Kibishii Onna Joushi ga Koukousei ni Modottara Ore ni Dere Dere suru Riyuu Volume 3 Chapter 3

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Kamijou Touka’s Mediation

This happened in the latter half of August. Only a few days had passed since we returned from Biwako’s family. I, Kamijou Touka, used the rest of my summer break to go hiking in the mountains. The scent of the earth, the wood, and grass…Engrossed in nature, I aimed for the summit. On the way, I spotted mushrooms, called Lycoperdon perlatum. I found a small branch on the side of the road, poking at it.

“Ohh.”

This is pretty fun. But of course, I didn’t come to the mountains to play. I continued to move my legs, climbing the mountain in silence. After around three hours, I reached the summit. A pleasant breeze reigned there. After looking around a moment, it became apparent that I was the only one.

“Now then…”

I placed a handkerchief down on top of the gravel, sat down on it, and crossed my legs. I slowly closed my eyes and started meditating. In this space isolated from the human world, I have to work hard to correct my errors. That’s why I came here. The breeze tickled my hair. And yet, I was entirely focused on one thing.

On that summer day—I was jealous. This jealousy revealed my inexperience, and I almost lost something very crucial. I’m supposed to be an adult, yet I embarrassed myself. I need to think this is true once more. Just what is jealousy? Envy. Wanting to experience the same. I don’t want to admit to feeling this. These feelings have the potential to grow into convenient resentment. At the same time, it can lead to an eventual acceptance of the other person. You forget your envy and jealousy, and only resentment remains. It’s the act of a child.

And it seems as if I’m far more of a child than I had anticipated. The question now is…how do I deal with this jealousy in the future? A rough guess would be that Biwako isn’t the person Nanaya-kun admired back in our original high school days. So if this person were to appear in front of me in the near future…would I be able to stay free of jealousy? Could I become such a strong person? And what would be necessary for me to achieve that…

“You shall obtain enlightenment.”

I heard a voice next to me, to which I opened my eyes. I spotted a middle-aged man sitting next to me. With his clean-shaven head, it was probably a monk.

“You must be troubled by something, no?” The man gently smiled.

“How did you know?”

“I can see the aura of other people, and yours was screaming in uncertainty.”

“Aura…?”

He’s…amazing! If it’s him, he should be able to give me good advice on my problem! All right, I’ll hear him out.

“Um, what should I do in order to not fall victim to jealousy?”

“Jealousy…are you being restrained by envy at this moment?”

“I was troubled by it before…And I’m worried I might fall victim to it again if the occasion arises.”

“That is because you are controlled by lust.”

“Lust…?”

“Indeed. Man has obtained knowledge, as well as attained enlightenment in regards to their own lust. Animals seek to preserve their species and lives, living according to their lust. They are the embodiment of honesty to nature, living in unison. What about humans, however? We’ve become conscious of our lust, attempting to control it with the use of reason. Thus, they control it.”

“If we can control it, aren’t we the ones governing our lust instead of being at its mercy?”

“This is the arrogance of man after we’ve acquired knowledge. Even the people who assume they have control over their lust are at the mercy of it. You have to discipline yourself, and not fall victim to this train of thought. The more you try to control your lust, like chains tying you up, you are controlled by it. Don’t you agree?”

It was a dangerously complicated topic to talk about, but I could vaguely follow him. He must be a devoted follower of religion. Since I’m not familiar with religion, I can’t argue much. Maybe he studies philosophy as well.

“Then what should I do in order to free myself from this lust?”

“Reach enlightenment, my lady. Look at this sheer endless sight of nature in front of you. The skies in their purest form, the clouds floating across the world, the trees being shaken in the wind, just as they are not governed by anybody, you have to approach them the same way. Discard your own desires. Wanting to be accepted, to be praised and revered, to be loved, you have to make your heart empty because all these desires give birth to jealousy.”

“So I should also give up on my feelings for the other person that evokes my jealousy?”

“Not necessarily. You have to discard the you who is able to feel jealousy. The remaining love is in its purest shape, and true enlightenment.”

As I thought, this really is complicated. Throwing away only one’s own jealousy is harder than expected. Or rather, an unreachable territory? Either way, it’s not about simply facing this jealousy, it’s about completely cutting it out. My desire to gain strength that won’t lose against my jealousy…had been foolish from the start, I see.

