Ore Ga Suki Nano Wa Imouto Dakedo Imouto Janai Volume 11 Chapter 1

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Their respective confessions

“Suzuka, I—”

After saying this much, I returned to conscious thought and closed my mouth. I swallowed those words as they were about to leave my throat. I had been overwhelmed with what had suddenly happened, and I was about to blurt out something horribly stupid.

—Suzuka, I love you.

These were my honest thoughts and feelings. There was absolutely no lie or fake emotion attached to them. Suzuka is the most important girl in this entire world to me. This is unrelated to her being my sister. However, since the two of us are siblings, I’m not allowed to be open about it under any circumstances. That’s why I decided to lock away those feelings in the depths of my heart for all eternity.

The only exception to this was that I had put all of these bottled-up feelings into the light novel I wrote recently. Said novel ironically happened to win the light novel grand prize I have dreamed about for many years, so I had to turn it down.

These feelings are my own feelings, unrelated to anyone else. I can’t be open about them, since I know they’ll bring Suzuka misfortune. But even though I had managed to lock my feelings away, locking them away in the depths of my heart, just now they nearly overflowed again.

The lock shattered into a thousand pieces in one second. My mouth started acting faster than my brain as the words almost came gushing out. That was how much Suzuka’s words impacted me just now.

—I…I…love you, Onii-chan…

The words were still fresh on my ears, echoing within my mind. They repeated themselves over and over and over, making me wonder if my brain was going to melt. For a brief moment, all I could do was stand there in a daze as I listened to her voice, feeling my entire body going numb. Just when I finally regained my consciousness, I was about to blurt out my feelings, so I hurriedly closed my mouth with my hands. My mind was in turmoil, and it took all the effort I could muster to try to process what had just occurred.

…W-What did Suzuka just say…?

That was the first question that came to mind. Naturally, I immediately assumed that Suzuka had misspoken, or that I had misheard. But the clear words ringing in my ears denied that possibility. Even while I was thinking this, they still kept repeating.

So Suzuka really just confessed to me—I got this far in before my mind erupted into chaos.

…W-Why? What happened? W-Why would Suzuka just say that she l-l-l-loves…me…?! No, it has to be a mistake… But I can still hear what she said…?! But then, why?! How?!

…I-Is it something weird? You know, I don’t have any experience with this sort of thing, but maybe it was a hallucination? Because I love Suzuka so much, I imagined that I heard the words that I want to hear the most? …No, as if something like that would happen?! Suzuka is in front of me, and she definitely said it!

…Then is this a dream? A lucid dream? But when I tug on my cheek, it actually hurts. Also, there’s no way a dream like this would actually happen, right?!

As you can see, my mind started going haywire, coming up with various explanations. But the longer it went on, the more I had to erase possibility after possibility for explaining this situation. Eventually, only one explanation was left: Suzuka had said this as a joke for some reason unknown to me, but—

“………Uuu!”

When I saw Suzuka’s serious expression, I couldn’t take it as a joke… B-But then what exactly is this?

“…Onii-chan, what happened? You’ve been looking around frantically and tugging on your cheek…”

While I was thinking that, Suzuka gently asked me what I was doing, which made me freeze in place. But maybe as a result of that, I felt myself calming down, if only a tiny bit. Or more accurately, it probably brought me back to reality. The chaos inside my head must have had me spacing out for a long time.

“Ah, well…”

I just waved dismissively at Suzuka to tell her that nothing was going on and started trying to think about the intention behind her words just now. When I did, the most obvious possibility came to my mind immediately. To be honest, I was a bit angry at myself for not coming up with this right from the start. Seriously, just how much was I panicking?

“Sorry, I was just a bit surprised.”

“…What was so surprising?”

“You said that you liked me, right? It just took me by surprise… But you meant it in the sense of sibling love, right? Your affection towards your older brother…”

Thinking about it rationally, this was the most logical reason. However, because I actually like Suzuka, my thoughts immediately jumped to the weirdest conclusions, which made me feel disgusted at myself for how much of a siscon I was.

That being said, once I figured out the true meaning behind what she said, it wasn’t anything special at all—No, hold on. Isn’t what she’s saying pretty amazing, actually? Suzuka just said that she likes me as an older brother. Although we had managed to make up again just recently, I’d never known just what exactly Suzuka thought of me, and Suzuka had never said anything like this before. Now that I realized that she wasn’t badmouthing me anymore (at least not too much), I was moved—

“No, that’s not it.”

“……Eh?”

However, Suzuka spoke up, cutting me off. Her expression stayed as serious as it had been before, but to me, it almost looked like she was about to burst out in tears.

“I-I didn’t mean it in that way at all.”

Suzuka’s face burned blazing red, but she kept her gaze directed straight towards me as she continued.

“Of course, I like Onii-chan as Onii-chan as well. I don’t think that there could be any better Onii-chan out there. That’s how wonderful of an Onii-chan you are.”

“Ah-Eh, um… Thank you…?”

When she said it so directly, I wasn’t sure what kind of reaction would be appropriate. Since Suzuka had never told me something like this before, I kind of skipped over the embarrassment and went straight to getting emotional.

…S-Suzuka thought so well of me?! Who could’ve known…?!

“…However.”

Suzuka took a deep breath and formed fists with her hands.

“H-However, I didn’t say those words with that sort of meaning!”

