Hentai Ouji to Warawanai Neko. Volume 5 Chapter 2

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Important note: The rest of v5 will be released over the course of this month because of TL-san’s irl situation. Once September comes around, we’ll be speeding things up again.

What’s inside the Rabbit

Let’s start the special Sunday lunch corner! An academic lecture held by Yokodera-sensei about lolicons! I’ll be describing in detail how to have a nice date with a grade school girl without having a police officer tap you on the shoulder!

First: Don’t show fear to any onlookers. If you maintain the right attitude, the enemy will relax. Pretend that you’re just her kind Onii-san.

Second: Don’t hug the girl out of the blue. Yes Pervert, No touch. Pretend that you have no such tastes inside your soul.

Third: Don’t do anything that could make the girl hate you. Help her maintain her own freedoms of choice. Pretending that you’re a kind Onii-san like this is very important.

Fourth: Do not go to any backstreet hotels. Even more than pretending to be her Onii-san, have human morals.

If you keep these four iron rules in the back of your mind, every police officer should greet you with a warm smile! Even if we ignore the laws of the town, as long as we protect our etiquette, we can enjoy a life with a cheerful grade school girl!

“—Hey, what are you doing here?”

“Huh?”

This happened while I was walking through a business district with the tiny devilish girl called Emi. When I was mulling over some fictional educational television show aimed at around one million people in this entire country, a police officer tapped me on the shoulder with a police baton in hand.

“Eh, w-we’re not doing anything? Nothing’s happened yet. That kind of misunderstanding really scared me. The two of us are friends! I’m an Onii-san with no criminal record! A-Anyway, we’re in a rush, so…”

“Wait a second. Do you even know what kind of street this is? It’s not a place you two should be. And why are you carrying that young girl in such a weird way? What’s your relationship with her? Why does the girl look like she doesn’t like it? Did you just meet her? Is this an abduction? Is this a situation where a suspicious man with ill intent approached a minor on the street?”

“Wawawawa, put your phone away! Emanuella-san, could you say something as well so that he doesn’t get the wrong idea about this?!”

“……” Emi just averted her eyes from inside my arms.

While still clinging to my neck, Emi started acting like she was writhing in pain. She faced the police officer and spoke with an angelic voice.

“Um, you know, Youto-onii-chan didn’t listen to Emi when she told him to stop. He was just dead set on going to a hotel… I don’t want… this…”

“ARRESTING SUSPECT RIGHT NOW!”

“Gyaaaaaaaaaaah?! Emiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii?!”

A desperate dash was needed to escape from the off-duty police officer. Well, towards the end I beat him by a wide margin. My skills honed in the track-and-field club are just too strong. For all those of you in the audience who want to go on a date with a young girl, feel free to visit the track-and-field club and train under Steel-san! That concludes this afternoon’s lolicon lecture!

*

“That was way too close…”

I desperately gasped for air in the crowd around the hotel street of the business district. I don’t use this train station on the private railroad too often, so I don’t know my way around here. Not knowing the routes that the citizen police officers take was a really risky gamble on my part.

More importantly, we had decided on this trip around one week ago. Emi pestered me to take her to see all the things that had changed or not. How can I deny such a request from her? My fatherly love makes this perfectly legal. And if you take away the ‘fatherly’ part, then… No, nevermind. Anyway, the promised day arrived. Not even thirty minutes had passed since we had met.

“—I’m done.”

“Wait, done with what?”

“I’m going home! Because I said so!”

Emi walked back the way we had just come from. It wasn’t like she was acting on a whim. She was just so obstinate that I couldn’t help but worry. The Polarolla Family apparently hasn’t rented a house yet in Japan. The place they were staying at was, ironically enough, a hotel in the most suspicious town on the most suspicious street in the most suspicious red-light district, a place where no grade school girl should ever go.

Apparently that’s the only place the Italian brochures described. Ten or twelve years ago, that hotel apparently was fairly high-class, but I think that all went down in flames like the rest of the town thanks to the recent recession. The flow of time can be pretty cruel. Just like the Steel King. She’s the opposite of Conan-kun. Her body grows, but her mind stays the same. Either way, I can’t let her go home like this. So I hugged her to stop her…

“I’m going home by myself! Let go! Don’t treat me like a baby! Moron moron moron!”

She started pitching a fit, which led to me carrying her in my arms, and then oh wow my hand is touching somewhere weird pumpkin.

“Stop! Don’t touch—No seriously, where are you touching me?! Lolicon! Lolipedo! Lolitarian! You’re biting into an unripe fruit!”

“What does that even mean?! There’s no way I could just let you go home after all of that!”

“My dear pedestrians around me, there’s a monster who’s trying to eat a grade school student right here!”

“Stop saying stuff like that.”

Thus, I covered up Emi’s mouth in a peaceful way, and we made our way towards the totally-not-seedy hotel. And that’s when that police officer came around. Before being slaughtered in prison, or more accurately, before ending up stuck in there, I ran away. The Dark Demon Lord-chan, if she found out that I was arrested, would be upset. I have to be more careful. What kind of reasoning is that? Don’t worry, I don’t have a clue, either.

“How boring. The police officers in Japan all take their work too seriously.”

Emi seemed to have calmed down. She sat on the guard rail, her feet dangling in the air. Her facial features looked like she had come alive from a manga, and her twintails shook like rabbit ears. Her remarkably short feet stuck out from beneath her angelic one-piece. No matter where you looked, she’s a top-grade lolita! Mmm, delicious! Lick lick!

However, her eyes, which looked like gems bestowed upon her by God himself, showed exactly how bad of a mood she was in.

“…Also, could you maybe tell me why you got so angry earlier?”

“I wasn’t angry or anything!”

“Then are you hungry? Do you want to eat some curry? There’s a really great curry restaurant nearby!”

