some with Senpai on our way home, but I didn’t think the real ones would be this big.

“I’m getting excited before I even get to take a bite…Mmm~~! What is this taste?!”

Haaa…I’m so happy…

“Want a bite from mine as well?”

“Ah, then take some of mine—Mm.”

Wait, no. Senpai has a trauma from eating other people’s food, so—

“…I’ll do just that then.”

“Eh?! Are you sure?!”

Shemi-chan’s behaviour led him to remain unable to eat someone else’s food offered to him. Even just offering him some bread before on the rooftop was a harsh hurdle to overcome, and didn’t work at all at first…Yet, Senpai handed me half of a macaron, and I did the same.

“…Delicious.”

He’s eating it normally…Seeing how surprised I must have looked, Senpai grew flustered, averting his gaze.

“Um…thanks to you, I overcame it…”

“O-Ohhh~”

Eh, isn’t this pretty amazing? Also, knowing that I was able to help Senpai in any way…just makes me really happy.

“That…makes me glad…Ehehe~” I laughed, and realized.

With this…just maybe…?

“That means…W-We could…feed each other…?”

“…”

Ah, Senpai froze up. Guess not!

“I-I was just thinking that…there’s no need to…force yourself…”

“…S…Should we try…?”

“—Seriously?”

Seriously? Well don’t mind if I do?! I gulped, and stabbed a macaron with my fork—

“Then…um…Open wi—Eh?”

As I looked in front of me, Senpai had done the same, pointing his fork with the macaron on it at me.

“Pffft, S-Senpai, you’re going to do it as well?!”

“…Sorry.”

“Ahahahaha! I mean, the way I phrased it, you can’t tell who’d do it first~”

This is too funny…Just when things went smooth for a while, it got messed up again.

“…Haaa, that was great. Then, should we really just feed each other?”

“…Yeah.”

“Ahahaha, then, here. Open wide~”

“……”

“Mm…Mmm~~~ Pfft, hahaha!”

I was expecting my heart to skip a beat or something, but I was more focussed on holding back my laughter. Senpai apparently felt the same, as he showed a soft smile.

But, sadly—that was the end of where things actually went well.

**

I realized it at ‘Macarosso’. Koori was awfully conscious of her own hands. More than she normally would. Since that caught my attention, I asked her about it without thinking.

“Eh? Ah! Eh?! R-Really?!”

Watching this response, paired with her reaction, I judged that she was doing it involuntarily. And, that caught my attention. Dreams are something you watch involuntarily as well. Though she said she didn’t have any nightmares ever since then, I can’t relax just yet. I have to pay closer attention to Koori’s actions from now on. That is what I have to do, what I have to prioritize.

**

But—I can’t hold his hand at all! When should I even go for it?! I was so focussed on waiting for a chance that I couldn’t think about anything else! Such a waste!

After leaving the ‘Macarosso’, we stepped on a bus, making our way to this new VR establishment, and the riddle theme park I looked up a while ago, but…Things were so close so many times…

‘Here it might be possible? Ahh, no, maybe wait just a bit longer…’ or ‘With a bit of momentum…No, that would make it feel forced…’ or ‘Wah, Senpai turned around towards me’ and so on, and before I realized it, the day was about to end!

Of course, it’s not like I was not having fun. On the contrary, it was great. Looking at some goods, talking about different world furniture and equipment, laughing at Senpai who was about to use magic at the VR establishment just as I was hoping for, seeing Senpai solve all the puzzles at the riddle theme park, realizing just how cool he is…Just remembering all of these things made me grin uncontrollably.

“That wasn’t the main goal of today though…”

To be honest, I was thinking we’d be able to hold hands right away. Even children do it all the time, so why can’t I do it as a high school student…totally weird. But, back then when I was little, I didn’t have such feelings. Now that I want to do it…I can’t…

“…The sun has been starting to set now. Koori, how about we—”

“……”

“Koori?”

“—Ah, yes…!”

I messed up my response! This is the worst!

“S-Sorry, Senpai. I was spacing out for a bit…”

“……”

Ah, not good. He’s definitely worried now! I mean, that makes sense, seeing how depressed I must look to him…

“No, um! I wasn’t tired or anything, it’s just—”

“…Koori, sorry.”

Or so I thought, when Senpai suddenly approached me whilst apologizing.

“…Fueh?!” Never made a voice as weird as that before.

…I mean, can you blame me…Of course I would…After all—

Senpai suddenly took my hand.

Eh. Is this reality? Or this just VR?

“U-Um…Senpai…?”

“S-Sorry…if I’m wrong, but…” Senpai spoke in a rushed manner. “During the entire day, you were awfully conscious about your own hands…At first, I thought it was just by pure coincidence, but I started thinking that this might not be the reason after all. That you were willingly focussing on them…And, after thinking about the reason for that, I assumed that maybe—”

“… I wanted to hold hands with Senpai…?”