“Eh? Th-Then what did you mean?”

Suzuka gave me a quick glare when I answered with a question. When she started speaking again, it was rapid-fire.

“L-Like I said…! I like Onii-chan as a normal girl! It’s unrelated to being brother and sister! Onii-chan is the man I love the most in the entire world! I’ve felt like this ever since we were little! Why won’t you understand it…?!” When she finished, Suzuka was gasping for air.

Her face was still red enough to make me wonder if it would explode at any second. Her eyes were damp as she directed a passionate gaze at me. Her small body was shivering heavily, as she looked like she was desperately trying to keep that in check.

All I could do in response was to stare at her in silence. What she had said just now was too much to handle, and my brain blacked out for a moment.

Luckily, this time I regained my senses much more quickly. It would be more accurate to say that I didn’t even have the time to space out, since what she said this time had an even bigger impact on me. Her words had enough power to keep me from escaping and trying to find excuses, and I was left unable to ignore her confession.

“Wha…?!”

My mouth opened, but no words came out. Suzuka’s words stayed in my brain, not even starting to leave my ears.

S-Suzuka likes me… as a man…?!

Unrelated to being brother and sister? She likes me the most in the entire world…?!

So basically, she doesn’t like me in a brother-and-sister sense, but in a romantic boy-and-girl sense?! And ever since we were kids…?! She has?! …N-No no no no, how am I supposed to believe that?!

“H-Hey, stop with the jokes—” I opened my mouth to argue against this nonsense.

But I couldn’t finish what I had been about to say.

“……!”

It was because I saw Suzuka’s expression. There wasn’t a glimmer of jest to be found in her eyes. Her direct and stern gaze that she directed at me was enough to tell me that she wasn’t joking at all. I was forced to accept this as reality. That Suzuka was speaking her true feelings. That she likes me. Not as her older brother, but as a normal girl liking a normal boy.

“W-What…what are you talking about?!” When my thoughts carried me that far, I unintentionally found myself shouting. Shouting at this sudden, unbelievable confession. I couldn’t even begin to think about accepting or rejecting it. I was at a loss as to why she had even confessed. Why would she feel that way towards me?

I don’t get it. It doesn’t make sense.

“Y-You have feelings for me, and you’ve liked me ever since we were small?! Th-Then why did so much time pass when we barely even talked to each other?! I always thought you hated me, you know?!”

That’s right. That’s how I felt. Our relationship did get much better recently, but there was never a time when I really felt like she liked me, not even in the siblings sense. And even if she didn’t hate me, she didn’t try to show any sort of affection either. So why?

“And now you say that you l-like me…! What is this about?! Even if you tell me that out of the blue, it doesn’t make any sense…!!”

In the end, I couldn’t put any strength into my voice, and I trailed off at the end.

“I do have to apologize for that…”

Suzuka showed an embarrassed reaction to my complaints, and she wore an apologetic face as she continued.

“It’s true that I’ve liked Onii-chan ever since we were small! That being said, the reason we ended up in such a cold relationship for so long… was all my fault!”

“W-What do you mean?”

“…I…I’ve wanted to apologize to Onii-chan countless times. Back then, when you were scolded by Father in my stead, and I said harsh things to you… I’ve wanted to apologize for them so many times. Apologize and go back to being as close to my beloved Onii-chan as before… But no matter what I did, I just couldn’t be honest.” Suzuka looked like she was in pain, and she looked down at the floor. “I was left unable to do anything. Because of my personality, because I wasn’t able to be honest, the two of us ended up further away than we had ever been, and it ended up giving Onii-chan the wrong idea. That’s why it makes sense that Onii-chan wouldn’t believe this confession of mine…”

“However…” Suzuka lifted her head again, gazing straight at me.

“Even so, everything I said just now is the truth. I-I… love Onii-chan! Even though I was never able to be honest, my feelings have never changed for you, not even once!”

With her repeated confession, I was at a loss for words.

…Suzuka actually liked me all this time? I thought that Suzuka had hated me to the core, but that wasn’t the case? All that time when our relationship had been so cold and distant, she wanted to apologize, but she couldn’t? Is that even possible?

“I don’t know myself why I can’t be honest. But, just recently, I found out the reason for it. That’s why I steeled my resolve and was able to confess to you like this…” Suzuka continued telling me her feelings.

From the sound of her voice and the atmosphere around her, even though there was no real logic to it, I just somehow understood that she wasn’t lying. That being said—

“T-That’s…”

I still couldn’t believe her. Even if my head understood, my heart couldn’t accept it. And how could it? She was basically denying how I’ve lived at least half my life so far. On top of the confession from my little sister. I tried my best to make sense out of this mess of a situation, but the impact was too great. If someone had told me this was just a dream, I would have accepted their explanation without a moment’s situation.

“…So you still won’t believe me?” After watching me for a while, Suzuka muttered to herself.

When I heard this, I subconsciously lifted my head. However, I realized too late that Suzuka was right in front of me.

“T-Then if I do this, will you believe me…?”

“Eh? …Wha?!”

Right after saying that, Suzuka embraced me from the front, wrapping her arms around my back. Coupled with the comfortable warmth radiating from her, as well as the sweet, enticing smell coming up from her neck, I was left in confusion at the sudden development.

“Wha… what… what are you…?!”