“I told you to stop treating me like a kid! I just ate! Also why are you bringing up curry first thing?! I’m not a kid!”

“That’s right, you’re really big. Here, up you go, up you go.”

“Gyaaah!? Th-thtop! Don’t lift me up like that!”

“Ahh, you bit your tongue. So cute.”

“Annoying! Disgusting! Go die! Die from tofu poisoning!”

I immediately ate three consecutive kicks. One for relief, two for safety, and three for heart failure. After that, our skinship came to an end. Emi had trained herself masterfully in the art of kicking without showing her panties. I hope that she eats well so that her outside grows just as much as her inside. That reminds me of the black hole girl who says that curry goes in a separate stomach.

While we continued our idle talk, Emi’s mood seemed to grow worse and worse by the second. She crouched down on top of the guard rail. She can scream at me all she wants, being kicked is grea—Excuse me—is fine as well. Her being silent is the worst possible thing, though.

“If I did something to spoil your mood, then I’ll gladly apologize.” I lowered my face so that I could look Emi in the eyes. “But I won’t know if you don’t tell me.”

Communication still requires words. Emi quickly glanced over at me, but then quickly averted her gaze again. That being said, once I talk with her, I’ll get through to her. Even though she’s still so young, she’s very wise. Probably wiser than anybody else. Probably because of how awkward her life has been so far.

“You didn’t do anything. That’s the problem.”

“I’m not doing anything? Did you want me to do something?”

“H-Huh?! Stop with those disgusting fantasies! I’ll kill you!”

“You don’t have to go that far…”

So, I didn’t do anything > Right. I’m not doing anything > Wrong. She wants me to do something > Wrong. This is a bit too complicated for my taste…

“…You’re not looking at me at all today.” Emi clicked her tongue as she said this.

“Of course I’m looking at you! Your cute and chubby cheeks, your small feet, and your big forehead! I keep looking at your beauty that could have only been bestowed upon you by God himself to soothe my suffering!”

“Nobody asked you to say disgusting stuff like that, you pumpkin! Enough acting like a saint! I’m being serious here!”

“I’m sorry!”

She keeps talking about being serious, and yet she keeps stepping on me.

“…You’re constantly above the clouds today. I bought new sandals with these cute ribbons on them, but you aren’t looking at me.”

“So…rry? Wait, could you not make it sound like I live for your feet?!”

“You don’t?”

“I definitely don’t! I’m just thinking about the overall cuteness, and reviewing your ankles and the backs of your feet every day in my blog, grading them! Today I’d give them a full 75 points!”

“You totally do! What kind of blog is that?! Get stepped on by tofu and die!”

“I’m sorryyyyy!”

If you want to have a proper conversation, then stop grinding your foot into my cheek, okay?!

“Stop trying to hide it already. You’ve been thinking about something, right?”

“Eh?”

“About something important… or someone important, right?”

For a moment, I felt like I had a lump in my throat, and the words wouldn’t come out. The letter inside the empty Barbara-san came back to mind. The one that was addressed to the Tsutsukakushi sisters, the one that came from Italy. Steel-san has been acting weird, too. Tsukiko-chan wanted to talk about something, but she started acting weird when she saw my diary. Now that Emi mentioned it, these things are still rattling around in the back of my mind. The more I try to forget about them, the more my thoughts drift towards them. These problems are filling my head like a sponge sucking up water.

“…See?” Emi let out a snort.

She stood up on top of the guard rail.

“Even if you’re here, it’s not fun at all. Just go home already.”

“But I promised you a while back that I’d do this with you. If I don’t take care of what’s in front of me, nobody will be happy—”

“Hmph! Don’t think you’re that important!”

“Eh?”

“I’ll do something on my own! I’m perfectly fine! I’m not a kid. I can be happy even without you! I decide my own happiness! I can do it all by myself!”

“Don’t say something sad like that…”

“So that’s why you should just take care of your own stuff first!” She spread her arms.

In this town with all the dirty scents, she kept her balance up on that guard rail. She tried her best to make herself seem bigger, and I think she succeeded. No matter how many insults she throws my way, no matter how fierce her glare is, Emi is still a charming girl. That’s what I believe from the bottom of my heart.

“…Thanks. I owe you one. Will that be okay?”

“There’s no need for any of that. There’s no need to hang out with a girl you don’t even like. Moron.”

“Eh, why? I really like this part of you, though.”

“H-Huuuuuh?! Ngyna?!”

When I praised Emi, she went into a coughing fit, bit her tongue, and lost her balance. I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean for that to happen.

“—I’ve been thinking this for a while,” Emi raised herself upright and brushed the dust off her clothes. “I think you’ve changed.”

“In what way?”

“You used to say all sorts of embarrassing stuff and then get flustered by it. Now there’s no sight of that at all.”

“Is that so? I guess. Is that good? Or bad?”

“Who knows? Isn’t that for you to decide? But…”

“But what?”

“It might be a bit… lonely, I guess.”

The girl, who knew me the past more than even I did, shrugged her shoulders like an adult, like Sophia Loren¹ back in her prime. We parted ways in front of the hotel, and I pondered what she had said for the entirety of my journey home. That being said, I still couldn’t figure out if she was being nice or not.

*

Even though I don’t have any shame, I can still feel happiness, anger, sadness, and joy. I’m far better off if you compare me to the girl who has shame, but can’t show happiness, anger, sadness, or joy. There is something I have to do for Tsutsukakushi no matter what. I thought I would always be with her, to help her. I thought I’d be working for Tsutsukakushi’s sake forever and ever. But eternity doesn’t exist when there’s nothing. Even in the endlessness of the universe, there inevitably will be a hole somewhere that ends everything. Even if you take eternity for granted, it will vanish one day and the world will continue to turn. And that’s far more painful than the expanding universe being destroyed.