“That is enlightenment…”

“Indeed. This is how I cast aside all my desires and reached a unification with nature. I pray you will find the same success.”

“Thank you very much.”

“Then, if you could excuse me.” The man stood up, bowing politely.

I raised my hips and answered. The man proceeded to descend the mountain, when it happened.

“Ah, there he is! Stop right there!”

An elderly lady wearing an apron ran toward me. Simultaneously, the man dashed down the mountain.

“What? Huh?” I was utterly confused.

“Young lady, stop this man! He ran away without paying for his food!”

“What?!”

I could hear the man speeding up in the distance. I was still lost and confused as to what was even happening, but since the man was wearing typical monk’s stole, he couldn’t run so fast. I caught up in a matter of seconds.

“Hey, is it true that you pulled some dine and dash nonsense?!”

“My lady, money is the symbol of man’s greed. It should not limit one of man’s fundamental desires, such as meals and drinks. It should be cast aside, like jealousy.”

“How does that make any sense?! You’re the most lustful guy here!”

I wrapped one hand around the man’s shoulder, using the self-protection skill I learned from Biwako’s grandfather, slamming the man to the ground. It’s an ability that can be used by even a weak woman, as it uses the weight of the other person.

“Urk…Let me go, please.”

I feel embarrassed to even give this man any of my precious time. I’m not listening to another of his words. Shortly after, the elderly woman caught up with two men. The two men grabbed the monk and carried him away.

“Thank you very much, Miss.”

“It’s fine…so, he ran away without paying?”

“You know that there are cable cars all over that get you to the mountain close-by, right?

“Yes. You can even reach the beginning of that with a car, yes?”

“Indeed. And right before that is a soba restaurant that we own. That man finished eating and immediately boarded the cable car. He must have thought that he was safe and took his sweet time up here, but I’m glad we caught him.”

“Ahaha, what an awful monk he is.”

“Oh, that? That’s just cosplay. My young one has been seeing that man walk around wearing all sorts of clothes. He seems to be fairly famous in the town down this mountain. I didn’t expect him to go as far as to dine and dash, though.”

Oh man, this is even more embarrassing now. What’s that about enlightenment? Conquering one’s lust? You’re the exact opposite of all of that! And I’m even worse for listening to every single word he said! Just what am I doing here?

“I have to admit, you’re quite strong, lady. You really helped us out there. But what brings you all the way up here? You’re still a student, no?”

“Yes, I’m in high school.”

I’ve gotten used to introducing myself as one.

“A high school student?! You must really like hiking if you came here all alone during your summer break.”

The elderly lady stared at me in disbelief. I’m feeling even more embarrassed now.

“I was dealing with some personal trouble, so I thought of taking in some nature in an attempt to find a solution…”

“Personal trouble? What could a youngling like you be worrying about?”

“There’s someone I have feelings for, but whenever I see him getting along with another girl, I’m filled with jealousy. That just makes me despise myself…”

On a whim, I told that elderly lady about my concerns.

“Ahahaha! That’s why you’ve been showing such a grim face? What a needless thing to worry about! Well, it’s very childish and cute, in a way.” The lady slapped me on the back and laughed blissfully unaware of my feelings.

“I-I’m being serious…” I started sulking and kicked a small stone.

Even so, the woman didn’t stop.

“Right, right. Ah, I’m getting a call. Must be from the restaurant, so I have to get back now. I’m taking the cable car down the mountain, how about you join me?”

“No thank you, I’ll walk down this mountain.”

“Now that’s the energy I’d expect from a youngling like you! Anyway, thanks again for helping out.”

“You’re welcome.”

I waved my hand at her, beginning to descend the mountain. Not shortly after, she called out to me one last time.

“Lady! Being jealous when it comes to love is perfectly normal. That just shows how serious you are, no? I’m cheering for you!” Her shoulders jolted up and down as she let out another roaring laughter.

Serious, huh? I guess there was worth to be found in climbing this mountain today.