I tried my best to ask what she was doing. In response, Suzuka looked up at me, her face redder than ever.

“A-As you can see, I’m hugging you.”

“I-I can see that! I’m asking why you’re doing it!”

“S-So that you’ll believe my confession! S-Since I love you, I can embrace you like this and rub my cheek against your chest! No, because I love you, I want to do this all the time!” Suzuka said. She followed through by rubbing her cheek against my chest.

When this blissful sensation arrived at my head, I felt my consciousness blacking out for a moment.

“H-Hold on… Wait a second, please…!”

“Ah, d-do you not like it…?”

“As if I would! …Ah, wait, that’s not it. How do I say it… This is clearly different from your usual character, isn’t it?!” I panicked, using whatever argument I could think of.

There were so many other things I wanted to mention, but my head wasn’t working properly.

“T-That’s not true!”

“Huh?”

But, to my surprise, Suzuka caught me off guard by denying my claim. She looked up at me, desperately holding back her embarrassment, and continued.

“Y-You’re wrong…! R-Rather, this very action depicts how I feel the best…!”

“E-Ehhhh? What do you…?”

“A-Again! Since I’ve loved you this entire time, I’ve always wanted to do this! It’s like… yes! It’s like my nature!” Suzuka said, overflowing with some odd sort of confidence.

But I was still at a loss as to what Suzuka was trying to say. Apparently, Suzuka noticed my confusion.

“D-Do you still not understand? It’s true that I was always unable to be honest, but I did try my best to approach you in my own way…! Up until now, all those different times we went out to collect data were all just an excuse so that I could be lovey-dovey with Onii-chan!”

“C-Collecting data?!”

When I heard this, I was unable to hide my surprise. But then, a certain explanation came to mind.

“D-Don’t tell me, all these times we went out to collect data…?!”

“…Yes. Of course, I was collecting data for real during that time, but that was just a pretense to allow me, who could never be honest, to openly flirt with Onii-chan as much as I wanted…!” Her face was red enough to emit steam at this point, and her voice almost vanished towards the end.

On the other hand, I was at a loss for words. After all, I thought that it was all necessary for her light novel, and I thought it was all done for that reason only. That being said, I had always had my doubts if we really needed to go that far just to collect data, but since it actually showed up in the actual novel, I was sure that Suzuka—Towano Chikai—was using this data for real.

“S-So all that data collecting was an excuse?!”

“N-No, it did help me improve my novel, so it wasn’t only an excuse. But my real goal was to fl-flirt and be lovey-dovey with Onii-chan. Then again, my very decision to write the novel was related to that.”

“It was?”

“…B-Because I put my feelings for you into a novel. ‘The story about a little sister who loves her big brother way too much to cope’ is a perfect reflection of how I feel towards you, Onii-chan.”

“————!”

This time, my brain was completely unable to keep up. It felt like I had been hit on the head with a blunt weapon. Th-That one in a million novel… was the written form of Suzuka’s feelings for me? Is this actually a thing?!

“…Onii-chan, did you not realize at all?”

“Don’t ask me while sulking like that! How would I be able to know that?! Like I just said, I always thought you hated me! That’s the reason why I was blown away when I found out you actually wrote a little sister novel! A-And now you’re saying that it was just a novelized form of your feelings for me!”

Truth be told, I always had my doubts about it, although it might be horribly pretentious and disgusting of me to think that. The fact that Suzuka was writing a little sister novel. The names of the characters in it: ‘Ryou’ and ‘Yuuka’ were composed of the kanji for our names. The novel was about a little sister loving her older brother so much she could barely cope with it. And to top it off, the data-collecting she did for the novel: Being lovey-dovey with me.

Thinking back to it, they were all clear signs that Suzuka actually had feelings for me. No, thinking rationally about it, it’s weird that I had never considered it. But I never even started thinking that. Because I assumed Suzuka had hated me. I assumed that she had built a wall between the two of us, so that path was immediately closed off for me.

I assumed it was something impossible. Nothing I would have even needed to consider. An impossibility. But now, Suzuka had torn down that wall on her own. Now the reality had opened up in front of me, and I was forced to accept it.

…So Suzuka really loves me…?

“Onii-chan…?” Suzuka said as she still embraced me.

I was pulled back to the situation happening in front of me, and I met eyes with Suzuka gazing up at me. There was no hesitation in her eyes. They were pulling me in.

“Can you still not believe my confession, Onii-chan?”

“………”

This time, I couldn’t respond. Up until now, I would have answered with my usual ‘That’s impossible’, while slightly panicking still, but this time, I was left in silence. Before I realized it, the confusion and chaos inside my head I was so wary about had disappeared, leaving me rather calm. Right now, I could only feel my heart beating faster the longer the situation continued.

And then, I once again gazed down at Suzuka. Seeing the glimmer inside her eyes, I finally consented to it. No, I was forced to.

—Suzuka is serious.

“…It seems like I’ve finally managed to get you to believe me.”

Almost as if she had read my thoughts, Suzuka let out a faint smile. This action silenced me yet again.

“………”

“…………”

For a short while, an awkward silence filled the room between the two of us. Suzuka still embraced me, and I just stood there with my arms to my sides. Neither of us could say anything. Eventually, Suzuka broke the silence.

“…You must think that it’s weird, don’t you?”

“Eh?”

“That I suddenly confessed to you.”