Will the Tsutsukakushi sisters go to Italy? I don’t want them to leave my side. I wouldn’t be able to stand that. Emi made me realize it, but the more I think about it, the more the thought of them leaving tears me apart. Damn straight. I have to voice my discontent as loudly as I can.

“Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man,” Oscar Wilde said about the subject. The first time I heard that name and heard those words, I was deeply impressed. So much so that I devoted my life to him… Well, I don’t remember who even told me about Oscar Wilde to begin with, but that’s not important right now. Rather than thinking about something trivial, I have to do what I can. I need to set aside my worries and any other feelings and focus on what’s right in front of me.

I really think that Tsutsukakushi is someone special to me. But I’ve never given much thought as to what kind of ‘special’ that is. Maybe in the spats swimsuit category. She could set her eyes on the swimming category in the olympics. She’d have very little resistance when moving through the water. Her body is practical, and it sure is cute!

I stepped off the same bus as always and hopped onto a different bus as usual, making my way towards the center of town. Our school is in the the center of the town, and the roads split out in all four directions from there. I only ever use the train station in the south when I want to leave to go to someplace farther away. No matter where I go or where I come back from, I always take the one bus towards the school. When I got on the bus that goes towards the hill with the single cedar, there were barely any people on board. Many years back, this had apparently been the most popular district to travel to, but since another residential district had been constructed to the south, there were now only old apartments and family houses here. At the top of the old social caste stood the Tsutsukakushi Household’s family.

“Now, then…”

I looked up at the cloudy sky, which looked like it was about to rain, and took a deep breath. I pushed the button on the intercom.

“…Yokodera, huh?”

The side gate slowly opened, and Steel-san showed herself. She was wearing her usual everyday style: A T-shirt. Today her shirt read ‘TranspaBra’. I don’t get it. No wait, if the shirt becomes transparent, I guess that’d mean I can see her bra. I get it, but her fashion sense is as horrible as ever.

“I told you that you didn’t have to come.”

Unlike her clothes, her heart had shackles around it. I did call her on my way here, but apparently that was the wrong decision. It made sense that she’d be wary if someone just came to her house and asked about Italy.

“As I said before, this isn’t your business in any way,” She said.

“I decided I had to hear you out no matter what.”

“I don’t know how much you heard. I’m sorry that I made you worry. But could you not interfere? I don’t mean to be rude, but this is a family problem. I hope you understand that an outsider cannot be allowed to influence a family decision.” Steel-san crossed her arms, standing beside the gate like a wall.

This is entirely different from her puzzled expression during club practice. The girl had her old family house at her back, which was stretched along the ground like a Japanese cypress.

“That makes sense.”

I expected a response like this. Now that this problem is limited to the Tsutsukakushi Family, even if I’m a club member, I can’t cross the final hurdle. Maybe because it’s just because it’s the two of them living here, or maybe it’s because I never managed to get close enough to them.

“…Apologizes. I plan to eventually clear things up with you.” Steel-san made a slight bow and turned around.

She was about to close the gate. As if trying to cut the final ties between the two of us. However!

“—Hold your damn horses!” I grabbed the edge of the gate.

I really didn’t want to use this card, but she’s leaving me no other choice! I can’t just turn around and go home with things like this!

“What happened?! I admit that I’ve been acting strangely, but I’ll be sure to fully participate in club activities from here on out—” She started.

“What are you talking about? What club? Are you sure you don’t have the wrong idea about this?” I made an evil grin. “—I’m not my older brother.”

“Eh… ehhhh?! T-The younger brother?! Aawawa!” Steel-san literally jumped in shock.

The instant she landed, she turned her back towards me and started straightening her shirt or wherever, grooming herself. She cleared her throat and faced me again.

“Th-That’s quite the accusation there, younger Yokodera brother! I had seen through this already, of course! I was just worried that my talent was too great for you to notice! You little fox, hahaha!” Steel-san laughed awkwardly, fidgeting.

“……”

“……”

“……”

“…I-Is there something wrong?”

When I kept quiet and just watched her in silence, Steel-san audibly gulped with a cute sort of sound.

“…You knew it was me this entire time?”

“I did! I did!”

“Really?”

“Really really! D-Do you doubt me?! Then I put the honor and pride of the Tsutsukakushi Family on the line! I shall not accept this! Are there cracks running through our relationship?! How troublesome… You don’t wish for a future like that, do you, younger Yokodera brother! Right?!”

“I really don’t, but I’m a bit skeptical, to be honest.”

“Hmm? About what?”

“I was just thinking that you probably didn’t even care about me anymore.”

“O-Of course I do! There can’t be any woman more devoted than I!”

“I mean, I heard some stuff here and there… That you let a certain male club member carry you like a princess in a secluded room, and you even suffered from licentious feelings or something along those lines?”

“Whaowha?!” Steel-san let out a voice I would have never imagined to hear from her.

Like a hand-to-hand fighter being hit in a vital area, her face turned red seconds after. Immediately after that, she started waving around her arms in a panic.

“Who, whooo?! Who did?! Y-You’re wrong! I-I wasn’t cheating or anything! I was just in a state of confusion, so it just—! Wait, not just! I was out of my mind! It’s a misunderstanding! We’re as close as ever! Inseparable!”

“I see. I’m glad to hear that. I believe you. So could you maybe trust me, as well?”

“H-Hmm?!”

“We’re almost like family, right?”

“Mm!”

“Back to our previous topic, if this is a family problem, then I think it’s my problem as well.”

“Grrr…”

“I want to become a part of your family. So please don’t cut our ties here.”

“…Hmmm.”

“Please, let me hear what you’re dealing with!”

“Hm…” Steel-san slapped her still-red cheeks. Groaning.

Her hair shook like the mane of a lion as she paced in circles, hesitating.

“Mmm… Mmmmm… Mm…!”

Maybe because she was lost in thought, pondering what to do, but her vocabulary was limited to a single letter being repeated. I guess I’ll give her a moment to recover.