*

Shortly after, the second term began. Another seed of jealousy had been planted inside of me. Nanaya-kun mentioned an offline meeting with online friends from his middle school days. Thinking about it, there was a good chance that the older woman he always admired might be participating in that meeting. I only learned about this woman after we’ve both started working. He told me during a get-together at a bar. Before that, I had no idea such a woman existed. Why did I never spot any such existence despite always following after Nanaya-kun?

It’s simple. It’s because I’ve never encountered her at our school. In other words, if a girl who’s older than Nanaya-kun participates in that offline meeting, she must be the person he has lingering feelings for. In other words, I can obstruct and stop their meeting—Or so I made up initial plans like the witch I am, but there’s no way I’d actually go that far. Plus, I want to confirm something.

I want to see what I’m up against. I need to be prepared. And with that, the day of the offline meeting arrived. We reached the karaoke box in question and met the other participants. Two boys with one adorable girl greeted us. If what Nanaya-kun told me is true, then there shouldn’t be any more people joining us. In other words, the young girl who came trotting towards Nanaya-kun with a bright smile on her face is the biggest candidate to be suspicious of. I think she’s also the one who initially reached out to him…Nanaya-kun called her Maron-san.

However, judging from her looks alone, she should either be the same age as me or even younger. A clear image of innocence was left in her impression. No, with girls our age, it’s hard to really pin down another person’s age. There’s a good chance she might just be older than me, and simply don’t look the part. I can’t let down my guard just yet. Either way, since all the members had gathered, the offline meeting began.

My seat ended up next to the room’s phone, so I was tasked with ordering drinks for everyone. I’m feeling a bit tense. I guess I’m just nervous.

“I’ll head to the toilet for a moment before the drinks get here,” I told Biwako and headed for the women’s toilet.

I’m such a wicked woman. Oh yeah, I never even heard about Nanaya-kun having friends like this whenever we went drinking. I mean, Nanaya-kun has his own secrets…and there’s no way he would reveal everything to me, but I still can’t help feeling lonely.

I mean, it makes sense, I’m just his superior, not his girlfriend. If anything, asking for any kind of information from him would make me seem like a stalker. I have to be more careful. I arrived at the women’s toilet and washed my hands to calm down my feelings.

“Kamijou Touka-san…was it?”

I looked into the mirror to see Maron-san standing next to me.

“You know me?” I was a bit surprised but tried to respond calmly.

Did we meet before? I think this should be our first meeting, at least.

“Um, erm…you’re a famous person, after all. You’re from Amakusa South High, yes? I’m from the same district.”

“I see, that explains things.”

“Oh, no need to be overly polite. I’m still in middle school, so I’m the younger person.”

Middle school?! She’s a lot younger than I thought! So that means…she can’t be the person Nanaya-kun admires?

“I see. Which middle school?”

“Nishi Middle School. Do you know that?”

“Of course. It really is close, yes.”

“Yes…and what a coincidence it is. Are you friends with Seven Knight-san?”

Friends…Well, that’d be the most common question to ask.

“Yes, we may be in different years, but we are friends.”

“Since when?”

“Erm…a few months now, I think?”

If we’re going on the basis of our real age, we’ve known each other for more than five years now, but in terms of after the time leap, it’s barely been a few months at best. I guess I’ve been doing some good work after all?

“I…”

“Hm?”

“I’ve been…Seven Knight-san’s friend for ages.”

Oh yeah, I think Nanaya-kun started playing this online game back in middle school. That would mean they’ve known each other for at least two to three years.

“I see, thanks for taking care of him.”

As his superior, I’m glad that my clumsy subordinate has found himself such an adorable friend.

“…You’re welcome. We, um, should head back, the others must be waiting for us.”

“You’re right, let’s.”

I wiped my hands with a handkerchief and returned back to the room with Maron-san.

*

Upon returning, we moved on with self-introductions. I sat at the same seat as before, crossing my arms as I was lost in thought. If Maron-san is younger than even Nanaya-kun, then I have no idea who his admired person could be. I glanced at his face and started thinking. I have absolutely no idea. Maybe it’s Biwako after all…? But looking at their relationship, I can’t see any romantic feelings. Are there any other candidates…?