“Y-Yeah…”

“I couldn’t help it. That was the only method I had left. I had no other option aside from openly revealing my feelings towards you… Ah, but that doesn’t mean that anything in my confession was forged, so don’t get the wrong idea, okay?!”

“I-I wasn’t thinking that!”

“T-Then it’s fine… And about the reason for my confession—Onii-chan, you just said that, as an older brother, you have to prioritize your little sister’s happiness, didn’t you? That you won’t listen to my wish for you to be happy,” Suzuka asked me with her most serious expression yet.

Taken aback by that, I could only nod along in silence.

“You wouldn’t even try to depart from that way of thinking until the very end. But I didn’t want that, at any cost. Watching Onii-chan become sad and unhappy because of me, I couldn’t accept that…! That’s why I had to confess…! That’s why I had to become honest…!”

“W-What do you mean…? Why would you have to confess…?”

I was trying my hardest to understand the connection, and all it earned me was a harsh glare from Suzuka.

“Isn’t that obvious?! Since we’re older brother and younger sister, you’ll always prioritize me, right?! Since you think it’s your duty as an older brother! I couldn’t change your thoughts after all…! Because of that, I had to change the premise entirely!”

“Ch-Change the premise…?”

“Yes! As an older brother, prioritizing your little sister is the right thing to do! Since Onii-chan is the kindest and coolest Onii-chan ever, you shouldn’t change that thought at all!”

“However…” Suzuka took a deep breath.

“But I like Onii-chan not as my older brother, but as a person. I love you the most in the entire world! I want you, the person I love, to be happy, which is why I had to confess at all costs! Why can’t you understand?!”

“Ehhh?!”

Suzuka approached my face, rage glimmering in her eyes. With all this sudden input of information, as well as having Suzuka right in front of me, I nearly lost my composure entirely. But I barely managed to calm myself down.

Basically, what Suzuka is trying to say is that I want to prioritize her happiness, but she won’t allow it. Her feelings and her wish for me to become happy is even stronger than my own desires. And her feelings have crossed the boundary of being siblings—

—Because she loves me as a man. The most in the entire world.

…How could this happen? Is this a thing? That Suzuka likes me? And not as siblings? Isn’t that… the exact same thing I was thinking? Thinking about it rationally, something like this could never happen. But, with Suzuka right in front of my eyes like this, as well as feeling her warmth, and hearing her speaking so confidently, I’m once again forced to realize that this is actually happening.

…But then… What should I do?

“Onii-chan.”

In that moment, Suzuka’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts. She was still embracing me with all her might, but she looked a bit more calm as she gazed up at me.

“Can I ask for one thing?”

“What is it?” I responded, slightly flustered.

But, Suzuka was still as calm as before, and continued.

“I want you to give me an answer… to my confession.”

In a certain sense, this was to be expected. Suzuka confessed to me. It makes sense that I’d have to give her a response. My head was still in so much turmoil that I couldn’t even come up with that natural conclusion. But, when Suzuka reminded me, there was one emotion that welled up inside of me when I thought about the response.

—I’m happy. Without putting it into too many words, I’m happy. Her confession has made me happy. I couldn’t be more happy to find out that Suzuka and I feel the same way towards each other. I’ve never felt this happiness, this desire to cry out of joy, in my entire life. However—

“……!”

However, that wasn’t the only emotion I felt. While I felt happy and delighted, I also felt the exact opposite. I realized that I could never openly show these feelings to anyone.

I love Suzuka. More than any other girl in the world. And Suzuka said the same about me. That she loved me more than any other boy in the world. We have mutual feelings for each other. We love each other. From a normal point of view, there should have been no problem at all.

…That being said, there’s one thing we’re not allowed to forget at any point in time. That is—that we’re actually blood-related siblings. Siblings like us aren’t allowed to end up in a relationship like that. No matter how much you embellish it, we’re nothing more than brother and sister. If I were to ignore that reality and just rush ahead, I would undoubtedly cause Suzuka sorrow.

There’s absolutely no doubting my feelings for Suzuka. And even though I might not be able to get over it, I’ve mentally prepared myself for whatever may happen. But causing Suzuka sorrow and misfortune is not something I can allow myself to do. If we end up as lovers because of our shared feelings, Suzuka will carry the sin that only I should have to live with. Just from thinking that, I felt incredibly sad.

I can’t allow any sort of negative influence to overshadow Suzuka’s life. Especially if I am the one to cause it. Suzuka is my precious little sister, and the girl I treasure the most in the entire world. I can’t allow any sort of misfortune to befall her. Thus, the answer I have to give here has been decided from the very start.

“…Onii-chan?”

Suzuka looked up at me, her gaze a mixture of worry and anxiety. She looked like a small child clinging to my chest. Like she didn’t want me to go anywhere, like she wanted to stay at my side forever. When I saw her like this, the desire to embrace her grew stronger and stronger inside of me. She just looked unbearably cute and lovable, making me feel like I didn’t want anybody else to have her. That I wanted to protect her for the rest of my life.

—But these emotions would bring misfortune to Suzuka. So I can’t. I’m not allowed to. If I take that one step forward, I’ll never be able to go back.

“……Suzuka.”

That’s why I used every fiber of my being to control this desire. The wish to embrace Suzuka right here. I sealed off my feelings towards her. And then, along with my decision to give up on everything, I let out a deep sigh as all strength left my body. I slowly lifted my hands and put them on Suzuka’s slender shoulders. I slowly and carefully pushed her body away from mine.