“…Mmmm. Alright. I understand.” Finally, the lion stopped in its tracks. She nodded.

She opened the gate and motioned me to come inside.

“Here you go. I feel ashamed as a woman to push you this far. I’ve prepared my heart.”

“Steel-san!”

“Let’s hold a ceremony in front of God. Now that I have been brought into this world as a woman, I really will have to wear a wedding dress!”

“Ah, that’s what you meant!”

Apparently she had already decided how to make Yokodera-kun a member of the Tsutsukakushi Family! With the mood of a small child who just received their Christmas presents, Steel-san tugged on my arm, ushering me inside. Her two bulges, only covered up by the TranspaBra shirt, pressed against me. Wrapped in this softness, my elbow was in pure bliss.

The gate that had been like an impenetrable wall before I was now able to cross in mere seconds. One day I’ll definitely reap what I’m sowing with all these actions of mine. And I’m scared to death of that day.

*

It felt like it had been quite a while since I last sat in the Tsutsukakushi Household’s banquet hall. The straw core had been removed from the tatami mats on the floor, and there were small holes in the corners of the room, which probably meant that they were off getting repaired professionally. That being said, there was absolutely no dust to be found. As expected from the cleaning master of this place: Tsukiko-chan. Just leave her alone somewhere and the entire interior will be sparkling this place. She didn’t miss even the smallest pieces of dirt. If you buy Tsukiko-chan now, you’ll get a free Steel-san loitering around your place for free! No refunds.

“…Are you thinking something rude again?”

Tsutsukakushi was sitting on the floor cushion, looking at me from my left.

“Huh?”

“…Excuse me, I made a mistake.”

“Ah, okay.”

Tsutsukakushi immediately averted her gaze again. How rare for Tsukiko-chan to read Yokodera-kun’s thoughts the wrong way. Normally she would use her divine insight, but now this was shrouded like a fall sky covered in clouds. A grey aura built up behind her back. It totally ruins the image she’s got going with the culotte she’s wearing.

Ever since we ran into each other in the banquet hall, she’s been like this, so I’m sure something must have happened. Maybe she didn’t get enough to eat during lunch? She probably only had three plates or so. That must be it.

“About that letter from before.” Steel-san, to my right, gave me a look. “Apparently, Tsukiko went over to your house to talk to you about it. The part about our grandparents wanting us to go to Italy is indeed true. That being said, we didn’t respond just yet. I still have to inquire about their real intentions behind this.”

“Eh, really? But those plane tickets…”

“They sent them to us. They’ve brought this up with us before, but I have no idea why they’re acting so impatient now.” Steel-san sighed in a troubled manner. She rested her hand on the tatami mats.

The letter Tsukiko-chan had forgotten at my home was in the middle of the floor, between the three of us. The sender’s address was in Rome, Italy.

“I talked about this with your older brother before. Our grandmother came from Europe, and she’s still living overseas. After our mother’s death, we lived apart for quite a while, and never really paid much attention to it. I’m a cosmopolitan! Of course learning English would be easy for me! Ahh Bee See Dee Ee Efu Gee!”

“Well done. But that’s quite unexpected. Which side is your grandfather from?”

“Hm?”

“I mean that grandfather who lives in Italy. I was wondering if he was from your mother’s side or your father’s side.”

“Hmm…” Steel-san nodded.

She sat still in a cross-legged position, and silence filled the room. That was broken when she abruptly opened her eyes.

“F-From our mother!”

“It was our father,” Tsukiko-chan bluntly denied.

“Grrrr! So that’s what it was!”

“Of course it is. I keep telling you, don’t I? You hold the teacup in your left hand. The label on your shirt is on the back. Our father was the one who came into our family when he married our mother.”

“Hm… A bit more and I would have had it!” Steel-san stuck out her tongue and puffed out her chest.

Can you really pretend you were close to the answer if you got a 50/50 question wrong? It’s like getting silver at the Olympics if there are only two people competing.

“Also, are you sure it’s okay to forget about your own bloodline…?”

“No, that’s not quite right. I’m trying not to remember on purpose.”

“You forgot on purpose?”

Steel-san looked up at the ceiling. She had a tranquil look on her face, like she was resting her ears on top of a conifer.

“My family is our late parents and Tsukiko. That’s all. Anyone not in this house, who had warmth that could not be granted to us, I chased out of my head from the very beginning. It was all so that Tsukiko and I could at least live through the cold nights in this empty house.”

It didn’t seem like a desperate excuse. The high ceiling of this Japanese house covering the Tsutsukakushi Family had thick beams everywhere. The girl gazed at the signs of time with kind eyes.

“We lived in this house. It’s full of memories. For example, the markings on the veranda.” Her gaze remained fixed above, but her arm pointed towards the paper sliding door. “There’s marks there where my mother would measure my height and carve it into the wood. The sight of her gently rubbing my head while she congratulated me on how much I grew is still in my head like it was yesterday. Without this house, I wouldn’t be able to exist.” She spoke with a calm voice as if to emphasize the importance of her past.

Her worldview transcended reason and logic. Maybe this really wasn’t the time to meddle. Because the conclusion had been obvious from the start… Wait. Was it really?

“Then, Steel-san…?”

“Hm?”

“Do you need to worry about your answer? You can just decline, right?”

I looked over at Tsukiko-chan. She gave me a quick glance, but averted her gaze right away. Apparently, she had no intentions of arguing against her older sister’s conclusion. Things are just getting more and more confusing.

“That’s exactly it, younger Yokodera brother,” she softly slapped her hand on her thigh.

She opened up the letter in the middle of the room and ran her finger across the very last line. Written there was an international phone number.

“As you know, I make quick decisions. I charge full speed ahead, and go on the offensive because I’m that type of woman. I already called them to decline.”

“Y-Yeah. And that worked out, right? So what?”