Senpai didn’t say anything, just nodding along. Watching Senpai, I couldn’t say anything. How could I…After all, this is—

“Ah………”

“…?! Koori?!”

…Are you kidding me…Why did I start crying now…

“Uu…Sniff…Hic…”

“S-Sorry, I got it wrong—”

“No…don’t…let go…”

Since Senpai was about to pull away his hand, I approached him, holding it tightly. Senpai’s hand…I always wanted to hold it like this, but I couldn’t. I’m super happy, yet also saddened at the same time. His hand is big, yet slender all the same, a bit muscular, with plain, but good-looking fingernails, probably even more beautiful if you’d do a manicure…Just being able to hold it like this, I’m happy, I’m excited, this feeling of bliss going full throttle…

“Senpai, I need to confess something.”

Ignoring the fact that my face must look ugly from me crying, my eyes definitely red still, I looked straight at Senpai.

“This entire day, I tried to hold hands with Senpai.”

“……”

Senpai didn’t say a word, and just listened…He really is kind…I feel like crying again.

“To be honest, I don’t even know myself as to why…maybe because it would feel like we really are going out if we held hands…? Yeah, I still don’t fully get it…”

I wonder why…But, it doesn’t matter right now.

“In the end, I was desperate to at least hold hands once with you today.”

So I felt. But, that wasn’t granted.

“Being able to hold hands with you right now, I am happy. Super crazy happy. Mega happy…but at the same time, I feel sad, and frustrated…that I couldn’t hold hands with you out of my own initiative…”

Seeing Senpai open his eyes wide, I quickly shook my head.

“You’re wrong! You’re not at fault here…It’s me…because I always have Senpai do everything…!”

Having been confessed to by Senpai, kissed by Senpai, even now, having him hold my hand.

“Even though I wanted to do all of these things on my own, in the end, Senpai was the one who had to do it first…”

It’s not fair towards him, just me being a straight-up coward…and the worst kind of girlfriend. But if I told Senpai, he’d definitely make up some lie that I wouldn’t have to feel bad…Ah, not…my tears…they won’t stop~! Even though I didn’t want to look more pathetic than this in front of him…

“Koori…I have to confess something as well. I lied to you. I didn’t actually think…that you wanted to hold hands.”

“You…didn’t?”

Eh?

“The truth is…I was thinking something else. That it might have been the influence of a nightmare.”

“……Nightmare?”

I was like ‘What is he talking about?’, but then I remembered.

“Are you talking about Luris-chan?”

Now that he mentions it, that did happen.

“Eh…is this, related to it?”

“…I thought it was.”

Seriously…? But, why…?

“But, as I kept being aware of your hands, Koori…I started having wicked thoughts, filling my brain…and I tried to cover them up by making myself think that perhaps you wanted to hold hands.”

“…I’m sorry, I’m a bit lost here.”

He tried to cover up wicked thoughts with something…? Senpai’s face was beet red, reaching a level where he had to bite his lip in order to endure the embarrassment.

“Basically…um…Koori’s hand looked so…small and cute…and soft..! And, these desires, these cravings, this lust in wanting to hold your hand, I tried to cover it all up inside my head by repeatedly telling me that you wanted to hold hands…!”

“D-Desires…?”

“—! …S-Sorry…”

Senpai lowered his head like crazy towards me, making me burst out in laughter.

“………Pfft.”

So wanting to hold hands…is perverted in his eyes? Eh, wait a second. Wouldn’t that make me a slut? Ah, is that what Iku-chan was talking about? Then again, this isn’t the time for that…I mean…Lusting after holding hands…!

“Pfft…Fu…Haha…”

“…Koori?”

I can’t anymore.

“Aha, ahahahahaha! You’re way too pure, Senpai!!”

“…?!”

—Ah, I totally scared him there, didn’t I. Calm down…calm down…

“I mean…well…I’m sorry, I’m happy you were…desiring me like this.”

“…?! W-What do you mean?!”

“Pffft!”

He’s totally confused! I can’t…Take some deep breaths…

“L-Listen…Well…To be completely honest with you, I’m thinking about perverted stuff…more than you might think, okay? At least ten times the amount!”

“……”

Hm…Maybe ten times was taking it a bit too far…? Then again, Senpai counts as the standard, so…Whatever.

“I mean, if my boyfriend wasn’t interested in me in that way…that means that you don’t care too much about me, right? That’d…be kinda sad…And so…Just now…I was thinking that your hand was pretty big…and I was imagining your hand touching…all sorts of other…places…and that got me excited…as an example…”

Ah, that might have gone too far, right…? No, that was definitely too far, right?! It’s crazy embarrassing now that I think about it!