“Onii…chan…?”

Not understanding the meaning behind my actions, Suzuka stared up at me in confusion. Her expression was clouded with anxiety, and when I saw that, it felt like I had been stabbed in the chest. But I tried my hardest to not let it show and forced out a smile.

“You want a response to your confession, right?” I spoke with my usual attitude, trying hard to not reveal my shaking voice.

When she heard me, Suzuka’s body twitched. And I gave her my fake response.

“…Well… thank you. For saying that you like me.”

“Ah, uuu…!”

When I said that, Suzuka’s face once again flushed bright red, and she cast her gaze downwards. That gesture was as cute as could be, but I didn’t have any time to enjoy it.

“Honestly, I’m pretty shocked. I never in a million years would have imagined that you would feel that way towards me. I always thought you hated me.”

“B-But that was just because I couldn’t be honest…!”

“I know that. It still doesn’t feel real, but I understand now. W-When you told me that you like me, I-I was really happy…”

Suzuka swallowed her breath, and she waited obediently for my answer.

“…I also like you.”

I responded to her confession. At that moment, Suzuka’s expression became one of joy. However—

“However.”

I couldn’t go any further than that. I couldn’t reveal my true feelings. That’s why I could only say the words that would destroy her joy immediately.

“Only as a little sister.”

“………Eh?”

“I really like you, and I do treasure you. But only as a little sister, and not as a girl.”

I felt emotionally dead while I uttered these fake words, and my heart felt like it had been stabbed a hundred times. No matter how much it screamed in agony, I couldn’t take any steps further than this.

“Suzuka, you are a little sister to me. I love you, and you’re my most precious treasure in the entire world. But that’s only because you’re my little sister. I can’t see you in any other way… So please—”

—Forgive me.

I closed my mouth. Those final words were more of a silent mutter, because I didn’t have the strength to even finish them. Even I knew that my words were cruel. So how would Suzuka feel about them? …No, there’s no way she wouldn’t be hurt. And this realization yet again overwhelmed me with a flood of guilt. But this was all to prevent any kind of misfortune from befalling Suzuka. This was the one and only answer left to me!

“…Forgive me,” I muttered once again.

This time, it wasn’t a response to her confession, but words of apology because I was unable to give any other words as a response. An apology for being a worthless piece of human waste. This time, she might really hate me for good. No, even if she doesn’t, we won’t ever be able to go back to where we had been before. Confessing, rejecting, and yet going back to being normal siblings.

—There won’t ever be any kind of nice development like that.

Knowing how kind and strong Suzuka is, she’ll surely try to play along, and so will I. But there’s no doubt that our daily lives will end up as awkward as they were before, and we’ll end up trying to hide the pain as we live with this scar. No, when I think about it, our relationship before will probably be better than what’s about to come, because this scar will remain forever between us. But still, for Suzuka’s happiness, I can’t accept her confession.

“………Forgive me.”

This time, I wasn’t even sure what I was apologizing for. It just escaped my mouth. And with this, my answer should be written in stone.

“……”

“………”

An awkward and painful silence reigned. Suzuka’s face was downcast, her bangs hiding her expression and not allowing me to see her face. She must be hurt, right? No, it would be weird if she wasn’t. Just how much courage did it take her to confess to me like this? And I denied all of that. I stepped over all her feelings. I want to vanish from this world right now. But reality isn’t that kind. I can’t take back what I said.

“…………”

Suzuka still didn’t utter a single word. But the next person to speak has to be Suzuka. All I could do was wait for her reaction to my response. Will she smile at me as she holds back her tears? Or will she continue to blame me as she has to deal with her broken heart? Either way, whatever her reaction may be, I have to accept it. I have to continue being her older brother, no matter what happens.

“………!”

Just when I was thinking about it, it happened. Suzuka still didn’t say a word, but suddenly lifted her head.

“…Eh?”

When I saw her face, I was left in a daze. Suzuka glared at me with big, round tears running down her cheeks. But it almost seemed like she herself didn’t know what kind of reaction to make. It wasn’t just sadness and anger. Panic, frustration, bitterness, emptiness… it looked like her heart was overflowing with countless emotions and she was lost and didn’t know what to feel. I was unable to say anything when faced with her overwhelmed reaction. Suddenly, Suzuka took the one action I didn’t expect.

“Ah, Suzuka?!”

Out of the blue, Suzuka ran away from the spot as fast as she could. Immediately after, I heard our front door open and close again. Apparently, Suzuka had left our house.

“…S-Suzuka?”

My mind was unable to keep up with what just happened. But, before my brain could even react—

“Suzuka!!”

I realized that I had started running after her already.

*

“Suzuka! Hey, Suzuka! Where are you?!”

After leaving our home, I screamed for Suzuka as I looked around my surroundings. It had turned dark outside already, as the street lamps were my only source of light. Even though she had just left the house a few moments before me, Suzuka’s form was already so distant and small, about to disappear from my view.

“Shit…!”

All I could do was run at full speed, chasing after her. Luckily, since I had been running right from the beginning, I was just barely in the range where she should be able to hear my voice, but I couldn’t close the distance at all. Even running at my top speed, it didn’t feel like I would be able to catch up in the slightest.