“They made things complicated. They said something like ‘Is there really any reason to cling to the memories of a mother you barely lived with?’.”

“Barely…?”

“When I asked what she meant, she said that we were separated from our mother when I was three, and when Tsukiko was one. That doesn’t line up at all. We lived here together until I started attending grade school, and we even took baths together. I distinctly remember her washing my entire body in the bath.”

“Washing each other’s backs, huh? Very nice, very nice!”

“Indeed. Thanks to that, I got pretty good at washing someone else. Should I give you a taste, younger Yokodera brother?”

“M-Me?!”

“Why don’t we wash Tsukiko together?”

“So that’s what you meant! But that sounds great as well! I’ll start with her right hand!”

“I’ll go for the right leg, then!”

“I won’t hand you her savannah-flat belly!”

“Then I will open the new world of her two hills!”

“I request the far-off El Dorado!”

The world truly is a paradise inside a bathtub. Steel-san and I forged plans for how to split up Tsukiko-chan’s body like a birthday cake, and yet no response came. Growing worried, I checked for her reaction. I spotted her punching numbers into her phone. Specifically, I saw a 1, another 1, and a 0.

“I have to hurry and report this. I have to hurry and report this. I have to hurry and report this. I have to hurry and report this.”

“Gyaaah!”

“…I guess I don’t have to call a police officer for this…”

“…Huh?”

Oddly enough, she stopped without me saying anything, stuffing away her public-authority-summoning device. What’s happened to her? She doesn’t give up this easily normally. At this rate, her older sister will have full reign over her! That isn’t any good! Come seek asylum at the Yokodera-kun House!

“…You were just joking anyways, right? You wouldn’t do anything like that.”

“Eh, ah, y-yeah! That’s… right…”

“I always misunderstand things and act rashly as a result. I’m sorry.”

“Y-You don’t have to lower your head or anything…”

Even when I met eyes with Tsukiko-chan, instead of calling me a pervert, she apologized to me.

“S-So how about you? Did you flirt with your mom in the bath as well?”

“I was still very young back then.”

“That’s normal!”

“I barely remember anything from back then. Nee-san taught me about everything I know about our mother, so there might be a chance my memories are not fully correct.”

“O-Okay…”

I didn’t think there would ever be a time when Tsukiko-chan responded normally to such an outlandish statement. It seemed that the gloomy aura around her ran deeper than what was visible to the naked eye, and her thoughts had become distorted as well. Come back to us, Tsukiko-chan!

“Let’s get back on topic.” Steel-san spoke up. “Our grandparents deny my memories of my mother that I have inside of me. And I won’t allow it.”

“…What if your memories are just incorrect?”

“Not possible. And if that weren’t enough, they tried to tell us that ‘You were living in Italy around ten years ago’. Apparently, they think that I was living in Italy when I was six or seven. But I remember very clearly that I was living in this house with our mother at that time.”

“So that…”

That meant that their memories weren’t lining up. It’s the exact same thing a certain someone had experienced recently. It’s how I felt when I tried to remember the space twintails monster slash choir member.

“I thought that there might be something behind this contradiction.”

“Yes.”

“And if anything, it must be proof that our grandparents are growing older.”

“Yes?”

“If that is the case, and they are denying our family line, then it is similarly my duty to deny these letters. Kindly and thoroughly dealing with the old is the duty of the young.”

“…Yes.”

I know that Steel-san is kind and considerate to others, but being too kind is a fatal flaw for a King to have.

“Right when I was at a loss as to what to say, they hung up. Then the emotions started whirling around inside of me, and I started wondering if just keeping the misunderstanding and being spoiled by them would actually be the best thing we could do for our grandparents.”

“I see…”

I’m starting to see the connection here. There’s something more fundamental the Tsutsukakushi sisters have to take care of before they can make the decision about leaving for Italy or not. And that is the question of if they even lived in this house with their mother. Did they live in Italy, far away from their mother? Between Steel-san and her grandparents, whose memories are correct?

Also, as you might have guessed, I had to try to stop them from leaving. No matter what happens from here on out, I will stay right next to this precious girl of mine. My, Yokodera-kun, aren’t you sounding cool right now. Woah, I shouldn’t say that about myself, that’s just uncool…

“What’s wrong, younger Yokdera brother? Why are you making such a gloomy face?”

“Ah, no, I was just trying to think of something you could do. Even if you have different memories, as long as you can confirm that your own memories are correct, shouldn’t that be enough?”

Also, there’s a high chance that Steel-san is incorrect.

“Indeed. That’s why I went on a hunt to find proof.”

“What kind of proof?”

“Old pictures that show that I was definitely here with my mother. That’d be objective proof.”

“I see. That’s pretty sharp for someone like you!”

“…What do you mean by ‘someone like me’?”

“N-No, I just mean that saying ‘someone like you’ is actually a way of praising you! You already excel at everything, and you’re clever on top of it all! I am amazed yet again²!”

“Ha ha ha, what a charmer you are. By the way, I did find something.”

“What’d you find?”

“There’s a few pictures of when Tsukiko was one year old, and pictures of Tsukiko’s privates while she grew up.”

That reminds me, I saw one picture in Steel-san’s room. One with her mother and a young little sister. It was a happy family picture. On top of that, she also showed me some secret pictures from when Tsukiko-chan was about five years old. It was the kind of picture that made (only) Steel-san and I happy.

“But I couldn’t find any pictures for the time between then. It’s like my own memories are mocking me.”

“So basically…”

“So I went to search for some different pictures. I’m so clever!”

I very much wanted to retort there, but considering the situation, I decided to keep quiet.

“…They’re pictures of you.”

“M-Me?! Why?!”

“I told you a while ago. When I went to your room right around the time of the sports festival, I said that you really resemble an old friend of mine. Night after night, I rubbed my cheeks against that picture as I thought about it.”