Oi, Nanaya, spit it out. Tell me any candidates. Tell me right now. Don’t look at me in shock and despair, and give me names. The names, Mason! What are they?! Damn it, you think you can get away from me with that cute face of yours? Well, I do like that about you, okay! Also, you talk about this person you deeply admire, yet you do something like that to me during the fireworks festival…Wait a second?

Isn’t there…a small chance that I might be this person? No, no no no. Wait. But, that would make sense! We hugged each other, right?! And then we watched the fireworks together! So in other words…wouldn’t this mean we feel the same way? But hold on, his reaction on the first day of the new term was far too weak…it seemed like he didn’t feel anything at all. Or was that just…him trying to hide his embarrassment?

Hey, what is it, Nanaya? I’m asking if you were embarrassed, you bastard! Man, I suddenly feel so angry. Normally I excel at work and everything else, but I’m utterly clueless when it comes to this. Maybe I should ask Biwako? Do we feel the same way, or am I just getting ahead of me? I can’t, I’m way too embarrassed to ask that.

But still, coming this far, I think it’d be fair to say that I’m one of the candidates for this mysterious person…Then again, it’s Shimono Nanaya. I remember the days we were working together. He was terrified of me. He probably respected me and the position I had, but he was equally terrified of me as his superior. Would he really see me as a target of romantic interest?

I don’t know. Since I never felt this way toward anybody but Nanaya-kun. That’s why I have no way of sampling for anybody else. I was completely lost on this problem when Biwako rammed her elbow into my side.

“Touka, it’s your turn. What’re you spacing out for?”

“Ah, oh, me, yeah?”

“Lol.”

We reached my turn without me even realizing it. Oh, Nanaya-kun’s turn already finished then? That was my chance to hear about his hobby…Well, whatever.

“Once again, nice to meet you all, my name is Kamijou Touka. I’m a student at Amakusa South High like Shimono Nanaya-kun, but in my second year. I’m sorry for suddenly barging in on this party despite not being a member of your party. I hope we get along.”

All right, all done. Let me continue thinking about this problem at hand.

“Touka~! What about your hobbies? Read the mood, oi!”

Huh? What’s that about, Biwako? I’m busy.

“Err…do I really have to say that? So embarrassing…”

“Why’re you embarrassed about your hobby? Out with it!”

Curse this gal.

“Ehm…Well…I like putting together my favorite love songs in a playlist? Getting that perfect mix together that symphonizes with my heart really gets me excited.”

“Yuck, gross.”

“Excuse me?! After urging me on, you have the nerve to act so disgustedly?!”

“Anyway, Biwa’s next! Sakoji Biwako here, second year in high school. Hobbies are karaoke, or playing futsal.”

“Don’t ignore me, Biwako!”

So embarrassing! Damn it…Whatever. Clearing my quiz is a lot more important. But before that, I wanted to wash some oolong tea down my throat. Oh yeah, Maron-san ordered apple juice. Even her choice is cute. It’s so feminine. I looked over at her, and she seemed nervous that her turn was coming up. She held the cup with both her hands, sucking up the juice from her straw. Yeah, she’s so feminine.

I found myself entranced, when Biwako’s turn ended, with Maron-san standing up. I stopped my thinking game for a moment, focussing on her self-introduction.

“I was called Maron in-game, playing as a healer. My name is Ushiki Oguri.”

Ushiki Oguri-san, huh? Even her name is cute. So adorable and feminine. I hope I can be friends with her. When I was still working, I was feared by all the new employees, and never had any proper friendships in my private life. When it comes to younger people, I’m absolutely hopeless, basically. However, I’ve grown. I’m not just the same old and strict superior Kamijou Touka as before. I finally got myself a cute junior with Nao-chan. I’m sure Ushiki-san and I will get along just fine.

*

“My preferred type of boy…No, my ideal partner…is a person like Shimono-senpai!”

Hm? Huuuuuuuuh?! What?! The king’s game started, and us girls were forced to tell our favored type of guy. We were in the midst of that when this craziness happened. She’s supposed to be younger than Nanaya-kun, so she can’t be…But even so, there’s nothing unnatural about Ushiki-san having feelings for Nanaya-kun. There’s also no guarantee that Nanaya-kun won’t reciprocate those feelings. After all, actions influence feelings.

In the end, I was thrown into even deeper confusion than when the day had begun.