…That’s what you’d expect from someone athletic as her. I severely lack the training necessary to catch up…!

“Wait! Suzuka! Please… wait…!” I desperately called out to Suzuka, crying to catch up with her.

Because I was running as fast as I could, I could barely force out the words as I tried to get my breathing under control. But every fiber of my being told me that I was not allowed to stop here.

“Suzuka, wait for me already…! Why are you running away…?!”

That being said, I was nearing my limit, and I realized how pitiful my voice sounded. Even so, I strained my ears to not miss anything that Suzuka would possibly say. Just then, I saw her turn around to look at me.

“Why are you chasing after me…?! Leave me alone!”

Unlike me, her voice was as clear as ever, as she showed no signs of slowing down. It didn’t seem like she was out of breath at all.

“…H-How could I leave you alone right now…! At a time like this…! Just running away from home…!”

“Who cares! Just leave me alone! You don’t like me, anyway!”

“Don’t be ridiculous!!!” My voice got a bit more rough around the edges. Suzuka didn’t say anything in reply. “Just… stop already…!”

“I-I don’t want to! I won’t stop! So stop chasing after me!”

“…Haa… huff… why…?! Why are you just running away…?!”

When I asked her that, Suzuka kept quiet for a second,

“B-Because… as long as I’m here… Onii-chan will never be happy!” Suzuka glared at me with tears in her eyes.

“H-Huh?! What’s up with that…?! I don’t get it…!”

“It’s fine, just leave me alone already! Just forget me and move on, Onii-chan!”

“I keep telling you I can’t do that!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I quickly paid the price for that in the form of instant pain in my throat. “…Cough cough..Ugh…! J-Just tell me! What do you mean I won’t be happy…?!”

“That’s…!” Suzuka fumbled for a bit, but immediately recovered and threw a harsh gaze my way. “M-My happiness is Onii-chan’s happiness! But you always prioritize me over yourself! Even if I tell you not to! As long as I am there, Onii-chan will never be happy! My entire existence is what brings Onii-chan misfortune! That’s why I have to disappear from Onii-chan’s side!” She said, half breaking out in tears, half speaking in rage.

When I heard that, the blood rushed to my head.

“What are you talking about?! Stop joking around!”

Before I realized it, I screamed in anger. Suzuka’s existence would bring me pain and sorrow? Misfortune, even? As if!

“I never once felt like you stole happiness from me, or that you bring me misfortune!”

No matter how out of breath I was, I had to tell her these feelings. I had never once felt that way. Rather, it’s the opposite. I felt like I was going crazy just thinking that Suzuka would disappear from my side. I love Suzuka the most in the entire world, you know?! Not to mention as a normal girl! And now she’s going to disappear?! That would bring the biggest misfortune my way! Don’t act selfish now!

“…Haa… huff… Don’t make jokes like that…!”

I was angry. Just hearing her saying that she was bringing me misfortune made me feel angrier than I had ever been. Especially because she was saying so herself.

“…Listen, Suzuka! You’re my precious little sister, the most important existence in this world to me! I want you to stay with me from now on as well! You’re an irreplaceable part of my life! So don’t go assuming that you’ll bring me misfortune!!!”

Before I realized it, I was already screaming at the top of my lungs. But while I was busy pouring my heart out, some of the bottled-up emotions I had sealed inside of me started to leak out.

—-I want you to stay with me, You’re irreplaceable to me.

No matter how much I treasured her, you wouldn’t say such words to your little sister.

“Wha…?!”

When she heard what I was saying, Suzuka’s face went beet red in an instant. For a second, I felt like she had slowed down a bit, but she quickly picked up the pace again.

“T-That has to be a lie! Wishing for me to be always by your side?! There’s no way Onii-chan would want that!”

“I do! I really do, okay?!”

I started feeling too embarrassed, so I could only respond with that. Now that I’ve said those words out loud, I can’t take them back again. And I didn’t want to, either. I had sealed off these emotions, hurt Suzuka in the process, but I couldn’t allow myself to bring her misfortune…

Thoughts like that churned around inside my head, not allowing me to make any clear decision. Now that it had come to this, I had to rely on my heart, and I focused the rest of my body on catching up with her.

“That’s a lie! I don’t believe you!”

But Suzuka continued to shake her head, denying what I said. She almost looked like she was desperate when she was doing so, like she wanted to convince herself that it would never happen.

“O-Only seeing me as a little sister, and yet wanting me to be by your side forever?! Isn’t that weird, Onii-chan?!”

Naturally, the clever Suzuka wouldn’t ignore this irregularity.

“…That’s right. To Onii-chan, I’m nothing but a normal little sister! And as long as I stay one, you’ll never be happy! Because Onii-chan is Onii-chan! You disregard yourself and just prioritize me! As long as I stay your little sister, you’ll never change at all! You’ll never look at me how I want you to!”

As long as there was a flaw in my logic, Suzuka would never waver. That being said, I couldn’t back down either, so we just kept running through the dimly-lit residential district, continuously shouting things like ‘You’re wrong!’ and ‘I’m not wrong!’ at each other.

…Argh, this is so annoying! Why won’t she understand?!