“A-Ah, anyway, all the things you thought about and called wicked…I probably had those in my head before as well! So…if you weren’t thinking about these sorts of things..that’d be kind of troublesome, right…?”

Ah. Oh no. I feel like I went the wrong way there, but I can’t stop myself!

“That’s why…Um…I was getting a bit sad cause I couldn’t get as assertive as I wanted…but, I totally don’t mind whatever you do…because it’s Senpai…Um, did I manage to get that through…?”

It might have just me panicking all on my own…

“Koori…am I actually…some late-bloomer…?”

“Pffft…”

T-That question…is not fair…I can’t…

“…I wonder about that~? But, if you keep being like that…You might get left behind?” I felt like teasing Senpai a bit.

Naturally, that would never happen of course. But, it did seem like it worked on him.

“I’ll definitely do it…!”

…He heightened his grip on my hand a bit. That…enough is already satisfying for me…Yet, I couldn’t stop just yet.

“Senpai, I actually have a request.”

Say it, say it, me…! Come on…!

“Y-You see…I want us to call each other…by our given names!!”

I said it!! I said it straight to Senpai!!

“……By our given names?”

Woaaaaaah, Senpai’s reaction! He looks so confused! I wanna take it back right away, but…!! I won’t run away anymore!

“Um…quite some time has passed since we started going out, right?”

“………”

He’s clearly thinking otherwise! That face says it all! Since he’s kind, he won’t say it, but his face is more than enough!

“U-Um…maybe not purely time-wise, but we’ve gotten a lot closer right! A-And, I-I really like Senpai!”

Ah…Ahhhhh…

“…I also like you, Koori…”

“—Ah, yes…thank…you…!”

No, that’s not it…! This is getting all over the place now…!

“That’s why, um…a while ago, when we went to meet Iku-chan, you called her by her given name, right…”

“Ahhh, something like that did happen, yeah.”

“Back then…I was actually…really jelly…”

“Jelly?”

“Jealous! I was feeling jealous!”

“…Ah……Thanks.”

Gaaaaah, Senpai thanking me like that is so cute! I love him!! Honestly, a part of me is thinking that it would be fine to stop here today, so satisfied am I…But, not yet.

“That’s why…I want to address Senpai with ‘Kairi’!”

“…I-Is that so.”

It didn’t work!! Gaah…

“Because calling each other by our given names…would show a level of intimacy?”

“Yes!!”

It worked! Hallelujah!

“I don’t think that that’s so important though…”

Or not! Kill me!

“Uuu…For now, could I try it out…?”

“I don’t mind, but…Should I call you by your given name then as well, Koori?”

“Yes! Please do!”

Though this wasn’t exactly how I was hoping it would play out, we’ve come this far, so I have to bring this to an end. Calm down, calm down…Ahhh…calming down like this, I can’t help but get conscious of Senpai’s hand…I finally managed to hold hands with him…I’m so happy…! Alright, let’s do this! I faced Senpai, slowly opening my mouth—

“Ka—Kairi-kun.”

Huh?! Why did I put ‘kun’ on there?! It would feel weird if I just did it without…Ah, Senpai looks confused himself…I messed up, let me try agai—

“Nano.”

“—!!!”

I felt like a shock ran through my body, starting from my head, reaching all the way down to my toes.

“…Is this fine?”

“One more time.” I muttered. “One more time, please.”

“…Nano?”

Again, another shock.

“…One more time.”

“Nano.”

Another one.

“One more time…!”

“…Nano.”

Yet another one…Ahhh…ahahaha…This is bad…Seriously bad…Tremendously bad…Being the JK I am, I’m lacking the knowledge to describe how bad this is…!

“…You okay? You’ve been acting weird…”

“No…I might not be okay…”

…I can’t anymore. I’ve always wanted this, yet now I’m getting close to dying. Being called ‘Nano’ by Senpai…is…too much…!! It’s so great, I can’t anymore…I can’t take this…It’s still too early for me…

“…Sorry…I still don’t get it. Calling you Koori feels more natural to me…”

“……Yes. Being called ‘Nano’ by Senpai is super great, but it’s also super dangerous.”

“………Hm? Could you say that again?”

“Ah, well…Keeping it easier for us is better, I think…”

Though it really is a shame.

“That’s right. I prefer it this way.”

Seeing Senpai act relieved, I felt the need to apologize.

“I’m sorry, forcing you to put up with my weird request…”

“No, that’s not true. Rather than that… I was happy…”

“Eh?”

Happy?

“Knowing that you were jealous…is of irreplaceable value to me…”

“—”

Don’t encourage such behaviour, pure Senpai…

“Also, this proposition just now happened because you wanted to be a bit more active, right?”

“…That’s…right…”

Though it escalated a bit.