“Rubbed your cheeks? Could you go into a bit more detail on that part?”

“And my assumptions were confirmed. We definitely did meet in the past. I feel like I received something important back then. Like true love, or my first experience… Hmm… I’m getting a bit embarrassed about it. Ha, ha…”

“Umm, could we maybe not?”

The other person next to me is giving me a death glare right now! See, Demon Lord-chan just stood up! It’s coming! The demon lord is coming! Yet Onee-san can’t see her?! She can’t hear her footsteps?! She’s going to be lectured by Tsukiko-chan!

“There’s one thing I would like to ask, younger Yokodera brother.”

“Y-Yes!”

“…What about you? Do you remember anything about me, or the past?”

“Um… I don’t really know.” I could only shrug in reply.

Ever since the unfortunate incident with Emi, I can’t deny it anymore. I know less about my memories than anybody else around me. There’s an alien inside of me I don’t know.

“…Senpai. Is what Nee-san said true?”

“Eek!”

“Is it true that you two met a long time ago?”

The instant my consciousness drifted elsewhere, the Demon Lord Poseidon-chan appeared next to me. She grabbed my shoulders, activating her Noble Phantasm³ ‘Destroy Pervert⁴’. I guess I’ll die.

“If that is true, then I would be highly interested in hearing more about it.”

Feeling a sense of discomfort from Tsutsukakushi’s voice, I looked up. Her cheeks were as still and as expressionless as ever. That being said, the aura behind her had vanished, illuminating her profile with a calm light. Even the culotte she was wearing looked like it was sparkling.

“If Senpai met Nee-san in the past, there’s a high chance that you met me as well. Because the two of us were always together.”

“Maybe… Yeah, I guess so, but I don’t know. There’s a high chance it might have been someone else. It’s been such a long time.”

“Let’s look for them.”

“What?”

“Let’s look for them. Pictures. There might be some in the storehouse, or in Nee-san’s albums. Could you help me, Senpai?” Tsutsukakushi barely finished her words before she dashed out of the banquet hall.

Or so I thought, but she suddenly showed her face again from the corner, beckoning me over. She looked like a black cat waiting to be fed, and her tail-hair shook left and right wildly. Steel-san and I just looked at each other, smiled, and stood up. Either way, we are happy as long as that kitty was happy. Otherwise, things would be bad.

As we walked out of the banquet hall, I looked over at the notches in the beam Steel-san had mentioned.

“Ahh, that’s what it was…”

The words written there were mostly unreadable, but I could see a series of lines that stretched up farther and farther. When I ran my fingertip across said lines, an odd feeling of nostalgia hit me. I’m sure that these notches are definitely filled with someone’s emotions. Even after such a long time has passed, they are proof of the past. Like a guidepost to live by.

*

Once evening came around, rain started to pour. I followed Tsutsukakushi, who wanted to buy ingredients for our dinner, and hopped on the bus with her that headed towards our high school. Tsutsukakushi pretended like she was watching the rain hitting the window, resting her head against my shoulder. Just like the weather outside, a gloomy shadow once again lurked behind her back.

In the end, we couldn’t find any other pictures. The storehouse, still bereft of the Cat God statue, was absolutely empty. We looked through every nook and cranny there, but were met with no success. All we could find was a picture of Tsutsukakushi’s Mom—Tsutsukakushi Tsukasa. There was a collection of pictures with her and some other kids at the park.

Though the quality of the pictures were quite bad, Steel-san still was excited enough to put them into her secret picture folder. However, there were no clues besides that. No pictures of me, nor any of Tsutsukakushi between one and five years old. In the end, it seemed like Tsutsukakushi was the one who was hurt the most by this, and her shoulders have been hanging ever since.

“We’ll keep looking. Your home is really big, so I’m not surprised that we couldn’t find anything on the first day.”

“…That’s right. Yes. Thank you.”

I softly shook her shoulders, and she gave a faint nod in response. I watched her small hand form a fist on top of her lap. I considered putting my hand on top of hers, but before I could make up my mind, we had arrived at the bus station in front of the school.

“Do you always go to the supermarket around here?”

“…Well, yes.”

“I see.”

We happened to arrive beneath the small shelter at the bus station. Now it’s time for today’s quiz session. Should I actually go with her on the shopping trip, ignoring this unpleasant atmosphere, or should I go home? Time spent with Tsutsukakushi is priceless, but there’s a chance that I’ll lose any sort of good evaluation with her.

“—Ah, Yokodera! Over here!”

A voice called out to me, and I heard a horn beeping gently as a car stopped near the bus stop. When I approached the passenger seat, the window slowly came down, and Azuki Azusa greeted me.

“Ehehe! What a coincidence meeting you here!”

This girl really knows how to smile happily. Her hair was waving like the ears of a puppy. Beyond her, on the driver’s seat, was Azuki’s mother. She waved at me with a smile.

“My my, if it isn’t the puppy… Or wait, is it a Prince now? It’s been a while.”

“My nickname is getting worse?!”

“I mean, at home, Azusa always—”

“G-Gyaaa!?”

With a beet red face, Azuki Azusa closed the window, and the car shook. I could hear shrieks and screams coming from the inside. What are they doing? My honed senses smell the faint scent of yuri. When the window opened again, I saw the sight of Azuki’s mother tied up with the seat belt! …But that’s about it. There’s no R-18 development to be found here.

“A-Anyway, what a coincidence meeting you here, Yokodera, Tsutsukakushi-san!”

“Yup yup. So, what was that about just now? Were you talking about me?”

“I was just thinking about how great the two of you looked standing beneath the rain during your date! In that kind of way! You get it, right?! You do! I’m glad that you get it!”

“She didn’t even give me a chance to respond…”

The amount of agitation that Azuki Azusa-san gave off showed glimpses of her absolute composure. When I glanced over at Tsutsukakushi—Grrrr.