My endurance was starting to run out, and just keeping up with her was getting tough at this point. My muscles in my legs were screaming in agony, but I ignored them. My head started to feel dizzy, maybe because of this, and my thoughts were getting more and more chaotic. The duty of an older brother. Seeing her as a normal girl. Seeing her as a little sister. Suzuka’s happiness. Thoughts like these flooded my head, leaving me confused as to what was right and what was wrong.

“Ahhh, for crying out loud! The reason I can only see you as a little sister is because I’d bring you misfortune if I did otherwise! Why won’t you get it…?!”

I knew I shouldn’t have said that, but my brain wasn’t in the situation for rational judgement anymore. Right then, I just wanted Suzuka to stop at all costs. I was desperately trying to say anything that would prevent her from leaving my side.

“Misfortune…? What do you mean by that?! What are you talking about?!”

“Just what I said! We’re siblings, you know?! And yet you tell me to see you as something more than my little sister! If that wouldn’t bring you misfortune, I don’t know what would!”

And with that, I laid bare my true feelings. Before I realized what I was saying, I had blurted it all out.

“S…Stop joking with me!!”

Immediately after, Suzuka’s enraged voice reached my ears. I was honestly a bit perplexed at how she managed to let out such a loud voice while running at full speed, but it was actually more like a desperate scream. Surprised by this, I subconsciously lifted my head to look at Suzuka. When I did, I spotted her gazing directly back at me. She was glaring like never before, with tears building up on her face. Without a doubt, she was angry beyond belief.

“W-What idiotic things are you…! D-Do…Do you really feel that way, Onii-chan…?!”

Maybe it was due to anger, but her mouth wasn’t working the way she wanted it to, and she stuttered quite a bit. However, she didn’t seem to pay it any mind. She just continued her verbal onslaught.

“Y-You… You were thinking that… i-if you saw me as more than a little sister, you would bring me sorrow and misfortune?! Is that it?!”

“That’s exactly it!” I responded with just as much emphasis in my voice. I can’t let myself lose now.

“Will you give it a rest already!” Suzuka continued, even more forcefully than before. “Onii-chan has no right to decide what brings me misfortune and what doesn’t! I’ll be the one to decide what makes me happy!”

These words had the most impact. They were like a scream from the deepest parts of her heart, stabbing right into my chest. Even though I knew I had to respond somehow, no words came out of my mouth. No, more than that, I couldn’t even find anything that I wanted to say.

“I…I will be…I will be the one to decide my own happiness!”

Unlike me, who had gone quiet, Suzuka continued desperately, her face riddled with tears.

“B-Being seen as a normal girl, and not just as a little sister… How could that not be the best possible blessing for me!? D-Don’t just decide what other people want!”

Suzuka didn’t stop.

“M-My happiness… is being together with Onii-chan! There is no happiness for me with no Onii-chan around! Just having you by my side is enough to make me feel satisfied!”

Her emotions were pouring out like a waterfall.

“When Onii-chan is next to me, I feel all warm inside, and my heart gently goes pitter-patter… and if you pat me on the head, I feel so happy that I get all fluffy inside…! Don’t you understand just how much happiness and bliss you bring me?! There’s no glimmer of misfortune to be found there at all!”

She continued to count all the things that made her happy, and all of them involved me.

“Do you see how happy I am with having you by my side…?! But even so, this isn’t the biggest happiness for me! D-Do you know what that is?!”

Suzuka looked desperate, as she didn’t even wait for my response.

“M-My biggest happiness… is for Onii-chan to be happy himself!”

Ba-dump, my heart skipped a beat. Because I had been thinking the exact same thing as Suzuka had.

“Seeing Onii-chan striving for his own happiness is exactly what brings me bliss! Isn’t that obvious?! Y-You’re the most important person to me in the entire world! The person I like the most! Isn’t it natural that your happiness is the most important thing for me?!”

After saying this, Suzuka looked upwards. Not towards me, not towards herself, and not to anyone else in particular. She made a declaration to the entire world.

“I love Onii-chan!!”

Suzuka’s words echoed up into the pitch-black night sky. After hearing this, no, after hearing all that she had said for a while now, my head turned blank. But finally, the words started to form in my mind.

What is this…?! What’s going on?!

…The thing I had worried about for so long, going even so far as to seal away my own feelings for all eternity… she just blew it all away so easily!

Just how strong can you be?! Just how much do you like me?!

Thinking the same thing, and yet overcoming it so quickly?!

Just how perfect can you be?!

I can’t take it. This almost makes it sound like my feelings for her would lose in comparison! I might be trash compared to you in every other aspect, but don’t underestimate my feelings for you!

I see, I see, so you won’t be met with misfortune because of this? Even if I see you as a single girl, you just said that would be perfectly fine, right? Well, if my dear little sister says so, then it’s fine. With these words I can put faith into more than anything else in the world!

That means I don’t have to hold back, right?

“…Stop joking with me…!”

Before I realized it, I had already snapped. Something broke instead of me, and I took a deep breath. With a loud voice that wasn’t going to lose against Suzuka’s.

“I love you, Suzuka!!”

Everything I had held back inside of me came out like an explosion. The words I had sealed away inside my heart came gushing out, and I declared them openly to the world.

“I love you! It doesn’t matter if you’re my little sister or a normal girl! You’re the most important girl in the entire world to me! I want you to always stay by my side!!”