“Then, no matter what it is, I think it’s great to be able to do that, and I greatly respect you for actually pulling it off right away.”

“……”

Senpai…really is amazing, being able to say something like this straight towards others…Actually, I respect Senpai even mo—

“—!”

“Wah.”

Senpai suddenly moved closer to me, almost as if he wanted to protect me. Eh, what? What’s going on? Seeing that the atmosphere around Senpai changed in a matter of seconds, I was left without any words. ‘Did something happen?’ I thought, only to spot Senpai gaze at the palm of his hand, followed by him looking up at the sky.

“Rain.”

**

At first, it was trickling here and there, but it soon turned into a straight downpour, not even giving us time to look for a shelter, or buying an umbrella nearby. In the end, we came to the train station, but…

“Woah, this is bad…”

I’m totally drenched…from underwear straight down to the socks…What’s these weather report guys doing…—Eh, there’s a proper mark on today?! How…I checked yesterday and this morning, and didn’t see anything…when did it change? Well, not like it’ll matter now..

“We really were done in now, Senpai.”

Wait, Senpai isn’t even looking at me.

“…Yeah.”

“Still, the Senpai from a while ago would have definitely used magic—Senpai?”

Huh? What’s he looking at?

“Is there something over there?”

“……!!”

With some crazy speed, Senpai moved away from me. For a second, our eyes met, only for him to avert them immediately.

“I mean…won’t you get wet over there?”

“A-Ah…yeah…”

Mm? Is he actually not looking at something, but rather trying not to look at me? I mean, my clothes shouldn’t be transparent, right? Well, I’m drenched to the bone, but the underwear should still be safe…So then, why?

“Um, Senpai? Why won’t you look at me?”

“……”

“Senpai~?”

Continuously calling out to Senpai, I finally got a response.

“It’s too late…”

“Too late?”

Like this, Senpai would slowly turn around to face me, movement as stiff as a robot, only to quickly look away again.

“…A drenched Koori…is stimulating my libido too much.”

“Libido?”

“~~~! L-Looking at you, the sight is too sexually stimulating, getting me into a state of arousal…!”

“Arousal…?”

Eh? Ehhh? How…?! There’s not much to get aroused by here, is there?! Or so I thought, but asking him again would have been weird, so I just nodded along.

“I…Is that so…”

“Y-Yeah…”

“………”

“……”

S-So awkward…Maybe I should ask him after all—

“U-Um—”

‘Dear customers, a quick notice. Some trouble has occurred, rendering all current lines—’

**

“No good…All the trains have stopped, and won’t be moving for a while.”

“I see…”

“Senpai, did you call your home already?”

“For what?”

“I mean…to tell them you won’t be coming home for a while…It’s gotten pretty late after all.”

It’s like 9pm right now…

“Both my father and mother won’t be home today, so that should be fine…” Senpai said, still not looking at me.

Hmm…what to do. It seems like it’ll take a while until the trains are back, and even then, it’ll be a mass of people trying to board one…And the rain doesn’t look like it’s about to stop anytime soon…I’m actually starting to get cold a bit…No, not just a bit…

“Koori, let us gather warmth somewhere close-by.”

“Pfft, gather warmth…But, I guess that would make sense, I’ve gotten a bit hungry as well.”

“If it’s close-by…”

“Maybe a karaoke booth, or…Achoo!”

“…!”

Senpai took off his jacket, but quickly realized how drenched it was, putting it back on again…He really is kind…Still, I’m starting to freeze here…

“Let’s just move for now. Nothing gained if we just stay here.”

“…Right~”

Senpai had made up his mind, finally looking over at me. An umbrella…No, it’s already too late for that. For starters, we decided to head for the nearest karaoke booth, and ran as fast as we could. Senpai used his jacket as a sort-of umbrella, making this actually a bit of fun, but—

“…No good, huh. They’re completely booked…”

We were too late, huh…We checked the nearby net cafes, but the same there.

“Koori…your body…!”

“Eh…Ah…”

Before I realized it, I already started shaking. Urk…even though I didn’t want him to worry about me…I should have put on something else this morning! It’s cold…and Senpai worrying about me is bad for my heart…! Is there nothing else? Nothing I looked up previously—

“Ah.”

Coming here, it never crossed my mind, but…

“Um…there is a place where we can rest…and seek shelter…”

“Really! Then let’s get there immediately!”

“W-Well…the thing is…”

Say it. Say it, me…!

“…What’s wrong? Let’s hurr—”

“It’s the place where we might end up…doing lewd things…”

Senpai stopped. So did I.

“…Is that okay?” I asked.

My heartbeat started to get annoyingly loud. Hearing my words, Senpai had a worried expression on his face, filled with hesitation, only to then look at me—and spoke.

“……Let’s go.”