No, seriously, I felt like I could hear her growling like a cat. Ever since the submarine battle at the amusement park, the instant Azuki Azusa and Yokodera-kun get close to one another, she acts incredibly wary. Even now, she’s tugging at the back of my shirt, like a child scared of meeting someone new. If this were the usual ‘You can’t go anywhere, Senpai’, then that would be fine, but it’s more likely a declaration that ‘You’ll turn into a good-for-nothing if you go anywhere (because I will gouge out your eyes)’. My, how scary. But it’s also cute in a sense.

“Well, we’re not on a date or anything. What about you?”

“Mama had to work today. We met up, and we’re about to go out to eat somewhere.”

“Work? Your mother is working?”

“Yup. She works at a publisher near the train station. She’s the reliable and respected chief editor who is highly respected! Do you know the magazine called ‘Fashion Moon,’ by any chance?”

“Ohhh! I know of that! I’ve seen it in convenience stores before.”

I guess looks can be deceiving, after all. Azuki’s mother is even smaller than her daughter, and she has a kind of fluffy atmosphere to her. Maybe Azuki Azusa will turn into a career girl in the future, too. Her in a suit… that picture is delicious.

“I know! She’s been looking for a male model for a fashion magazine. Do you want to try it out, Yokodera?”

“M-Me?”

“I guess it’s not so much of a model. You just have to wear some coordinated clothes for the winter season. You’ll get some money on the side. I’m doing it on the side as well. You just have to act like a poodle while they put clothes on you. It’s pretty easy.”

“…I wonder…”

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted by the wonderful word ‘model.’ But, to be completely honest, rather than being the one who people look at, I prefer being the one doing the watching. If I get together with a model Onee-san from a popular magazine, I can have her say ‘I’ll wear an outfit that we can’t show in the magazine~’, so if you can get me into a development like that, I’d be down.

“–Wait, hold your damn horses!”

“Eep! W-What is it?!”

“You said you were working as a model?! This month? And next month?”

“A little. Every month, at one or two places… What’s that face? I definitely won’t show you, okay?!”

“Why not?! You’re not losing anything, right?!”

“Yeah I’m not!”

“…Then why won’t you show me?”

“B-Because I don’t wanna! I might lose my upper arm or part of my stomach! Actually, I have to lose a bit more there…”

“I really don’t think you can lose any more than that!”

I was getting seriously worried that Azuki Azusa might start some weird diet. Girls really have it rough. But I understand now. I have an opportunity to take part in a photo shoot with a stylish, smiling Azuki Azusa right next to me. I’ll be able to appear in a magazine together with a beautiful classmate in all my handsome glory.

“Sounds nice. Invite me next time.”

“R-Really?! I’m happy! …Is what Mama would say, right?!”

“My, my. It’s going all according to plan, Azusa.” Azuki’s mother had finally freed herself from the seat belt wrapped around her, and she grinned at the beet-red faced Azuki Azusa.

“Come on, Mama! Stop saying weird things like a sick parrot.”

“I mean, I was worried if she could even breathe like that,” I said.

“She’s totally fine! She’s used to it!”

“Just to make sure, is it fine to say things like that?”

“Totally fine! She’s used to it. Me as well! Every night!”

“Ohoho…?”

“More importantly, why don’t you join as well, Tsutsukakushi-san?! For now, I was thinking all three of us could do it! I-It’s definitely not that I wanted to use this as a chance to spend some time together with Yokodera so that I can invite him by saying something like ‘Can you wear an outfit that we can’t show in the magazine…?’, to create a private sort of occurrence. I wasn’t thinking about that in the slightest!”

“I feel like running away now that you’ve revealed your intentions.”

Azuki Azusa is the type of girl who always says a little bit more than her mental capacity allows. It looks like steam is coming out of her head, and she probably doesn’t understand what she’s saying. However, she suddenly blinked and gave me a confused stare.

“…What about Tsutsukakushi-san, anyway?”

“Eh?”

Tsutsukakushi had vanished without either of us noticing. Only the wrinkles in my shirt remained. Man, she really is cute. When I raised my umbrella and looked around, I spotted a bus that had just stopped at the bus stop we were waiting at. I also spotted a girl wearing a culotte entering said bus. When I tried to call out to her…

“I’m sorry that I interrupted you. There’s a bus here now.”

“W-We have to go as well. Sorry to stop you like this!” Azuki Azusa said.

“No, I enjoyed listening to it. Please tell me more about this when we’re at school.” Tsutsukakushi lowered her head and stepped inside the bus. The bus seemed to be headed towards where my house was located.

“Huh…? Why would she…? Sorry! I have to get on that bus as well.” I said.

“Yes, see you later!” Azuki Azusa waved her hand at me.

I watched the car drive off, and then ran to the bus. When I got on, Tsutsukakushi was sitting in the seat in the very back. Now go ahead and grab onto my clothes again! I thought as I sat next to her, but the girl didn’t speak a single word after that.

*

When we got off the bus at the stop close to my house, a children’s park was in front of us, drenched by the rain. It’s the park Ponta and I always met up in. As if she was looking at a religious relic from a different world, Tsutsukakushi stared at the pillars at the entrance, tilting her head slightly as if she found them odd.

“I wonder why I came here.”

“Wha… That’s what I want to know! Why did you get on the bus?”

“…On a whim.”

“A whim?! Humans are supposed to act according to reason and logic!”

“I saw that you were enjoying yourself as you talked with Azuki-san, so I just happened to hop on the bus out of a whim, and I went wherever I wanted to on a whim.”

“Yeah, sometimes we have to live according to our emotions as well!”

“……”

“……”

“……”

“…Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.” Tsutsukakushi shook her head, hiding her face beneath her umbrella.

The rain still poured down on the asphalt in giant black drops. With that cacophony surrounding us, Tsutsukakushi spoke in a quiet voice.