Ahh, what an embarrassing confession! I was so flustered that it felt like my face was about to burn up like the scorching heat of a volcano. Now that Suzuka had shown her true emotions and how serious she was, I couldn’t just stand back and remain silent. But in the end, I wasn’t even aware of what I was saying, and I just blurted out the first words that came to mind.

Just how much I loved her, just how precious she was to me. All of it revolved around these things. But…

“Haa… Huff…?”

Just then, Suzuka had stopped in her tracks. And so did I. I put both of my hands on my knees, trying to get my breathing under control. My vision was blurry, and my head was in a mess. Once my breathing became easier, I looked up.

“Ah…Ah…Uuu…!”

When I did, Suzuka was looking at me with an expression like she couldn’t believe what I had just said. Her eyes were wide open in shock. Her mouth was opening and closing like a fish wanting to be fed.

“T-That’s… a lie, right?”

“Haah… haah… What is?”

“N-No, it has to be a lie… O-Onii-chan saying he loves me… I can’t believe it!”

“…It’s not a lie. As I just said, I love you…”

“As a little sister, right?”

“I do like you in that way, but I also like you as a normal girl. But, to be honest, the finer details don’t matter. To me, you are the most important girl in the entire world. And someone I always want to have by my side…”

This time, I could say it more calmly. In response, Suzuka stared at me in disbelief yet again.

“Ah… Ah… Ahhhhh…!”

Finally, she seemed to have grasped the meaning of my words, and her face turned beet red.

“T-That can only be a lie…! O-Onii-chan, you’re just being considerate of me, right…?!”

“Yeah, that was true until a bit ago. For your sake, I was planning on keeping these feelings of mine locked away… But in the end I was unable to do so, and so I openly revealed them to you.”

From the looks of it, Suzuka still didn’t believe me fully, so I continued.

“I’ll say it again and again. I like you. I’ve always treasured you as a little sister, but a while ago, I realized that there was more to it…”

I thought back to when Mai confessed to me.

“There were feelings inside of me that I wouldn’t normally have towards my normal little sister. I realized that you were more important than just my little sister, that you were indispensable to me.”

“T-Then…!” Suzuka started. “Then, why didn’t you just say so from the start?! Why didn’t you tell me your feelings when I confessed to you?! If so, then I… then I…!”

“I couldn’t help it. The moment I became aware of these feelings for you, I decided that I couldn’t ever tell them to anyone, especially not to you. Because we’re siblings. Because that would cause you to be unhappy.”

“Wha…?!”

That’s why I couldn’t tell her. My true response. Then again, that train of thought was denied by Suzuka herself, as she said that she would decide for herself what would make her happy. Thinking about it, it might have been obvious. Even if I wanted to bring her happiness, only she herself could decide that. I could have just trusted her and given her a proper response.

“…chan, you…”

“Hm?”

As I was thinking that, I realized that Suzuka’s small body had started to shake. Following that—

“Onii-chan, you idiot!!”

“Woah?!”

With a menacing look, Suzuka rushed towards me.

“Idiot! You’re an idiot! How much of an idiot are you, Onii-chan?!”

“Hey…?! S-Suzuka?!”

She jumped right into my arms, hitting my chest with everything she had. Although I had caught her in surprise, I wasn’t exactly sure what was going on.

“W-What happened?!”

“Idiot idiot idiot!! You big idiot, Onii-chan!!”

But, Suzuka just continued to call me an idiot as tears streamed out of her eyes.

“…Sniff. …You really are an idiot, Onii-chan! Thinking all selfishly like that, trying to carry everything on your own! Onii-chan… you… you idiot! Just how kind do you have to be until you’re satisfied?!”

“…Sorry.” I could only apologize as honestly as possible.

Yeah, it’s just as she says, I’m an absolute moron.

“Idiot! Just think about it a bit more before you! How could I not be happy from being told that the person I love loves me back…?! Uuwaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!”

Suzuka buried her face inside my chest, now crying for real. Normally I would have felt horrible for making my little sister cry, but for some reason, I felt barely any guilt at all. All I felt towards the person inside my arms was gratitude. Thank you, Suzuka. For saying that you like me. For continuing to like me.

“…Thank you, Suzuka.”

“Uuu… sniff… Onii-chan…! I love you! I love you, Onii-chan! I love you the most in the entire world! I-I’m the happiest girl in the entire world right now! The happiest little sister as well! I-I’m serious!”

“…Yeah, I’m happy as well.”

“Uuuuu…! O-Onii-chan! Onii-chan, Onii-chan, Onii-chan! I love you! I love you I love you I love you I love you! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

Suzuka just frantically clung to my chest, wailing like she had never done before. I embraced Suzuka with both my arms and gently patted her on the head to soothe her like a small child.

But she wouldn’t stop crying. It was like all the emotions she had kept hidden all this time were gushing out in the form of tears. And I didn’t intend to stop her. She could cry all she wanted. Because I knew that those tears weren’t of sadness, but of relief and happiness.

“……”

Embracing Suzuka, I lifted my head. I looked around at my surroundings and saw that we were beside a park near our house. Apparently, we had been running around the residential district the whole time, and had happened to end up here. Aside from us, I didn’t see anyone else, and the park was enveloped in silence.

Time passed as we just embraced each other. Suzuka’s crying voice went out into the deep night, reaching nobody’s ears but mine.

“…Onii-chan, I love you.”

“Yeah, I love you too.”

That day, we achieved mutual love.