“I’m an awful girl.” She muttered. “Even though I can’t show my emotions openly, I act according to my emotions. What a horrible person. When I see you talk with Azuki-san like that, it makes me want to throw a fit. My feelings are even worse than they were back at the amusement park. I know that I can’t keep doing this, but these emotions are just getting the better of me.”

“That doesn’t make you an awful person or anything!”

“You’re wrong. Even now, I have many more dirty feelings inside my mind, but I put on airs so that you won’t hate me. I can’t convey my honest feelings with just words. I’m calculative, manipulative, have terrible manners, and I have a horrible personality.”

“That’s not… true…”

“Azuki-san is beautiful. And it doesn’t get to her head at all. She might just not be aware of it. I can’t help but feel envious when I talk to her. I have nothing that I’m able to win with.”

“Stop it already! You have lots of things you can win with! Like the shape of your navel! You have so much!”

“What a pervert you are.”

With slow steps, Tsutsukakushi walked inside the park. The rust on the jungle gym stood out in the rain. She stopped in front of that, and her tail-hair shook left and right.

“…And how kind you are. But it’s fine. I know myself better than anyone. That’s why I thought everything would be fine if we found some old pictures in our home.” Tsutsukakushi supported her one hand holding the umbrella with her other one.

It was almost like she put a problem on the table that only she understood.

“I thought that the best way to establish an emotional bond with Senpai was to be the person who knew him the longest. I thought this was the one place I had won for certain. But it wasn’t. Emi-san has been with you for much, much longer.”

So that’s why she was so shocked after reading my diary.

“But if I had a picture, that would be proof of our past together. The past is something written in stone. No matter how much of an awful girl I am, no matter how much Senpai were to hate me—Even if Senpai were to become happy with someone else, I at least would have the past that I could keep with me. That is something that cannot be changed.” Tsutsukakushi gazed at the jungle gym with her transparent eyes. “That way—I could always stay Senpai’s number one.”

I shook my head. That path has no future. Number one, or number two… I never gave that sort of thing much thought. I didn’t want to. Talking with Azuki Azusa is fun. It calms me down. I’m happy when I talk with Steel-san, though it breaks my heart a bit. Talking with Emi is fun. My heart leaps with excitement. Whenever I talk with the vice president… Well, umm, the argument always gets kind of crazy.

Either way, does putting numbers and ranks on girls to make biased choices really bring a happy end? That’s how games work, and that’s perfectly fine there. We live in the story called reality. In this reality that doesn’t end, we have to keep living. Nobody would be happy with a ‘number one’ or a ‘number two’ label.

But Tsutsukakushi is different. She says that she wants to become number one at all costs. Since I had sworn to do no matter what it takes for her sake, should I just do that right now? I still have a debt to her. She told me about it at the amusement park. Something should have happened when I slipped past a tunnel in a thicket, something I can’t remember. If I can’t take that back, I should have least find a way to confirm the past—

“…Just kidding.” Tsutsukakushi shrugged her shoulders, and turned towards me. “Something is wrong with me today. Just ignore it.”

“Tsutsukakushi…”

“My mental state must have taken a turn for the worse because we couldn’t find any pictures. It would be convenient if we could directly confirm what happened in the past, but that is just—”

“—My, my. What a wonderful wish that was. I have heard your prayer.”

I heard an ominous, unpleasant laugh cut through the air.

“Wha?!”

As if we had been shot, Tsutsukakushi and I both looked upwards. Past the fog-like rain, on top of the jungle gym, I could see swaying rabbit ears. It looked down at us with red eyes like a predator.

“Yaji-san…?! No, wait!”

“Don’t you think that questioning one’s identity is awfully boorish? During the old days of the warriors, you would never name yourself, and you would never be close enough to count as friends, either. I am me, and you are you. Something like that.” Lurking in the depths of those red eyes was the silhouette of a cat.

The rabbit I knew so well had an expression I had never seen before. It was grinning at us. There was no doubt. The Stony Cat was currently inside Yaji-san. The Cat God had never returned to the storehouse. It had also vanished from inside Azuki Azusa. Since we couldn’t find it anywhere, I assumed that it was gone, and gave up searching. I never thought that it would appear at a time like this—

“Though there’s many things I would like to talk about, my payback for earlier comes first. My heart dances whenever I think about the humiliation you forced me through before. I can’t help it. Why don’t I grant that wish of yours right now?”

“Wait, don’t move! Don’t talk! Don’t do anything!”

“Now then, farewell.”

The Stony Cat would grant every wish. In a way that the person who wished didn’t want. Since Tsutsukakushi had wished for a way to ‘confirm what happened in the past’, what would the Cat God pull here?

“I keep telling you to—Wha?!”

I tried to jump up at the jungle gym towards Yaji-san, but the rung where I placed my hand melted away like candy. I lost my footing, and just when I was about to land on the ground, I heard another sound, as the ground melted into foam.

There is nothing here anymore. All the objects around us were dismantled, disintegrated, melted, and only the laughter of the Stony Cat filled my ears. A wave function I can’t even describe washed across the electromagnetic spectrum, breaking the limits of particle physics. The world was breaking down, and we were swallowed up by the imaginary plane.

All sound vanished, all color condensed into one. All light turned into darkness, as the air had been sucked up. Everything was turning, turning, turning, turning even more, like I was inside the drum of a washing machine made for giants. Tsutsukakushi was with me in this world, spinning the same as me.

“Tsu…ki…ko…!”

As a final resort, I desperately grabbed for her arm, pulling her closer to me, and then my consciousness left.

---

1 An Italian actress

2 There is originally a joke here, using the Japanese word ‘Nano ni’, where Yokodera goes to centi-, mili-, macro- and finally nanometer.

3 A special attack/technique reserved for servants in the Fate series.

4 Written as “Lance of Heavenly Punishment.”